Author: Lady Shorinai (shorinai@yahoo.com)
Archive: FFN, ask first (I can send the HTML version)
Pairings: 1xR
Warnings: limey (nothing explicit!), 1 cuss word
Spoilers: umm... outcome of the war?
Disclaimer: GW ain't mine. Never has been, never will be. This story is mine.
Lady Shorinai
It's not lust. Lust I know how to deal with. All that needs is a willing body, or even just a hand. I'm not afraid of lust, or ashamed of it. It's basic, it's simple, it's something every normal person experiences. The lust is there, certainly. I want her beneath me, spread for me, her body under my hands and her skin under my lips. I want to hear her moan, feel her writhe, taste her screams. I want her tied up, tied down, held fast by my weight, by my hands, by my gaze. I want to take her, bury myself in her, lose myself in her....
Yes, there is lust.
It's not possessiveness. For that I need possession. All of hers that I know I can lay claim to are a few moments of her history. That doesn't mean I don't want to possess her. I don't want anyone else to touch her, to stand too close to her; hell, sometimes I don't want anyone to speak to her. Sometimes I'd like nothing better than to lock her away somewhere where no one else could possibly get at her. Where I could keep her to myself.
I suppose there is possessiveness.
It's not protectiveness. Not that I don't want to protect her. She saved the world, saved the peace. She finally unified us, made it possible for there to be no more soldiers. Not everyone likes her, though. Even for the very reasons so many adore her, many others hate her. She must be protected, so that she can protect the peace. Everyone else's path to peace led straight through war. She was the only one who saw a different way. She brought us all back to our senses when the world was crazy with bloodlust. She still chooses words over weapons, even when one is being held to her head. She doesn't think of herself as as important as the rest of us do. Just by being herself, she is under constant threat.
Of course there is protectiveness.
It's not concern. It's fact that a body shorted of sleep will be worn down. A body shorted of food as well will go even faster. Because she's doing it for her work doesn't change what she's doing, she just thinks it gives her a good reason to do it. Yes, maintaining the peace is hard, but she's not going to be able to keep it up for very long if she continues like this. And then her work takes her out into dangerous situations, within the reach of dangerous people, and everything we've all worked so hard for will come crashing down if she doesn't make it back--
So there is concern.
It's not desire. Desire's a lot like lust, actually, but not. It's not just the want to be with her, but the want to be with her. To be there as she goes to sleep and as she wakes up. To hold her close, hear her heartbeat, feel her breathe, smell her hair, taste her lips. To watch her as she gets ready for work or for bed. To have breakfast together. To take time off just to see her and know she's done the same. To know when she wants to get away and when she needs to be held. To know that she knows when you need to, too.
I guess there is desire.
It's not love. How could it possibly be love? Love is supposed to make you feel like gravity no longer applies. You're supposed to burst into song for no apparent reason, or at the very least hum. It's supposed to make you feel whole, make the rest of the world simply fade away. Like there is no world without you two together. Love is supposed to be indescribable.
It can't be love. I've never felt love.
It's lust, possessiveness, protectiveness, concern, and desire. Love is one emotion, not five. And I've never been given any love, so how could I give any myself?
So you see, it can't be love.
Umm... okay. I seem to have a thing for weird, introspective one-shots.
Short ones. Usually. This one came out in just under two hours.
I think I thought it would end up a bit longer when I started, but oh well.
Tell me what you think! Onegai? ::chibifies self and bats eyes at
you while smiling hopefully::