My life was great.
Was.
See, I'm a hero, I get to live in a fancy castle, and I have a beautiful princess for a fiancé. Couldn't be better, right? Yeah. I bet you read the title on the cover of this book, and you saw who the author was - yours truly, Link, hero of Hyrule - and you're thinking, What do you have to complain about? How do you ruin your life in one easy step?
Dark. He's how. That's why everything crashed and burned (sometimes literally) when Dark popped into my life like a huge, unwanted zit that would never go away.
Before I get ahead of myself and waste your time and mine ranting about him, I'll introduce you two. You know, just in case you're one of the lucky few in Hyrule who has never heard of this brainless oaf.
It all started with a peaceful picnic in the castle's courtyard. Zelda (she's my fiancé, if you've been living under a rock long enough not to know that) sat next to me on a cozy little blanket in the grass as we ate and talked and laughed. I was telling her an amazingly hilarious joke when Dark rudely interrupted. He just stepped into the courtyard and loomed over us like a terrible curse with his red eyes blazing.
I choked on my food.
For a long while I sat there, coughing and hacking and spluttering with a face probably as red as a cherry, instead of pulling out my sword and fighting him like I should have. Yeah... not one of my shining moments, but don't blame me! Blame him! He's the one who dropped by without any warning whatsoever. Besides, I bet you'd have the same reaction if you saw a dark copy of yourself just materialize in front of you, right? Don't tell me you wouldn't.
Anyway, now that I think about it, he didn't do anything while I sat there choking like an idiot. He just waited politely. Kind of decent of him, actually.
But what he did next was not decent. He pulled his entirely black sword out of its sheath, pointed it at my neck, and growled, "Duel me."
I'd like to say that I finally regained my composure - that I narrowed my eyes, clenched my fists, stood with dignity and grace and bravely drew my weapon in response. Unfortunately that didn't happen. In reality I stared at him with stupidly wide eyes, my mouth gaping like a beached fish's, and when I could actually form words, the first thing I said was - "H-how? When? Why?"
Somehow he understood my incoherent babbling, because he responded, "I waited for years in the Water Temple to fight you. You never came. So I got bored and left to find you." He gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, as if he were discussing something as trivial as the day's pleasant weather.
Uh... before we get any further, you know all those stories going around about me time traveling? Well, some of them are true. Long story short, I killed this guy, once upon a time - so you'll understand that I was extremely confused, because I thought he was dead. I realized that, technically, I had defeated him in the future... So it hadn't actually happened at all.
Needless to say, I felt very disappointed.
Nonetheless - I unsheathed my sword, and stood to face him. Zelda sat on the blanket with worried eyes flicking between the two of us. I assured her I'd be all right. Then I lunged.
Dark was fast, but I was faster. I'd fought him before - even if nobody but me remembered it. I knew what he'd do. So when he tried to dodge my attack, I quickly flicked my wrist, and my weapon sailed into an entirely different position and flew toward him from an entirely different direction.
In one hit I sliced his stomach open, and just like that the fight was over.
...Fine, it wasn't nearly as epic as that. I had to block and attack and block and attack in this really boring cycle for a while before I finally landed a hit on him. Even then, when my blade cut right through his flesh and opened a deep gash in his chest, he didn't die, or even bleed - he just smiled, sheathed his weapon, and held out a hand.
When I fought him in the future, I remembered him - you know - actually dying? So this made absolutely no sense.
I blinked at him in shock. His smile widened.
"You're a great fighter!" he laughed, hand still held out toward me. His gash sealed itself up in a matter of seconds. "It was an entertaining battle. Was it not?" That time his burning red gaze went to Zelda's.
She blinked. Her lips parted in surprise - I remember her sitting there for a quite a while as she let the awkward silence build up - and then she shrugged. "Yeah. It was entertaining."
Entertaining? This psychopathic clone of me had just barged in and interrupted our lovely picnic to try and kill me and she thought it was entertaining?!
I shot her an incredulous look. She pretended not to notice.
"Yes. Thank you, Link," Dark said, forcibly taking my hand and shaking it. I grimaced at him and jerked my hand away. That just made him grin. "At any rate! I'm afraid I lack a home. This castle is quite nice - I'd love to stay here for a while, if you have an empty room anywhere? I don't want to be a bother, so I could even sleep in the stables if you want me to!"
"What?" I stared, wide-eyed and unblinking, at the idiot in front of me. "You just tried to kill me and you want to stay here at the castle?!"
"I wouldn't have killed you!" he protested, shaking his head. "Notice how I was very careful not to land a scratch on you?"
"I -"
He didn't let me continue. "If I had won the fight, I'd have simply pointed my blade harmlessly at your neck and not drawn a single drop of blood. My intent wasn't to hurt you. It was just to spar against you! And come on - you have to admit, it was fun."
"It was not fun!" I hissed through gritted teeth.
"As I was saying, my fair princess." Dark turned his stupid smile to Zelda again. She smiled back. I wanted to punch my clone. "If you'd let me stay in the castle, then perhaps I could treat you and your loyal subjects to more entertaining sparring matches in the future! I'd be glad to fight anyone who wishes to take up their blade against me - I'll be a sort of teacher for any of your soldiers who need training. And you only need pay me by giving me food and a place to stay. Convenient, no?"
Zelda's eyes met mine for a moment. I knew what she was trying to tell me. I frantically shook my head.
She ignored me. "Well, I don't see anything wrong with it," she told Dark.
Goddesses. Sometimes I wonder how that woman ever got the Triforce of Wisdom.
At her words, I swear Dark shot a quick smirk in my direction. I made sure to glare at him as hard as I possibly could, even though he seemed totally unfazed by my frustration. Instead he just helped Zelda to her feet and asked her where he'd be staying.
As she led him off to show him, I stayed behind, seething, and plotting my revenge. I swore to myself then and there that I wouldn't let him ruin my life.
He ruined it anyway.