My first goodbye.
Amormoi
Disclaimer: Not mine
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People tell me I have abandonment issues. I get that. My parents left me 15 years ago, but really it started way before that.
Maybe 5 years, I think… yeah that's right I was almost 10. I had a dog. Genghis. I loved the story of Genghis Kahn and I wanted someone that wouldn't give up on me either. Genghis, a strong name for my strong dog.
He was my puppy. From the second I saw him I knew that he was mine. Barely 4 hours old and crawling around with his eyes closed. It was so cute. He was helpless and I knew I wanted to help him.
Mum told me to leave the puppies alone; they had to get rid of them soon. She never knew why he cried for me everyday when I left for school. Sitting on the edge of our verandah waiting for me to come home.
What she never knew was each night; I would sneak him into my room and he would sleep with me, and everyday when I was at home we would sit together under the mulberry trees. He would sit on my lap while I read a book.
People would call me a loner but I knew that he was with me and I wasn't alone. He was growing up quickly. One morning I had to get out of bed at 5 am because he had climbed out the window and chased the neighbor's cat and eaten all of their food. Mischievous boy he was.
We were bonded, friends forever. Even when he grew so big he kicked me out of bed. I told him all my secrets and he stayed with me when I cried, licking the tears off my face. My best friend.
That all changed that October when Dad decided we needed to go visiting a friend of his. I was so happy when he said Genghis was coming with us. Camping Dad's friends property was so much fun. Genghis, Russ and I would take off exploring the gullies and gorges, finding all manner of ways to get into mischief. It was so much fun.
Dad's friend lived in house with his wife and three kids. I liked the wife and the kids didn't annoy me but Pete was cruel and mean. Genghis didn't like him. Always growled whenever he was around. Dad told us it was because he was confused, but I knew better. Pete was always hitting us when Dad couldn't see.
I was glad when we could finally go home. Genghis and I were already in the car when Dad was saying goodbye. I was so happy to be going home. I couldn't wait to see mum again. That's when I noticed Dad calling Genghis. Pete had a smirk on his face, it was really creepy. Made my blood run cold.
"What's going on Dad?" I asked confused
"Genghis is staying." Was his response.
My eyes started to mist and my heart bled. "But he is mine."
"Pete has brought him for the girls."
"DAD HE IS MINE!" I cried out. My only friend was being taken away. I couldn't imagine my life without my only friend.
"It's just a dog, sweetie. Stop crying. We will be home in a couple of hours do you want Mum to see you crying." He got in the car and drove away leaving me to watch Genghis get smaller out the back windscreen. He tried to chase the car but was held back by that cruel man.
I was so upset I cried the entire way home. He wasn't just a dog he was my companion. My confidant and my friend. I felt the full effect of my loss. I stopped eating, started failing at school. My teachers commented on my change but my parents thought it was just a stage in my life and I would get over it.
I thought about him everyday. I missed him terribly.
Pete's wife rang us weekly with updates on his progress. I wished he would be bad enough for them to send him home. But he was a beautiful animal and apart from growling at Pete he was an angel.
One week we got a call, he had run away. Tried to come home. Gone missing for days, they were still trying to find him. I cried a fresh round of tears that night. He was coming home by his own choice.
The next night I was heading in to talk to Mum about something when I heard my parents arguing.
"You should have never given him to them. Pete doesn't like animals. You knew he would do this."
"No I didn't. He said he needed a dog to protect the kids when he was away. I helped him, he is my friend."
"Well your friend got drunk and shot your daughters dog."
Those words cut me to the core. Dad knew what this man was capable of and willingly put my dog in jeopardy.
I don't think I ever forgave him for that. I spose that's what made me so upset when they went missing. I had let 5 years of anger and distrust; stop me from truly loving my father. I devoted the next 15 years of my life trying to find them so I could finally forgive him.
I saw him the other day. He handcuffed me to a park bench. I wanted to tell him I forgave him but he knew what he was doing and left me there; just like he left Genghis. It just was like history was repeating itself and my anger rose. I felt the abandonment that Genghis felt all those years ago.
I don't think I will ever forgive him for that. This was one thing I wish I didn't carry with me but it will be with me for life. I still miss him. He was my first friend and my first goodbye.