A/N- watched the season finale, and felt the need to make fun of it. So I'm writing some of the things that happened, and adding a brighter side to things
Also this was first posted under my friends name, but it is my story. And then I posted it again with the wrong story so here it finally is.
ooooo
Ah, here we are. Cohen's house, morning.
Seth finds the brochure, and thinks it's Sandy. All knowing Ryan says it's Kirsten, which is interesting since Seth has known them for his whole life.
Let's see how Marissa's doing. Oh! Checking her bruise in the mirror. Again. Well it's almost gone, maybe she won't have anything to complain about for a while when it's gone.
Julie comes in, and Marissa's a bitch to her, but Julie forgives her because god knows why. Isn't that what every mother-daughter relationship is like?
Jimmy's here! Very nice Jimmy, come back, because you "couldn't leave those two alone during all this". Well maybe he could. How convenient, come back at a time when there both too depressed to hate you. And would you look at that! Neither of them care that he left for half the year. Well, as long as he said he was sorry.
Well, Hailey's back too. Did anyone even tell her when the heart attack happened? No? Didn't want to worry her? Well, then just let Kirsten handle that.
Seth and Summer, a little different then last year. Both dressed 50 years older, and not bickering. Seth's vintage tee's turned to sweater vests, and Summer's bright tank's and shirts turned to old granny things. Woo!
Hmm, Trey and Jess. Probably one of the most interesting couples. For one thing, Trey always sounds like he can't stand her. Yet she always is popping out from behind corners, offering something new to Trey.
Caleb's funeral. Surprisingly he had other friends. Jimmy has the nerve to show, after sleeping with Julie while she was still married to Caleb. Everyone's here! Except for...wait a minute, where the hell is Lindsay? Anyone care to tell the youngest of his daughters that her father was dead? No? Well okay.
Hey, there's Jimmy sitting across from Seth! Switch to Hailey and Sandy talking, and then…what the hell? Summer's in Jimmy's seat? Oh well he probably got up to get snacks or something and Summer's just holding it.
A nice speech from Sanford, "A truly terrible father in-law." Well most of the speech was nice. Great thing to say at a funeral. Looks like Sandy won the age old fight between himself and Cal. But he cheated, the dead can't talk.
Kirsten, after downing a glass, goes and gets more from the fridge. And then chugs that glass. Good thing she's industructable!
Here we have Newport's finest. Seth, Ryan and Marissa. You would think they would be sad, but nope! Let's complain! Seth's sick of pillars, everyone asking Ryan if he gave Caleb his first heart attack, Marissa's being looked at like the grieving step daughter. Man, that sucks. You know the dude just died, but if people are actually looking at you like your the grieving step daughter? That's just terrible.
Sandy tells Summer to get Seth out of the house, telling her without actually telling her about Kirsten's drinking problem. Telling Summer before Seth, good job Sandy.
Well let's go to the bait shop! Hold on, Marissa needs to make this situation bad. What if Trey's there? No, he's got day shift, and I'm sure he's not gonna be there on his own free time!
What do you know! Trey's here! Picking up his pay check. Nope, according to Marissa there handed out on Monday's. Marissa looks pretty confident talking to Trey, considering he almost raped her.
Seth even knows paychecks are handed out on Monday's. But not sure if he works there. So basically he ripped Alex off, because I don't really remember him ever going back to work.
Trey leaves with some lame excuse. He and Jess go upstairs, he wants to go somewhere else. Nope! Their friends are on their way there. Is the gun loaded?
Yes, but let's risk someone seeing us with the gun, and take it out. So Trey whips it out, and checks.
Seth's talking to Ryan, but Ryan tunes him out, and follows the Asian's going upstairs with his eyes. Trey was already upstairs, but for some reason Ryan feels the need to be watching anything suspicious. And Asian's in the Bait Shop? Well that's trouble according to Ryan!
Switch to the party. Kirsten, classy lady that she is, is just chugging from the bottle now. A little tipsy, throws her only true love on the ground. The bottle of vodka.
Jimmy and Julie to the rescue! That's interesting, I thought Julie was on the "Kirsten drink" watch. Well as long as she helps out after Kirsten gets smashed.
Jess and Trey, selling the coke. They don't want to pay. "Yo what's up we had a deal!" Some of the finer acting from Jess. She takes the gun from Trey, so I'm a little confused of why he was there at all.
Marissa! Broken glass? On the forehead? Oh my god! Summer whips out the tissue that came from god knows where, but just as long as they had something to help poor Marissa.
Now Ryan wants Trey to get the hell out of there. Don't let him explain Ryan, just tell him to leave.
Jimmy want's to go somewhere too! But to Catalina. Well, Marissa won't be up until later. But don't go check to see if she's awake, just write her a note. Won't want her to have any fun today.
Sandy finally has the balls to tell Seth. Seth takes it pretty badly, but before he calmly said that he was going to talk to his dad about the brochure. But as soon as Sandy tells him, well no more being calm! I can't help mom, sorry, do the intervention by yourself.
Ryan, the perfect child, shines again. Your doing the right thing Sandy. Well I guess Seth just can't see that.
Summer and Marissa, finally hanging out again. Summer looks about 26 with her hair do, certainly not 17. Summer want's to hang out with Marissa, but not until she tells her what's going on. Marissa...crying? Woah, something new!
The drunk is back! Sandy wants her to come into the kitchen! Well he's acting mysterious. Okay, just come in!
Sandy can't get her to go, neither can Hailey. A very good speech from Ryan can't either. You know what can? 6 letters from her baby boy. "Mom please you gotta do this." And she's cracked.
Before, Ryan couldn't talk, she let him in this house. But those 6 magical words, well now she loves him so much! Seth too! And Sandy!
Jimmy shows his softer side. Tells Julie she doesn't have to be sad after the day of her husbands funeral. Not wasting any time they get back together.
Jess is now letting herself into Trey's apartment. He jumps when she speaks, but doesn't ask how she got in there. She want's to go to Vegas, is he a gambler? He hooked up with her, of course! Always how a good couple talks to each other. After a goodbye and a porno kiss, she's off.
Summer tells Seth about what happened. They've gotta tell Ryan! Or else he'll attack Summer next! I don't think Trey even knows who Summer is yet. But how will Seth tell him? Better question, how will Seth not tell him?
He somehow figures out a way. And after beating around the bush, he tells him. Ryan gets up with fire in his eyes. Seth let's him go and then decides to go after him. Why would he try to stop him? It's not like Ryan's that big of a fighter!
Julie and Jimmy are back together, it's official. And now that that's that, Marissa loves her mommy again! But then Seth and Summer decide to ruin the nice moment. Marissa has to go stop him. Marissa, probably 100 pounds is the last hope to break up two guys from killing each other.
Ryan doesn't want to hear what Trey has to say. Let's just beat the shit out of him.
Trey's leaving, but who cares. DIE! Marissa gets there and like oh my god! Trey's gonna kill Ryan! Marissa then hits Trey like the true girl that she is. Trey's about to kill Ryan with a telephone, cause you know, Ryan did something wrong. Oh, wait! There's a gun! Well, let's not shoot his leg, shoot him right in the back! Hopefully it will get his heart.
This fucker almost raped you, spare no one. Trey's thinking 'k who the fuck just shot me'. Then karma hits him like a truck. Summer and Seth come in just in time to miss everything.
See you next season folks.