Prologue
WHAT'S THE POINT IN PLAYING THE GAME TO START ALL OVER AGAIN? That to live through twice. Can't that game possibly be pleasurable? Maybe, if someone dear opened the curtain for you to witness… but this game was my life. This one life that has once begun and willeventually end. Why not begin again and see what happens…
Let your mind start a journey
through a strange new world.
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before.
Let your soul take you where you long to be…
close your eyes let your spirit start to soar,
and you'll live as you've never lived before.
~Erich Fromm
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ABANDONING US AT SUCH A CRUCIAL TIME!" Vivien cried.
"I know it's completely unfair." I sighed.
"Completely." she agreed. There was an unsettled silence as I stared at those I'd miss most.
"Why now?" Nahla groaned while lounging across an entire park bench. The sun was pouring every ray of heat onto our little town.
"Why not, I guess." I hopelessly shrugged. "I mean, if not now, then when?" I asked.
"Never." they replied in symphony. A breath of laughter escaped my lips and soon enough all three of us were crying…partly from laughter and partly from grief. I'll definitely miss my two best friends…more than ever.
I've only just graduated Junior high. I couldn't
even imagine seeing reason or seeing past, me, ditching my entire life itself. High school with friends, family, and Dylan was too intriguing to bare. I knew I'd never find another friend good enough for me. I knew I could never like anyone other than Dylan. I knew I'd soon be living the nightmare I'd never realized lurking in the drapes of my miserable life.
Nahla has known me since preschool. She has a fair caramel skin tone, which has always had the absolute best contrast against her ghostly lime green irises. I've always envied her long, thick eyelashes and her naturally perfect eyebrows. Nahla has the whitest teeth and the most prominent dimples right below the cheekbones. To top it off, she has pure black hair in long, loose curls fallen down to her waste. The only possible flaw she might have in her looks are her slightly larger ears.
Vivien has known me since first grade. Her eyes are a liquid-like turquoise with a slight hint of violet. It looks really nice on her pale white skin. Vivien's wavy hair is a really vibrant red and stops at her shoulders. She had it cut in Japanese layers. She hates being short, her massive scar across her wrist, and the way her cheeks are almost as red as her hair when she blushes.
My skin matches the color of a faint chocolate. I have long, thin eyelashes surrounding my golden-brown eyes. My dark brunette hair has thick, silky ringlets from the European in my mother. I've never liked my long nose or the birthmark on my right hip. Those things are minor flaws though…my vulnerability is what hurts. That is what my dad stuck with a dagger to rip me away from everything I once knew. England would be a
tragedy doomed to emptiness. High school could never be the same experience I've dreamed of those past two years. Leaving would be like watching a horror movie, only to rewind and watch it again until, eventually, my heart falls out. Cruel and repetitive.
"Dad," I moaned after getting home from school. "Can't you just get a different job… here?" He paused and took a deep breath.
"I've already discussed this with you Eden. When you have a job, you get one you love to do. I love writing and I can do that once we get to England." He then continued organizing his papers. ARG! Stubborn, no good, always- My thoughts cut short when I reached the top of the staircase. Lying on the carpet was an article with a familiar face stamped right out the front cover. My eyes stung and I felt a warm drop slip from my cheek. I raged to my bedroom and melted onto my bed, sobbing in despair. I never could stomach the sight of blood, much less my own….but I brought the blade to my skin anyway. The smell of the warm, syrup-like liquid helped me fall asleep and wake with another tally mark carved into my arm. Another day without my mother. Another day without myself.
It only took a full month to pack the little things my family owned and ditch our quaint and rented home. It took that month to
say goodbye to part of my family and part of my breath. Farewell Sitges, Spain. So long beaches and Spanish neighbors and coconut slushies. Sigh.
Peering through the fogged and scratched up window on the aircraft, my heart gives a thick flutter, gravitating towards a place that will be a mere memory in ten years. Sitting beside a fowl man with a bad armpit odor, I breathe in and out like in meditation. My hairline gathers dew drops of sweat which begins to glide over my flesh, damping the long sleeve, cotton shirt I wore to cover the scars painting my forearm. In that area I felt a new stinging sensation. Carefully glanceing at the newest tally mark my knife had made, I saw that it transformed into an even more irritated red color while the trails of sweat ate away at it. In the airplane, it got so muggy that every face glittered of sweat as mine did. It was humid even with the air conditioner on! The only escape from this odd form of torture was through my dreams. Determined to fall asleep and skip the stress of heights, I twisted so that my back was facing the stranger next to me and my cheek leaned against the cool metal wall.
I watched her soundlessly folding jeans. I grasped the memory of her smile. The picture was so familiar, so vivid. I caught my hand as I tried to reach out for hers. Why didn't I just take it? She wanted me to be her daughter. I was oblivious and let her fall out of reach. I could have kept her
thoughts of life pleasant. Her last bit of life. I tainted it, and then she vanished. Two bullets, two guns, two cadavers left for no one.
"Eden, Eden what do you want?" It was my mother's voice, "Eden, sweetie, what would you like?"
I want the bullet to have taken me instead! How couldn't she have known that?
"Eden," she said. I stared at her evaporating face incredulously.
"Eden…Eden…Eden."
"EDEN!"
"AGH!" I dragged my body out of sleep so fast that my forehead made a cracking noise when making contact with the seat in front me. "Ouch." I groaned rubbing the blur from my eyes and blinking.
"Eden," my father repeated, "the flight attendant's waiting?" His hand lifted towards the isle where a blonde woman with too much makeup on grinned at me.
"We have tuna and chicken." She recited steadily.
Right away, I knew this town was peculiar, but never did I think a place could be so. As soon as my father, brothers, sister, and I step foot outside of the giant metal monster (the airplane), a blast of frosty air and specks of water smacked my face, forcing me to, momentarily, hold my shocked breath.
"It's raining?" my youngest, older brother, Castiel, complained.
"Wait, it's still June…." I murmur just loud enough for them to hear. Yes, today is June 16th….the beginning of heat. Something I believe this environment is missing today. With shivering teeth and skin rippled with goose bumps, I trudged after my family, too busy judging this prison to notice that the rain had lifted. In its place, to my final disbelief, drifted small tufts of snow. Somehow my cheeks felt warm. The feeling came from my running eyes. Slowly, tears streamed down and fell from my chin. I told myself of those memories locked deep down inside. I'd been born in Alaska. My mother was from there too. I'd almost forgotten how a snowflake looked. I'd nearly lost the taste of one falling straight from a cloud. I could not remember how it felt between numb fingers. This was my mother, telling me to never forget, but to move on as well. Great, now my mom's spirit is against me. I think sarcastically wiping away my tears. Guess what mom?-
"I still miss Spain! Even if it didn't snow!" I shouted at the haunting grey clouds. My father was the first to turn and stare.
"Never mind." I spat as the blood rose into my cheeks.