A/N: Just some Collins angst. A reflection piece.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Nothing that has to do with RENT or Jonathan Larson is mine.
Drumsolo
Collins sighed and turned the key to Angel's apartment. He had continued to live there after her death, but it was still known as her apartment. Today was anespecially hard day, he almost didn't make it through work.
He wandered down the hallway, and stopped in front of their bedroom. He hadn't been in there since his lover died. Sighing, he gently turned the knob and pushed the door open. Sunlight flooded the small bedroom and Angel's handmade curtains were flung open, flapping in the breeze. She always loved the sunlight…it made her happy. Sitting in the middle of the room was her plastic pickle tub. He walked in slowly, shutting the door behind him. He looked at the tub and closed his eyes, remembering.
Some days if he really listened, he could still hear her playing her drums.
He remembered the way her drumsticks flew up and down, bouncing off of the plastic. He remembered how each time she played there was a different tune, unique, just like her.
She made the music her own. She owned the music. She was inspired by her music…and her music inspired others.
A sigh escaped from his lips as he opened his eyes, surprised to find that tears were falling down his cheeks. Angel had taught him so many things, but most of all, she had taught him to love. She had taught him to love himself, and she had taught him to love others.
But without her, Collins felt empty...he felt alone…he felt helpless. He no longer loved without her. Without her…he was nothing, just a shell of a man…a man that everyone continued to love.
Carefully, he sat down on top of the clear tub, thinking about the night they met. "Hi, I'm Angel…" she had said. She was dressed in men's clothing, yet Collins still knew that she was feminine. She had openly admitted to having AIDS. She took him to the Life Support meeting, and showed him that it was okay to have AIDS. She had guts…and that intrigued him.
He felt that he had opened up a new side of himself that night…he felt himself falling in love.
And then she was gone. Just like that, taken away from everybody who loved her… Life was cruel, cruel enough to take away his lover much too soon.
Wiping his eyes, Collins got up off of the pickle tub and wandered over to the dresser, pulling open one of the drawers. There sat a cassette labeled 'Drumsolo'. He picked it up and put it into the small stereo on top of the dresser. He hit play and closed his eyes, waiting in anticipation.
The sound of Angel's drums filled the room, filling his heart. He cried as he listened to the tape.
His Angel had brought him the most wonderful present at the time he needed it the most. She had brought back the part of her that he needed to hear the most…her drums. And with that drum solo, all of his lost emotions came flooding back.
He remembered how to love. "Thank you Angel…" he murmured, looking around the small room. "Thank you."
A/N: I really hope you guys like this one. I cried writing it and re-reading it, so I hope you enjoy.