Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC
Do You Love Me?
Standing by the truck, obeying Captain James' order, while he swept a path to the blood-stained sheet on the road ahead, Molly wondered how much longer she was going to be able to wait out. She was torn between her head and her heart. The last two days had been really shit and she was desperate to get him alone to try and get to the bottom of whatever the hell his problem was.
It had all started yesterday when she had returned from being on leave with Smurf. In fact he had first started acting really odd two weeks ago, on the morning she was due to go on leave. He'd come into the med tent when she was just getting dressed after her shower and they'd been having a nice chat. He'd seemed really concerned about how she was feeling after finding her friend Rolex Boy dead that morning. He'd even told her she was bloody good at her job! But then it had all got really intense.
After asking for a favour, which she'd been happy to agree to, he'd knelt down beside her and said "Now Dawes, London. Nespresso shop on Regent's Street. Go and buy me some Rosabaya coffee capsules and I will adore you for always." As he was saying it, he'd taken out a pen, taken hold of her hand and written the name of the coffee on her arm.
Molly had been taken by surprise but hadn't really thought he meant it seriously. With a cheeky smile she'd questioned him, "Always sir?"
Then whilst still holding her hand, he'd linked his fingers with hers and looked up at her. He'd looked her right in the eyes and said, "Come back to me?" like he really properly meant it.
Molly had felt a bit taken aback by his actions and couldn't really believe what he'd just said. He'd paused, studying her mouth, which had made her wonder if he'd been considering kissing her, even though the idea itself seemed completely absurd. She had found herself unusually speechless for a moment but had just about managed to squeeze out the words to confirm she would. Because hell, if he was interested in her like that, she would be there like a shot. She'd come to fancy the arse off him even if he was off limits, and had been a complete tosser to her at the beginning of her tour. She supposed she probably did deserve it on a couple of occasions when she'd spoken without thinking.
She still didn't know what might have happened had they not been interrupted by Kinders. As he'd gone out of the door Molly had been left standing in the med tent wondering what the hell had happened, so much so she'd needed to sit back down on the bed to steady herself. She'd wished she'd asked him to explain before he'd gone. Instead she'd been left wondering what to think. And more importantly, how the hell had he expected her to up and leave for two weeks after such a bombshell. She'd pleaded with him not to make her go, particularly after finding out that Sohail had gone AWOL, but he'd been quick to overrule any other option, which had made her question whether his words had meant anything at all and left her feeling really confused.
To say Molly hadn't been looking forward to going on leave would have to be the understatement of the century. The thought of a hug from her Mum and to see her Nan again had been nice, but the prospect of staying in that poxy flat with 'all them little bleeders' running riot, and her Dad still barely speaking to her for joining the army, hadn't filled her with joy one bit. She also hadn't relished the thought of spending 14 hours on a flight home with that Welsh tosser. He'd made it clear he had designs on her joining the mile high club with him and that had been before they'd even boarded the plane. She might have shagged him once when she was off her face, but that was it as far as she was concerned, but he'd kept on like she was somehow his property.
All she'd wanted on the flight home had been to close her eyes and try and make some sense of what had happened that morning. But Smurf had been incapable of letting five minutes pass without a mention of them being together.
"Smurf just for clarity, if you were the last bloke on the entire globe, and had a face and personality transplant…I'd still rather go without," she'd eventually told him, hoping he'd finally get the message. But he hadn't given up, so she'd ended up feeling really pissed off before they'd even touched down at Brize Norton, although she had surprised herself that she'd managed to resist the temptation to lump him, even though she hadn't been sure how. She'd known full well that there wouldn't be anyone waiting to meet her when she arrived. Even so, she'd still felt disappointed as she'd stood watching Smurf's mum hug the life out of him. Everyone else always seemed to have their special someone, and she'd never had anyone who'd cared enough to put themselves out for her.
In the end, it had been nice to see all of her family again and they'd given her a great welcome home. Even her Dad had looked pleased to see her. She'd enjoyed a special girly day out with her Mum and Nan whilst her Mum's new friend Shazza had looked after the kids, much to her Dad's disgust. But then he'd refused, so he could hardly complain.
"Shut it!" The three of them had told him in unison before they'd left. And he'd gone off dressed in his usual attire of pants and not much else, muttering about the 'fucking coven' as he called them!
It had been brilliant to spend some time with them. They'd shared a great day out and had had a real laugh together. But after a few days, Molly's patience with the continual chaos had run out. Her Mum and Dad were always bickering and it seemed like Shazza had practically taken up residence. Nothing had felt normal so she'd phoned Smurf, much to her own surprise, but she'd been desperate to speak to someone else who might understand what she was feeling. Plus she'd needed something to take her mind off him. If it had been anyone else, she would have been in no doubt that he'd been coming on to her, but Captain James? He was her CO. It was against army regulations. Plus, he was so completely out of her league it was bordering on ridiculous. The more she'd thought about it, the less any of it seemed to make any sense and she'd begun to think maybe she'd imagined it. In fact, if it hadn't have been for him writing the name of his coffee on her arm she would have thought she had imagined it. That had proved a great help to stop her going crazy during the time she'd been away.
Molly's visit to Newport had provided a welcome distraction, although she'd found it was a bit of shit hole. Much to her irritation, Smurf had insisted on her meeting practically every member of his bloody family at a welcoming party he'd rustled up.
As the last guests had left she'd given him a piece of her mind. "Could we ditch the 'appy families act you sad Welsh tosser. You're deluded Smurf. When are you gonna get it?"
"Come on Molls, we'd be great together. I dunno how you've resisted me for this long. And my family love you. It's a win win!" he'd shot back at her hopefully.
Molly had begun to feel more and more frustrated. "Smurf, shut it would ya. How many bleedin' times 'ave I gotta tell you the same thing? Now zip it and let's get to London before I change my mind."
Admittedly, his family had been friendly enough to her, but it had made it clear to her he still hadn't got the message about them. For her, at every given opportunity her mind had been back in the med tent on that morning, not that Smurf had been aware of that. The more she'd kept thinking about him, the more her mind had let her imagine that maybe she did mean something to him, which she'd kicked herself for because she knew realistically there was about as much chance as that happening as her Dad becoming the next Prime Minister!
But his words "…I'll adore you forever" had continued to play on her mind and she'd struggled to get the memory of the intense look he'd given her whilst he'd held her hand and asked her to "come back to him", out of her what had he meant? Molly had known what she wanted him to have meant but she hadn't dared let herself have those thoughts. Their relationship over the last few months had changed dramatically. It was unrecognisable compared to that very first moment back on the tarmac at Brize Norton when he'd threatened to lob her off the plane and had looked at her with total hostility.
Now, when they were together, they just seemed to click and were so relaxed in each other's company and she was sure she hadn't imagined it. For Molly, the turning point had been the night when she'd stood on stage with him and they'd sung that duet together. She'd purposely paid special attention to her appearance in a bid to distract everyone from her less than fantastic singing. It had certainly worked, but she'd also noticed that he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off her. There had been something longing in the way he'd looked at her and she'd not forgotten how he'd winked at her as they were singing. They'd talked a lot that night and she'd been touched by his concern as she'd confided in him about the problems with her Dad. It had definitely stuck in her mind as one of the highlights of her tour and she knew, given half the chance, she'd love the opportunity to spend some more moments like that with him, to get to know him better…and the rest. But she had been pretty certain he'd never seriously be interested in someone like her. Until that morning in the med tent when he'd uttered those words and made her wonder if maybe she'd been wrong.
Molly had found the nights on her leave the hardest. It seemed every time she'd closed her eyes to sleep, she would see Captain James dying in front of her, calling her name and she couldn't get to him. She would wake panicked and disorientated and it had made her longing to return to him even worse. Added to the dreams about Rolex-boy it was pretty tough for her to get any sleep.
One night after being woken by one of her bad dreams, she'd gone to find her Mum and had ended up having a heart-to-heart with her about her friend Shazza. Molly's feelings for The Boss had really hit her then, as she'd told her Mum that sometimes we make friends with someone who we never thought we could ever be friends with, and the differences just disappear and just being with them makes you happy. She'd thought about it over and over again because as she'd finished saying it, she'd realised she was talking about him and after that her wish for it all to mean something had felt overpowering.
It had felt like the longest two weeks ever. Molly had enjoyed heading up to town on her last day to fulfil his special request, even though Smurf had been pretty insistent they should go together. But after that, it had been such a relief to head back to the FOB, to everyone, to him. She'd been eagerly anticipating their first hello, but when she'd seen his face for the first time, it had been with a heavy heart, as he'd made it clear he was anything but pleased to see her, and she'd felt every last bit of hope that his words had meant something rapidly slip away. She'd felt it was almost reminiscent of the last time she'd returned to the FOB to face a bollocking off him after disobeying his order and going up on the winch with Smurf. Although admittedly even then he'd looked happier, plus she'd known what she'd done to piss him off then. But this time she hadn't got a clue and her disappointment had been almost overwhelming.
Molly hadn't been able to hide her enthusiasm when he'd come into the med tent a bit later, but seeing the scowl on his face had made her brace herself for round two of whatever the hell had rattled his cage. She'd put in her best effort to break the ice with a joke about his blisters and she'd just managed to make him smile when Kinders had burst in asking her about her trip to Newport. And with that, Captain James had lost it. Shaking his head in disgust, he'd stormed out. Molly had contemplated his actions for a moment and then all the pieces had fallen into place.
He was jealous. Jealous she'd been alone with Smurf. Which had left her sure it could only mean one thing. After that Molly had been determined to get a minute with him, so she could explain that nothing had happened between her and Smurf, but he'd been relentless in his sulking and hadn't let up for a second. In the end she'd left his present on his pillow, resolving there was nothing more she could do.
Until now. As she stood by the truck the perfect opportunity to talk to him seemed right in front of her as she watched him walk away. With the others there he would have no choice but to continue on his path and listen to what she had to say. But she knew she had to decide quickly. He was getting nearer to his destination; to carry out his investigation of the blood stained sheet lying in the road ahead. But anything could be under there. It could be booby-trapped. And the worry of that made her mind up. If he was about to be blown to smithereens she knew she would never forgive herself if she hadn't got to tell him how she really felt about him. And in that moment her heart overruled her head and she moved, disobeying his order and breaking cover.
She caught him unawares as she ran up behind him. He snapped at her, "Have you got a death-wish?"
"Maybe," she answered quietly. But she was determined not to be discouraged. "Anyway, it's good to have some quality time together."
"Is that why you're risking your neck?" he enquired, sounding irritated.
She wanted to tell him she was only having to risk her neck because he'd been behaving like a tosser, but she thought better of it. So despite his tone, she carried on. "Nothing happened with Smurf. But at least now I know."
"Know what?" he grunted.
Taking a deep breath Molly continued, "I never thought you'd look at someone like me, I thought you were out of my league."
He paused for a moment, looking a bit lost as to what she meant. "What are you trying to say, Dawes?" he asked.
He was really making this hard. Could he really be so clueless? Molly continued, "I'm just saying…I'm fond of you sir." Then hesitating, she nervously waited for a bollocking for overstepping the mark with him. But it never came. Her hopes started to rise that maybe she'd been on the right track all along. Gathering her courage, Molly steeled herself in a bid to end the misery once and for all and find out if he had feelings for her or not. Walking on a few paces, then steadying herself, she opened her mouth feeling like she was pulling the trigger on a round of russian roulette. If she was wrong about him and this went tits up she knew the fall out would be shit. Then she spoke again, and when she did, she found herself nervously asking him; "Do you love me?"
And then he stopped in his tracks and turned to face her, leaving them looking right at each other. She watched as his lip quivered as if he was about to speak, but Molly didn't need him to answer because he hadn't said no. And that was all she needed to know that he did.
A/N 1: For the purpose of this story I've pushed the days out that Molly spends in London a bit when she first arrives back home. There seems to be some inconsistency on the PP script as it details her arrival home, the party and going off to Newport all happening on Day 12. Also, that they only spend 3 days in the UK, but this would be nearer 12 days out of the two weeks, with the others as travelling days.
A/N 2: This one came to mind when I was writing my first story 'The Moments That Made Us'. We never got to actually hear how Molly was feeling….so I thought I'd give her feelings a 'voice'! Hope you've enjoyed it.