You can look at me,
She was running.
But you will never really see me.
Her heart was racing and she was having trouble getting air to her lungs.
My mask is perfect; without chip or chink.
Her feet just couldn't move fast enough.
But still...
She dodged the people in her path and made sharp turns around every corner. Nothing was going to slow her down.
I want to break this exterior.
And nothing could distract her from her goal.
I want you to see...
Her hand reached forward as she tripped over her feet.
The real me?
Chapter One:
Real Guys vs. Manga Boys
Amu threw the door open, gasping for breath. Her pink hair was wild and her cheeks were lightly flushed after her long and painful journey through hell and back.
"You're late." Utau commented without even looking in her direction. She was too busy flipping through her CDs.
"Sorry." Amu said falling into a chair at the table. "I had to take a call from Yukari about the story board."
"So?" Rima asked, nonchalantly flipping through her manga, "What's the verdict?"
"It sucks." Amu answered, taking her book bag off her shoulder and dropping it on the ground. Her shoulders instantly felt relief from the weight.
"That's always a good sign." Utau answered finally settling on a CD, "That usually means it has potential."
"I'm glad you're so confident." Amu commented before resting her head on the table. "You didn't have to get yelled at in a smelly pay phone."
"Smelly pay phone?" Utau asked with an arc brow.
"I think someone threw up in it."
"That must have been an interesting conversation." Rima muttered to herself taking out a notebook, "I should write that down."
"I'm so glad I can be a muse for your comedy routine." Amu added sarcastically, but lacking the energy to put any real force into her voice.
"Yukari already has the story board." Rima pointed out. "It's not like we have anything better to do."
"Oh, contraire mon ami." Yaya chimed in taking a break from her excessive scribbling on the chalk board.
"Keep working on your French." Utau advised Yaya putting a Weezer CD into the player. "I don't think that was quite right."
"Regardless." Yaya continued waving her chalk in the air to call attention to herself. "There is a multitude of manga releases available that we must obtain. We should divide and conquer by hitting the major and knockoff bookstores for the lowest prices. We must succeed least we risk disgracing the proud title of 'otaku'!"
"Who takes pride in the title?" Rima asked focusing back on her manga.
"Us real manga lovers, instead those who merely indulge in stupid gag manga."
"Excuse me?" Rima focused a glare towards Yaya. "And what is wrong with gag manga?"
"Here we go." Utau commented, pulling out her laptop while Pinkerton was playing in the background.
"Where to begin? The lack of art put into it? The complete disillusion of plot? The horrible jokes?"
"Have you even read a gag manga?"
"I've read everything related to manga that's what makes me an otaku." Utau rolled her eyes at Yaya's display. Only she would try to act pompous about being a complete manga geek. "And nothing saddens me more than a gag manga."
"Oh, but you're all for shoujo manga with flighty girls mindlessly going after the "cute boy in class that barely notices her" or, my personal favorite, the girl that constantly fights off the pervert. I swear, the people that draw that kind of manga have to be sexually starved or something."
Everyone paused and looked at Amu who was a professional shoujo mangaka. Amu lifted her head to give Rima a wary glance.
"Yours is...nice though."
"Thanks." Amu commented before dropping her head on the table again. "I could feel your complete sincerity in that."
"You got to admit though, you aren't exactly sporting the boys around." Utau pointed out.
"Not exactly? Amu's never been in a relationship."
"Okay, thank you." Amu pleaded in an attempt to end the conversation.
"No wonder you always have a hard time with the romantic scenes." Yaya said absently nodding to herself.
"Yeah, yeah. I get enough of that from Yukari thank you." Amu told her with annoyance in her voice. "I can't do smutty scenes. I want Miki to be an innocent girl, not a slut."
"Yeah, but she could use a little more love in her life. Even your fans notice that." Utau told her stopping on a website. "Want to hear the comments in this forum?"
"Sure. Lay it on me." Amu said, mentally preparing herself for the worst.
"Okay. I got one that says, 'I want them to get together so bad! Rena Sakura is killing me with suspense.' And another says, 'Considering the tension in the last chapter, I hope we get some contact. I think a sweet and tender moment would be good.' And, my personal favorite, 'Daisuke should just take her down and f*#k her like a ##h and then...' I-I can't even finish this." Utau said starting to blush.
"I guess your readers are sexually starved too." Rima said with a smile.
"I am not sexually starved damn it!"
A cough drew the girls' focus to the door.
"Oh God!" Amu fell back into her chair, hiding her face in her hands.
"Hey, prez!" Yaya greeted him with a wave.
"Ladies." Tadase acknowledged with a nod. "What are we doing today?"
"What's it matter to you?" Rima asked with a little force behind her monotonous voice.
"As school President, it is my duty to make my rounds among the clubs to offer any needed assistance and advise. And to make sure the clubs are doing something productive with their time and not just wasting classroom space."
Amu wanted to face palm her head. He just had to come the day she turned in her story board, didn't he.
"Well, we were just about to start." Utau told him, closing her laptop. "Right, Yaya?"
"Right!" Yaya answered giving her a wink. She began by turning the chalkboard to the other side, "Today we are going to discuss a manga genre called hentai, meaning 'pervert' and 'perverted'."
Amu had to bite her lip to keep from laughing when she saw Tadase's face. This of course, was way beyond his realm of comprehension as his eyes widened when Yaya wrote "Hentai" on the board.
"Hentai material can focus on tender moments between high school students who are discovering passion together for the first time, or you can just cut right to the Naughty Tentacles. It can be sweet, tender, and airbrushed, or it can be ghastly, gory, grotesque things that can horrify a Castro Street leather daddy.
"It should be noted that 'perverted' in this case can mean as to either manner of preferred sexual conduct or the desire therefore - a man who excessively desires sex with women (or a woman) can be told off as 'hentai' as much as a man with moderate desire for men."
That last part did Tadase in and all the girls started smiling at his expense.
"Care to model for a sketch prez?" Rima asked slyly looking over her shoulder at him. Amu could have sworn she saw him shiver.
"I think I'll be on my way." He told them inching towards the door. "Word of warning: use your time wisely, otherwise I will have to give this room to a larger and more productive club." And with that, he was gone.
All the girls erupted with laughter they had been holding in.
"Did you see his face?" Amu asked trying to catch her breath.
"I think Tadase would make a good bishounen character if he wasn't so serious." Yaya commented.
"Bishounen boys can be serious, they just lack that stick up their ass that Tadase has." Rima corrected her with a smug look.
"It's hard for a guy to measure up to the standards of a manga hero though."
"Damn manga! How you give us such high expectations in men." Utau acknowledged with a sigh. All the girls nodded in agreement.
"If I was ever going to have a boyfriend, he would have to be as wonderful as any guy from manga." Yaya said with a dreamy look in her eyes, as if she was picturing the boy in her mind.
"Keep dreaming otaku." Rima told her going back to her manga.
Yaya stuck out her tongue in defiance.
Amu rolled her eyes at their childish shenanigans. "Bored?" She asked Utau who was back to surfing the web on her laptop.
"I think that pertains more to yourself." Utau commented while she continued to tap on the keys. "I know many mangakas would love to have your problem."
Amu just smiled sheepishly. "I just have to kill some time before I go meet Yukari."
"Was the phone call not the meeting?"
"No. That was just to yell at me for how I lack the ability to illustrate lovely teen fantasies."
"That's kind of sad Amu. Maybe you should get a boyfriend and actually experience the things you draw about." Utau suggested jokingly nudging Amu with her elbow.
Amu just shrugged pulling out a manga from her bag. "I just need to do a little research."
~Flip the Paige~
Amu walked into her favorite restaurant, but when she saw Yukari fuming in the corner, she wanted nothing more than to leave.
When she approached the table she was greeted with negative feed. "What kind of crap are you trying to give me?"
Let the games begin.
"Don't hold back now." Amu told her taking a seat across from her. "Tell me how you really feel."
"Alright." Yukari started focusing her eyes on her. "I think you believe you can put anything down on paper and assume it will sell with the name Rena Sakura."
Amu stared. She really was holding back before.
"Let's get started." Yukari took the storyboard out of the file, to Amu's dismay it was covered with red marks.
After almost two hours of work, Amu finally got the idea of how to fix her story. "It's going to be great." Amu told Yukari confidently.
"Yes, but let's try to lighten my work load and make it that good before you turn it in." Yukari told her, shouldering her purse and getting up.
"Oh, but I need your critical eye Yukari. And no one yells at me quite like you do." Amu told her with a grin. "I'll have this done as soon as I can."
"You mean by the deadline, right?" Yukari asked with a warning look.
"Yes, ma'am." Amu assured her with a smile. Leave it to Yukari to hold a grudge for missing a deadline once...or twice.
"Well, call me if you run into any problems." Yukari told her with a wave as she walked out the door.
Amu focused back on her story board. Everyone was saying she needed to add depth and realism into her work, but what could she do? It took more than just having a boyfriend. There is an element that shoujo manga possesses that makes girls' hearts light and indulge in their fantasies. Amu had yet to feel the emotion she invoked in other people with her drawings. To Amu, her art never seemed good enough.
She sighed, what to do?
"Are you finished?" A voice asked, snapping her out of her trance. She instantly froze. The boy in front of her was remarkable. Tall and lean, with a handsome face. But it was his eyes that really had her mesmerized, that held a beautiful blend of purple and blue hues.
He was just like a bishounen character. She would have to tell Yaya about this. She would be ecstatic.
Amu shook her head, knowing she was staring. The critical eye of an artist tended to get her into trouble, or at the very least strange looks. "Yeah." She played off nonchalantly and focusing her eyes back on her story board as he took the plates from the table.
"What are you drawing?"
Amu instinctually covered her work. Looking over at him with a fierce look that was sure to make him move on. "Nothing."
"After sitting there for two hours? I don't think it's nothing." He told her smugly, as if he already knew her secret.
She threw everything in her bag. "Excuse me." She said before trying to get away, but her foot caught against her chair and sent her flying forward. Her bag fell to the ground and everything it contained was scattered across the floor. She never hit the ground though.
A strong arm caught her around the waist. She turned her head and found herself staring into those beautiful eyes again. "You alright?"
Amu just noticed his voice. It was perfect, deep and smooth. Amu couldn't handle it and screamed and pushed him away causing him to drop her on the ground.
"What the hell?" He muttered to himself.
Amu ignored him gathering her things, she had to get out of there. This was just too much for a shoujo mangaka to handle.
"You should watch your step." He advised setting his tray down.
"Well thank you for that great advise!" Amu snapped back at him, still gathering her things in a rush. "Shouldn't you get back to work or something?"
"It's kind of hard to work with someone staring at you, don't you think?" Amu felt a fierce blush on her cheeks, causing her to gather her things faster.
"Don't be so conceded." Amu hissed at him taking all her stuff in her arms and heading towards the door.
He grabbed her by her blazer collar and pulled her back. "Are you really going to deny it?" He whispered to her his lips brushing against her ear.
Amu, embarrassed and panicked, stomped down on his foot and ran out the door.
She didn't dare look back even when she heard someone call after. She just had to run away.
~Flip the Paige~
Amu had managed to calm down after a bath, but her nerves were still shot. She was more embarrassed than anything. She was a high schooler, not some kid. Now she wouldn't be able to go back to her favorite restaurant.
She sighed to herself as she sat at her desk. At least she got a good scene from the event. When she went to get her story board from her bag she froze. She began throwing things out and moving things around harshly.
It wasn't there. Her storyboard wasn't in her bag. The story board with her pen name and real name. If someone found out a high schooler was Rena Sakura, it would ruin her reputation as a mangaka, not to mention her reputation as Amu Hinamori.
A scream was heard across the neighborhood, many wondered what could be the cause of such a cry, but none could even begin to imagine the danger of Amu's situation.
Dictionary: (I'm kind of disturbed by the terms I must define)
-Bishounen ("beautiful boy") Character: A male character that possesses androgynous or 'feminine' physical traits. He is tall, slender with almost no fat, little to no muscle, and no body or facial hair. Large expressive eyes are almost a given, though tsurime are also common in more serious examples.
In anime, many bishonen have female voice actors, although those that don't get startlingly deep, sexy voices instead. It is not uncommon for other characters to mistake them for women, or for savvier examples of the type to take advantage of such an assumption.
-Hentai Genre: Explained in chapter
-Leather Daddy: A gay man who fetishizes leather
-Naughty Tentacles: Put simply, tentacles that "make love, not war"
-Otaku: Otaku is extremely negative in meaning as it is used to refer to someone who stays at home all the time and doesn't have a life (no social life, no love life, etc). Usually an otaku person has nothing better to do with their life so they pass the time by watching anime, playing video games, surfing the internet (otaku is also used to refer to a nerd/hacker/programmer).
In the Western culture, people confuse otaku to be something positive like "Guru". If you think about it, it's not really good to be called a guru if it means you are a total loser who can't socialize with other people except through the Internet.
otaku no jinsei ha yabai na! (it sucks to live the life of an otaku!)