A/N: So I actually had this idea like... half a year(?) ago but I just now decided to just go ahead and do it 8)
I highly recommend first reading White Demon, Red Scribe, Black Nightmare if you haven't already because spoilers for that fic abound!(And this might not make a lot of sense otherwise, since this is sort of an "alternate ending" to Chapter 40-41 of that fic).
Thanks to Shaerahaek for helping me proof-read this and fix some mistakes :D And I just want you all to know... I'm a horrible person :3 (no need to thank me for it)
WDRSBN Drabbles: Fallen
A D Gray-Man and Assassins Creed Crossover
"Oh, I wouldn't bother with taking it out to use against me."
Allen froze mid-way to taking the Apple of Eden out of one of his pouches at Apollo's words.
"You think I'm unwise to your intentions, but I already know the trap you intend to spring, in its entirety. You and I both know we aren't here for bloodless resolution."
Allen's heart jumped into his throat. He looked at Kanda, his eyes wider than before, desperately trying to cover his panic and failing. How did he know? Kanda returned his gaze mutely and then slowly drew his sword.
"What are you going on about?" he barked, carefully shifting into an offensive stance. Allen also reached for his sword but couldn't help but to glance behind where Lavi was. Of whom Lavi was making it a point not to look back at him, expression unreadable and focused more on Apollo than anything else.
Part of his mind dredged up the possibility, but...
No... no, he wouldn't! He couldn't think that, not now.
...so why did he?
"Well, to be honest, even had I not been told of it, I would have been a fool not to suspect," Apollo told them, toying idly with a weapon of his own, not seeming overly concerned with Kanda's new stance brandishing his sword. "Both of you have been tenacious thorns in my side for a long time, and I'm not dim enough to believe you would simply give it up, even after all of my efforts thus far to tire you."
Of course. It was common sense. Nothing to be worried over, right? Lavi wouldn't betray him. No matter how much the redhead denied caring about him, he knew that was false. It was just a lie. Much as it hurt, much as it tried to defy his trust, he knew better. He knew Lavi.
Allen's hand slid down from the handle of his sword, fixating silvery eyes on Apollo. "Then let's end it here," he said, his voice disturbingly calm. He side-eyed his raven-haired lover intentionally.
They still had the bomb; the fake Apple. All they had to do was make sure it made it into Apollo's hands discreetly. He glanced further at Lavi, who'd barely moved, and whose expression gave nothing away. He knew what Apollo was implying, that Lavi was betraying their side, but how much had the redhead possibly told him really?
If he'd known the redhead a little less, he might have lost trust. But this was Lavi. This was part of his plan too, surely?
It was still a gamble - there was a chance he was wrong - but gambling was something he knew how to do well. His instincts for it rarely failed.
"Will you be alright to handle yourself?"
Lavi's expression changed then, mildly surprised, and finally glanced in his direction in question. Allen smiled knowingly, ignoring the confused, unhappy look that Kanda exchanged between them both, before Allen started to step towards Apollo ahead of them.
Apollo's smile broadened, carrying a hint of deadly, confident malice just beneath the surface.
"Yes, let us finally see the end of it," he agreed, his gaze shifting over to Lavi as the redhead lifted his weapon up properly. "After all, with two on each of our sides, it will be much more of an even match this time."
Lavi realized right as Apollo spoke those words and Kanda's face snapped towards him exactly what Allen meant.
Will you be alright to handle yourself? Of course he meant against Kanda. How had he not caught onto that sooner? He grit his teeth slightly. That was going against his initial plan, but at this point, he'd simply have to adjust.
You know me too well, Allen, Lavi silently lamented the white-haired man's blind faith in him. But still, not enough. Too late to tell Allen to change his tactics now. He'd simply have to figure out another way. But first...
He dodged out of the way of Kanda's swing, the blade humming as it cut air.
First he was going to have to get around Kanda. If the man was as serious as Lavi suspected he might be, then that was not going to happen easily.
"Damn traitor!" Kanda hissed, narrowing his eyes. Lavi smirked and tilted his head condescendingly. It wasn't wise, but he couldn't give up the ruse just yet. Apollo had to believe he was on the man's side if this plan was going to work at all.
"It's not really a betrayal if you never take sides though, is it?"
Kanda snarled wordlessly and lunged at him again, Lavi parrying his blade and dancing out of easy reach, maneuvering so he could still watch Allen and Apollo's battle somewhat in case things turned bad.
He and Kanda exchanged more bruises than they did cuts, though there were a few slashes and lacerations as well. Most of them were shallow, though one came far too close to Lavi's uncovered eye for comfort. It was definitely going to leave a scar.
When Kanda tried to impale him, Lavi twisted just barely out of the way and managed to wrap the chain of his spear between segments around it, kicking upward into the pit of Kanda's elbow and disarming him of his sword. Kanda grabbed his ankle the moment after, just as Lavi was flinging the sword a few feet away, and tripped his remaining leg, sending Lavi falling flat on his back, and pounced with hidden blades bared as the redhead rolled over and scrambled to get up.
The first blade barely missed, planting in the soil, and the other came dangerously close to running through the back of his neck, Lavi barely managing to catch Kanda's wrist over his shoulder as the very point of the blade threatened to break flesh.
Lavi braced a leg under him and bucked upwards, off-setting Kanda's balance just enough to flip them over. Kanda retaliated by twisting around and slamming his elbow against Lavi's throat. The redhead merely counted himself lucky that it hadn't broken his windpipe, even as he struggled for air and drew in a few ragged breaths.
Kanda was poising to put an end to his life with the hidden blades, but paused when Lavi looked off to the side and rasped breathlessly, "Allen!"
Kanda hesitated to take his eyes away, clearly thinking it a bluff to distract him, but couldn't help following the Bookman's single eye after a moment and went rigid when he saw that Allen was quickly losing ground. If someone didn't interfere and get to his side, he wasn't going to last.
"Go!" Lavi wheezed, and Kanda wasted not a second in doing so, pausing only to retrieve his sword in the meantime. Lavi took a moment more to rise and get his bearings to follow, staggering and clutching his throat where it still throbbed.
Lavi saw them continuing to fight as if the rest of the world had ceased to exist, as if the only thing left were them.
He felt his blood run cold when he saw Apollo manage to knock Allen's sword aside and plunge a dagger into his gut, twist it viciously and rip it sideways to create a gaping hole in the whitehead's side and soak his robes bright crimson.
He felt his throat tighten again painfully when Apollo grabbed Allen by the neck as he doubled over, and oh so carefully and precisely, swiped a sharp edge from just behind his ear and down to the collarbone following the artery before letting the younger man fall the rest of the way.
Over the pounding of his own heart, he barely heard Kanda's outraged scream of rage as the man rushed in with his sword bared and attacked in a blinding fury of swings, even Apollo struggling to keep up and ending up with a few slashes. At some point, both Kanda and Apollo disappeared from sight entirely - he didn't really notice when or how - but within the minute Kanda returned in a rush, sprinting back to Allen, who had yet to get back up as the soil soaked dark scarlet.
Kanda fell mid-run to his knees so that they skidded over the dirt, supporting Allen to sit up with one arm under his back, and driving his sword upright into the soil so he could at least try to stem the bleeding from his neck with the other.
Lavi didn't even realize he was staring, still as a statue, until Kanda barked at him loudly, "Lavi! Get your ass over here and help!"
Lavi approached, but it was with wobbly steps, and in no kind of haste. Even before Kanda had attacked Apollo, he already knew...
"Hurry the Hell up!" Kanda screamed, frantic. Lavi stared at him a moment more, hollow, his single eye sliding somewhere off to the side.
"Yuu... this is beyond my abilities..." There was already so much blood. "It's not like the last time. There's nothing I can do."
Even out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kanda seething, ready to explode. No doubt he would blame Lavi, since it had been because they were fighting that this happened, that they weren't in time to save him. That realization lanced through him like a sword, deadlier than any the black-haired Assassin could wield against him.
This was his fault.
Allen had said it before, and now he regretted not listening.
`Maybe a straightforward fight is what would really solve it this time. It has been a game until now. Maybe we used too many strategies.`
It was his strategies that got Allen killed, and now...
"Kk...Kanda..." Allen rasped, catching both of their attention. Lavi half-expected Kanda to tell him not to talk, but the Japanese man didn't - it wouldn't matter if he did or didn't speak at this point anyway - only staring with the utmost attention possible. "...is... Apollo...?"
"He will be," Kanda swore, narrowing his eyes dangerously, his eyes alight with the intention of vengeance. "He won't have limped far... and I'll find the bastard and finish it."
"...I... see..." Allen paused, coughing, and blood bubbled from his lips, trickling down his chin. In more care than Lavi saw Kanda express on most days, the older man carefully wiped it away with the cuff of his sleeve.
"Idiot," Kanda cursed. "Why did you try to take him on alone when we were here? Even someone like you shouldn't have tried to do it by yourself!"
"...Lavi..." Allen rasped, causing Kanda to tense. "...he... had... a plan... he wouldn't... betray... it... was part of a plan..."
Lavi shifted his weight back uncomfortably as Kanda turned accusing, hateful eyes on him, his gaze alone saying the same thing Lavi had already known for himself.
This is your fault.
YOU killed him.
The man didn't get his chance to voice it - yet - as Allen reached up and cupped his face. "...Kanda... don't... blame Lavi... okay...?"
"Tch. I'm making no promises on that one," Kanda muttered, but his tone sounded defeated in the face of Allen's request.
"Stubborn... asshole..." Allen smiled weakly. "...I know you won't...but just t-try...to get along... Make sure...you protect them...d-don't let that bastard...kill even one more... hear me? Especially not you."
Allen reached up a little more and tugged lightly at Kanda's hair, indicating he lean down for a kiss, light and long and bittersweet. Lavi thought he saw tears welling in the corner of Kanda's eyes, but he could have imagined it. When they pulled away, Allen uttered a soft, "love you". Kanda leaned in to say something short in return, maybe the same thing, but Lavi couldn't hear it.
After a long moment, in which the Allen's ragged breathing faltered further, he finally turned dull eyes towards Lavi, extending a ghostly-pale hand towards him weakly, beckoning him to come over.
"...Lavi..."
He stood frozen in place for several beats, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do when even internal confliction between the part of him that felt too much and the part of him that was Bookman's successor had gone silent and left him numb. Allen's brows furrowed and his expression grew pained, his arm starting to fall, but he stubbornly lifted it towards the redhead again, tears starting to form.
"L-Lavi!"
He stepped back without even thinking, recoiling away.
"Rabbit!" Kanda's glare was unforgiving, promising to kill him on the spot if he turned away. "Don't. You. Dare."
Lavi froze again, only now fully realizing what he'd done. The only thing that kept him from turning away from the scene, from leaving entirely, was Kanda's dark eyes harshly judging him.
Don't you DARE run away from this.
He lowered his eye shamefully and stepped towards Allen, hesitant. He regretted even looking at Allen's face and the stricken despair that had etched into his features and the fading light of his eyes. Even at the end, he managed to hit Allen where it hurt the most; in his love and trust for other people. He'd been ready to turn his back even in Allen's last moments.
He should at least give the other the dignity of last wo-
"...La..."
He stopped, and suddenly Allen's hand fell. Lavi inhaled sharply and took a quick step forward, reaching out to grab his hand, but already it hit the ground limp, and the halting, choked breaths stopped abruptly. Kanda wasn't looking at him anymore, but somehow that was even worse. It was as if he was asking the same question as the last time all over again.
Can you even bare to look at yourself in the mirror?
Because I can't stand the sight of you.
For a while, nobody moved or made a sound, and then Kanda sheathed his sword at his side and picked Allen up in one fluid motion, carrying his lifeless body. He passed by Lavi without looking at him at all, bangs hanging in his face and hiding his eyes. Only after he had walked a good several meters and Lavi still hadn't moved to follow did he stop.
"Well?" he snapped. "Get your ass moving and keep up."
Truthfully, Kanda didn't want Lavi even anywhere near his den of Assassins at this point.
It was because of the damn redhead that Allen was dead. Even thinking the words, he couldn't come to terms with it. Not yet. Not even as he carried Allen's bloodied corpse, staining his own black uniform. He was tempted to burn the damn thing and get new robes after this.
Still, he considered it better than simply letting the redhead wander off on his own to Gods only know where. Even to the end, Allen still trusted him, but Kanda didn't.
It was while he was lost to his thoughts that he realized the aforementioned bookman he wanted to keep in his sights wasn't walking behind him anymore, whirling around.
When did he...?
Kanda grit his teeth, prickling with the urge to hunt the damn Rabbit down, but it would have to wait for now. He had other, more pressing matters to deal with first.
He went back to the den, immediately being assaulted by showering questions of surprise, confusion, and grief all at once. It was all too much for him right now, but he endured it, explaining away all of the curiosity by simply stating it was the Hunter, Apollo. Everyone was devastated, Teidol especially.
Everyone except for the old man walked eggshells around him, only Teidol being direct in asking how he was feeling, too fatherly and too old to beat around the bush about it.
The ceremony was long and - in Kanda's opinion at least - horrible. He took whatever condolences came in unnerving silence and offered his own to some of his men in short, blunt bursts muttered under his breath, and only because it was what Allen would have wanted. The idiot never liked to have other people worry or grieve over him. Now should be no exception.
The first day was devoted to nothing but Allen's funeral. The day after that was little different, if only passively so. The third day, no one dared even approach the vault where Allen's coffin lay, leaving Kanda alone and free to talk and grieve openly without being watched by anyone. Mostly he spoke to himself - or maybe to Allen. He didn't know anymore. It went on for more hours than he cared to keep track of. He couldn't remember ever talking so much in his life.
At some point in his ramblings, he started to mention Lavi and then stopped abruptly when he remembered the red-haired Bookman.
Not once in three days had Lavi ever shown up. Not since he disappeared in their walk back. He knew it damn well wasn't because he got attacked or picked off. He'd slipped away on purpose.
And there was no way he hadn't had the time to show up.
Suddenly feeling enraged and too agitated to sit still, Kanda found his feet abruptly, a hand clenched tightly around his sword, and left. There were a few odd looks and Teidol questioned where he was going, to which he shortly, harshly answered, "Out."
He didn't even care if the whole damn brotherhood followed him at this point, but he was, without doubt, going to find that damn back-stabber and skin him alive while he still knew where to look, and then he was going to do the same to Apollo.
Really though, how dare he? How dare he earn Allen's trust to go into battle and win, only to get him killed? And then to not even show up to his damn funeral, even lingering in the background?
Apollo was a monster who'd tormented Allen and Kanda and everyone they knew for years, but at the moment, he couldn't help thinking that Lavi was the worst between the two.
Allen had loved the man, as something more than just a friend, like a brother, and Lavi had led him to his death, and couldn't even have the decency to show up and mourn over the corpse and what he'd caused afterwards. He probably didn't even care.
The fucking coward.
He briefly wondered if maybe Lavi had even skipped town, for the sake of self-preservation because he already knew what Kanda's reaction would most likely be. Or perhaps gone crawling back to Apollo, having taken his side after all. He still wasn't as convinced as Allen had been that Lavi had had a plan and hadn't betrayed them all along.
Bookmen were said not to take sides but that didn't mean they couldn't be out for selfish self-interests. It still bothered him, what Lavi had said during their little battle.
It's not really a betrayal if you never take sides though, is it?
A nice excuse not to have any loyalties to anyone except himself, either, which meant he could have been playing Allen all along and was just using Apollo now too, the former of which being unforgiveable and the latter being dangerous.
When he reached the place where Lavi lived – which he'd found out from one of his other assassin underlings – he knocked with all the force of a hurricane. He would have broken it down then and there, giving it a good, hard kick, but it was a very thick door. He wondered if Lavi had chosen it for just such an occasion.
"Rabbit! Open the god damn door and face me, before I burn your fucking house down and smoke you out!" He counted every beat that passed – almost a minute – even as he continued to knock and shout obscenities. Finally he heard the click of a bolt unlatching.
Good. Now it would be easier to maul him.
The door cracked open, and he saw that it was definitely the redhead, regarding him through one guarded green eye. Kanda took his while to look and try to discern if Lavi had even been crying or upset at all, but it was impossible to tell. His face certainly as Hell wasn't flush as if he'd been crying his eyes out, and for one reason or another, that severely pissed him off.
"Where the fuck have you been? Shamelessly playing Apollo's lapdog while everyone else buried him?" He hoped the words scored deep. The damn man deserved every bit of it. When he didn't get an answer – not even a silent flinch – he continued to rave. "Three days. Three fucking days. I haven't seen you once! Why didn't you follow me like I told you to?"
"I'm not obligated to follow your orders," Lavi told him, completely apathetic. It was almost terrifying, even to Kanda, just how much warmth the redheaded Bookman's voice lacked, like the incarnation of an arctic wind.
"That's not the god damn point!" Kanda snarled.
"No, it isn't," Lavi huffed. "What does showing up matter? It won't bring him back. Funeral ceremonies are for the peace of mind of the living, not for the dead, and I don't need it."
Bordering on hyperventilating with pure loathing, Kanda forced the door open and barged in, not stopping until he'd forced Lavi against the far opposite wall with his elbow crammed against the younger man's throat.
"It's a sign of respect! Or did he really mean so god damn little to you? It was all just a fucking game to you in the end, is that it?"
Lavi's stare was completely impassive, and the man didn't try to shove him off or fight back, just stood with his arms limp at his sides and staring without a single human emotion to him anywhere. How could someone be so unemotional after what just happened?
Coming from him especially, it spoke volumes, since he wasn't the most expressive person himself – and what expression he did have was usually chalked up to angry or angrier.
But looking into Lavi's eye now, there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. He couldn't even fathom it, even as – to some degree – he envied it. He would give almost anything not to hurt over the loss, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Except maybe beat some feeling into the damn Bookman brat who could so carelessly throw away anything and everything important, as if it had nothing to do with him.
He raised a fist, ready to plant it straight through that damn, impassive face of Lavi's, but never followed through. Lavi didn't care. He wouldn't care. Something told him that maybe it was even what he'd want. At that point, it would just be a reward, not a punishment, no matter how much satisfaction it would bring Kanda.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? You just toy with people's emotions, people like Allen? Why? He died because he trusted you, and you don't even care that he's dead!"
"Bookmen don't form attachments," Lavi told him, as if it was the simplest, most obvious fact in the world. "We have no need for other people. It's just a means to an end. However events play out, it's not my business to interfere, only to record what happens."
"But it happened because of you!" Kanda screamed, at his wits end. How could Lavi possibly explain away that he was involved and that involvement affected the outcome?! Allen died because he trusted that Lavi had a plan; that was the only reason Allen acted the way he did.
"Allen died because of your involvement! Just by your being here, everything else led up to this! He's dead because of YOU! Because of Lavi, no one else! Get that through your thick fucking skull!"
He stopped then, even though there were so many other things itching on the edge of his tongue, ready to scream or beat some sense into the moron, whatever worked at this point.
He would have continued, but he saw – just for a flicker – a look of raw pain pass through that one emerald orb and then disappear again behind a mask of tempered steel.
He almost wondered if he'd imagined it, and then decided he hadn't. He'd seen that for certain.
"There isn't anyone named Lavi. There's only Bookman."
"Allen knew you as Lavi!" Kanda snarled, well past the point of being fed up with the excuses and the derailments. "I don't give a damn what you want to say to dodge responsibility! You caused his death! It was all thanks to this god damn plan that Allen believed in! Take some fucking accountability!"
Lavi's gaze wavered to the side, and he saw another flicker. He knew for a fact now he hadn't imagined it before.
"I don't know what you expect, Yuu. Bookmen don't grieve. It doesn't matter."
The urge to start screaming and beating Lavi's head in until he saw sense increased tenfold, but Kanda called on all the self-restraint he had in him not to do it. Mainly because he was coming to a realization that he had probably known all along, but he didn't really like Lavi enough to have consciously explored it before now.
Maybe he'd misjudged.
Maybe it wasn't that Lavi didn't care or feel guilt over what happened. Maybe it was that he simply didn't know how to let himself feel.
It was an easy misjudgment to make, because Lavi was so good at projecting whatever emotions he wanted to at any given time, manipulating the people all around him with well-practiced charisma. Kanda knew just how good at it the redhead could be, having more or less wrapped the entire den of Assassins around his pinky finger by now.
Even so, Kanda had hated him all the more for it ever since they met. Yes, he was good at acting like a pleasant person, but it was always fake. Insincere, trained responses rather than natural reactions to his surroundings. In short, he was everything opposite that Allen was in personality.
It was a skill Kanda couldn't master if he tried. He simply didn't know people that well, manipulating them with every word and motion however he saw fit without screaming and threatening. He almost envied how masterful the other was at it.
Now though, he was starting to see what a double-edged sword it could be.
Navigating grief is something Kanda barely knows how to do himself, never mind articulating it into a healthy outlet. Funnily enough, its exactly why he's here now looking to beat the ever living shit out of the redhead who couldn't even be bothered to show up to Allen's funeral. Misplaced aggression, though it hadn't felt at all misplaced until just now.
Grief needed to be felt and worked through. Even if that entailed cutting some defenseless practice dummy or something or other to ribbons and screaming his lungs out, he knew the importance of letting it all out, and the longer he looked at Lavi, the more he was recognizing just how much the redhead was doing the opposite and absolute worst thing of bottling it all in.
Exactly how did someone who spent his entire time faking emotions to manipulate situations let themselves actually feel real emotion? Clearly someone had taught him how to pretend, and do it quite well, but did they ever teach him how to genuinely feel any of it?
The answer to that was quickly looking to be a very blunt No.
The irony of him thinking that now with such a clear head. Allen would surely be having a good old time over that one right now were he still alive.
Kanda blew out a long breath, deflating. It was even worse having to actually think through this situation the way he was now, growing aware to exactly how precarious the situation really was. Letting out that much repressed emotion at one time, especially now, was going to be ugly, and he wasn't sure he was ready to deal with that.
Well, if all else fails, I can just beat the bastard senseless. It was still an option.
"You think this is what Allen would have wanted?" he challenged, tone an icy calm that could rival Lavi's own. It was enough to almost scare himself. "To have you pretend it doesn't hurt, and just make it worse for yourself? You don't know him as well as you think you do then, god damn idiot."
Lavi only stared at him as if he'd suddenly sprouted a second head. "I already told you, it doesn't matter to me."
"Really?" Kanda challenged cockily. "Not at all? You saw him for yourself, dying and reaching out for you – you specifically – to give you his last words, and it doesn't matter at all? You feel nothing, even after that?"
He could pinpoint the moment when cracks started to appear in Lavi's stoic façade. He wasn't going to let up until the whole damn wall came crumbling down.
"No, it doesn't," Lavi denied stubbornly.
"And how do you explain away saving his life before? You sure as Hell didn't get anything out of it. You could have easily enough let him die then, but you went the extra mile and pulled off what no one else could."
Kanda's chest constricted at the thought. He'd almost lost Allen before, and Lavi had saved him. He'd given Allen a second chance, and now it was wasted. Most importantly though, Lavi hadn't had to do it. He'd had a choice, offered to do it time and again of his own will. No one had forced it out of him.
"Wasn't that getting involved too?"
"I had my reasons," Lavi defended.
Oh no, he wasn't wiggling out of it that easily. "And what would those reasons happen to be?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Answer the damn question," Kanda ground out impatiently. It would be all too easy to go back to cursing and threatening, but this was clearly hitting a lot deeper, so he restrained himself.
"I just wanted to see if it could be done," Lavi stated evasively.
"That's not an answer," Kanda persisted.
"I happen to think it is."
Damn the bookman brat and his stubbornness. "It isn't to me. Choose a different fucking answer."
Lavi was silent for a moment, calculating. Kanda could feel him swallow hard, since his elbow was still against Lavi's throat. "It was a good way to earn your trust. Then I could get the Apple."
"Allen gave you the Apple to make the replica," Kanda countered. "You could have just as easily left with it then, but you didn't."
"I wanted to see how things would play out with Apollo first."
"Enough with the damn excuses!" Kanda finally snapped. It was giving him a headache, and he was fed up. Lavi could come up with all the excuses in the world. It didn't change facts. "Why are you so adamant to deny your feelings? I don't believe for a second that you don't hurt over it!"
"Why are you so adamant to insist I feel something for Allen when you loathe my very existence?"
"Because it mattered to him! He felt the world of you! You were important to the damn sprout! He would grieve if it were you! So do him the same fucking courtesy! Damn but I fucking hate you! Act like a god damn human being for once! Not a like a bookman, like a person!"
Something about that finally managed to hit the nerve he was looking for.
He heard the shaky intake of breath; felt the sudden onslaught of trembling; saw the mask shatter like dropped porcelain and tears form in that single green eye.
He stepped back and let go of the redhead, and watched him slide down the wall to the floor, a choked sob bubbling up from the man's throat. Lavi ended up curled in on himself with his hands cupped over his eyes, at first sobbing and then outright screaming before long.
Kanda made it a point to shut the door so the sound didn't carry too much and disturb people. It was somewhat in vain. He had to answer the door at least three times to people knocking, coming to bitch about the noise. For the most part he told them to go take a flying leap. After that, he just ignored the next few people who came pounding on it, either out of annoyance or seeming to think someone was being murdered horribly. He didn't need to be told about it. He already knew how terrible of a sound it was.
At some point the crying and wailing halted only because the damn redhead started retching from the stress, staggering for the bathroom to throw up soon after. Kanda only stood vigil leaning his back against the front door, tsking in disgusted irritation. As if the crying hadn't been a bad enough sound. He wanted to say he hadn't signed up for this, but then that wouldn't exactly be entirely accurate.
Better the fool had his meltdown now, especially if they still planned to deal with Apollo working together, though he wasn't sure if Lavi would even still be interested at this point, or if he'd simply want to "not get involved".
Finally Lavi staggered out, looking like an absolute mess, and promptly collapsed onto the single bed in the room, curling into a ball with his back facing Kanda.
"...happy now?"
"I won't be happy until that fake priest is dead and mounted on a spike," Kanda gruffed.
"Then why do this to me?" The tone Lavi spoke in was absolutely pitiful.
"Because it's what you deserve," Kanda scoffed, adding somewhat reluctantly, "and clearly what you needed. Besides, it's what the moyashi would have wanted."
Lavi laughed dryly. "You think he'd want this for me?"
"I think he would have wanted you to be honest with yourself for once," Kanda sniffed matter-of-factly, looking off to the side. "Even when he was dying right in front of you, you wouldn't admit how much he meant... it pisses me off."
Silence lapsed for several beats. Lavi was the one to break it first, sniffling with the threat of more crying to come. "...I've done it again..."
Kanda quirked his head, completely at a loss of exactly what that meant.
"Just like before... I had my chance to say goodbye, but I wasted it..." Lavi choked out, curling again into a tight ball, hugging his sides. "And now..."
Just like before? Kanda squinted, trying to figure out what that meant. Suddenly it seemed to click into place. His eyes must have been as large as the moon just then.
"It was you..." he breathed. "You're the one who walked out on him without saying anything." He saw Lavi visibly curl tighter, hearing him start to sob again.
Allen had always insisted they were just friends. He'd thought that Allen thought of Lavi more like a brother. Maybe he did now, but before...?
That's why Lavi acted the way he had so many times before. That kiss to "trick Allen into taking his medicine" had been exactly what he thought it was after all!
He wanted to be furious, but he found he couldn't be.
Not right now, at least.
It hardly seemed to matter anymore with Allen gone and Lavi looking and sounding so damn broken over it. He could only guess that this might've been the only time in the redhead's life anyone even gave him permission to get emotional like this. Even if no one was around right now to enforce repressing his feelings, such thorough training to behave that way was hard to break out of.
He knew it was difficult for him to do, and he had Teidol to constantly encourage being expressive, which clearly failed more than it succeeded. But the option was there for him, assuming he ever got over his pride enough to do it.
Kanda huffed through his nose.
"Grieve however much you have to until you can't grieve anymore," Kanda told him, more of an order than it was advice. "And then get your ass up and ready to fight. I'm going to finish what Allen and I started and kill that Templar bastard, and you're going to help me do it. I don't want to hear any damn complaints. When its over you can have the god damn Apple so I never have to see the blasted thing again."
A long pause. "And if I refuse?"
"Then I'll still hunt the fucker down," Kanda stated resolutely. "And then hunt you down and beat you to death with his stiff corpse."
Apparently that was funny, because Lavi burst out into manic laughter. Or maybe he was just losing his mind at that point.
"It'd be damn hard to find me."
"I'll still find you and kill you. I don't give a fuck."
A/N(2): 1 of 3 done :D Still have two more Alt ends to do, one for Lavi and one for Kanda~ Stay tuned~