Author's Note: The song is by Ayumi Hamasaki and is titled Teddy Bear.
Warning: Major sappiness and angst. It takes place in the last episode
featuring Nicholas D. Wolfwood, so if you haven't seen all of Trigun, this
contains some spoilers. (Not a lot, just some of what happens to Wolfwood
and Milly) Please review!
Teddy Bear
Milly closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath as she snuggled under the covers. Her big blues eyes glimmered in the darkness as she shifted, turning her body around to face him. Him, the man she loved. The person she wanted to be with forever. She had known him for a short time but to her, it seemed like an eternity. Her eyes scanned his profile as he slept. Milly looked at his soft, tanned skin that had an occasional stumbled of hair on his chin. His silk, midnight black hair that was hanging around his face, framing it on the white pillow. A few strands lay on his face that she ever so carefully moved behind his ear. He looked so peaceful and happy as his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath. She didn't care how he looked, if he was as handsome as a super model or as ugly as mud. She would still love him, love his face, his laugh, his smile, the way his cheeks turned a rose red when he blushed and the little creases that formed when he smiled or winked at her. Just at her and when he smiled, the world was hers. He was everything to her, her world and her life. His gray eyes seemed to sparkle with life. Faint silver moonlight streaked across his face as his head turned to the side a bit. His eyelashes seemed to dance as his eyes gradually opened and he looked up to face her. Her heart grew wings as she felt it flying into the air as he smiled at her, the blushing coming into effect now.
"Why are you still awake silly? You should get your sleep, we have a big day tomorrow." Nicholas D. Wolfwood smiled down at Milly. He leaned in closer, letting his lips brush tenderly against her cheek. "She really is beautiful, inside and out." Wolfwood thought to himself.
"I just don't want this moment, this night, to end!" Milly laughed, her stomach rising and falling with each chuckle.
"So you're going to stay up all night? Damn, you really are a weird person." Wolfwood stretched out, regal as a cat.
"You shouldn't say those potty words!" Milly shook her finger at him. "And why should I worry about what others think? I'm just going to be myself and no one else!"
Wolfwood smirked, looking at her brown hair shining in the starlight. "Yes, you can't be anyone else. I love you the way you are." He blushed, unable to put how he felt into words. He reached out, stroking her hair gently and brushing it out of her face, back behind her ear. This was his angel, this woman he had always dreamed of meeting. Someone who could do what he found himself unable to do.
Milly's cheeks turned a crimson red color from blushing so much. In the distance a cricket could be heard singing it's lonesome song.
The black haired man leaned in closer, kissing her lovingly. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. He knew how to get her to go to sleep! Wolfwood smirked and whispered in her ear, "When you wake up, there'll be a nice present waiting for you right by your pillow."
A giant smile spread across Milly's face, both ends meeting her eyes. "Ok! But promise that you'll be there too!"
"I promise." He cuddled closer to her, wrapping his warm arms around her waist.
~*~
You once said long ago,
While stroking my hair,
"When you wake up,
There'll be a nice present waiting for you,
By your pillow."
~*~
Milly closed her eyes, letting a serene peace take over her entire body. She was completely filled with pure happiness and joy. "How had this happened?" The brown haired woman pondered. "It all started when we were assigned to follow Vash the Stampede! And then we met him on a bus. Nicholas Wolfwood...the lone priest. He joined us on the bus, sitting next to me. And he even fell asleep against me! I melted when I saw his smile but some of the things he did....they hurt me sometimes. I respected him and I was happy when he did what was right and when he helped others. But then there was that one time...when he shot that child...the member of the Gun-Ho-Guns. I don't understand why he would do such a thing! Mr. Vash would have found a way out. I just know he would have. Sometimes I don't understand Mr. Wolfwood but I can't help how I feel. And I know I love him. He would always make me smile and he still does and I hope he'll make me smile from now on and always. I loved it when we had to pretend I was pregnant and smuggle that nice girl out of that traveling group. We had such a fun time, pretending I was married to him. I wish I really were, maybe one day...I hope. But I do wish he would stop smoking! It isn't good for your health and I want him to live for a very, very, very, VERY long time! With or without me. But then again, it hurt when he refused to help that nice girl and her boyfriend cross the desert with the burning geysers on that same day. I think he's just confused about what is right or wrong and when he should help others. You should always help people, even if it's just a little bit. I want to teach him everything that my big sister taught me! It might take a while but I'll do it! I swear!" But Milly couldn't finish her thoughts for soon she was out in a deep sleep.
~*~
You weren't always,
There for me,
But we could laugh together
At funny stories.
But how can people regret
Mistakes that they keep making
Over and over again?
~*~
Nicholas D. Wolfwood carefully and quietly pulled himself out of bed. He took out a cigarette and promptly lit it. He knew she wouldn't like him smoking but he needed it right now. Wolfwood looked down at Milly soundly sleeping. He hated to do this to her but he knew what lied ahead of him. His heart was being torn into pieces, broken and shattered. But as he had learned, you shouldn't hesitate about things and he was determined to finish what he started. "I'm sorry love." Wolfwood tiptoed across the room, opening and then shutting the door. An hour later he returned, shutting the door softly behind him. He smiled when he saw Milly was still asleep. "I promised you a present when you woke up." He whispered, knowing she couldn't hear him. Out of a black bag he produced a medium sized fuzzy brown teddy bear. It had large black button eyes and cuddly brown fur. On it's belly was a light tan color and it was the same on its paws. It had a black velvet nose that tickled his skin when he ran his finger over it. It's arms and legs were moveable and it had a pink ribbon tied around its neck. Out of his pocket he produced a tiny, white cross. He untied the silk pink ribbon that had been tied around the bear's neck and he strung the cross onto the ribbon. He then tied it back around the bear's neck so that the cross hung off of the ribbon like a necklace. Wolfwood smiled, happy with his gift. He stood in the dark, thinking to himself. "I wonder if this will be the last thing I'm going to give Milly." He wished it wasn't but he knew there was a chance he wouldn't return. Pushing the thoughts out of his mind, he placed the teddy bear by her pillow. A few rays of golden sunlight broke through the window, shining down on Milly's face. He leaned down, tenderly running his finger through her hair and then he traced her lips gently. Wolfwood pressed his fingers in the center of her lips then he took his fingers and placed them on his lips. He let his hand limply fall to his side. "I...I love you Milly..." Wolfwood murmured to her sleeping figure. Milly shifted in her sleep, calling out his name softly. He felt his heart being crushed but he ignored the pain. Turning around, he forced himself to walk out of the room, not matter how hard it was. "I'm so...sorry Milly..." He shut the door, hearing the click of the latch. Wolfwood walked down the hallway and pulled out a letter, sliding it under Meryl's door. Then he disappeared out of the hotel to meet his fate.
~*~
I remember now...
That night I thought
I had buried.
You once said, long ago
While stroking my hair,
"When you wake up there'll be
A nice present waiting for you
By your pillow."
~*~
Meryl looked down at the letter, twisting it over in her hands. She recognized Mr. Wolfwood's handwriting. Slowly, she opened the letter and began to read it out loud.
Dear Meryl,
I feel I owe you all an apology, I'm afraid I haven't been very honest with you. I am sorry. I believe I need to rectify this situation, no matter how much it hurts Milly or anyone else. Here was a person who took a stubborn man and showed him what real friendship, what love, what life was and I repaid her by leaving. How could I do that to someone who cared so much about me? I don't know if I'll make it back alive, I will try but I don't know. Milly is a virtuous person, she'll be sad when she finds out the truth. So will you please do me a favor, will you Meryl? Be there for her, be gentle to her, and comfort her because she'll need you. For all her pretense, she's really very soft inside. I'm afraid I'll just disappoint her. But listen to me, don't worry about me. I'm doing something of my own wishes. I know Milly's going to ask where I am and it's going to hurt her. I thought about telling her, but can you imagine how much she will hate me? It's better this way. It amazes me how much the human heart can handle. Such a delicate thing, and strong but breakable. I hope to see you all again if I am reborn and then perhaps we can all be friends again, without secrets or masks. There are so many things I would still like to say but I have much to do. So I'll just say good-bye, I wish you all the best of luck, my friends. Please tell Milly thanks for being such an amazing person to me and I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise. Tell her I love her always...
You're friend,
Nicholas D. Wolfwood
Meryl felt the hot tears rush down her cheeks. How would she tell Milly about this? How could this happen? Milly truly loved Mr. Wolfwood and now...he was gone. She walked over to Wolfwood's room, opening the door quietly. Meryl looked down to see Milly sleeping quietly, unknown to what lay ahead of her when she awoke. Her arms where crossed around her chest and a happy smile played across her face.
"Milly....Milly wake up!!" Meryl grabbed her friend by the shoulders and shook her roughly.
"W-what?" Milly yawned, her eyes slowly opening. She looked around. "Where's Mr. Wolfwood?" But she froze when she saw the teddy bear tenderly placed by her pillow. "He DID get me a present! He is so nice!" Milly grabbed onto the bear, hugging it close against her chest. She stopped and looked around the room. "But where is he?"
~*~
I lay sleeping with my arms
Crossed around my chest,
Looking forward to the morning.
When I woke up, I found
By my pillow a teddy bear...
...In place of you.
~*~
1 "Milly..." Meryl held out the tear stained letter to her dear friend. "I'm so...so sorry..."
The large insurance girl quietly read the letter, pausing for a moment to fight back the tears. When she finished it, she looked up at her friend. Meryl couldn't stand to look at Milly like this. Milly's eyes where filled with a hurtful look, a pain that wouldn't seem to heal, a broken heart. She tried to smile, her lips trembling. "H-he...promised he'd get...me a gift...when I woke up...see?" Milly held up the teddy bear. "He g-got me a t-teddy b-bear...and he even put his cross on it...God will take care of him for me...He'll watch o-over my...Wolfwood...r-right Meryl? Ri..ight?" Her broken voice stuttered with each word. Meryl quietly nodded yes. Milly bit her trembling lip. He had just been right there with her, holding her tenderly, brushing back her hair, kissing her lips. And she now felt hollow inside, empty. A growing pain filled her chest as she reached out for Meryl. "I m-miss him already!!!!!" Milly held onto Meryl, crying into her friend's shoulder they clung to each other for comfort. Milly's eyes were shut tight, trying to make the hurt stop but it wouldn't. She could still feel his lips still on hers, his fingers brushing against her cheek, his sweet scent, his rough unshaven cheek, his silky hair...everything about him. She tried to make the tears stop but they wouldn't. Milly knew he was gone, forever. She pulled herself away from Meryl, sitting down on the bed as she held on tightly to the teddy bear. "I-Ironic...I w-wanted to s-spend forever w-with him and n-now he's g-gone forever..." But her own words only made her cry harder. "I l-love you Wolfwood! I k-know you're u-up in h- heaven n-now...so...p-please...know t-that I...love you...a-and I a-always will!! You hear me!! You promised not to leave me! So don't! Stay in my heart and stay...by my side always!! T-thank you...for my nice...present.....!!" Her voice cried out into the silent room, a tiny smile on her lips as she clutched to her teddy bear. Milly could feel Wolfwood standing by her side, even though he wasn't really there, she could fell him, in her heart. And she just held on tighter to her teddy bear.
~*~
You once said, long ago
while stroking my hair,
"When you wake up there'll
be a nice present waiting for
you by your pillow."
Teddy Bear
Milly closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath as she snuggled under the covers. Her big blues eyes glimmered in the darkness as she shifted, turning her body around to face him. Him, the man she loved. The person she wanted to be with forever. She had known him for a short time but to her, it seemed like an eternity. Her eyes scanned his profile as he slept. Milly looked at his soft, tanned skin that had an occasional stumbled of hair on his chin. His silk, midnight black hair that was hanging around his face, framing it on the white pillow. A few strands lay on his face that she ever so carefully moved behind his ear. He looked so peaceful and happy as his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath. She didn't care how he looked, if he was as handsome as a super model or as ugly as mud. She would still love him, love his face, his laugh, his smile, the way his cheeks turned a rose red when he blushed and the little creases that formed when he smiled or winked at her. Just at her and when he smiled, the world was hers. He was everything to her, her world and her life. His gray eyes seemed to sparkle with life. Faint silver moonlight streaked across his face as his head turned to the side a bit. His eyelashes seemed to dance as his eyes gradually opened and he looked up to face her. Her heart grew wings as she felt it flying into the air as he smiled at her, the blushing coming into effect now.
"Why are you still awake silly? You should get your sleep, we have a big day tomorrow." Nicholas D. Wolfwood smiled down at Milly. He leaned in closer, letting his lips brush tenderly against her cheek. "She really is beautiful, inside and out." Wolfwood thought to himself.
"I just don't want this moment, this night, to end!" Milly laughed, her stomach rising and falling with each chuckle.
"So you're going to stay up all night? Damn, you really are a weird person." Wolfwood stretched out, regal as a cat.
"You shouldn't say those potty words!" Milly shook her finger at him. "And why should I worry about what others think? I'm just going to be myself and no one else!"
Wolfwood smirked, looking at her brown hair shining in the starlight. "Yes, you can't be anyone else. I love you the way you are." He blushed, unable to put how he felt into words. He reached out, stroking her hair gently and brushing it out of her face, back behind her ear. This was his angel, this woman he had always dreamed of meeting. Someone who could do what he found himself unable to do.
Milly's cheeks turned a crimson red color from blushing so much. In the distance a cricket could be heard singing it's lonesome song.
The black haired man leaned in closer, kissing her lovingly. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. He knew how to get her to go to sleep! Wolfwood smirked and whispered in her ear, "When you wake up, there'll be a nice present waiting for you right by your pillow."
A giant smile spread across Milly's face, both ends meeting her eyes. "Ok! But promise that you'll be there too!"
"I promise." He cuddled closer to her, wrapping his warm arms around her waist.
~*~
You once said long ago,
While stroking my hair,
"When you wake up,
There'll be a nice present waiting for you,
By your pillow."
~*~
Milly closed her eyes, letting a serene peace take over her entire body. She was completely filled with pure happiness and joy. "How had this happened?" The brown haired woman pondered. "It all started when we were assigned to follow Vash the Stampede! And then we met him on a bus. Nicholas Wolfwood...the lone priest. He joined us on the bus, sitting next to me. And he even fell asleep against me! I melted when I saw his smile but some of the things he did....they hurt me sometimes. I respected him and I was happy when he did what was right and when he helped others. But then there was that one time...when he shot that child...the member of the Gun-Ho-Guns. I don't understand why he would do such a thing! Mr. Vash would have found a way out. I just know he would have. Sometimes I don't understand Mr. Wolfwood but I can't help how I feel. And I know I love him. He would always make me smile and he still does and I hope he'll make me smile from now on and always. I loved it when we had to pretend I was pregnant and smuggle that nice girl out of that traveling group. We had such a fun time, pretending I was married to him. I wish I really were, maybe one day...I hope. But I do wish he would stop smoking! It isn't good for your health and I want him to live for a very, very, very, VERY long time! With or without me. But then again, it hurt when he refused to help that nice girl and her boyfriend cross the desert with the burning geysers on that same day. I think he's just confused about what is right or wrong and when he should help others. You should always help people, even if it's just a little bit. I want to teach him everything that my big sister taught me! It might take a while but I'll do it! I swear!" But Milly couldn't finish her thoughts for soon she was out in a deep sleep.
~*~
You weren't always,
There for me,
But we could laugh together
At funny stories.
But how can people regret
Mistakes that they keep making
Over and over again?
~*~
Nicholas D. Wolfwood carefully and quietly pulled himself out of bed. He took out a cigarette and promptly lit it. He knew she wouldn't like him smoking but he needed it right now. Wolfwood looked down at Milly soundly sleeping. He hated to do this to her but he knew what lied ahead of him. His heart was being torn into pieces, broken and shattered. But as he had learned, you shouldn't hesitate about things and he was determined to finish what he started. "I'm sorry love." Wolfwood tiptoed across the room, opening and then shutting the door. An hour later he returned, shutting the door softly behind him. He smiled when he saw Milly was still asleep. "I promised you a present when you woke up." He whispered, knowing she couldn't hear him. Out of a black bag he produced a medium sized fuzzy brown teddy bear. It had large black button eyes and cuddly brown fur. On it's belly was a light tan color and it was the same on its paws. It had a black velvet nose that tickled his skin when he ran his finger over it. It's arms and legs were moveable and it had a pink ribbon tied around its neck. Out of his pocket he produced a tiny, white cross. He untied the silk pink ribbon that had been tied around the bear's neck and he strung the cross onto the ribbon. He then tied it back around the bear's neck so that the cross hung off of the ribbon like a necklace. Wolfwood smiled, happy with his gift. He stood in the dark, thinking to himself. "I wonder if this will be the last thing I'm going to give Milly." He wished it wasn't but he knew there was a chance he wouldn't return. Pushing the thoughts out of his mind, he placed the teddy bear by her pillow. A few rays of golden sunlight broke through the window, shining down on Milly's face. He leaned down, tenderly running his finger through her hair and then he traced her lips gently. Wolfwood pressed his fingers in the center of her lips then he took his fingers and placed them on his lips. He let his hand limply fall to his side. "I...I love you Milly..." Wolfwood murmured to her sleeping figure. Milly shifted in her sleep, calling out his name softly. He felt his heart being crushed but he ignored the pain. Turning around, he forced himself to walk out of the room, not matter how hard it was. "I'm so...sorry Milly..." He shut the door, hearing the click of the latch. Wolfwood walked down the hallway and pulled out a letter, sliding it under Meryl's door. Then he disappeared out of the hotel to meet his fate.
~*~
I remember now...
That night I thought
I had buried.
You once said, long ago
While stroking my hair,
"When you wake up there'll be
A nice present waiting for you
By your pillow."
~*~
Meryl looked down at the letter, twisting it over in her hands. She recognized Mr. Wolfwood's handwriting. Slowly, she opened the letter and began to read it out loud.
Dear Meryl,
I feel I owe you all an apology, I'm afraid I haven't been very honest with you. I am sorry. I believe I need to rectify this situation, no matter how much it hurts Milly or anyone else. Here was a person who took a stubborn man and showed him what real friendship, what love, what life was and I repaid her by leaving. How could I do that to someone who cared so much about me? I don't know if I'll make it back alive, I will try but I don't know. Milly is a virtuous person, she'll be sad when she finds out the truth. So will you please do me a favor, will you Meryl? Be there for her, be gentle to her, and comfort her because she'll need you. For all her pretense, she's really very soft inside. I'm afraid I'll just disappoint her. But listen to me, don't worry about me. I'm doing something of my own wishes. I know Milly's going to ask where I am and it's going to hurt her. I thought about telling her, but can you imagine how much she will hate me? It's better this way. It amazes me how much the human heart can handle. Such a delicate thing, and strong but breakable. I hope to see you all again if I am reborn and then perhaps we can all be friends again, without secrets or masks. There are so many things I would still like to say but I have much to do. So I'll just say good-bye, I wish you all the best of luck, my friends. Please tell Milly thanks for being such an amazing person to me and I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise. Tell her I love her always...
You're friend,
Nicholas D. Wolfwood
Meryl felt the hot tears rush down her cheeks. How would she tell Milly about this? How could this happen? Milly truly loved Mr. Wolfwood and now...he was gone. She walked over to Wolfwood's room, opening the door quietly. Meryl looked down to see Milly sleeping quietly, unknown to what lay ahead of her when she awoke. Her arms where crossed around her chest and a happy smile played across her face.
"Milly....Milly wake up!!" Meryl grabbed her friend by the shoulders and shook her roughly.
"W-what?" Milly yawned, her eyes slowly opening. She looked around. "Where's Mr. Wolfwood?" But she froze when she saw the teddy bear tenderly placed by her pillow. "He DID get me a present! He is so nice!" Milly grabbed onto the bear, hugging it close against her chest. She stopped and looked around the room. "But where is he?"
~*~
I lay sleeping with my arms
Crossed around my chest,
Looking forward to the morning.
When I woke up, I found
By my pillow a teddy bear...
...In place of you.
~*~
1 "Milly..." Meryl held out the tear stained letter to her dear friend. "I'm so...so sorry..."
The large insurance girl quietly read the letter, pausing for a moment to fight back the tears. When she finished it, she looked up at her friend. Meryl couldn't stand to look at Milly like this. Milly's eyes where filled with a hurtful look, a pain that wouldn't seem to heal, a broken heart. She tried to smile, her lips trembling. "H-he...promised he'd get...me a gift...when I woke up...see?" Milly held up the teddy bear. "He g-got me a t-teddy b-bear...and he even put his cross on it...God will take care of him for me...He'll watch o-over my...Wolfwood...r-right Meryl? Ri..ight?" Her broken voice stuttered with each word. Meryl quietly nodded yes. Milly bit her trembling lip. He had just been right there with her, holding her tenderly, brushing back her hair, kissing her lips. And she now felt hollow inside, empty. A growing pain filled her chest as she reached out for Meryl. "I m-miss him already!!!!!" Milly held onto Meryl, crying into her friend's shoulder they clung to each other for comfort. Milly's eyes were shut tight, trying to make the hurt stop but it wouldn't. She could still feel his lips still on hers, his fingers brushing against her cheek, his sweet scent, his rough unshaven cheek, his silky hair...everything about him. She tried to make the tears stop but they wouldn't. Milly knew he was gone, forever. She pulled herself away from Meryl, sitting down on the bed as she held on tightly to the teddy bear. "I-Ironic...I w-wanted to s-spend forever w-with him and n-now he's g-gone forever..." But her own words only made her cry harder. "I l-love you Wolfwood! I k-know you're u-up in h- heaven n-now...so...p-please...know t-that I...love you...a-and I a-always will!! You hear me!! You promised not to leave me! So don't! Stay in my heart and stay...by my side always!! T-thank you...for my nice...present.....!!" Her voice cried out into the silent room, a tiny smile on her lips as she clutched to her teddy bear. Milly could feel Wolfwood standing by her side, even though he wasn't really there, she could fell him, in her heart. And she just held on tighter to her teddy bear.
~*~
You once said, long ago
while stroking my hair,
"When you wake up there'll
be a nice present waiting for
you by your pillow."