Beautifully so Disfigured, a naruto fanfic

All rights to this song clearly don't belong to me, they go to The Used. Awesome songs though…wish I did. Also Naruto is not mine either so…enjoy

You felt the coldness in my eyes,
It's something I'm not revealing.
Though you got used to my disguise,
You can't shake this awful feeling.

Kakashi stood at the sink fingers grasped around the dingy porcelain making his knuckles white. He lifted one hand and pulled down the blood soaked mask to reveal his young looking face. His eyes were dark, swirling with an array of emotions, none of which any one could seem to pick out. He noticed just how tired he looked, how could someone look so tired at 21? He gave a small shrug and dropped his hands from the sink before turning and heading to the door. The mask in place, he left slamming his apartment door as he went. Time to turn in the damn mission report.

It's the me that I let you know,
Cause' I'll never show,
I have my reasons.
I hate to say that I told you so,
But I told you so.

Kakashi made his way to the front desk at the mission's office. Genma was seated in a comfortable looking black chair, kneels pulled high and ankles crossed where they rested on the desk. His eyes caught Kakashi over the paper he was reading and he set it down, letting his feet fall and turning towards the young Jounin. "And how might you be on this fine day Kakashi?" the boy gave a half shrug and placed the folder from his latest mission in Genma's hand. "I'm fine. Just like always" Genma heard the lie whether Kakashi knew it or not. As the younger Jounin walked back out the glass doors Genma could only help but thing to himself 'kakashi is so….broken' he shrugged and went back to reading and occasionally filing folders.

There's blood on my hands like the blood in you.
Some things can't be treated so,
Don't make me,
Don't make me be myself around you.

Kakashi had gone to bed five hours ago and yet he lay there, watching the ceiling with an intense gaze. Nightmares flashed through his mind. Screams. Blood. Begging. False trust. He knew all of it much too well. He was cracking and spiraling down. And it was unlikely he could be stopped. He closed his eyes and only saw his friend's faces, their blood dripping from his pale fingers as he killed them. Their lives were in his hands, that information was enough to make his head spin. Kakashi's eyes flashed wide open, he wanted the images gone but they stayed. Always there in the back of his mind they stayed, and waited for an opportunity to come out. He rubbed his temples slowly and once again closed his eyes. Hopefully he would be ok. Hopefully he would get himself through this.

Straight from your eyes it's barely me.
Beautifully so disfigured.
This other side that you can't see,
Just praying you won't remember.

Across town another Jounin lay awake. Genma sighed and put his hands behind his head as he counted the cracks in the ceiling, anything to keep his mind off of a certain silver haired Jounin. The 21 year old had plagued his mind ever since they saw one another at the mission's office earlier. He couldn't help but think of what was going on in that man's head. What was Kakashi really thinking? Because no one could honestly be that bored and calm all the time. He had to get through to Kakashi. Somehow.

Feel the pain that I never show,
I hope you know,
It's never healing.
I hate to say that I told you so, but I told you so.

"Kakashi wait up!" genma caught the Jounin on the training fields this was his only opportunity. "What?" the brunette grabbed Kakashi's shoulders and spun him around to face him. "Tell me you're ok? Just...just tell me what's going on with you?" kakashi's eyes widened a bit and he was taken aback. Why did Genma even care? The jounin's jaw set as he looked at genma, he wouldn't break that easy. He pried the brunettes finger from his vest and brushed off his shoulders. "Nothing's wrong I'm perfectly fine" with that he walked off leaving Genma confused angry and hurt. But that's what kakashi did. He hurt the people around him, or so he had convinced himself.

There's blood on my hands like the blood in you.
Some things can't be treated so,
Don't make me,
Don't make me be myself around you.

It was getting hard to ignore as he sat there. Kakashi didn't have any idea what to do about it. He knew he needed someone he just couldn't make himself ask for help. Stupid pride. He fell back against the wooden post used for target practice panting and staring down at his hands. He squeezed shut his eyes and though 'not real...not real' when he opened them again it was gone, the blodd he saw was gone, and he sighed. Time to go home, he was dirty and sweaty and he needed a nice long shower to wash away the filth.

Straight from your eyes it's barely me
Beautifully so disfigured.
This other side that you can't see,
Just praying you won't remember.

Genma leaned against the counter, he was waiting for Shizune so they could go out to eat with some of the others shinobi. He tapped absently at the granite tile when the hospitals doors opened. Kakashi was wheeled by, from the glimpse he got the boy was absolutely torn apart. The blood left a trail behind the bed as it wheeled down the hall, splattering white tiles with thick crimson. Shizune rushed to kakashi's side throwing genma an apologetic look and delving into her work. She stitched cleaned and dressed kakashi's wounds. Finally she casted his arm and he was taken to a room. Genma followed behind and stood in the doorway of the hospital room. He stayed, even when others went home, just standing and waiting. Finally kakashi's eyes opened and he took in a ragged breath, broken ribs pushing against his sensitive abdomen. They locked eyes for a moment before Kakashi looked away. "Why are you here" genma sighed and entered the room, he took a seat in the corner. "I'm here because you're breaking and you're going to need someone. I promise that someone is going to be me" Kakashi didn't deny it, he only stared away.

There's blood.
There's blood.
There's blood, blood, blood.

Kakashi twisted in the sheets, whining softly as he had another nightmare. Suddenly he woke, sweating and panting. He rubbed his good hand over his face and took in a breath. His hands were soaked with blood, stained and dripping with the red ooze. He blinked rapidly trying to make it go away but it stayed. He wiped it on the sheets. It was still there. He got up and went to the sink, frantically scrubbing as tears pressed forward in his eyes. It wouldn't budge. Stuck to his hands it stayed. Arms came around him, grabbing his wrists and pulling them from the scorching water. Genma turned Kakashi to face him and held the boy close as sobs wracked the thin frame. Finally, Kakashi was ripping apart but thankfully genma was there. Just as he promised.

There's blood on my hands like the blood in you.
Some things can't be treated so,
Don't make me,
Don't make me be myself around you.

Kakashi sat on the couch in his apartment, chewing nervously at his nails. His broken arm scratched but he couldn't reach the itch. "Kakashi? Do you...do you wanna talk now?" the Jounin turned his head to genma and stared. 'Yes yes I want to tell you everything, I want you to see me and fix me!' his mind was screaming, but his real answer was short. "No...Im fine"

There's blood!

Kakashi was tired of living in a lie. Genma was tired of hearing the lies. But they were shinobi. They suck it up and stay quiet. Years pass by and yet Kakashi utters not a word. He stays silent in his struggle. And every once in a while when he's stressed, the blood comes back. It can't be avoided anymore.