I Don't Believe You, a vampire academy fanfic

I Don't Believe You

So I was listening to Pink's "I don't believe you" and I immediately thought of the end of Spirit Bound, where Dimitri tells Rose that his love has faded. So I thought I'd write a little song-fic set during Rose's aimless wanderings around the court to avoid everyone. So I hope you all like it. I don't own anything but the idea. Pink owns the song, Richelle Mead owns the characters and such. Enjoy!

I don't mind it, I don't mind at all. It's like you're the swing set and I'm the kid that falls.
It's like the way we fight, the times I've cried, we come to blows. And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?

I walked around the court looking for a distraction from the pain. It seemed like only seconds, though it had been several hours, since I had ran out of the church after Dimitri's death blow to my heart: I've given up on you. Love fades, mine has. I wandered around aimlessly, looking at the structural beauty of buildings and the landscape surrounding it. All of it was lost on me as I kept replaying everything in my head. I thought back to the first night I met him, when he found me and Lissa and took us back to the academy. I replayed the memory of the first night we acted on our feelings because of the lust charm, the way his fingertips felt brushing against my skin. I remembered when he told me we couldn't be together because it would risk Lissa's safety. I thought back to him holding me when the guardians from school came to get us after we were taken for the strigoi in Spokane, the way he was the only one who could get me to leave Mason. I remembered the kiss in the gym before Christmas, the way it was filled with such passion, anger, intensity. And most of all, I remembered the night in the cabin.

No I don't believe you, when you say don't come around here no more.
I won't remind you, you said we wouldn't be apart.
No, I don't believe you, when you say you don't need me anymore.
So don't pretend to not love me at all.

I kept walking, not really knowing where I was going. I couldn't help but think about the conversation leading up to the pain I was feeling now. He said he had wished I hadn't come into the church, wishing I'd stay away from him. I reminded him about a conversation we'd once had about us being meant for each other, how we were meant to be together. He completely ignored me, and kept driving the knife further into my heart.

I don't mind it, I still don't mind at all. It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up. Looks like you've given up, you've had enough. But I want more no I won't stop
'cause I just know you'll come around... right?

I kept trying to wake myself up, but I knew this was something I wasn't going to wake up from. This was worse than when I thought I had killed him on that bridge in Russia. The pain I felt then was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling now. I could have survived, thinking that Dimitri was at peace, but now...it was hard for me to keep breathing. It hurt to pull the air into my lungs knowing that what had kept me going for the months I'd had to spend without him was now completely out of my reach. Love fades, mine has. How could the one thing that meant the most to me be my downfall? Surely he'd come to his senses and realize that I meant to him as much as he meant to me...right?

I walked further into the court grounds, losing myself, not wanting to be found. I couldn't face anyone knowing that my whole world was shattered and gone from me forever. The world couldn't keep going after something like this could it? When your soul was being ripped from your body by your soulmate, surely the world would cease to be. But the world kept spinning, going on as if my heart hadn't just been ripped from my chest, beating slowly on the ground. I kept picturing the look on his face as he delivered the final blow, like he really didn't love me anymore.

Just don't stand there and watch me fall, 'cause I, 'cause I still don't mind at all.
It's like the way we fight, the times I cry, we come to blows.
And every night the passion's there so it's gotta be right, right?

And he just stared at me as my world crumbled around me, because it all made sense at that moment. I had been able to ignore him all of the other times, knowing that he just needed a little bit of time to get his head straight. I would have still ran to him and never left his side, but when he worded it like that. Love fades, mine has. It was impossible to not know what he meant. He didn't care about us, me, our love. It was nothing to him, nothing more than a faded photograph left in the sun. It was faded, and gone before I could even catch my breath. But I could still see the passion hidden deep in his eyes.

I was finally tired and numb from the pain. I stopped, ironically in front of the church where my heart was probably still lying on the floor where Dimitri was sitting. I stood there looking at the church, wondering how fate could be so cruel giving me back Dimitri only to take him away once again. I was ready to pass out so I gave one last look at the church and headed back to my room, ready for the sweet taste of sleep to drag me into oblivion. I entered my room, and not even bothering to change into pajamas, I went to bed, curling up into a ball to try and ease the pain.

I don't believe you

He sat there in the shadow of a tree, watching her wander around the court. He knew he had hurt her, but tried to reason that it was for the best, that she was better off without him. He'd hurt her, more than anyone, and he couldn't stand to see her hurt like that again. The pain was beating steadily in his chest, but he tried to push it away. His pain was nothing as long as she would find happiness. He could live with the constant ache in his chest, the constant ache reminding him of how she smelled, how silky her hair felt between his fingers, how her smile lit up all the darkness in his life. He could live with that ache for the rest of his life, however long that might be, as long as he wasn't the cause of anymore pain for her.

He watched her look at the church where hours ago, he did the last thing he could to hurt her: broke her heart. He watched her stare at the imposing building and it took everything he had to not go up to her and tell her what a mistake he had made. It took everything he had not to wrap her in his arms and never let her go. But it was for the best, he reminded himself. He looked back to her as she made her way back to her room. She didn't notice Adrian a little bit behind her, going to her room also, but he did. He noticed everything. He rose, heading to his newly assigned room, chancing one more glance behind him. If she noticed him, he would take it all back, he'd be with her forever, but she didn't look back. Not once. He sighed as he headed back to his room.

"Ah, Roza. I love you so much."

Isn't that so sweet? That Dimitri. So yeah, that probably didn't happen, and he would probably never say that, but I think it would help make him defending her-someone he doesn't love anymore-make more sense if you know what I mean. So what did ya think? Please R&R. Ya know ya wanna...*hint hint*