I walked into the lair hiding my arm. It wasn't a good move wearing short sleeves today, I guess. I had just got done giving myself some "relief". I knew that if the turtles figured out that I self harm they'd kick me to shell and. Ha ha, puns.

But today had been terrible. I had been bullied to the point of them telling me to kill myself. Before I knew it tears soaked my face.

"Great," I mumble quietly, "none of them will let me by until I tell them what's wrong." I sit on their couch dabbing at my eyes, attempting to make it look like I wasn't crying.

How do you think that worked?

Leo walked over to me and noticed immediately that I had tears gliding down my face.

"Fang, what's wrong?" He asks as he sits next to me.

I shake my head. "Nothing, I'm fine."

He makes me look him in the eye, and I desperately try to avoid the eye contact. "No you're not. What's wrong?"

"I'm fine."

"If you don't tell me, I'm going to call Mikey."

I gasped. Mikey could get me to tell anything and everything. That's the only thing I hated about the fun loving turtle. He could make me sing like a bird when it came to trying to hide secrets.

"You wouldn't dare." I whisper.

He smirks at me. "Mikey!" He calls. I look at the blue clad turtle in shock. How could he?

"What, Leo?" Mikey calls.

"Fang won't tell me why she's crying!" That's all he had to say before the orange clad turtle ran into the room. He had a look of concern on his face as he plopped down on the couch next to me.

"Fang, what's wrong?"

I avoid any and all eye contact from Mikey. "I'm fine, Mikey."

He puts a green finger under my chin and directs my gaze to his ice baby blue eyes. "Why are you lying to me? We're best friends. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?"

I whip my head away from his eyes. I hated the look of desperation and disappointment. I can tell Mikey has a look of shock on his face. I never try this hard to keep a secret from him.

"Fang, please." I can hear the desperation in his voice. I stand up from the couch and attempt to leave, but Mikey grabs my shoulder causing me to hiss. He pulls back, but I could see he had reopened the cuts.

I whirl around to face the two turtles. Leo looked at the top of my arm in shock. Blood was dripping from the top of my arm like water flowing over stones. But Mikey? He was looking at his hand in horror.

There was blood on his hand. My blood.

"F-Fang." Leo stuttered. I look at them both before running down the sewer tunnel. I ran so fast I wasn't sure that even Mikey could keep up with me. And he was the fastest of us all.

I ran for a good 12 minutes before stopping and curling up into a ball on the sewer floor.

Now they knew.

They knew what kind of monster I am.

They wouldn't like me anymore.

They'd just make me go back home and force me to never come back.

They probably hate me now.

Just like every kid at school. Every kid at school who calls me worthless. Useless. Stupid. Ignorant. Weak.
A failure. A burden. They tell me to kill myself.

Why haven't I yet?

Why don't I just grab the rope in my room and end it?

The gun?

The pills?

The knife?

Why haven't I yet? What's stopping me? Why do I keep going? Is there even any point to it anymore?
They're just going to throw me out. Keep me locked away from them. Master Splinter would be disgusted with me. He'd say that it's dishonorable. Mayabe it is. Oh well.

"Fang!" I hear a voice.

"Fang!" And another. And it plays out until I hear four individual voices. I want to get up and hide, but is there even a point?

"Fang?" I see a hand wave in front of me, but I am unable to respond. I can't move. Why? I try hard to move my fingers, toes, hands feet, but I cannot.

"She's in shock." I hear a voice say. But soon everything turns to black.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I wake up on the turtles' couch. The four surround me and look at me with solemn eyes.

"Fang...why?" Donnie asks me.

Soon I find myself on the floor sobbing. But soon my sobs turn into pained screams.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?! What did I ever do to you?! Why do you hate me so much?! Why am I not good enough?!"

I am broken. And they can tell. The surround me in a hug. Even Raph. I break from their embrace and stand immediately.

"I wish you didn't exist! Why do I have to look at you every day I come to school?! Just go k-kill yourself! Worthless! Useless! Failure! Weak! Burden! Incompetent!" I break. I am broken. And I am unsure if I can be fixed.

I knew that they were staring at me in shock. I didn't even have to turn around to look at their faces. I knew how each looked.

Leo looked sorry. He hated seeing any of us like this.

Raph was terrified. He wouldn't know how to fix me on his own.

Donnie was calm. He knew getting even more riled up would make me worse.

But Mikey? Mikey was shocked. He had never seen this side of me.

"Fang." Mikey tries. But sobs rack through my body.

"This is my life." I sob. "My stupid life. I hate it. I hate myself."

The turtles wrap their arms around me and guide me to the couch and we all sit down.

"How long?" Raph asked.

"T-Two years." I sob.

"We're here." Leo comforts.

They let go and look at me. "What do I do?! How do I handle this?! I don't know how to handle this?!"

"And you don't have to. Not alone anyway." Mikey tells me. I look at him. Was it true? Was I not alone?

"Really? I'm not alone anymore." I sniff.
"Really. You better believe it." Raph tells me.

Donnie looks at me. "Have you ever tried to...um." I knew what he was talking about.

I nod.

"How?"

"I-I tried to s-starve myself, ch-choke myself, and I've held a knife to my neck. I-I almost swiped, but I-I threw the knife at the wall. I almost tried to overdose." I admit.

"Well, that was the last night you'll spend alone. Now we'll help you. This will be hard and bumpy, but we'll manage. We'll hide the knives until we can get you to stop and we'll even help you throw away what ever you used to do...that." Mikey said referring to my cuts.

I break into tears. "Thanks guys."

Raph leans towards me and whispers in my ear. "If you tell me the names of your tormentors they won't be alive by tomorrow." I stifle a laugh.

Now I know, I don't have to fight alone.

The attempts mentioned in this fic ARE actual attempts that I've tried. The suicidal actions and thoughts ARE mine. So if you're a bully out there think twice before saying stuff like this to others. Because one day you may wake up and learn that you're a murderer. If you guys want I'll do a fic of me coping with the turtles, but I cannot make a fic of me being better, because I myself am not even better in real life. This may not be the best fic, but it helps you understand me a bit better I guess. Did you like it, love it, hate it? Let me know. Your opinion matters. :) Stay safe everyone!