Disclaimer- i dont own House of Anubis! Review please! i really love to read reviews and
CONSTRUCTIVE(not just rude) critism. im not perfect and id like to now were to improve!
Nothing could change that
Life
Such a beautiful thing
Such a wonderful thing
Now his was gone.
No warning.
No sign.
Gone
And nothing could change that
We were walking out to the car to go to dinner at around
7:30
Me with Sara,
Fabian with Mason.
All of the sudden we heard some gunshots.
We hid Sara and Mason behind the car,
Shielding them with our bodies.
I cried, and this made Sara
Cry to
Even though she didn't understand what was going on.
3 more shots rang out.
And Fabian collapsed.
I looked at him
Not comprehending what
Had just happened.
Then my brain kicked into gear
I saw a man out of the corner of my eye
Running away.
But I didn't care.
I looked at him
Lying on the ground.
So pale
So defenseless
Sara and Mason ran over to him
I heard Sara whisper
"Daddy?"
He smiled.
I walked over.
He looked me straight in the eyes.
"I love you"
He whispered.
And with that he took his last breath.
I cried.
Sara and mason cried.
He was dead.
Gone
I pulled my children to my chest,
Sobbing uncontrollably
And they sobbed to
I stroked Sara's hair as we cried some more.
My husband
My one true love.
My comfort
My best friend
Gone
Gone in a blink of an eye.
He was gone.
And nothing could change that.
All our neighbors were out of their houses.
Amber saw him and broke down.
It was like dominoes,
First amber, then Patricia,
The joy, then Mara,
Even all the guys.
All of us.
And none of us held in any tears.
We nearly flooded the street.
We all felt like part of us had died.
We knew how hard it would be.
He was the logical one
He helped us when no one else could
He gave us hope when all seemed lost
He was our rock.
Our soul.
He helped us find the way out of things.
He encouraged us on our dreams.
He was gone.
And nothing could change that.
I didn't think we would ever recover.
I couldn't see how we could recover.
We cried.
We cried until our bodies
Ran out of tears
We went inside
It was only
7:45
They still hadn't eaten dinner.
I gave them some leftover pizza and they went to bed.
I went into the living room.
After high school we had all gone to the same college,
And then moved into the same neighborhood
We all sat in silence.
Patricia feeding faith,
Amber sobbing quietly into Alfie's shoulder,
While he rubbed her back gently.
Joy was sitting with her head between her knees,
Rocking back and forth.
Mara was just staring blankly as Jerome put his arm around her.
Mick was rocking him and joys son Tyler
To sleep.
No one said a word as I sat down on the edge of the couch.
Just then the ambulance arrived.
They loaded Fabians body onto a stretcher and then
Onto the ambulance.
I got in the ambulance with him and sat there
Holding his hand.
They didn't even turn the sirens on.
They were in no hurry.
It didn't matter how fast we got there.
He was gone.
And nothing could change that.
Sara and Mason had stayed home with joy.
It was good.
They wouldn't be able to handle this kind of thing.
I called there teacher
And told her they wouldn't be at school for a while.
She understood.
I went into the room where
He was being held.
The heart monitor sat in the corner,
Silent.
They hadn't even bothered to hook it up.
He was gone.
Nothing could change that.
Nothing.
He lay there.
So peaceful.
Almost as if he was asleep.
But I knew he wasn't.
At least not the normal kind of sleep.
He was in a deep rest that no one ever awoke from.
I cried.
Never again would I see him smile.
Never again would he hug me,
Never again would he kiss me, or tell me everything was going to be okay.
Because it wasn't going to be okay.
He was gone.
And nothing could change that.
He would never laugh again,
Never cry,
Nothing would ever affect him in anyway.
Nothing at all.
My tears wouldn't stop.
So I just let them flow.
A cop came into the room and led me into a smaller room,
Down the hall.
This room was yellow and cheerful,
Unlike the dull grey on the walls of Fabians room.
I sat down on the chair by the small bed and starred at the wall.
He proceeded to ask me questions about the events earlier,
But I couldn't answer.
Partially because I didn't know.
Partially because I was afraid if I opened my mouth I would scream.
Scream, because that was the only way to show the world my pain.
The only way to show them I wasn't okay.
I wouldn't be okay.
Ever.
My throat closed up,
My eyes filled with more tear\s.
He was gone.
And nothing could change that.
I stayed the night at the hospital.
I didn't leave his room.
The next day I went home.
They sent him off to be prepared for burial.
I hated that good bye.
Mick had to drive me home because I was in
No state to drive.
Half way there
My eyes filled with fresh tears.
I was just on the edge of a full meltdown.
The pain.
It all set in.
It was too much to contain.
I cried uncontrollably.
Even worse than the night before.
I cried so hard my shirt looked like I had just been out in the rain.
It reminded me of our first date.
We had been on a picnic,
When all of the sudden it started raining.
We ran back to the house but the door was locked.
Typical amber,
Probably an attempt to get us together I thought to myself.
We stood there for an hour.
He gave me his jacket when I got cold.
Even though it was soaked, it helped.
Then we kissed.
It was like fireworks.
It was amazing.
The memory made me cry even harder.
When we pulled into the driveway Mick got out of the car.
He left me alone to give me some time to cry it out.
It actually helped, not having someone watching.
I cried until my eyes wouldn't produce anymore tears.
Then I just sat in the seat and sobbed dryly.
The pain was too much.
I sobbed for what felt like a day but could only have been an hour or so.
The clock read 12:00.
Exactly an hour.
I dried off as best as I could and walked inside.
I knew my eyes were probably redder than a tomato
And I would have the mascara from yesterday all over my face,
But I didn't care.
Nothing mattered to me anymore.
He was gone.
And nothing could change that.
I walked into the living room and saw Sara and Mason on the floor in front of the TV,
Amber braiding Sara's hair.
They were watching big time rush,
One of their favorites.
I walked over and sat beside Mason as he crawled into my lap.
"Mommy, where's daddy?" he asked.
I felt a single tear roll down my cheek.
How could I tell my two 5 year olds that their father was dead?
How could I explain to them that daddy wouldn't be coming home,
That he wouldn't be able to see them again.
That he wouldn't be at their soccer games,
Or recitals,
That he wouldn't be able to make his famous pancakes on Sunday mornings,
Or help them with their problems when I was off at a book signing
How do you explain all of that to 2 five year olds?
I tried to explain but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth.
Amber saved me
"Your daddy had to go up to be with god. He said he was sorry and that he will miss you,
But that you need to be strong for your mommy.
He said he loves you very much, and he didn't want to leave you,
But god called him up. He said he will be watching you from heaven."
She smiled at them but she too had tears rolling down her face.
Sara cried into amber shoulder and mason cried into mine.
I cried into Masons back,
Patting him softly,
Trying to soothe him.
Fabian had always been the best at cheering them up.
He was always the one to comfort them when they cried.
I just hope I could be as good as he was.
I realized how hard it would be without him.
No one to help pick up the kids when I was out of town
No one to help comfort them when they were sad
No one to do "guy stuff" with Mason.
I cried.
Then I realized that I had friends.
They would pick up the kids when I was out of tow
They would help me comfort them when they were sad
The guys would do all the "guy stuff" with Mason,
While the girls would help me with Sara.
They wouldn't let me go through this alone.
They would help.
I was so blessed.
So blessed to have friends to help me through this.
The next few days went by fast.
I was an author so I didn't have a boss
And Sara and Mason were excused from kindergarten.
We sat around in our pjs.
We watched TV together,
We laughed at shows together,
We ate lots of ice cream and pizza,
We danced around in our socks on the wood floors.
We had fun.
We tried to forget.
On Saturday we had the funeral.
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Sara and Mason cried the most.
They stayed by my side the whole time.
I got up to talk about Fabian.
It was so hard.
Halfway through I started crying so badly that amber
Had to get up and finish my speech for me.
I love amber.
She has been the most supportive out of everybody.
First by helping with the kids,
Bringing us dinner,
Going to the store to buy more ice cream when we ran out,
Because we were in no state to go out in public.
Now she had helped me deliver my speech.
Sara and Mason said a few words.
It was the only time anyone laughed.
They talked about his pancakes and his nicknames for them.
They were so cute.
At the end amber and Alfie took Sara, Mason and their little girl who was also 5, Charlie, to the car while I stayed behind to say my final good bye.
I stood by the casket.
I looked down at his face,
Still frozen in the same smile he had given me just before he died.
I cried.
I cried like id never cried before.
I cried until my eyes were dry.
I cried more than I had the day after he had died.
I cried off the little bit of eye shadow I had put on.
I cried until Jerome and Mara came in and led me outside.
We got into the limo and drove to the cemetery.
It was a graveside funeral.
It was what he had always wanted.
I picked up Sara and held masons hand as we stood by the hole in the ground.
The guys came through with the casket.
They lowered it into the ground.
Sara cried softly into my shoulder as Mason clung to my hip,
Sobbing into my dress.
We cried.
My eyes were so cried out they couldn't even shed tears.
Amber started bawling.
So did joy and Patricia.
My body found the only tears it had left and shed them.
I clutched Sara and Mason closer,
Not wanting to let go.
They were my last link to him.
They were my everything.
My life was changed forever.
Never again would I see his smiling face.
Hear his sweet musical laugh.
Look into those beautiful, warm,
Chocolate, brown eyes and know he was mine.
He would never tell me e loved me again.
Never give me chocolates and roses on my birthday, or kiss me good night.
Never cradle me in his arms and hold me like he would
Never let go
I would never let go.
I would hold onto to everything,
I would never let go of the memories,
All the stolen glances,
The kisses exchanged,
The whispered conversations,
The simple gifts,
The way his face would light up when
He saw me,
How he would tell me I was beautiful even when I looked horrible,
The way he would wrap his arm around my shoulder when
Another guy walked into the room,
His face when he proposed and I said yes,
The kiss at our wedding,
The way he'd acted like Christmas had come early when I told him I was pregnant,
The shock when we found out we were having twins,
The way he always held my hair back and rubbed my back when I had morning sickness,
How he catered to my every wish,
How he never got mad when I was moody, no matter how
Badly I treated him,
The look on his face right after Sara and Mason were born,
The worry when the doctor told us Mason had been born with a heart defect,
The comfort when he told us Mason would have to have surgery he only had a
5% chance of surviving,
The celebration when Mason beat the odds and survived,
The help with the dirty diapers,
The waking up in the middle of the night.
The way he would make me breakfast every morning before work,
How he would help me feed the kids,
He would take them to daycare because it couldn't say goodbye when I got there.
How he had taken an overtime shift so we could afford a new house,
The way he would solve my writers block no matter how bad it was,
Everything.
I would never let go.
I would hold onto
All those memories
My Fabian.
My cheerleader
My helper
My rescue
My refuge
My hope
My husband
My best friend
My one true love.
I would hold onto
Him.
Forever.
I love you Fabian
I know you
Are watching us,
Helping us,
Looking down on us.
Even now.
You are the light
At the end of the tunnel.
I will see you again.
Someday.
But until then,
I love you.
Rest in peace,
My Fabian.