Hello Bokkies

My Deastiel angst is rising faster than the apocolypse. (I'm only on season five) so the only healthy way i can release it is, yes, you guessed through some smut.

Also it begins with an excerpt from season five episode 3 "Free to Be You and Me"

Of course i didn't make up the characters, only the ending.

Oh and if wanted, I can write a slow burn "episode" if wanted.

XXX

"So this ritual of yours, when does it got to go down?" I ask Cas.

"Sunrise." Cas answers simply. The expression on his face is one that that only the brilliant Castiel could pull off. It is vacant, but I can see visable cogs turning faster than a windmill in a storm. That was the annoying problem with ol' Cas: it always feels like a one-sided conversation. Not that I mind his company; sometimes it is nice to spend time with someone who a) wasn't trying to kill me, b) trying to get themselves killed and c) a general pain in the ass.

"Tell me something, you keep saying that we are trying to trap this guy; I mean isn't that like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?"

"No," Cas says looking up at me, "it is harder."

I know what he is talking about. Trapping an angel like Raphael will cost us something . I know what the answer is if I ask the question, but for formality's sake I will ask it anyway

"Do we have any chance for surviving this?" I am praying that Cas will not say it. Even if God is taking a day off in the Bemuda Triangle, I am still praying.

I never told anyone this, not even Sammy when he had some semblance to sanity, that I said a silent prayer every night since I discovered that angels walk amongst us mortals. Yeah, I act cocky in front of Cas, but really I am grateful for Cas, to God Himself, for dragging me out of that literal hellhole. Any longer and I would have lost my humanity.

"You do." There is a slight pain in his tone of voice. Crap. Just when I started to like him. But hopefully, there is a way around it. There just had to be!

"So odds are you're a dead man tomorrow."

"Yes." No sugar-coating it. Another one of Castiel's specialties, in fact.

I blink hard as I began to move next to Cas. I might as well make this the best damn night ever. Deep down, I know, that we are going to be ok. I wasn't dragged out of hell to be thrown this curveball.

"Well, last night on earth, uh, what are your plans?" I say hoping that a trip down to the nearest strip club would be on the table.

"Just thought I would sit here quietly." Cas says.

Nothing. He really is being serious? Of course he is being serious. How could I think differently? He is Cas. He doesn't have any other emotion.

"Dude, c'mon. Anything? Hm, booze, women…"

For the first time since his grand reveal that night, he is showing some sort of emotion. So I stand corrected. He looks at me with wide eyes, shifting his head at an angle to hide his embarrassment and awkwardness. Is he…blushing?

Come on, someone like Cas must have done it before. I mean he has that naïve charm that girls absolutely fall for, right? No matter what century it is girls love it. "You have been with a woman before, right? An angel at least?"

Castile, still avoiding all of my questions, scratches the back of his neck nervously. He really is blushing! Damn boy!

You have to be kidding me!

I lean down towards Cas, catching a slight whiff of his shampoo. It was sweet and fresh, not something I would associate with Cas, or any man for that matter. It didn't even occur to me that Cas even had a shower. He always has been…there. Just existing, I suppose.

"You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?"

Cas stared straight ahead, not even daring to look at me. "I never had an occasion, ok."

Well there it is! There is no way on God's little apocalypsed earth that Cas was busy all away from his creation to today. Well we had to remedy that now, don't we? It's for Cas' own good (not that it would harm me at all). The decision is made.

"Alright." I say as I walked over to get my jacket. "Let me tell you something. There are two things I know for certain: One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go."

I walk towards the door, but there was not a single sound of shuffling behind me. C'mon!

"What are you waiting for? You do not have eternity. Well, you had it and you wasted it anyway. So let's get pissed while we don't have an angel burning your ass."

Cas gets up slowly. He is shaking, like real bad, nervous shaking. What is with him today? Wait…is that a tear in his eye. Oh my God he is crying?

"Dude, what's wrong?" I ask. "You know, you are supposed to be crying after sex, not before it."

Cas bends his head down; avoiding my eye and my weak attempt of humour. Honestly, I don't blame him on that one. Anyway something is going on and I am sure as hell gonna find out.

"Cas, what is the matter?" I ask again as I gently lay my hand on his shoulder. He freezes at the touch, but I feel that there is still a slight trembling.

"Nothing." He mumbles.

Liar. I know when Cas lies. It is not difficult, really. Just look at today for an example. I had to lie enough for the both of us. He is extremely crap at attempting to hide the truth. The fact, though, that he was trying to lie meant that whatever was going through his brain is pretty damn serious.

"You really suck at lying," I tell him, "you know that right?"

Cas stands stock still, not even letting a whisper of breath leave his mouth. I take a step back and cross my arms, to take a really good look at him. He is starting to get a tiny bit on my nerves, you know. Just a bit.

"You know, I can deal with demons, ghosts, vampires…you name anything supernatural and I can blast its ass back to the hole where it crawled out of, but what I cannot deal with is your whole Twilight-angst routine. You tell me what the hell is going on…"

"I can't, Dean! I just can't!"" Cas cuts me off abruptly. He pushes me out of the way, but I grabbed his arm before he could move. So scrub the last thing I said, he is pissing me off a lot at the moment

"Why the hell not?!"

"Because you will think less of me!" Cas says. Well more screams but you get the picture. "You will be so disgusted that you will walk out that door and never look back!"

Oh.

Wow.

I wasn't expecting anything that dramatic.

Tears are streaming freely down Cas' face. I never have I seen anyone so upset about going to a strip club.

Damn, I will have to deal with this, won't I? I thought I left this crap behind with Sammy.

Ok so you are thinking about why I am so insensitive about this. As I said before, I have a younger brother who has literally put me through hell. I am so used to this so much so it doesn't even bother me anymore.

I loosen my grip on Cas' bicep and say in my calmest voice, "Cas, I could never think less of you. No matter what you say can make me leave."

Cas sniffles. He takes in a huge breath, and looks around the room as if someone is spying on us. "Promise you won't tell anyone."

"Cross my heart." I reply. It may not be appropriate since the whole hope to die thing, because I really do not want to die, for a second time.

He nods and walks back to his seat.

"Dean, there is a reason I haven't, um, you know, with a woman."

"Ohhh, because you can't get it up, right?" I am sorry, I can't help it sometimes.

"Get what up?" He asks me with a raised eyebrow. You see what I mean about his innocent charm.

I wave him off. "Never mind, continue."

"Well, it is because they do not particularly attract me. You understand what I am getting at?"

I don't know, actually. I just shake my head.

"Dean… I have, uh, a certain… tendency towards the male sex." He squeezes his eyes expecting for me to run away, screaming for the wrath of God to strike him down with a thunderbolt.

Well fuck me sideways in a bucket.

"You're gay!" I exclaim. I collapse on the floor in front of him, holding back a laugh. Oh, my God, he is gay. An angel who is gay. A gay angel. Is that even possible?

Cas hugs his arms around his chest, squeezing himself tightly. He flinched when I said it. No, he is crying again! Damn, it really kills me to see him like that. Say something, Dean!

"I don't think I saw a gay bar on the way here, but between you and me, I am pretty sure not all of those strippers are actually women."

Cas raises his head up to face me with a shocked expression painted upon it.

I push myself to my knees and scoot up to him. "Cas it is alright. I am not going to burn you at the stake."

"You don't understand. It is a sin. It is bad enough for an angel to feel…lust for a woman, but for a man…that is a route that none of us ever dared to attempt."

I honestly do not know how to reply to that. Pat him on the head and say 'now, now, everything is ok' because that is a lie. But I can't let this awkward silence stretch on forever.

"So," I begin, "is there an unrequited love out there, Romeo?"

The blushing on his cheeks says that there is. He uncomfortably shifts his head again.

"I knew it! Is it one of the angels?"

"No!" he says through gritted teeth. "They are my brothers and sisters. Who would even contemplate something like that?"

I think back to the fanfiction about Sam and I. Slash fic as those fangirls call it. I read some of them, ya know. And I thought hell was bad. God, just the thought of some of those stories make my stomach churn.

"You have a point. So anyone I know?"

'Gain, yes.

"Who is it then?"

His lips purse as he catches my eye. There is enough light in the room to see his eyes dilate slightly. Through them, I can see sorrow, hurt…and love. I see want. I see me.

Son of a bitch!

"It's me, isn't it?" I blurt out without thinking, like usual. "That is why you are trying so hard to protect me. It is not because God orders you to, but because you want to out of your own free-will. The whole reason you are here this moment is because of me."

Cas squirms, not daring to look into my eye. Is it just me or do you find the way that he is reacting really cute?

Ok so I have withheld some information from everyone, including myself. I really love spending time with him. Really love it. Sometimes I sit wondering to myself if there was something more to my feelings towards him than just being platonic. I just thought that I was turning crazy. But now he admitted his feelings, maybe it isn't so strange after all.

"Maybe I should go now," he mutters, "and do the ritual myself. I think it is for the best."

He gets up and solemnly turns around to move towards the ceramic jar of holy oil. Every step squeezes my heart a little bit more.

No I am not going let him leave. I…I

I need him.

I push myself off of the floor and rush to the table. I grab the jar just as he does. Unlike demons, his hand radiates warmth.

He turns his head to face me. His expression changed from uncomfortable to scared, but he doesn't move. He doesn't want to move, and neither did I. I gaze deep into his eyes and inched closer to him.

"Cas, it is ok. You do not need to feel embarrassed or disgusted with yourself." I lean to whisper in his ear. "I want you too."

And it is true.

He shivered when my lips lightly brush along the side of his cheek all the way to his lips. I kiss him slowly, letting a moan escape his mouth. He has no idea what he is doing, so I cup his face allowing me to take charge.

I have had flings with random girls throughout the years; some of them were just a one night stand while others meant something, but never in my life felt a connection this deep. Maybe because it was the wrong gender, or maybe it was simply because I never allowed myself in, all I know is that I wouldn't describe my feelings as if I were Shakespeare if this didn't mean something.

I drop my hands from his cheeks and help him out of his coat. He realises where I am going with this, so he flings the coat in the corner and starts on the rest of my clothes.

Before I even know it, we are both naked. I reluctantly push myself away and admire the view presented to me. He is quite lithe, his pale skin dotted with scars and bruises. I look down even further and…wow, I am actually going to do this.

"So, um," Cas broke the silence, "what exactly do we do now?"

"You," I lean in, a few inches from his mouth, "are going to do as I instruct for a change. Understood?"

I didn't need a verbal response since I felt his cock erect and poking my leg. I smile, as I reach down to feel it. It is weird, but in a good way. My thumb and my index finger hold the skin and slowly rotate them right at sensitive spot.

Cas moans and squirms at the touch. He clasps both my shoulders with his hands. He is pushing his cock through my fingers, desperate for more friction. His pants get shallower and I just know he is close to cumming. But it wouldn't be any fun if he did.

So I stop.

"Please don't stop," he whines, "I need it. It feels so good."

I push myself closer, making sure my cock rubbed up against his. "Well, Cas, you haven't refined the art of not cumming instantly. So I have to take it into my own hands to stop you."

I lightly push him into the chair, spreading his legs wide open. Both of my hands are securely holding Cas' legs into place, to stop an unnecessary knee into my eye. I get on my knees and placed my lips on his erection. I have never done this before, unlike what many of my fangirls say I get up to in my spare time with Sammy, and neither am I flexible enough to do it to myself (again as a certain fan story suggested I could.)

I slowly begin to move my lips around his dick. It is hard but it is enjoyable for me and from groans emanating from Cas, I am assuming he is enjoying it to.

"Dean, right there, at that spot. Oh, my Father, forgive me!" He moaned.

My movements hasten, tasting the precum on my tongue. Oh my God, it tastes good. This must be the fabled ambrosia from the gods.

I feel my own cock throbbing, desperate for anyone to deal with it. I have an idea.

I remove my lips from his shaft and quickly hop onto his lap. From here I grind my own pelvis into his, feeling my orgasm coming faster than I hoped.

My arms snake around his neck as I whisper in his ear, "Just allow yourself to ride the pleasure. Feel my cock rubbing against yours; the sound of my skin hitting your skin…"

"Oh yes! Keep going!"

"…the blood pumping down to that one sweet spot that I am hitting over and over." I reach down and rubbed both of our penises together. "Feel the friction of my hand and my dick together forcing you to cum."

"Fuck, Dean! I don't know if I can hold on much longer."

"Just try." I smile, satisfied that I got him to swear. "Just try to hold the immense pressure building in your dick, just feel the power…"

I am cut off by a scream and cum splattering on my abdomen. Just the feel of it is…Oh son of a bitch…

The fluid pumps through me and out with a splutter.

I collapsed on his chest, out of breath and drained. Never in my whole life have I had an orgasm that powerful. It's…it's amazing.

"It looks like you have fulfilled your deal." He barely whispers. "And I have answered your prayers of having a lover. We are even."

I lift up my head and press my lips to his, "it looks like we are."