THIS FIC IS NOT KLAINE-FRIENDLY.
Kurt is not unfamiliar with slow-motion. In films, it usually happens when the hero of the story sees his true love for the first time, or when two lovers are finally reunited. In Kurt's life, things slow down to 5 frames per second when his dad arrives at school at midday to tell him his mom has been in an accident. Or when a counsellor picks him from class because his dad is in the hospital. There is slow-motion too, when he looks at a sea ful of mocking faces daring him to wear a Prom Queen crown.
When his father tells him something happened to Finn, it's like life stops all together for a few moments.
Kurt knows slow-motion is a bad thing.
When he realises he is falling at an impossibly slow speed like he is sinking away into jelly, he closes his eyes and braces himself. The floor comes up to meet him, catches him ungently. Something smashes into his face. It hurts less than he expected. It is actually quite nice just to lie there and not move at all, his eyes still closed. It feels like he has all the time in the world to think about what has just happened, and what will happen next.
[10 minutes earlier]
"Trying too hard," Blaine repeats for the twentieth time as they enter the loft. His speech is slurred, and as he tries to take off his jacket one of his hands gets caught in the sleeves. "Trying - too - hard! UGH!"
Kurt shushes him and pulls his hand free. He has run out of things to say. They've been having this one-sided conversation all evening. Apparently, Madame Tibideaux hadn't liked Blaine's audition as much as Sam made everyone believe, and he had gotten a polite but firm 'we don't think you're right for us just yet'. Kurt used to think Blaine's singing voice and his stage presence were the cat's pyjamas, but after half a year at NYADA, he has learned a lot about vocal training and body language. Some of the moves Blaine makes on stage make him cringe with secondhand embarrassment, though he'd be the last to ever admit to it. Blaine is still in highschool- it would be unfair to hold him to NYADA standards. He fully agrees with Blaine that it's unfair to expect kids to know everything before they even start at the school. But that's how it works - Madame Tibideaux looks for performers who are already good and have the potential to be great. A lot of them have been training for that opportunity all of their lives, and all of the Dalton and Glee club solos in the world couldn't have prepared Blaine for that (especially not, Kurt muses privately, when the Warblers and Mr Schue never critisised anything he did). His style was good enough for Ohio - just not for New York. Kurt sighs and gives it another try.
"They didn't say you'll never get in, just…not yet. You can try out again next semester. I didnt get in on my first try either," he argues. "I basically had the same problems you did-"
"There was nothing wrong with my audition!" Blaine replies angrily. "It was all rigged!" And he falls back into the argument he has been repeating since he talked to NYADA's dean that afternoon.
It's all Kurt's fault. He made Madame Tibideaux turn Blaine down. His letter of recommendation built up expectations that Blaine couldn't hope to meet - in his honest adoration, Kurt set Blaine up to fail. Surely he invited the large audience at the auditions too - it has nothing to do with a certain video of Callbacks that went viral after Blaine cried his way through a song there last year. Kurt wants him to fail, wants to keep NYADA to himself, has set everyone up against him. As much as Kurt tries to argue against that, everything he says seems to rile Blaine up even more, especially after all of the beers he has passive-aggressively downed in the bar. Kurt had hoped a night on the town might cheer him up, but it only made things worse.
"Do you really think Madame Tibideaux is the kind of woman who'd let herself be told what to do by someone like me?" Kurt tries, but it's no use. Blaine is stalking through the loft like an angry bull. Kurt lets out a nervous giggle as he imagines himself in a toreo costume (and makes a memo to future self: those high-waisted pants would look damn fine on him) but chews down on his smile quickly as Blaine looks at him. He thinks fast, letting his eyes wander around the loft for something to distract Blaine with, and a new idea comes up.
"You know, I could ask around if the NYADA extracurriculars have openings for potential students? I'm sure some of them wouldn't mind if you sat in with them, and you could get a feel for-"
Blaine looks at him for a moment, and then follows Kurt's eyes to the poster behind him. The Adam's Apples. There's the red cape that was missing from Kurt's imaginary outfit. Blaine tears the poster from the wall and crumples it up in his hand. His eyes narrow. "Is this your idea of a joke? You want me tosit in with my own replacement?"
"Adam was not your replacement," Kurt protests. "Not everything is about you."
Blaine looks as if Kurt has just slapped him in he face. He takes a few moments to recover, and then asks: "Then what was it about? Sex?" His voice is a lot louder than before.
"No!" Kurt replies, equally raising his voice. "I liked him. He was nice to me. We spent time together. Whether we had sex or not is none of your business. We were broken up, Blaine."
"So you had sex with him," Blaine concludes, and makes a face as if he can't believe what he's hearing. Kurt just sighs and runs a hand through his hair, trying to correct the bangs that no longer fall over his forehead. "You had sex with someone while we were still together," he reminds Blaine quietly, though he can't help but feel a little ashamed.
"You're not even denying it!" Blaine shouts, nearly hysterical. Kurt doesn't fail to notice he chooses to ignore Kurt's accusation. It angers him. Blaine has no right to get down on him for what he did with Adam.
"What does it matter? I broke up with him for you, what more do you want?!" he yells back. The neighbours are probably hearing every word of this.
"You said there was no story!"
Kurt rolls his eyes and makes an exasperated gesture with his hands. "Because I knew you'd be like this!" he replies frustratedly and points at the Adam's Apples sign up sheet.
"Oh, I'm not supposed to care that my fiancé keeps a poster-" Blaine holds up the balled up piece of paper, "of his former sex partner in his living room, and tries to humiliate me by making me take classes with him? In what, Kurt? What do you want him to teach me? How to satisfy you?"
"Oh. My. God," whispers Kurt, not believing he is having this conversation. "You are beyond drunk, Blaine. I'm ending this conversation right now before you make me say something I'll regret later. Go to bed." He turns away and starts gathering up empty mugs from the coffee table. When in doubt - clean.
"No. I want to talk about this," Blaine says, stepping closer. He grabs hold of Kurt's arm. "Tell me. Was he better than me?"
Kurt looks down on his hand. "Let go of me, Blaine," he says. There is a clear warning in his voice - one that Blaine either misses or ignores. His hand tightens and Kurt pulls away, overestimating Blaine's grip. He slips away and overbalances backwards. The mugs in his hand go flying through the air, dregs of tea making a perfect arch towards Blaine's sweater. That's going to stain, Kurt thinks as he falls. Then his head hits the ground, and the mugs follow, one catching the side of his face as it shatters.
"Kurt! Get up!"
Blaine's voice is muted and far, far away. How long has it been since he fell? Seconds? Minutes? Kurt feels tired, his limbs warm and heavy. If he wasn't on the floor, he could almost imagine he's asleep.
Just leave me here, he thinks. Only for while. He's not sure if he says it out loud, but hand are shaking his shoulders now.
"Kurt, don't do this to me. Kurt!"
Kurt feels guilty despite everything. He knows he needs to move, needs to reassure Blaine that it's ok, that he understands; it was an accident. Why won't his limbs move? He wants to sleep for a little while. Just to figure out how to go on from here. But the hands won't let him; a palm pats his cheek. Fingers press down on his pulse. Is someone else there?
For some reason, Kurt thinks of his dad. What would he say if he saw his son lying here like this? All of his life, Kurt has bounced right back; dried the slushies off his face, climbed from dumpsters, picked spit balls out of his hair. It was the only way to show them he cannot be beaten. He's resilient. Unbreakable. That's the Kurt everyone expects him to be. But right now, that would cost more energy than he has left in him. Now that he's lying there on the floor, Kurt feels like he could sleep for days. Even opening his eyes seems like an impossible task. He doesn't want to get up and return to Blaine rant about Adam some more.
Adam. Somehow Kurt can't imagine him getting this drunk or shouting at him like Blaine had. He's too nice, too gentle, too damn British. When he found out that Kurt had slept with Blaine while he was in Ohio, he just offered Kurt a slightly dimmed smile and the reassurance that Kurt didn't owe him an explanation. When Kurt told him he had decided to give it another try with Blaine, Adam had been resignedly supportive. It left Kurt feeling like he didn't care too much, that maybe a boyfriend who got four show choirs to work together on a public proposal even though they had been broken up for months was better than someone who let him go without a fight.
But Blaine getting angry at him, pushing him around, blaming him for everything that goes wrong in his life- is that really the kind of fight he wants?
"Kurt? Can you hear me? I think he's awake."
Funny, Kurt thinks. It's almost like I can hear Adam's voice. He makes another attempt to open his eyes. The pristine whiteness of the hospital room blinds him for a moment before it comes into focus. He blinks, and looks around. Adam is standing by his bedside, Rachel next to him. They are both smiling at him, and Kurt vaguely thinks they'd make a nice couple. Then he realises where he is and what that means. As soon as he does, his head hurts, and his hand flies up to feel the side of his face. It's covered in bandages.
"How long was I out?" he asks.
"A few hours," Rachel replies. "We were so worried. Blaine said you fell."
Kurt looks from Rachel to Adam. "Yeah," he mumbles. Adam frowns a little but says nothing. "Why are you here?" Kurt asks, hoping it doesn't sound too ungrateful. He's glad to see him, but the last time they talked was weeks ago and ended with Adam implying that maybe Kurt should quit his group.
"I ran in to Rachel as she was leaving for the hospital," Adam says. "I came by to ask if you could possibly forget I ever said anything about leaving the Apples. We need you, Kurt. The others are all very upset with me for letting you go. They told me to grovel if I had to."
Kurt chuckles and then winces at the way his skin tightens under his bandages when he moves. The pain reminds him of how he ended up here and it helps make up his mind. "You don't have to," he says. "I think I want to come back."
Adam's face lights up. "Really?" he asks. "I mean, I did prepare to get on my knees…"
Kurt smiles. He had almost forgotten how easily Adam could make him feel good about himself. "Really," he reassures Adam, and the intense look of happiness he gets in return makes him look away. He smooths out the wrinkles on the sheet covering his legs. His ring shines dully on his finger. Kurt's smile fades a little.
Adam seems to notice. "Won't Blaine mind?" he asks carefully.
Kurt looks up. "Probably," he says. "I'll put it on the list of things we need to talk about, right after 'don't put me in the hospital.'"
He avoids Rachel's eyes. He doesn't need to see the shocked look on her face. He didn't say it to be pitied, but he's tired of his friends taking Blaine's side. It's time she gets a glimpse of the reality behind the fairytale engagement. He focuses on Adam instead. His ex-boyfriend looks sad, but not really surprised. Kurt wonders if Adam has seen this coming. He can't help but feel a little ashamed at that thought, even though he knows it's not his fault.
"Blaine needs help," he says a little defensively. "I can't just ditch him. He's my friend."
Adam nods. "I know. But from what you told me, I think he may need more than a friend, Kurt. He needs therapy."
Kurt bites his lip. Adam's right, but he doubts Blaine will see it that way. It won't be easy convincing him. One more reason he's grateful the Apples want him back- escaping to a place where people don't think Blaine is God's gift to the world sounds pretty good right now. "I'll put it on the list," he jokes half-heartedly. "Now, tell me what the Apples have been up to without me. You're not still hung up on doing that number with the bathtub, are you? Because I won't rejoin if you are!"
Adam's smile is something Kurt could really imagine replaying in slow-motion.