Short, silly crackfic. I just got bored and it took me all of ten minutes to write this. I own nothing.
Olivia Benson looked up from her computer. "El, check this out!" Her partner looked up, his ice blue eyes locking with her chocolate brown ones.
"What is it?"
"This site. It's called FanFiction, and it's creeping the hell out of me." Olivia stared at her computer monitor. Elliot peered over her shoulder, and his eyes widened.
"A whole archive of stories about us?" He returned to his seat and brought the website up. "This is just crazy."
Two hours later and many fanfictions later, Olivia was genuinely terrified. "El, every other story I've read involves me being stalked, kidnapped, raped, or marrying an abusive man and falling to pieces!"
"You think that's insane? Why do I keep reading ones when Kathy's a psycho and says Eli isn't mine, then we divorce and I fall apart?"
"Maybe it's the truth," Olivia muttered, glad he hadn't heard. "And who the hell started this whole, 'Olivia and Alex are lesbians,' thing?"
"Well, I keep finding stories when Huang wants to do me. I'm never going to be able to sleep again." He blinked. "And why do they all know about our secret sex life?" he asked, earning many stares.
"Elliot!" she hissed. "That was supposed to be a secret!" Munch and Fin wandered over to them and read over their shoulders.
"And everyone has this idea that I'm conspiracy obsessed!" Munch whined.
"You are," Fin corrected.
Cragen had now joined. "This is serious. My two best detectives have been screwing each other silly, and now it's out in the open, and we're all being stalked by a bunch of online authors."
Elliot clenched his fists in anger. "Why do these people keeping writing about my daughters getting raped? I swear, if it's true, every rapist on this planet loses his balls."
"And some people have this big idea that you're a total asshole who loves to treat me like shit and make my life fall apart, but you aren't that big of a prick," Olivia added.
Huang had overheard the conversation. "Maybe this site is being run by a mentally unstable company. The chances of all these writers knowing so much is very remote," he preached.
Elliot had spaced out, mesmerized by a story. Olivia peered over his shoulder. "El, they know exactly what we were doing last night!"
"And according to everyone out here, you're amazingly fertile and I have a super sperm."
"I've never been pregnant, but the other part is very true. We need to track these people down and arrest them for stalking."
"Well, considering the slim amount of stories centric to me, I'm going to leave you to work this out." Cragen returned to his office.
Kathy had swept in by then. "Elliot, why does everyone think I'm a slutty bitch and that I hate Olivia?" Well, the second part is true, she thought.
"Why me called bastard child?" Eli asked from his mother's arms.
"And exactly how many times can one couple divorce?" Elliot demanded, stumbling across another story of the sorts. Not that it wasn't what he wanted... Kathy could be a bitch. At least they were apart now.
Kathy stormed out upon finding another story bashing her, carrying her illegitimate son. "This isn't over," she hissed. "I'm not a psychotic bitch who sleeps around."
Once they had decided there were simply too many people who suspected Elliot and Olivia slept together, they sighed and exited the site.
"Wait, El! I just found this story by an SVUProductions, and she's written every word we spoke!" She shuddered. "And she must love the idea of us naked and going at it like bunnies."
Elliot shrugged. "At least our secret's out in the open in too many stories to count. We can now freely go at it like bunnies and make a lot of babies."
Though still paranoid, Olivia stood up from her computer, and she and Elliot hurried to the cribs, where they did the exact thing so many people wrote about.
Hehehe. Review.