Note: No Massacre! The Akatsuki is good! Members joined due to not believing in what their villages were doing! Based at Konoha. Itachi joins later. They have their cannon abilities just a different way of how they gained them. Everything shall be explained! Eventually. No major character deaths! Characters are out of character. One shots based around the Uchiha dorks and their friends. After chapter 10 I'll accept requests.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story plot!
Chapter 1: Itachi Makes a Strange New Friend
Shisui was target training when suddenly he sensed Itachi and someone unfamiliar. They came into view soon enough and Shisui gawked slightly at the seven-foot shark man with Itachi. Who was nibbling on dango at the moment without a care in the world.
"Itachi," Shisui said bluntly.
"This is Kisame," Itachi said simply.
"Uh huh….and why did you bring a villager of the hidden mist here," he asked raising an eyebrow.
"Ex."
"What?
"Ex ninja of the village hidden in the mist," Itachi informed.
"…Can I talk to you in private?"
"Why? Can't you say it in front of him?"
"No! Itachi come with me."
"What if he gets attacked while we're gone?"
"HE IS A GIANT SHARK MAN! WHO WOULD ATTACK HIM," he exploded losing his patience with the oh so lovable oblivious to danger Itachi.
"Fishy."
"I wish you'd stop calling me a fishy," Kisame hummed.
"You were the one using shark and fish metaphors. Now you're a fishy since you don't want to be human," Itachi shrugged finishing his dango.
"That was to threaten you."
"You threatened him," Shisui asked darkly.
"I didn't feel threatened," Itachi blinked.
"Itachi go practice while I have a chat with the shark beast that threatened you."
"Fishy," Itachi corrected.
"Hey. I like him now. So I'm not a threat anymore," Kisame surrendered to the infuriated man.
"I never felt as if you were a threat," Itachi said confused.
"Would you go before you hurt my pride? I suddenly feel like being threatened and stabbed instead of listening to a little weasel like you telling me you never saw me as a threat," Kisame said not really knowing if he should be offended or hug the tiny male because frankly, he was adorable.
"Don't call me a weasel you stupid fishy," Itachi spat.
"Weasel."
"Fishy."
Weasel."
"Fishy."
"Weasel."
"Fishy."
"Wea…."
"ENOUGH! YOU'RE A FUCKING SHARK/FISHY," Shisui exploded jabbing a finger at Kisame. "AND YOU'RE A FUCKING WEASEL," he roared stabbing a finger at Itachi. "NOW SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY MY LITTLE BROTHER JUST BROUGHT ME AN EX NINJA OF THE HIDDEN MIST HERE?! LIKE HE'S SOME INNOCENT PUPPY OR SOMETHING INSTEAD OF A MASSIVE THREAT TO OUR VILLAGE," Shisui finished.
"Because he's cute."
"Because for some damn reason he decided I was cute and I needed to be shown to his family like I am some puppy he found on the streets," Kisame said at the same time Itachi called him cute.
"I don't know who I'm going to stab first," Shisui groaned.
Itachi pointed at Kisame innocently.
"HEY," Kisame cried.
"Hi," Itachi nodded.
He snickered when Kisame raised a fist and leaned away holding his hands to block it if he actually decided to punch him for his sass.
"I give up. To put it simply to end all of this. I'm with the new group the hokage started the Akatsuki. I didn't believe in what my village was doing and left. Now my loyalty is with the leaf village and anyone related to them. Nothing more nothing less," Kisame explained.
"Let's go meet my mom now. She won't yell at you and you'll call you cute," Itachi said grabbing his wrist and dragging him along.
Shisui stared blankly at nothing in particular before facepalming so hard he'd get a bruise. Why did Itachi think giant threatening things were cute and why the hell did he have no sense of danger when it concerned himself? He started walking briskly after the pair. He still didn't trust that damn shark with his little brother.
When they got to his house Shisui smiled at Sasuke's blank look he was giving Kisame. The sixteen-year-old was about to rip into the shark man. Just you wait.
"Who's the fish," Sasuke interrupted his thoughts.
The crack of Shisui facepalming echoed around the house. Itachi looked mildly concerned for his older brother figure. Sasuke looked at him startled. Kisame was staring at the wall wondering how the hell he even got into this situation? Now there was two that considered him a fish.
"STOP CALLING HIM A FISH LIKE HE'S HARMLESS! BOTH OF YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW," Shisui roared.
"I just want to be a shark," Kisame said depressed.
Mikoto came into the room to see what the fuss was about. She eyed the group of four carefully. Itachi looked innocent, Sasuke looked confused, Shisui was probably about to have a brain aneurism if he didn't calm the fuck down, and the stranger looked distraught. She went to him and took his hand.
"I am Mikoto Uchiha. It's a pleasure to meet you," she smiled up at him gently.
"I'm Kisame," he said awed by her sweetness and beauty. "What is it," he asked smiling softly as she beamed and giggled slightly up at him.
"You're such a cutie fishy," she cheered.
Kisame wanted to die right then and there. Shisui face walled in response.
"Hey," Itachi frowned at the hole in the wall that he made.
"NEXT PERSON THAT CALLS HIM A….."
"Who's the fish guy," Fugaku interrupted.
Shisui fainted from all the frustration. Itachi caught him before he hit the floor and carried him to the couch as Kisame was interrogated by his family. He hummed in amusement as he answered their questions and would get flustered when Mikoto kept calling him a fishy. Sasuke settled on calling him fishy bastard. Fugaku gave him mercy and just called him by his name. He left after a while claiming he had to go to his new home and unpack.
"So what do you all think of Kisame," Fugaku asked.
"He's weird but he seems ok," Sasuke shrugged.
"I think he's adorable and sweet," Mikoto smiled.
"I'm going to marry that cute fishy one day," Itachi smiled brightly.
"You marry that cute fishy Itachi," Mikoto cheered as Fugaku was sputtering and Sasuke was doubled over with laughter.
"I'm serious. I'm going to marry the cute fishy one day. Whether he likes it or not," Itachi frowned at Sasuke disapprovingly.
Fugaku looked like he was going to go murder Kisame, Sasuke paused and eyed Itachi to see if he was serious, and Mikoto looked absolutely thrilled at the thought. Shisui fainted once again without them even noticing he had woken up. He apparently woke when Itachi declared he was marrying Kisame.
"It's love at first sight," Mikoto cheered.
"I'll kill him. Itachi is too precious for him," Fugaku scowled.
"Big brother no! There are plenty more not as huge or threatening fish guys out there! Think this through! Don't make me kill him," Sasuke said grabbing his shoulders.
"I'll tell Sakura you're trying to kill my future husband and let you face her wrath," Itachi scowled making him shudder.
"Itachi….Just take it slow and only think about friendship for now before you give us more worries than we need right now," Fugaku sighed patting his head.
"Fine," Itachi relented.
Poor poor Shisui, he's so frustrated with Itachi right now. Because he's an overprotective dork. So is Fugaku and Sasuke though. Soon Kisame will be as well. Even though we all know that Itachi is more than capable of taking down anyone he wants. Which is why he sees no one as a threat. Which could be a good or bad thing in certain situations. Well this is the first chapter! I hope you liked it! This story will have irregular updates until I get some of my others stories finished. I wanted to start this one now before the idea left me.