The first few nights after he got back from Lima after the funeral, Kurt wanted to be alone. Adam understood and tried to give him as much space as he could. They had only just began to repair their relationship after their brief break-up when Finn passed away, and although Adam had made sure Kurt knew he was there for him without question or grudge, Kurt was simply too used to dealing with his problems on his own to let Adam help him. Adam watched him from a distance as Kurt passed through the halls of NYADA as if he was sleepwalking, not making eye contract with anyone, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. It hurt to see him like that, so numb when he was usually so alive, but Adam figured he just needed time.
But as a week passed, and then two, things didn't get any better. In fact, Adam got the feeling they were getting worse. Kurt stopped coming to the Apples' rehearsals. He didn't answer his phone, and he dodged Adam's offers to come over. Torn between wanting to respect Kurt's wishes and needing to relieve his worries, Adam decided to pay him a visit at the loft. Kurt might end up breaking up with him again, but it would be worth it if by visiting Adam could make sure Kurt was okay.
Kurt opened the sliding door in faded grey jogging pants and a dark shirt that was at least twice as wide as his chest. It hung off him like a shroud. He looked up at Adam and blinked a few times. "Hey," he said finally. He sounded groggy.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Adam asked, sounding concerned. Seeing Kurt had done nothing to relieve his worries- his haggard look only worried him more.
"I wish," Kurt yawned. "I haven't slept properly in weeks." He rubbed his hand over his face. "What can I do for you?" He sounded as if he secretly hoped Adam would go away but was too polite to say so.
Adam frowned a little. "I came to ask if there's anything I can do for you, Kurt," he clarified. "I'm worried, you know."
"I'm fine. Just tired. I'll be back to normal soon." Kurt offered Adam a thin smile. Adam didn't buy into it.
"Kurt, listen. It's actually okay not to be okay. These things take time. I'm not here to rush you. I just want to help."
Kurt shrugged sadly, giving up the effort of smiling. "I don't see how you can," he said. "As much as I love hearing you sing, serenades can't fix this."
"I wasn't going to, why would you think-"Adam started, but then realised he already knew the answer. Kurt had told him how much of his previous relationship revolved about him listening to Blaine sing. It was, apparently, the only way Blaine knew how to express his feelings. "Can I please come in?"
Kurt sighed and stepped away from the door. Adam was greeted by a very messy livingroom. Fast food wrappers and empty ice cream containers stood on the coffee table next to several half-empty mugs. Magazines were strewn around the couch. On the couch itself sat Kurt's boyfriend pillow and a pile of blankets. The tv was flickering, repeating a DVD menu over and over again. Adam had never seen the place so untidy.
"Have you been camping out here?" he asked carefully. Kurt nodded.
"It's just easier with the tv. And Santana won't let me move it to my bedroom, so…" He rolled his shoulders back and stretched a little.
"That can't be good for your back."
Adam longed to reach out and massage Kurt's shoulders, but he wasn't sure if that would be okay. Those things usually lead to more and the last he wanted was for Kurt to feel like he had come over for a booty call. "You know, I never saw Grey's Anatomy," he said instead, nodding at the tv.
Kurt blinked and rubbed a hand over his face. "What?"
"Honestly. Is it any good?"
"I thought you said you were from England, not outer space," Kurt said drily, a little of his old self showing from underneath layers of fatigue.
Adam smiled and shrugged a little.
"I guess we could watch the pilot," Kurt suggested.
A few episodes later, Kurt was fast asleep, his face pressed into the soft embrace of his pillow, his legs draped over Adam's lap. Adam wished he could say it was purely his calming presence that helped Kurt doze off, but as they took a bathroom break he had seen the nearly empty strip of Ambien tablets by Kurt's toothbrush on the sink. Another empty strip lay in the trash. Adam didn't remember Kurt taking them the last time he stayed over, but he recalled Kurt saying something about having them prescribed after his first break-up with Blaine. It worried him. He carefully lifted Kurt's legs off his lap and started clearing away the food wrappers and left-overs, all the while wondering if there was anything he could do to make things easier for Kurt. He knew he could never replace Kurt's brother, but there was nothing he wouldn't do to help him.
Including, he decided, giving up the television in his flat for a while. He texted his roommate to come and bring it over (she owed him a huge favour after he had helped her through 2 of her exams by staying up all night quizzing her, so the least she could do was hop on a subway with his set). Even if nightly marathons of Grey's Anatomy weren't the answer to Kurt's problems, at least he could have them in his own bed from now on.