I don't own Ranma or its characters and make no money from writing these stories.
Roll 'em...
Happosai woke up to the sounds of squabbling teenagers and sighed, suspecting Ranma and Akane to be the cause of it all; they normally were. He mumbled complaints as he pulled on his gi top and mourned the loss of his afternoon nap. He normally wasn't one for napping, but had been up all night collecting his silky darlings as so many of them had been left unguarded to dry on balconies and clotheslines due to the nice weather. Happosai moved the bag from the raid from the night before out of his way, making a mental note to give them the proper TLC they deserved and went to see what all the fuss was about.
Sure enough Akane had Ryoga and Kuno circling her like sharks and Ranma had three of his girls demanding his attention; while Mousse clung to Shampoo and Akane was pissed off at Ranma for receiving attention he didn't want as usual...and Ranma was protesting his innocence to Akane. In other words, a typical cluster fuck of a day in Nerima when "Ranma's" gang all got together.
"What's going on here?" Happosai demanded. He looked from one to the other as eight people tried to explain what was happening all at the same time. "Not all once, you Kuno; explain" Happosai demanded, pointing at him with his pipe, picking the most articulate member of the group. "In simple Japanese words so we can all understand you" he added threateningly when Kuno opened his mouth.
"Very well, there is a dance in town and I was wanting to take Akane..." Kuno began.
"So you boys pretty much all want to take Akane, expect for Mousse who wants to take Shampoo and you girls want to go with Ranma?" Happosai interrupted, having heard this all before; many times over. "Does that sum it up pretty fast? Just everyone nod if this is the case," he ordered them and all eight sullen teenagers did. He smoked on his pipe while he regarded them all.
"I don't understand why you don't all just shake it up a bit. I mean there are four attractive males here and four attractive females here. Why not just pair off and go to the dance with someone you normally wouldn't go with?" Happosai suggested and then sweat dropped when everyone started protesting this idea.
"Okay this is ridiculous, if you can't think of a compromise, I'll pair you up myself. Ryoga, do you have your extra bandanas with you?" Happosai asked him.
"Sure" Ryoga said, handing him a handful of them.
"Great, now each of you boys use these as a blindfold" Happosai said. "Okay girls, you each chose a number" Happosai said, writing them on slips of paper.
"What's going on here?" the Ranma blindfolded asked the room at large.
"I have no idea, but I have a bad feeling about this" Mousse replied.
"Okay boys, each of you call a number between one and four" Happosai ordered them, all four boys reluctantly did and each equally reluctant girl joined the person who called their number, except for an ecstatic Kodachi, who got chosen by Ranma. "Okay boys, you can take off your blindfolds and see who your date is" he ordered them. "There, problem solved. Now I'm going back to sleep" he said in triumph and stopped short when they started to bicker in protest over his choices of their dates.
"Kuno, you have no right to take Shampoo to the dance! Shampoo is mine!" Mousse protested.
"Shampoo only wants to go with Airen!" a really pissed off looking Shampoo declared, glaring at Kuno.
"And who said you could take Akane, Mousse?" Kuno yelled back.
"I'll go with Mousse, at least he isn't a dummy" Akane shot at Ranma.
"Fine, go with Mousse. If he wants to be seen with an uncute tomboy like yourself; so be it" Ranma yelled at Akane, glaring at Kodachi where she was glomped onto him.
"Doesn't Mousse get a say in who he goes with?" Mousse cried in irritation.
"I agree with Kuno!" Ryoga cried.
"And what's wrong with me?" Ukyo cried, rounding on him.
"Well...nothing" Ryoga said blushing.
"Okay everyone shut up" Happosai yelled. "Obviously you're all so blinded by lust that you can't see the forest for the trees. I swear that someone, no make that several someones would be doing you all a favour by taking you to bed and giving you a couple hours of sexual pleasure. It might force everyone to grow up a little. I have never met a bunch of people so sexually repressed in my life" Happosai declared.
Everyone looked uncomfortably at their chosen dates. "You're not suggesting that we...?" Ukyo said with a gulp
"No, no. I'm not suggesting an orgy" Happosai said with a groan. "I just think that the boys are not really realizing how attractive you girls are. Wait, I have a better idea for date selection. We shall have a Miss Lingerie contest right now and the girl the men deem as being the most beautiful, gets to go as Ranma's date and the other girls get to chose their own date from you other three" Happosai cried in triumph.
"L-lingerie?" Akane asked him with a blush.
"You expect us to...in front of all these perverts?" Ukyo asked with a blush.
"Who are you calling perverts? It's his idea, not ours. How is this supposed to help with anything?" Ranma demanded.
"It will help you focus on them physically and remove your blinders as to how desirable they all are" Happosai said.
"I say you stick with your first idea" Kodachi said as she rubbed her cheek against Ranma's shoulder while he visibly glowered at this.
"Shampoo is in" she declared.
"Wait you expect us to watch the girls wearing lingerie that and judge them?" Ryoga said in shock.
"Lingerie doesn't cover very much" Kuno added. "Or so I understand" he said when all the guys looked at him questioningly.
"Why would I want to see Akane in lingerie?" Ranma demanded.
"And why you do think I would look bad it in?" Akane said with a frown.
"Bring on your frilliest piece of lace nothings. These tomboys have nothing on Kodachi Kuno" Kodachi announced.
"Who are you calling a tomboy? I have a much better body than you, you shrimp" Ukyo declared.
"Shrimp, you dare call me a shrimp?" Kodachi cried.
"Oh yeah and here's the rest of the seafood buffet" Ukyo said with a smirk, eyeing Shampoo and Akane as well.
"Okay so you're more lithe than us, but you don't have to be a bean pole to have a great body" Kodachi cried.
"Ha speak for yourself rich girl, Shampoo has much better butt than you any day" Shampoo argued, giving the plush part of herself a pat of satisfaction.
"I'll put my butt against your huge one any day" Kodachi said rounding on Shampoo.
"Wait, you girls actually want to do this?" Ryoga questioned, his eyes wide in shock and every boy in the room had a glowing red faces.
"We all have to agree to this" Akane declared. "And I'm in just to show Ranma how cute I can be" she said, narrowing her eyes at him.
"Well girls, come to my room and pick what you like" Happosai said. "You can choose from this pile, these are my pride and joy. Don't worry, everything has been cleaned and pressed" he declared as he stared at them relevantly.
Ukyo frowned when she picked one up and waved her hand in back of it and saw right through it, "Don't you have anything a little less...sheer?" she asked with a blush and everyone else just looked at them in horror.
"Don't worry, I have some nipple pasties for modesty," he said handing each girl a pair and they each blushingly got changed into their lingerie once the aging martial artist had left.
Happosai went forward to where they had set up a table and all the boys sat at it, still blushing. "You boys are in a for a treat, they are wearing the finest of my collection" he said, examining each nervous looking boy.
"What do we have to do?" Kuno asked him.
"Rate each girl as A, B or C and then we compare their score afterwards" Happosai explained.
"Okay that seems easy enough" Ranma said and accepted his notepad and pen.
"Okay we're starting. "First but never last, here's Shampoo wearing a purple lace nightie and panty combination. Note the lace top and chiffon skirt. This sweet baby was made in China, like Shampoo herself and sure shows off her assets perfectly" Happosai announced. Shampoo had a wide smile on her face that she beamed at the boys and swished upon the floor, modeling the lingerie from every angle. The boys took in the sheer nightie, pasties only concealing her areolas and opaque thong...and dropped their pens and their brains shut down...and Mousse got a nosebleed. "Thank you Shampoo" he called.
"Now we have Ukyo in blue sheer baby dolls with matching thong and stay up stockings; check out the legs on this lady. Wouldn't you like to have those wrapped around your waist? If you get my drift. I would say they are four feet tall, but she is sure blessed from top to bottom as well. You know what they say about long legs; they go all the way up to her...waist" Happosai joked and then frowned when he looked at the boys and noticed that Ryoga now sported a nosebleed. Ukyo had wide smile on her face as well but moved more woodenly than Shampoo had done, obviously feeling a little embarrassed as she awkwardly turned before the boys, glad that her panties weren't sheer as the rest of her outfit. "Thank you Ukyo" Happosai dismissed her and she gratefully hurried out.
"Now we have Akane in a sheer red lace bustier, garter belt and matching thong. Check out those buns! Akane can only be described as petite but powerful. This girl would certainly keep you warm in this outfit on a cold winter's night!" Happosai declared. Akane was as red as her lingerie but had a pleasant smile on her face as she moved through a series of spins that seemed more slowed down martial arts katas than any attempt to be sexy. Now Ranma and Kuno erupted in a nosebleed. "Thank you Akane" Happosai called after her.
"Now last but not least, here is Kodachi modeling a sheer black lace bodystocking. Meow, Catwoman could only wish she looked this good! When you look at Kodachi, all you can think of is S-E-X. Wouldn't you like to wrap this up and take it home with you?" Happosai said and all four frozen boys got a renewed nosebleed, except for Kuno. Kodachi however, moved with considerable grace, determined to win Ranma as a date. 'Thank you Kodachi" Happosai called after her.
"Okay boys; let's see your scores" he said, approaching them and noticed that their noses were bleeding and score cards were blank. "Boys?" he said with a frown and waved his hand in front of their faces. "Seriously, you all passed out? How juvenile can you get? I did you a favour; you probably won't get to see lingerie of this quality or girls dressed like this until your wedding nights and this is how you repay me...by passing out like a bunch of little boys? How are you going to handle your wedding nights if you can't look at pretty girls wearing lingerie now? I don't envy your future wives. You're all so embarrassing...and you call yourself men!" he berated them in disgust.
"Okay which of us won?" the girls called.
"Well there's a little problem with that. You can come out. You're perfectly safe, they can't see a thing. You might want to bring a box of Kleenex with you" he advised them.
The girls stood in front of various boys and waved their hands in front of them to no avail. The boys had been starting to come around but when the barely dressed girls surrounded them amass, causing them to erupt in fresh nosebleeds, freeze place and pass out again. Each girl shook their heads in disgust as they held tissues to each chosen male's nose."Oh brother dear this is so shameful, the Kunos' are supposed to be notorious lovers. Perhaps you were begat of the milkman?" Kodachi suggested.
"What was the point of all this except to provide a peepshow for you?" Ukyo demanded of Happosai.
"I was only trying to help. Perhaps we should try flirting contest? A seduction contest?" Happosai suggested, this last suggestion only made the blood flow more strongly in all four male martial artists.
"Not helping" Ukyo snapped.
"It's not my fault how immature they are" he declared.
"Fine, we will figure it out on our own" Ukyo said, 'here each girl draws a straw and the shortest one gets Ranma. Agreed?" she said and everyone nodded. "Okay, Akane gets Ranma" Ukyo declared. "Now who gets the rest of these little boys as their dates for the dance? Whoever you choose, you have to put them down for a nap like the babies they are" she told the girls.
"I take Mousse" Shampoo said in a resigned sounding voice, dragging him behind her to find a place to bed him down.
"I'm not taking my brother!" Kodachi snapped.
"Fine, I've got him" Ukyo said with a sigh, towing Kuno along with her.
"Come on Ryoga. It's nap time" Kodachi said, dragging him.
"Nap time? What a great idea" Happosai sarcastically said as he firmly shut the door of his own room. "Honestly, some people are just so ungrateful. Who can't appreciate fine lingerie?" Happosai groused as he settled into his own nest of lingerie and floated away to silky dreamland filled with visions of beautiful girls in lingerie...while four teenaged boys joined him there.
THE END