AN: I just love writing angst. I'm sorry if I get anything wrong, or left any errors, I don't really remember what happens to Drew after the Lost Hero. Please read and review!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Percy Jackson franchise, all rights belong to Rick Riordan.
Sometimes I wonder, will anybody ever care? And then I laugh at myself, at that foolish thought, because really, who could love a worthless, useless, little girl like me? I tried to be nice, believe me I tried, but no you just had to make fun of me. Little ugly, stupid, motherless me. So I tried to satisfy you and your social conventions. I threw up after every meal and starved myself so that I could fit into those tiny jeans. I studied day and night to bring up my grades. I couldn't do anything about my mother being gone though, so I put up a a facade of indifference. But there really is no winning with you is there? You called me a tryhard, nerd, inconsiderate little female dog. You bullied me, not with punches or kicks; those I could handle, but with piercing words that never failed to leave me in tears. You would smirk at me and say that I should give up because I was too weak. Weak. I was anything but. So I tried harder than ever.
Ugly, stupid, motherless me.
I spent hundreds of dollars on the newest designs, the best makeup and accessories. I threw away the old me and built a better, bolder me. I built myself up, hidden from your judging words and harsh glares with an emotionless mask and an overbearing sneer. The moment the hell hound found me was the best moment of my life. It all made so much sense. I wasn't ugly, stupid, motherless. I was beautiful, smart, and the daughter of the goddess of love and beauty! It all made sense! You were just jealous that I was everything that you were not. Everything made perfect sense! Until I met my siblings. They were all so perfect, with their flawless skin and well groomed hair. I felt like rubbish next to them; trash covered in mounds of makeup and product. I thought for a moment, silly irrational me,' they use makeup just like me, there is no way that they can be so perfect without it!' And I felt justified.
Ugly, stupid, motherless me.
Then the bullying starts. There is nothing upfront, little more than rumours and whispers really. But they're the ones that hurt the most, always have, always will. They don't respect me enough to say it to my face. They started off harmless enough; a general jab at the Aphrodite kids. 'Oh they're useless, all they care about is looking pretty and breaking hearts,' they would whisper being their hands, when they thought that I couldn't hear them. But they found fault with every pretty face and harmless look, so I ignored them. Then it got steadily worse. 'Useless, crazy, slut,' they would whisper. So I built up my walls even high than before and glared my coldest at anyone who dared cross me. Things were finally good, they feared me, respected me even.
Ugly, stupid, motherless me.
Then this girl, this Piper, comes along. Tricking people with her pretty face and just morals. Twisting people around her pretty little finger with her voice. Ugh, her voice. I almost broke down, almost turned to you again, when I learned that she had charmspeak too. It just isn't fair! It was the only thing I had that made me special, until she waltzed in with her trashy clothes and wild hair, a bravery and beauty, everything I wasn't. But I would break her, like all of those before her.
Ugly, stupid, motherless me.
When I had discovered that Aphrodite was my mother, I was ecstatic; I finally felt like I belonged, like I was wanted. I forgot all of the years I tortured under because I was the unwanted child, the mistake. Instead I was so excited to meet the goddess that could finally fill the whole in my heart labelled 'Mother.' Well, like always, I was an idiot. A complete imbecile to think that I was special. That I was wanted. After the first month, I almost gave up, but then being the stupid little girl I am, I thought,' she's a goddess, she is just too busy to see you right now.' And that worked. Until one month became four, and my walls started to rise again. I had finally settled with the idea that this was normal, gods and goddesses often forgot their children, never really cared. And that idea, that everyone else was unwanted too, it restored the little part of me that died, knowing that I truly was motherless.
Ugly, stupid, motherless me.
Because Piper not only had a pretty face, with pretty words, she also had a mother. A mother that should have been mine. I was shunned because I wasn't good enough, never good enough. Aphrodite preferred that no good, goody-two-shoes, because in her eyes, she was perfect. And I was not. No matter, when that stupid Piper left to go on that quest I would restore balance. I would be on the top.
Ugly, stupid, motherless me.
When Piper came back, she took everything from me. The fear and respect that I had earned, the place that I had worked so hard to get, was taken from me in one day. I watched as the empire that I had created, crumble before my very eyes. I still acted the same, the same petty insults and cold sneers, but I was cracking. My walls were coming down, my masks being clawed off. I was vulnerable. You attacked me then. With your cruel words and stabbing criticism, I fell. Your knives cut through me, tearing my soul to pieces. And I let you. Because after all, I'm just an ugly, stupid, motherless, little girl.
...
Drew Tanaka went missing a few days after Piper's claim to her throne. All that was left of her was a little note on her bed, addressed to herself.