'Twas the night before Christmas and deep down in the base
Starscream hadn't stirred since I punched in his face
The energon cradles were hung by the chimney with care
Come tomorrow morning some fuel better be there
The Decepticon's were snug deep down in their beds
Visions of war and conquest danced in their heads
I in my robe and long stocking cap
Had just settled down in my throne for a nap
When outside the base there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my throne to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutter, ready to kick ass
Pitfalls of flame still burned down below
Giving the luster of hellfire to the ice and snow
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But some fool of a fleshling with eight tiny reindeer!
Quite startling it was that anyone would dare
When I find my fusion cannon I'll blow him out of the air
He made for the roof top and my curses did fly
It seems a fat fleshling is very eager to die
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!"
Are those the name of Autobots? Don't worry, I'll fix em!
A surprise I had for them in my Throne Room hall
If you come down Megatron's chimney, I'll kill you all
I now had my cannon ready to meet the sneaky foe
When down the chimney came Santa, tracking in snow!
He was dressed all in fur, dirty whites and red
A fitting look for one about to be dead!
He carried a sack full of weapons and I with a hair trigger
Thrust my cannon in his face and said "Mine's bigger."
His eyes how they widened, he must be a spy!
I seized him by the neck and he gave out a cry
His droll little mouth was drawn into a frown
As I hefted his chubby body right off the ground
He had a broad face and a little round belly
I shook him all over like a bag full of jelly
"Talk fleshling, for I am not in the mood!"
"Tell me everything, or it's no more fast food!"
On my great fusion cannon his eyes did linger
But he summoned up some spine and gave me the finger!
He was brave this one and wouldn't speak
So I bitched slapped him one and broke a few teeth
I then seized him by his round little head
And his eyes did fill with a growing dread
I spoke not a word, but it was simple work
To snap his neck with a twist and he died with a jerk
Seizing the bag I chuckled, this fool was out of luck
It was filled with nothing but Autobot toys?! You fat little fuck!
Above me I heard the prancing and pawing of each little hoof
Up the chimney I went to sweep some deer off my roof!
So in the morning when your presents are long gone
It's because Santa's first stop was to pester Megatron
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!