Title: Yearning for Love

Hey! My first angsty one-shot ficcy!!!! Hope you guys like it… as I said in the summary, this fic is mainly based on KA… the brigade's second "head". The poem is self-made… uh, my fist ever try on a poem… do tell me what you think of it… the ones that are bold AND italic are the poems…. So, just read on!! Thanks!    

It was about three in the morning, but I had trouble sleeping. Tossing and turning did me no good either. Once in the while, my eyes flicked to the skimpy pink dress that had the word 'KA' on it.

            From beneath layers of disguise,

            I kept on watching,

            Yearning to see your cold, cool eyes,

            Yearning to see you smile.

            Downstairs, doors slammed. I could even swear that I heard a tinkle of breaking glass.

            It was so unlike me to scream… to be so cheap… but…

            I winced as I heard my mom screaming in pain and rage. I knew, sooner or later it would be my dad's turn to shout in rage and pain. It was almost like a routine for me.

            Cool wind blew in from the open window, and I walked over to it, savoring in its cool delight. And after a while, my dad did shout… I knew it would continue, they would spend the whole night fighting, and the day? They'll be fast asleep.

            I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in my chest, trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall any second. Slowly, I climbed out of the window, using a rope, something the girls in the Rukawa brigade would have stared at, open-mouthed and stunned into silence… something rare… scrape that… something extraordinary…

            Although you never showed any signs of recognition,

            Although you never looked my way,

            Although you never seemed to have a reaction,

            My screams are here to stay.

            So? It was true, I was putting on an act… but so what? It did hurt to be ignored… but I think I might be able to live with it… I have to.

            I walked on in the dark night. Stars twinkled ahead in the velvety dark blue sky, cool wind blew, making my skin tingle. It was so peaceful… and I loved it.

            At least I'm not lost here. Better to be alone with no one, then to be lonely in the midst of dozens of people… exactly the way I feel when in the company of the brigade… being the head of the brigade… ugh… even I'm revolted. We weren't close at all… they only cared about themselves.

            Suddenly I stopped, my flowing thoughts trickled to a stop. The sounds of a bouncing ball were so lulling and consistent that I was hardly aware that I heard it. Slowly, I crept forward, nearing the public basketball court… and there, shrouded by the dark shadows of the night, I saw him.

            I may be wasting my time,

            I may be hiding my true self,

            But I'll never change my mind,

            Even though I'll hurt myself.

            He seemed so at ease, bouncing the ball… and now, spying, I could see a sense of satisfaction on his usually stoic face. He didn't need others, he didn't want their attention and care… while me… I yearned for it, their love, their smile… and it hurt me, it hurt me so bad.

            Why? Why didn't he need some care? Why couldn't he at least show some?

            'Rukawa,' I whispered. I wanted to shout aloud, to show him that I was there, to make him realize that there are other people around… and yet, at the same time, I didn't want to. I didn't dare to. I was, after all, actually a quite girl. I don't know what possessed me to join the Rukawa brigade… maybe the hurt, the yearning to catch the attention of someone who never seemed to care… and I failed. I still failed.

            I know you never considered me as a friend,

            And I think you never will,

            However, you're still my friend,

            And you I'll always shield.

            'Rukawa…' I whispered again. Tears were falling now, uncontrollably. He reminded me so much of my parents. They just didn't care about the world around them, what went on in the world… in their daughter.

            I had wanted more than anything to get his attention. To not be ignored by people who meant so much to the world, but didn't care about what happened in it. The world… and all that was in it didn't mean a thing to them.

            I do want to be loved,

            And I do need your smile,

            I only want to be accepted,

            Though I may not be worthwhile.

            All I wanted was a smile, love… care. Suddenly, he turned, looking right into my eyes. We stood that way a long time… and though it suddenly started raining, and we were soaked within minutes, we still stared at each other.

            However, instead of leaping for joy, I felt like crying even more. His gaze was intense… and it passed me a 'Get lost' sign. My hot tears mingled with the cold rain flowed down my cheeks. I continued to stare back, hoping that he would soften… but

            And though I may not receive it,

            Though you still kick me aside,

            Though my needs you may not meet,

            You I'll never snide.

            He turned back to the ring, jumped and performed an excellent fade-away jump shot. As the ball thumped to the ground, he muttered something. Something, not inaudible, something, not the usual one-word 'doa'ho'…

            I put my hands to my face, resisting the tempting urge to scream and shout aloud out of hurt and frustration. Slowly, I heard the rhythmic thump of the ball again.

            'What'd you want?'

            That was what he had said, and he had said it in that cold voice of his. Why? Didn't he care? He was not blur, he knew I was there… but couldn't he at least ask me what's wrong instead of what do I want?

            I felt that he was still looking at me. I knew it… felt it… and I turned, walking back to my house.

            The next day…

            As usual, he was surrounded by the thousands of girls smiling sweetly up at him… and I felt revolted. I had tried to get his attention that way too… but     

            'Oi! Suyika! Go get him!' a girl teased. I didn't bother answering her though my gaze was fixed on him. I didn't feel like chasing him now.

            Then, he turned to me. Our eyes locked awhile.

            And deep inside of me,

            I'll continue to bleed,

            From afar I'll always see,

            You as a friend, like I always did.

             'Sayika! Get your pompoms! He's going to start anytime!'

            I leaned back against the wall of the gym coolly, my gaze fixed on him performing a reversed slam dunk.

            'Sayika! How could you stand in that post?! It's so "ungirlly"! Get your pompoms!!! And don't forget your KA outfit!'

            I didn't respond, just looked. When 'RU' started shaking me, I snapped my eyes to her.

            'It's not my business.'

            'Huh?'

            'It's not my business. He's playing… so what?'

            'Teme!'

            'Deal with her later!! He's starting!' And so… soon, I was left alone, just staring straight at him.

            'RU-KA-WA! RU-KA-WA! L-O-V-E RU-KA-WA!'

            Everyone speaks of the world's wonders,

            But who's to speak of it's hurt and pain?

            I turned. I left.

So? How'd you find it? do tell me by reviewing… uh… do tell me what you really think, even if it's brutally cruel…ne?  thanks again!!