From: mybeardisawesomegetoverit headgamemaker

To: powerintherosegarden ipresident

Subject: Next Year's Hunger Games

Dear Mr President, Sir

As I am sure you are aware, there are increasing concerns, not just among citizens of the Capitol but members of the Hunger Games fandom in general, of a rising threat. Seen in other fandoms, this threat is one of the greatest perils of the literary world, and, most importantly, is a threat to the power of Panem.

That is to say, your power.

Every OC under the sun fears to be contaminated by the putrid stench of the name of She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

That is to say, a "Mary-Sue."

Now, there is nothing wrong with the name Mary. In fact, I understand that one of your daughters is called Mary. Neither is there anything wrong with the name Sue. However, combined the two words denote the most destructive force in the fictional world: and it exists purely in the fictional world because no Mary Sues exist in the real world. There are several economic and social problems with having Sues in our society.

Firstly, they start rebellions. That in itself is a problem. Secondly, their population is increasing: Mary Sues never have difficulty in finding or keeping partners. They never suffer fertility or childcare problems. All their offspring will be undoubted Mary Sues. Never is a Sue a divorcee, abandoned or cheated-on spouse, victim of marital abuse or a widow. We cannot slow the birth rate, so we must increase the death rate.

We cannot do this naturally. They never suffer debilitating illnesses, or lose limbs, or even get as much as a common cold. They are the epitome of physical and mental fitness.

Often a Sue is a victim of abuse/orphaned/ some childhood trauma, however this rarely affects them negatively. They never suffer emotional damage or even get nightmares. The abuse is there purely to attempt to camouflage perfection and serves no meaning to the story or purpose to the plot. (Which probably didn't exist anyway...)

So, as with all our nation's political enemies, I suggest that next year (even though it is not a Quarter Quell) we Reap 2 Mary Sues from each District, resulting in a total of 24 Mary Sues. They will then be sent to an arena where they shall Fight to the Death until a lone Victor remains.

I think that should be a thorough enough warning to the fanfiction authors.

Yours Sincerely,

Seneca Crane

Head Gamemaker

Hey Beard is Awesome

You have 1 New Message

Dear BeardFace

Good idea. It was almost worth leaving my rose garden to read your email. I hope that this project is successful, because you know the price of failure.

Yours Rosily,

Coriolanus Snow

President of Panem, For Those of You Who Have Been Living Under a Rock For the Past Twenty Years