+Red Champagne+
Summary: Buffy's reaction to finding out that Angel has feelings for Cordelia up in LA, and the fact that he seems to have forgotten all about his Slayer. Slight AU, takes place before either Season Finales of last year, for both shows. Buffy's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone at all, and I most likely never will. You see, Joss once told me that if I ever owned the BTVS and A:tS characters, we'd be living in one crazy, nekkid Spike and nekkid Angel world. Of course, I would cast myself as the leadin' lady for both of my cold vamps; they would fight over me in every episode, but in the end I would be both of their rewards. And the fact that Xander would constantly be doing manual 'construction' labor, topless, is beside the point, of course.
A/n: This idea came from the thought of Angel finding out about Spike and Buffy. (Sigh, yes, I am a B/S shipper, this fiction just had to be written down; but B/S is like my divine passion).Then I realized that because he has the new love interest, the preggers and child molesting Cordy (sorry, all you Cordy lovers or C/C shippers), he probably wouldn't care that much. So, then, in the name of all jealous and angry females, I just had to write this fiction piece. I think that I'll add a second part, from Angel's POV. After all, we can't have the broody vamp not brooding. It would be like me not breathing, or not being obsessed with the wicked hot James Marsters. Inconceivable.
+!+!+!+!+!+
"Buffy . . . you still my girl?"
"Always."
+!+!+!+
Eternal love. Soul mates. One true lover. Only you. Forever. Always.
But that can't be true, none of those promises and whispered words you uttered were meant to still be heard years from that time, years from the days when you only loved me. The first girl you loved in 240 years. The first and only girl you would ever love for the rest of your immortal life. Was it too much to ask from you, a vampire that fell in love with a Slayer?
I guess that when someone says that they'll love you until the end of time, until the world stops turning or the sky falls, that they don't really understand the magnitude of the words. They can't grasp the fact that what they say can't really ever be true, and that one day the words will turn into little drops of fallen tears that will dry up and be forgotten.
Or maybe they just didn't care that much after all.
Do you think of me when you look into her dark eyes, when she smiles at you with her little perfect smile, and you smile back with joy because the one you love now is with you? Do you even care that I'm still here, alone and scared, back from the dead, but only in body, and that I need you so much it physically burns? Or maybe your too busy with your new son and your new love, so much that it doesn't matter I'm dying again.
And again, and again, all because you don't love me back anymore.
Those heated looks you would send me, with those chocolate eyes, like you wanted to devour me whole, those years of hardship and love, were they all washed away by one of her laughs or a sultry whisper? Those times that you held me and swore you would never forget me, did they vanish when she walked into your life? Or maybe it was you that decided to wash away the memories, to clean your soul and scrub at your heart until it bled like bittersweet champagne just to forget the times we spent together. Maybe that's it. Maybe she was the opposite from me and you just wanted to forget the mistake that was the Slayer.
Your Slayer. Even still.
Even now, numb with the despair that you yet again caused, I would die for you in a heartbeat. Sacrifice my body and soul just for your happiness, just so that you can live another day knowing that I still love you more then life itself. But it would be with her, the life you would hold. You and her, and your son, in your little perfect family, to live your lives in happiness.
I hate you, more then I hate myself.
Did you ever even love me as much as I thought? Or did I just fall to your illusions and my dreams, and hope that what you felt for me could last through everything? Cause it didn't. Our love seemed to have bled dry when you left that day, walked away to your new life without a second glance. And I stood there, tears dripping down my cheeks, heart breaking like little pieces of fragile china, and you just kept on walking.
Walking away from me, walking away from the pain I caused.
How much did you suffer when you were with me? Do you suffer as much with her? Or maybe she makes you happy, so happy that you feel like a man but not happy enough to break your clause. The clause that 'made' you leave in the first place. The same clause that broke my heart and smashed my soul. The clause that caused you pain, and drove you to her.
Where is this soul clause now?
You left because you said you can never offer me the true relationship that I need. But what about her? Doesn't she need what I needed, doesn't she want the same satisfaction and happiness that you wanted to give me? Well I get it now. You could decide for me what I needed, you could deprive me twice of what I wanted most in the world, but for her it's okay. For her it doesn't matter that you'll never be with her, because she must be stronger then me, and she must know you better then I ever did.
She must deserve you more then I do.
When you held me tight, when you told me tales of your exultant love for me, I guess they were intricate lies told to weave around my heart and capture my soul. I guess that they were just that, words, things never meant to be remembered past the next fuck. Is that what it was? That's all I imagine them to be anymore. All I want them to be, because thinking about the fact you moved on and I still can't hurts more then knowing you never really loved me.
My dashing prince left his adoring princess to die, dirty and alone.
Maybe it was because I was too clingy . . . maybe I needed you to much, or loved you more then you expected. Or maybe it was you just wanted someone to hold and I was there, conveniently. Did you want to take my virginity? Was our first and only night together only something to brag about to your demon friends? "Hey guys, guess who I had last night. The god damn Slayer." Maybe I wasn't good enough, and she is.
Cordelia Chase, nemesis of my high school years.
What does she give you that I can't? Is it those long legs, or those tall curves? Maybe because she looks so fragile, like she needs to be protected. It could be the bitchy attitude, or the pretty face. Is it the fact that she hated me, and you do too? Don't hide it Angel, I still know you after so many years. In the end, I reminded you of what you weren't, and you hated me for it. Your resentment of a human girlfriend, showing you that you would never be like the victims you protected. A constant reminder that you were a vampire and never could be anything more.
The big Savior now, I hear. You didn't save me. You never can.
Well guess what? I fuck Spike now. Regularly. Not because I love him or because he's all I ever wanted. Not even because he's a cold substitute for his absentee Sire. No. It's because I need him. I need him because he cares for me, and if he stopped loving me then I wouldn't have any more reason to stay linked to this Earth. He is like my divine passion, while you are my one and only forbidden love. Funny that even a soulless demon shows me more caring then you ever will, and even funnier still it's my mortal enemy, and your Childe. But you don't care; you have a new life now and I'm not in it.
What? Buffy and my Childe? That's nice, send them a fruit basket.
You have to still love me and want me. You have to still care about me. If you didn't then I would die and never look back and it would just hurt to much and be heart-wrenching . . . and you just can't stop loving me. You just can't. I love you too much for even the thought of the fact that you don't care for me anymore. It would be impossible to live with myself. I just can't do it, Angel, so you can't ever stop loving me.
Please? Please love me forever?
I'm dying here and you don't look back. You don't help me up, you just wished me luck and took off. How can this be? How can I live with myself knowing I had your love and now it belongs to someone else? Or maybe I never really had your love at all. That has to be it. One can't fall so deeply into a swirling black hole of eternal love and then be over with it. One can't fall that hard and then pick themselves up and be done with it without a second thought to the one they didn't want to leave behind.
You just can't stop loving your soulmate.
So that's how it is. You loved me, you left me, you killed me, you moved on from me. To her. And your new life. You loved one girl in 240 years, but it took less then three years to stop and move on to your second love. It took less then three years to erase the one women that will love you more then anyone else, that accepted you for who you were, that shared her bed and her heart. Less then three years to forget the promise you made me, and all the lies that spilled from you dead lips, so sweet and pure that I felt light headed hearing them.
You always were a selfish bastard.
Summary: Buffy's reaction to finding out that Angel has feelings for Cordelia up in LA, and the fact that he seems to have forgotten all about his Slayer. Slight AU, takes place before either Season Finales of last year, for both shows. Buffy's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone at all, and I most likely never will. You see, Joss once told me that if I ever owned the BTVS and A:tS characters, we'd be living in one crazy, nekkid Spike and nekkid Angel world. Of course, I would cast myself as the leadin' lady for both of my cold vamps; they would fight over me in every episode, but in the end I would be both of their rewards. And the fact that Xander would constantly be doing manual 'construction' labor, topless, is beside the point, of course.
A/n: This idea came from the thought of Angel finding out about Spike and Buffy. (Sigh, yes, I am a B/S shipper, this fiction just had to be written down; but B/S is like my divine passion).Then I realized that because he has the new love interest, the preggers and child molesting Cordy (sorry, all you Cordy lovers or C/C shippers), he probably wouldn't care that much. So, then, in the name of all jealous and angry females, I just had to write this fiction piece. I think that I'll add a second part, from Angel's POV. After all, we can't have the broody vamp not brooding. It would be like me not breathing, or not being obsessed with the wicked hot James Marsters. Inconceivable.
+!+!+!+!+!+
"Buffy . . . you still my girl?"
"Always."
+!+!+!+
Eternal love. Soul mates. One true lover. Only you. Forever. Always.
But that can't be true, none of those promises and whispered words you uttered were meant to still be heard years from that time, years from the days when you only loved me. The first girl you loved in 240 years. The first and only girl you would ever love for the rest of your immortal life. Was it too much to ask from you, a vampire that fell in love with a Slayer?
I guess that when someone says that they'll love you until the end of time, until the world stops turning or the sky falls, that they don't really understand the magnitude of the words. They can't grasp the fact that what they say can't really ever be true, and that one day the words will turn into little drops of fallen tears that will dry up and be forgotten.
Or maybe they just didn't care that much after all.
Do you think of me when you look into her dark eyes, when she smiles at you with her little perfect smile, and you smile back with joy because the one you love now is with you? Do you even care that I'm still here, alone and scared, back from the dead, but only in body, and that I need you so much it physically burns? Or maybe your too busy with your new son and your new love, so much that it doesn't matter I'm dying again.
And again, and again, all because you don't love me back anymore.
Those heated looks you would send me, with those chocolate eyes, like you wanted to devour me whole, those years of hardship and love, were they all washed away by one of her laughs or a sultry whisper? Those times that you held me and swore you would never forget me, did they vanish when she walked into your life? Or maybe it was you that decided to wash away the memories, to clean your soul and scrub at your heart until it bled like bittersweet champagne just to forget the times we spent together. Maybe that's it. Maybe she was the opposite from me and you just wanted to forget the mistake that was the Slayer.
Your Slayer. Even still.
Even now, numb with the despair that you yet again caused, I would die for you in a heartbeat. Sacrifice my body and soul just for your happiness, just so that you can live another day knowing that I still love you more then life itself. But it would be with her, the life you would hold. You and her, and your son, in your little perfect family, to live your lives in happiness.
I hate you, more then I hate myself.
Did you ever even love me as much as I thought? Or did I just fall to your illusions and my dreams, and hope that what you felt for me could last through everything? Cause it didn't. Our love seemed to have bled dry when you left that day, walked away to your new life without a second glance. And I stood there, tears dripping down my cheeks, heart breaking like little pieces of fragile china, and you just kept on walking.
Walking away from me, walking away from the pain I caused.
How much did you suffer when you were with me? Do you suffer as much with her? Or maybe she makes you happy, so happy that you feel like a man but not happy enough to break your clause. The clause that 'made' you leave in the first place. The same clause that broke my heart and smashed my soul. The clause that caused you pain, and drove you to her.
Where is this soul clause now?
You left because you said you can never offer me the true relationship that I need. But what about her? Doesn't she need what I needed, doesn't she want the same satisfaction and happiness that you wanted to give me? Well I get it now. You could decide for me what I needed, you could deprive me twice of what I wanted most in the world, but for her it's okay. For her it doesn't matter that you'll never be with her, because she must be stronger then me, and she must know you better then I ever did.
She must deserve you more then I do.
When you held me tight, when you told me tales of your exultant love for me, I guess they were intricate lies told to weave around my heart and capture my soul. I guess that they were just that, words, things never meant to be remembered past the next fuck. Is that what it was? That's all I imagine them to be anymore. All I want them to be, because thinking about the fact you moved on and I still can't hurts more then knowing you never really loved me.
My dashing prince left his adoring princess to die, dirty and alone.
Maybe it was because I was too clingy . . . maybe I needed you to much, or loved you more then you expected. Or maybe it was you just wanted someone to hold and I was there, conveniently. Did you want to take my virginity? Was our first and only night together only something to brag about to your demon friends? "Hey guys, guess who I had last night. The god damn Slayer." Maybe I wasn't good enough, and she is.
Cordelia Chase, nemesis of my high school years.
What does she give you that I can't? Is it those long legs, or those tall curves? Maybe because she looks so fragile, like she needs to be protected. It could be the bitchy attitude, or the pretty face. Is it the fact that she hated me, and you do too? Don't hide it Angel, I still know you after so many years. In the end, I reminded you of what you weren't, and you hated me for it. Your resentment of a human girlfriend, showing you that you would never be like the victims you protected. A constant reminder that you were a vampire and never could be anything more.
The big Savior now, I hear. You didn't save me. You never can.
Well guess what? I fuck Spike now. Regularly. Not because I love him or because he's all I ever wanted. Not even because he's a cold substitute for his absentee Sire. No. It's because I need him. I need him because he cares for me, and if he stopped loving me then I wouldn't have any more reason to stay linked to this Earth. He is like my divine passion, while you are my one and only forbidden love. Funny that even a soulless demon shows me more caring then you ever will, and even funnier still it's my mortal enemy, and your Childe. But you don't care; you have a new life now and I'm not in it.
What? Buffy and my Childe? That's nice, send them a fruit basket.
You have to still love me and want me. You have to still care about me. If you didn't then I would die and never look back and it would just hurt to much and be heart-wrenching . . . and you just can't stop loving me. You just can't. I love you too much for even the thought of the fact that you don't care for me anymore. It would be impossible to live with myself. I just can't do it, Angel, so you can't ever stop loving me.
Please? Please love me forever?
I'm dying here and you don't look back. You don't help me up, you just wished me luck and took off. How can this be? How can I live with myself knowing I had your love and now it belongs to someone else? Or maybe I never really had your love at all. That has to be it. One can't fall so deeply into a swirling black hole of eternal love and then be over with it. One can't fall that hard and then pick themselves up and be done with it without a second thought to the one they didn't want to leave behind.
You just can't stop loving your soulmate.
So that's how it is. You loved me, you left me, you killed me, you moved on from me. To her. And your new life. You loved one girl in 240 years, but it took less then three years to stop and move on to your second love. It took less then three years to erase the one women that will love you more then anyone else, that accepted you for who you were, that shared her bed and her heart. Less then three years to forget the promise you made me, and all the lies that spilled from you dead lips, so sweet and pure that I felt light headed hearing them.
You always were a selfish bastard.