I Don't Want Forgiveness
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the movies Thor or The Avengers Assembled and I'm not making any money from this fic
Summary: Loki doesn't want to be forgiven. Really
Warning(s): Spanking (severe); spoilers for the above-mentioned movies; some mentions of violence
Author's Note: So, NaNoWriMo's ended and I've not only managed to go past 50,000 words, but managed to finish the entire first draft (about 97,000 words) in just under thirty days. So, as a reward for myself, I'm returning to my two favourite characters before my next project
It was the loneliness that was the worst thing, here in the dungeon. Loki couldn't have imagined that Odin would come up with a punishment that didn't involve pain and torture. But the AllFather clearly knew that, for Loki, being alone was the worst possible thing.
There was a reason why, after he'd come to Midgard, Loki had made sure he was surrounded by the allies controlled by the Tesseract.
There weren't even any other prisoners here in the dungeons. Loki's arms were chained up above his head, but at least the discomfort from that gave him something else to think about, rather than his failure and the fact that he was now completely and terribly alone.
There was no chance of Loki trying to persuade one of the guards to talk to him. Apart from mealtimes, the muzzle was in place over his mouth. It was painful and forced his mouth unnaturally open. Loki could taste blood in his mouth whenever it was removed and it meant that every time he was allowed to eat, there was an iron taste every time he swallowed a mouthful of food.
A part of Loki was grateful that he was only wearing the muzzle, though. When he'd been brought before Odin for his trial, the AllFather had threatened to have his mouth sewn shut. The only reason that that hadn't taken place had been because Thor had spoken up in Loki's defence.
Loki hadn't even tried to speak for himself. He wasn't sorry for what he'd done. Really. If he was given a chance to go back and change it all, he'd do everything again. Really. But this time, he'd make sure that he killed Thor first, so that he couldn't stop his plans.
The door to the dungeon opened with a loud creaking sound and Loki looked up, expecting to see one of the guards there, ready to remove his muzzle and feed him. He hated being fed like a baby, but it wasn't like he had any choice in it.
Instead, though, Thor stood there.
Loki hadn't expected to see his brother again. Ever. Since his trial, Thor had never so much as visited Loki during his imprisonment. Loki didn't care about that. It suited him just fine that Thor no longer thought he could save him.
Thor was holding a tray of food in one hand and he slowly walked over to crouch down in front of Loki, setting the tray carefully on the ground. He then reached out and carefully removed the muzzle from Loki's mouth.
"I hope you don't expect me to be grateful," Loki said with a slightly sharp edge to his voice.
"You need to eat."
"What's the point? I'm only going to be executed anyway."
Thor sighed and took a forkful of food from the plate. It was lamb stew - one of Loki's favourite meals as they'd grown up. Slowly - as carefully as though Loki was once again that small child who needed coaxing to eat - Thor held the forkful to his lips.
Loki's stomach growled, but he moved his head away. "Just leave me alone."
Thor sighed. "You need to eat," he said again.
"Why don't you free my hands?" Loki suggested slyly.
"You know I can't do that."
"Then it appears we're at an impasse," Loki said. "I'm not going to eat unless you untie my hands - and you won't untie my hands, so..." He shrugged.
"Loki, maybe if you showed some sort of remorse for what you did..."
"Why should I show remorse?" Loki retorted. "I was the one who was lied to! I'm not even from Asgard... and you ruined all of my plans."
"You tried to kill me. Twice," Thor said. "You stabbed me when all I wanted was to bring you back to Asgard with me."
There was a brief stab of pain through Loki's heart, but he shoved it violently down. He didn't feel bad. Not at all. He was just angry because his plans had been ruined. That was all. "Are you done?"
"I won't let you starve yourself."
Loki laughed outright. "Do you think that's what I'm doing? I told you. I'm just not hungry."
"I told Father that it wasn't a good idea to hold you here; that it was more important for you to be rehabilitated."
Loki gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Do you think I really care about what you and Odin have been talking about?"
"I think that you're deluding yourself, brother," Thor replied calmly.
"I'm not your brother. I never was."
Thor looked at him and then slowly nodded. There was a slightly decisive look on his face - one that Loki had seen before, but that he remembered never ended with anything good for him. "You're right. You're not my brother."
A stab of pain went through Loki at that comment, but he viciously fought it back. This was what he wanted, after all. For Thor to acknowledge that there was nothing between them anymore.
Thor held eye contact with Loki as he continued, "My brother is fond of mischief, but has never been cruel. My brother would never conceive of harming innocents, no matter how angry he was. My brother would never have dropped me out of that airship or stabbed me when all I tried to do was bring him home to me. But if my brother was angry enough and lost enough that he'd lost himself and done all of those things, then when he came back to himself, he'd be wracked with guilt and needing forgiveness."
Loki hissed out a breath, hurting down to his very soul... as if each of Thor's words had been a strike against his heart. "I don't want your forgiveness," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I never said you wanted it."
Loki sat there in silence. He didn't want to play this game anymore. It was easier when they'd been on Midgard. He and Thor had been on equal footing. His magic was his greatest weapon and without it, he had nothing.
After a few moments of silence, Thor slowly moved forward. He took hold of the chains and unlocked them, then slid his hand down Loki's arm and took hold of his wrist.
Loki immediately tried to pull his wrist free. "What are you doing?"
"I'm giving you what you need." Thor settled back against the wall of the dungeon, his grip on Loki's wrist tight, and pulled Loki up and over his lap.
Loki's hands shot out to try and catch his balance. It must have been centuries since he'd been in this position - and never with Thor. Thor's thighs under his stomach were hard and dug into him. Swallowing, Loki tried to do some form of damage control. "Look, I get it, all right! You're annoyed with me and you want me to be a good little boy for you." He rolled his eyes. "You can let me up now."
The first smack landed hard enough to take Loki's breath away. He barely had a chance to breathe before the next sharp swat landed on top of the first, making him wince and cry out. The third hard strike landed in exactly the same place and left that part of Loki's backside aching.
Thor started on the other side of Loki's bottom and the trickster immediately flung his hand back, finding Thor's arm and digging his nails in hard. "Let me up!"
"If you really wanted to be let up, you'd find a way to force me to stop doing this." Thor's voice was calm as he extricated Loki's nails from his arm and twisted Loki's arm up behind his back, with his palm downwards so that he'd only end up scratching himself if he tried to use his nails.
Loki had plenty of spells that he could use to force Thor to let him go. Unfortunately, as he lay stiff across Thor's thighs, he found that he couldn't think of a single one. But that didn't mean that Thor was right. He didn't need or want this on any level. It hurt.
By the time Thor's hard hand began edging across his thighs, Loki was extremely concerned to find that he had tears in his eyes. When he felt Thor hook his fingers into the waistband of his leggings, Loki immediately began struggling and kicking his legs, trying to catapult himself off Thor's lap. "Don't you dare!"
"You are in no position to give me - or anyone else - orders," Thor stated, a stern edge to his voice, as he yanked Loki's leggings down to his knees, leaving Loki's bared backside and thighs to his gaze.
Loki felt the burn of humiliation down his spine and redoubled his efforts to escape. "What if someone sees?!"
"There are no guards here right now," Thor answered. "Even if there were, I doubt anyone would protest seeing the trickster getting a well-deserved punishment."
Loki opened his mouth to make a caustic retort, but when Thor's hand landed on his bare backside, he forgot everything but the sharp pain as the swats landed hard and fast all over his bare bottom and down to his thighs.
By the time Thor had continued two such circuits, Loki couldn't hold back the tears anymore. His entire world had shrunk down to Thor's hard hand addressing sharp swats to his bare backside and thighs, stinging every available inch of bare skin.
But underneath the pain was something else... feelings trying to surface. As the pain of the spanking began to strip away the shields Loki had erected around himself, he found his mind filled with sick horror. He remembered. He remembered everyone he'd hurt - the faceless innocents; the other Avengers... and his brother. Underneath the shields was Thor's little brother, struggling to get out.
It wasn't just the fierce burning in Loki's bottom and thighs that made the tears fall hard. He slumped forward over Thor's lap. Somewhere in the middle of his tears, a half-formed plea escaped. But not for reprieve.
At the sound of the plea, Thor stopped. Loki gasped, trying to catch his breath, but the tears refused to stop. He hadn't cried in years and now it seemed like all of his emotions were escaping him in the tears.
It took Loki a few moments to realise that Thor's hand was gently rubbing his back and he relaxed a little, even though he knew he didn't deserve the comfort. He wanted forgiveness - was almost desperate for it - but he knew he didn't deserve it. When he could speak through his tears, he did. "I don't deserve to be your brother!"
Thor sighed. "We are brothers, Loki. Now that you're willing to accept what you've done wrong, we can finally move on to repairing things."
Loki just shook his head. Now that he knew exactly what he'd done, he couldn't imagine ever being able to repair it. Despite the throbbing in his backside and thighs, the pain in his heart was so much worse and he leaned his head against his free arm, slumping his shoulders.
There was silence for several moments and then Loki heard the unmistakable sound of Thor removing his belt. The sound filled Loki with dread, but at the same time, a small part of him welcomed the fact that he was going to be severely punished.
Loki tensed as he felt the belt rest lightly against his backside and kept his forehead pressed against his arm, sobbing quietly. He couldn't help the cry as the belt landed in the first strike right at the top of his backside.
The belt landed without ceasing right down to Loki's thighs. As it landed on the sensitive skin of his thighs, Loki couldn't help kicking his legs a bit, sobbing harder. Thor's hand on his arm, however, was comforting even through the pain.
After a little while, the pain from the individual strikes of the belt bled together, until Loki couldn't tell where the individual strikes were landing. It took him several moments to realise that the severe thrashing had stopped and a moment or two more to realise that he was no longer over Thor's lap, but instead on it, cradled tightly and protectively in his brother's arms.
Loki couldn't find it in himself to pull away and curled in close to his brother, head resting on Thor's shoulder as he let himself calm down. Thor's hands on his back were warm and comforting, even through his tunic. Loki finally calmed down, but he still held tightly to Thor, needing the comfort.
Thor continued to hold Loki, rocking him gently. "Will you eat now?" he asked softly.
Loki nodded, cuddled in close to his brother. "Can I..." His voice trailed off, too embarrassed to finish his sentence.
"Well, we could stay here... or we could always go to mine or your rooms," Thor suggested.
"Maybe yours," Loki suggested. He couldn't even think about going to what had been his rooms.
Thor nodded and glanced at the tray of food. "Maybe we'd better stop by the kitchens and get some fresh food," he suggested. "It's probably cold by now."
"It doesn't matter." Loki didn't say it out loud, but he was warmed through by his brother's forgiveness... and love.
The End