The song is "Is There Life Out There" by Reba McEntire. This is connected to No Children, but it's not needed to understand this fic.
She married when she was twenty
She thought she was ready
Now she's not so sure
She thought she'd done some living
But now she's just wonderin'
What she's living for
Now she's feeling that there's something more
Kari sighed. That particular tinkling of broken glass told her that her brand new cake plate had just fallen off the counter. The sudden silence that filled the apartment afterward told her who had done it.
"Mom!"
Two young boys ran around the corner, almost slamming into her as they skidded to a stop. The older by barely a year was a brunette with soft brown eyes that glittered with mischief. The younger, a messy blonde with sparkling blue eyes, was beating on his brother's shoulder. He was the one who had wailed.
"Mom, Mom! You'll never guess what Lucian did!"
"Shut up, Kaz!" The brunette glared at his younger brother. "Don't lie to Mom."
"I'm not lying, Mom!"
"Enough!" Kari said, loudly and sternly. "One at a time, misters. And try to make it believable."
"It was -"
"Me first!"
"Why should you?"
"Cause I'm the oldest!"
"But I'm the favorite!"
"Mom and Dad don't have favorites, you butt!"
"You're a butt!"
"No, you're a butt!"
"Kazuki! Lucian!" Kari didn't yell. She never yelled. She was as serene and gentle as her old Crest. That didn't mean she never had to speak loudly to be heard over her children, however. Both her boys pouted and looked at the floor. "Let's start with you, Lucian. What was that noise?"
"It was aliens," came the eight year old's quick response. He'd been planning this one. "They came in through the window, and they were like, 'Give us your brother,' and I was like, 'No way – I love Kaz, you can't have him,' and then they were like, 'Fine, we'll just get you in trouble then!' and they smashed your new plate."
"That's dumb!" Kazuki yelled. "Mom, listen to me!"
"Yes, Kazuki?" It was a good thing she had plenty of practice with her Kindergarten class when it came to interrupting children.
"It was Mr. Tinkles! I was trying to give her a bath and she got mad and hissy and then she ran up the wall and sat on your plate. I told her, 'No, Mr. Tinkles, that's a bad Mr. Tinkles,' but she tried to bite me and jumped off the counter and knocked over your plate!"
Kari looked over at the fat gray cat who had been sitting in the windowsill, sleeping in the setting sun by her side for the past hour. Kazuki hadn't thought his story through, like Lucian had. She sat back in her chair, tapping her finger against her chin like she was deep in thought. "Hm, aliens invading or the cat having an out of body experience. Which one makes more sense?" Both her kids were looking at her expectantly. "I think what really happened, is this." She stood and grabbed Kazuki and Lucian by their collars, dragging them down the hall like two mad kittens. "You two were horsing around like I told you not to, and broke the new plate Grandma and Grandpa got me."
"How did you know?" Kazuki cried, and Lucian hushed him.
"That's how." She stood in front of their room and dropped her boys. "Now stay in here until dinner is ready. I don't want to hear any games or music going off, ok?"
"Yes, Mom," came the defeated chorus. She watched as they marched inside their room, like prisoners to death row instead of children to their beds for less than an hour.
Another sigh rose from within her. She loved her boys, she really and truly did, but sometimes it was hard to be a mother and teacher. There were days where she wanted to break open the computer and demand it take her back to the Digital World. Back to Gatomon, back to where fighting for her life was the easy part. She'd even go back to being Queen of the Numemon, some days.
Anything, but this boring, every day, raising two boys life.
Is there life out there
So much she hasn't done
Is there life beyond
Her family and her home
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares
She doesn't want to leave
She's just wonderin'
Is there life out there
The door opened, tearing her from her thoughts and she looked up with a wifely smile.
"TK," she said. Even after all these years, it was hard to call him by his full name.
The blonde man looked at her, as though he couldn't quite recognize her. He must have been at the hospital again. Or Church. Both left him just as equally unnerved sometimes.
"TK? You ok, dear?" Kari stepped over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He sagged into her touch with a weary noise. Hospital.
"I don't get it, Kari," he said as she took his coat off him and hung it by the door. If she didn't do that, he'd wear it all the way to bed. "She spends all her time calling and calling, but he never picks up. The few times she's out of the hospital, she just worries herself sick and ends up right back in."
"You know your brother has his own family, his own children. Tsukuyomi is, what, three now? You remember how difficult that was with our boys." She began rubbing his shoulders. It was what TK needed right now.
"But this is family," TK told her, relaxing into her grip. "Mom has spent over ten years trying to contact him, and all she gets is the cold shoulder. You know she hasn't even seen Hanako or Tsukuyomi?"
"TK..." Kari didn't know the details of what had happened. Only that there had been some big blowout at Matt's high school graduation that involved his mother. And now, she was stricken in the hospital with a cancer that left her barely able to see the world outside her sterilized room. Kari felt a connection to her, in a way. "Have you talked to Matt about it?"
Her husband shrugged, finally stepping away so Kari could still her hands. He was starting to wander off to his office, a third bedroom in the tiny apartment that he had converted to his workspace. "On and off. I met Hanako about three years ago, and have barely seen her since. Every time I try and bring up Mom, he just goes cold on me. I've tried asking Dad what's going on with him, but he just says I'll know when Matt's ready."
He slammed the door behind him and Kari shook her head. He wouldn't emerge from there until well past moonrise, probably with a new manuscript he would send out without even looking over. He'd been successful enough with A Million Points of Light, the novel he'd written about the Chosen Children and their adventures, but he never seemed to be able to achieve that same popularity with anything else. There were some bites here and there, a good royalties check that paid the bills over the holidays, but nothing that would really cement his name into anything aside fantasy.
After all, such a wildly imagined tale couldn't possibly be true. It was just the way a young boy escaped the boring summers in Odaiba.
She always lived for tomorrow
She's never learned how
To live for today
She's dyin' to try something foolish
Do something crazy
Or just get away
Something for herself for a change
Kari sat on the couch in their living room, looking at the pale felt dog staring adorably off into space from it's resting place in a shadowbox above the TV. She was hit by an overwhelming sadness, and wrapped her arms around herself. She missed Gatomon, like she missed an arm or a lung. Like someone she'd known since birth was all the way on Pluto, or something.
"Kari..." The small cat was crying and purring, trying to comfort the best she could. "I'll never forget you, ever. I waited my whole life to meet you, put up with the worst Myotsimon had to offer, and almost died for you. You'll be in my heart forever."
"Gatomon, I..." Kari was crying into silky fur, rough green gloves trying to wipe the tears away as fast as they flowed. "I want you to know that I may not have known you as long as the others, but I'll never stop loving you. You're the other piece to my soul, and if you remember that, you'll never be alone again."
The last of the Digital Gates was closing, forever, but still the two clung to each other. It was only Gennai's final warning that made Kari tear herself away, sobbing into her brother's chest as her best friend vanished to a world she would never see again.
"Mom?" came the soft, worried voice.
Kari looked up, realizing only now that she had been crying. "Lucian? I thought I told you to stay in your room."
"We heard Dad come home." Kazuki was right behind his brother. They were completely inseparable. "We wanted to say hi, but you were crying."
Kari dabbed her eyes with a tissue and her boys ran over to hug her. "I'm ok. Just... remembering an old friend."
"Is it Miko?" Kazuki asked and Kari smiled at him.
"No, not Miko. But... close. Listen, your father's not feeling too well, so how about after dinner, we go see a movie, ok?" Kari smiled.
"You mean it, Mom?" Lucian asked with a grin. "We can really go?"
"Of course." Kari patted him on the head. "But since you're in trouble, I'll have to make sure it's a documentary."
"Aw, Mom," Kazuki groaned, melodramatically just to make his mother smile. "Can't you just ground us?"
"No way, mister, you're not getting out of it that easily." Kari smiled and ushered them into the kitchen. "You'll see that sea turtle migration film and you'll enjoy it."
The two boys wailed and cried like they were being tortured and Kari felt her heart rise. Children and family weren't quite the soul-bond she'd shared with Gatomon, but it was enough to warm her from the inside.
Is there life out there
So much she hasn't done
Is there life beyond
Her family and her home
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares
She doesn't want to leave
She's just wonderin'
Is there life out there
TK was at Church that Sunday with Kazuki and Lucian in tow. The youngest tried his hardest to understand his father's devotion while the elder just went through the motions. Kari wanted to tell her husband to be gentle, to let their children find their own faiths, but he grumbled enough that morning when she said she wasn't going.
"Wherever you're going had better be as important as God," he'd warned and she'd frowned. He hadn't been this bad before that damned priest had taken over at the Church a few years ago. She wanted to tell him to look at the messages he was being told and decide if they were those of the Church or those of the person.
"Just remember to pick the boys up after Sunday School," she had said instead. It wouldn't do to start a fight, otherwise he'd spend all afternoon in the confessional. "I should be home around the time you are."
She tried to kiss him, but he turned his cheek to her. She sighed at his irritation and smiled at her kids, dressed in their nicest clothes. "Be good for Father Nohara, ok?"
"We know," Lucian chirped with an easy smile. Kazuki always made sure to be as serious as his father. "It's Bug that has the problems."
TK ushered his children out the door before he could say anything about his niece, or her fathers. That was another argument neither adult wanted to get into.
Kari listened as her family trudged out of the apartment, gathering her keys, her purse, her shoes. She was tempted to run after them, to rethink her plan for the day and join her husband at Church, but she knew this was something she had to do. If not for herself, than for her family. And there was nothing she wouldn't do for her family.
There's a place in the sun that she's never been
Where life is fair and time is a friend
Would she do it the same as she did back then
She looks out the window and she wonders again
As Kari stepped into the main lobby at Shinjuku Hospital, she could still feel that twinge of fear in her chest. She could still hear her mother's frantic voice on the phone, sobbingly telling her about her father's heart attack. She tried to convince herself that he was fine now, that the pills he was on were doing their job, but that worry just carried over to what she was doing now. She grabbed the strap of her purse to sill her shaking hands and walked up to the counter.
"My name is Hikari Takaishi, I'm looking for Nancy Takaishi," she told the woman at the desk.
"Takaishi, Takaishi," the nurse mumbled, clicking through her computer. "I have... right here. Nancy Takaishi, under the Ishida insurance plan."
Ishida? Did Matt's father still have his ex-wife under his insurance? No wonder he always looked so ratty, this was her sixth time to be admitted this year alone.
"She's on the fourth floor, room 4225," the nurse continued. She gave a somber smile. She knew what was on the fourth floor. "Anything else I can help you with?"
"No thank you," Kari replied, smiling. Even in a place like this, she couldn't allow herself to be shaken. There were too many people around for her to be anything but a pillar for the ill. She got on the elevator, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. She wanted to pull out her cell phone, to call her father and remind herself that he wasn't still in that cramped white room, but she had no signal.
The Oncology ward was rather empty this time of day aside the nurse that pointed Kari to the right hallway. He gave her a gentle smile he'd surely practiced as she thanked him and continued on his rounds. Kari looked at the rooms, reading each name as she passed and feeling more and more terrible. If only there was something she could do for all these poor people...
She reached room 4225 and poked her head in just in time to see the priest press a Eucharist to Nancy's mouth. The older woman was pale, her hand shaking as she crossed herself. The monitors she was hooked up to beeped and blinked as she was blessed, and even from the hall, Kari could see how thin she was getting.
"Pardon me, ma'am," the priest said gently and Kari stepped back with a bow.
"I'm sorry, Father," she said just as quietly, and he smiled. He raised his hand to bless her, as though knowing she'd skipped out on Mass, and for a brief moment, she wondered what he would say if she told him she was God to a bunch of digital trash monsters. Father Nohara would probably call her out as a witch, and she hoped her husband wouldn't turn on her too quickly.
"Who's there?" came the soft, wavering voice from the dead of the room. It broke Kari's heart to hear the gloom saturating those two words.
"Mrs. Takaishi?" Kari stepped inside, mustering up her warmest smile. "It's me, Kari."
Dull blue eyes blinked heavily, and it was a moment before recognition filled them. "Ah, yes. I... I haven't seen you in a while." She smiled. "How's my boy?"
Kari took a seat next to the woman as she began coughing, deep noises that wracked her lungs into a bloody wheeze. Nancy reached for the box of tissues by her side, unable to lift her shaking arm enough. Kari gently pulled one for her, wiping the blood from the corner of her mouth.
"TK is fine, his usual miserable self," Kari said with a sad smile. He wasn't who she was asking about, but the young wife continued on, "I swear, he spends more time at Church than with us, always preaching about the evils of the world."
"I'm afraid he gets that from me," Nancy told her weakly. She smiled her gratitude as Kari tossed the tissue. "I've always been Catholic and after the divorce, I'm afraid I lost myself in it. I dragged my poor child to hate speech after hate speech where I taught him all the wrong things. Who to judge, what to hate. And when I found out his father moved to an all-male complex, well, that just became the easiest thing to blame it all on."
That would explain all the hate for her brother and his husband. She wished TK would see that they were still his friends, despite it.
Is there life out there
So much she hasn't done
Is there life beyond
Her family and her home
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares
She doesn't want to leave
She's just wonderin'
Is there life out there
"Does TK come by to visit often?" Kari asked.
"All the time," Nancy replied, taking a heavy breath. All this talking was wearing her out, but she still went on. "He's such a sweet boy for everything that's happened between me and his brother."
"What did happen?" Kari ventured. Despite her marriage, she still didn't know what was happening between the brothers to cause such a rift. "TK barely talks to Matt anymore, not since he graduated high school."
"That's also my fault." Nancy looked to the ceiling, blinking away a tear. "TK has only ever wanted all of us to be together again, seeing our family breaking up destroyed him. So he arranged for us to meet, have dinner, and, I guess in his mind, decide we wanted to be as one again. But Matt, he... He's always been so sad, and so angry at the world. I said the wrong thing and Matt pushed me away, like he always had, and it hurt TK more than me."
Kari could remember that night. They had just started dating not too long before, and he had called her that night, sobbing into the receiver. Kari didn't pretend to know the true meaning behind the words he'd repeated, but she knew that her boyfriend needed her more than ever. Despite her own misgivings about their fresh relationship, he'd quietly told he that he wanted to get married, to start a family and show Matt how it was supposed to be. Unable to do anything but help the young man, she'd agreed, said that she was ready for that level of commitment, and that their graduation presents to each other should be rings.
She wasn't sure what she had expected, but TK clung to her throughout high school and, true to her word, they signed the certificate while still in their caps and gowns. It wasn't like he was unfamiliar, they'd known each other since they were seven, or that he was unattractive, as their two kids were a testament to, but she put aside her own desires as usual to be the best wife she could.
"But when I see him, he's so happy," Nancy continued and Kari pulled herself to the present. She could see the way the elder woman wanted to smile, despite her exhaustion, and Kari nodded. There was no reason to tell her how depressed TK was whenever he came back from visiting, how much he locked himself away from his own family. Nancy needed to know her child was well-adjusted. "He'd told me all about his children, and how proud of them he is."
"Have you seen them yet?" Kari asked. She couldn't recall them mentioning going to the hospital, but she did stay late at the school sometimes.
Nancy shook her head, leaving her dizzy. "He promised to bring them by one day, but I collapsed and had to be brought here. He's one of those people who doesn't want to have the memory of someone in the hospital."
"Well, here." Kari dug into her purse, pulling out her cell phone. She took off the small charm that Tai had called childish and handed it over. It was a simple photo, her two boys smiling innocently, hoping their mother wouldn't find the shaved cat locked in their room. It was from a few years ago, and Kari knew she needed to take an updated picture, but they were just so cute at four and five. "I have plenty more at home – I'll bring an album next time."
Nancy bit her lip, running her thumb over the picture. "This one, he looks so much like his... father."
"That's Kazuki," Kari told her. "Personally, I always thought he looked more like Matt."
Nancy looked to the ceiling sharply. She was fighting back something that wasn't tears. "A-and the other?"
"His name is Lucian." Kari furrowed her brows, worried about Nancy. Did she need to grab a nurse from the hallway? "He's older, but just as sweet." She tried to give a reassuring smile. "Once you're out of here, I'll bring them by. I'm sure they'd love to see their other grandmother."
"I... I would like that. I would love to see Kazuki. And Lucian, of course."
Kari hated the abrupt thought that she hoped Nancy would never leave the hospital. She squashed it down, telling herself that she was being silly. It would help Nancy feel better to see her grandchildren, so she would do it.
"It's getting late," Kari told her. She didn't want Nancy to pick up on her sudden discomfort. "I told TK I would be home soon."
"I understand." Nancy gave her an odd smile, a stomach-twisting look in her eyes. "Be sure to give Kazuki a hug for me, ok?"
Is there life out there
So much she hasn't done
Is there life beyond
Her family and her home
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares
She doesn't want to leave
She's just wonderin'
Is there life out there
Kari was home before TK, and she locked herself in the bathroom. She was washing her hands repeatedly, and she refused to let herself understand why.
'It's because I was at the hospital. I don't want to get my children sick.'
That sounded right.
She tossed the empty soap bottle in the trash, drying her red hands. The water had been very hot, but that was to kill any germs that might have lingered. Mr. Tinkles wound around her ankles, meowing worriedly, and she pet her soft fur, missing her old friend once again. Things were so much simpler, so much easier back then. It was obvious who the bad guys were and what to do with them. If only she could do the same thing here and now...
The front door opened and Kari pulled herself together. She couldn't let her husband and children see her trying to fall apart. She put on her best smile and stepped away from the cat, who yowled with her pain. Those desperately comforting purrs tugged at her heart, but she refused to let it show. TK needed her more than she needed Gatomon, and that was all she there was to know.