She can't pinpoint the exact moment it happened- but then again could anyone? It wasn't like a slap in the face or a strike of lightning. There were no fireworks or balloons. It was more similar to a wild goose chase. Of course, Maya Hart didn't chase willingly. She was sort of, unexpectedly, tricked into it. Each time a new symptom blossomed, she'd keep it to herself. Maybe confide in Zay. Then write it in a letter, seal it and carefully tuck it under her pillow. The symptoms were faint- unnoticeable to the untrained eye. They stood closer to one another. Her eyebrows always raised when talking to him. Goosebumps would flourish on her pale arms when he would skim past her to his own seat. With the symptoms came side affects. Much to her own irritation, she impulsively laughed a little bit louder at his jokes. Or volunteer to help with his mom's bake sale. When questioned, she'd simply shrug her shoulders and reply with ease. "I'd do it for Topey, might as well help Sundance out a 'lil." This was accepted by their group with ease. Bar Zay. No, he had caught on the day Riley and Ranger Rick had walked up to their lockers hand in hand first day of Sophomore year.
"I know," Zay had teased, elongating the o.
"Oh, what do you know Babineaux, enlighten me!" She would answer.
"Just that you Hart, have still got it bad! Which lucky for me, I thought for a second you were giving up," He spoke coyly, swinging his arm over her shoulder to hold her closer.
"Babs, sweetheart, you know nothing-"
Cutting her off, he effectively debunked her theory. "Oh, I know you got it bad for Lukey boy, but for you Maya, I'll keep it close to my heart," he whispers into her ear.
Flabbergasted at the boys ability to read her so well, she is lost for words. For quite possibly the first time ever.
Letting go of the blonde girl's petite frame, he ruffled her hair and walked a couple of paces before turning around and announcing to the whole hallway, "GET 'CHA MAN, PENNY!"
Watching him run away from her ,she devised a plan to be a bit more sly with her emotions this time. Maybe smile less at him. Or call him fewer nicknames- or more. Honestly, Maya was slightly confused by the entire exchange. So much so, she had let Zay run off without punching him for calling her Penny. A nickname bestowed upon her since Freshman year.
Lucas (07:15)
Zay's singing "get 'cha man, penny' down the science block to the tune of Come and Get Your Love by Redbone. Thoughts?
Maya (07:16)
he saw me check out charlie gardener's rear end
Lucas (07:16)
makes sense, boy's got cheeks
After that crisis was smoothly diverted, she found solace with Zay. Whenever she'd feel a new symptom- maybe when she had accidentally called him Luke in front of their whole English class- he'd be there to walk her through the motions. Write it in the letter, seal it, tuck it under the pillow case. Zay had suggested stuffing them in with her clothes so when she finally told Lucas, she'd be "coming out the closet". That suggestion was politely, not so politely rejected. She also had no plans to tell the cowboy. Until now at least. Even then it wasn't exactly planned.
"Maya, what the hell are these?" He had laughed.
In that exact moment, Maya Hart thought she was having a stroke at the ripe age of 18. A senior in high school and here she was- about to die. Right here and then. On her bedroom floor, surrounded by flash cards about 'The Road' by Cormac Mcarthy. Shaking herself out this hiccup, she tried to formulate an excuse.
His head had been on her pillow. She was getting lazy. Assuming he would stick to reading the book and not fondling her pillows.
"Uh- unsent complaints to the landlord," she trailed off.
Further inspecting the mass of letters, he called her out. "There must be about 20? What the hell are you complaining about?"
"The ventilation system in this apartment is hell!"
"Penny, I don't think that's it…"
"Oh, you got me! I'm in love with Zay!" She rebutted,
"Zay?"
"Babineaux! The very one! What a looker! Maya Babineaux, nice ring to it, isn't there?"
Zay can pinpoint the exact moment Lucas became suspicious. A week before his third break up with Riley- not that anyone was counting. (They were all counting.) Running drills for football practice, Lucas brought it up.
"So, you and Maya?"
Zay keeps the laughs to himself. Sure, he'd get hell for it from Maya but nothing satisfied him more than a jealous Lucas Friar. Coughing in facade secrecy, he peered up at the bleachers. A certain blonde was situated next to his gym bag sketching.
"C'mon you can tell me man. I just didn't know you guys were into each other-"
"Luke-"
"Like I can totally see it? You two sit next to each other at lunch, she lets you in the art room- none of us are allowed in there bro, she's waiting for you after practice! Like I just didn't know you were interested in her," The brunette trailed off. Keeping up his pace, Zay could tell all those factors, which usually go unnoticed by the rest of the gang, were definitely clear to Lucas.
"Lucas, nothings going on with me and Maya, chill. We're just hanging out," Zay had replied. Knowing full well, the words 'hanging out' were sure to get on his friend's last nerve.
Stopping to a halt, Lucas squares him up. "Zay, you're my best friend- no one 'hangs out' with Maya Hart. You're all in or not, okay?"
The coach's whistle shakes Lucas from his protective rant and he instead focuses his energy on the small girl running onto the field, Zay's gym bag in hand.
"Babineaux, we got things to do, people to torture!"
Zay watches as his best friend's fist tightens and eyebrows draw closer.
Zay (19:32)
Dude, nothing's goin' on with me and maya, we're just bonding over our mutual love for Gardener's ass
Lucas (19:37)
okay man
Zay (19:40)
why would you care anyways?
Lucas (20:04)
I care about my friends.
"Maya.."
"What Lucas?!"
"My name's on about half of these.."
"I get that I'm supposed to support your artistic endeavours and all but really Howdy, I can't help you out here.."
"C'mon Maya, it's not that bad," he pleaded.
"Oh it's bad. But luckily for you, you're best friends with Maya Hart.."
"I'd like to cash in my Maya Does Your Art Homework coupon," he says smugly.
Which resulted in herself holding his hand which was holding the paint brush. Which caused a garden of goosebumps to appear on her arm.
"You cold?"
Dear Lucas,
I stood ridiculously close to you today in Art.
I chalked it up to helping you blend.
But I think we both know, that's not really why.
I think you changed aftershave too. Or shampoo. Or your mom bought different detergent.
I also think I shouldn't be realising this type of stuff.
One, because it's soppy. I'm not soppy.
Two, you're back on with Riles.
- Maya (AND ZAY!)
You think he smells good too?
Oh, all the time!
"Huckleberry, stop!" She protested.
"No, I want an explanation Maya!"
Dear Lucas,
You and Riley broke up today.
I held her hand and hugged her with all my might and watched Love, Actually in the middle of October.
Hearing the sound of my best friend crying almost makes me hate you.
I think we both know I couldn't.
Zay jokes and says you're helplessly in love with me and couldn't take it anymore.
If that was the case, I think I'd try and hate you a little bit more.
Riles deserves the world.
So do you Maya
- Maya
He's now sitting up. His face looks furious.
"These go back to sophomore year?"
"Sundance, really there's no point of reading these!"
"3 years? What the fuck Maya?"
Dear Lucas,
Your mom is quite possibly the nicest mean lady I've ever met in my life.
That woman could move a mountain by just saying please.
She's a force of nature and it's brilliant to watch her command a kitchen.
I have no idea why I volunteered to help in this back sale anyhow.
But after selling 100 brownies, I think I might love your mom more than you.
Not that I love you that is.
- Maya
He's quiet this time. A quiet Lucas is quite possibly worse. When he shouts and kicks things, she knew how to calm him down. She could jump on his back or throw herself in his line of fire. When he was quiet however, she was stumped.
"So- what? did these get lost in the mail?"
"I didn't send them."
When she had first shown Zay the letters, he too was confused by the prospect. Writing letters but never sending them, what was the point? Truly, Maya didn't think there was any. It wasn't a form of release. Each time she finished writing one, she'd still feel the same guilt. A weight on her shoulders, that no matter how much she tried, refused to shake off. So instead of letting it consume her, she would let it flow through the pen. The original plan was to paint away her feelings. 5 canvases and 3 tubes of paint in, she realised that plan was an expensive one. So Maya opted for classic pen and paper. She'd never been too good at writing essays. Always looking for a smarter way to say what she desired. This however was simple. It was a one sided conversation. She liked to keep it that way.
"You never call me Lucas." He says. His face masked with this unreadable emotion as if he too can't compute what's going on.
"Your point being?"
"So Maya, who was that we saw you at the movies with? Tall, dark and handsome?"
Missy Bradford loved drama. The girl thrived off it. Maya had always thought living beings needed 7 characteristics to be categorised as such. One, movement. Two, respiration. Three, sensitivity. Four, growth. Five, excretion. Six, reproduction. Seven, nutrition. Missy Bradford however was a new type of living organism. Requiring another factor. Eight, gossip. Maya was well aware the moment the monster spotted herself and Joshua Matthews exiting a cinema together last Saturday night that Monday would be hellish.
Plastering on a fake smile, Maya answered her question. "Riley's uncle. He goes to NYU. Not that it's any of your business who I see movies with, Missy but thanks for outing this to the whole group!"
Five minutes later after being pestered by Riley for details and side glances by Zay, Maya felt a vibration from her back pocket.
Lucas (12:33)
so josh?
Maya (12:33)
keep your cowboy boots on, we just saw a movie
Lucas (12:33)
he's older maya
Maya (12:34)
oh really? thanks for telling me brb let me text him right now!
Lucas (12:35)
just looking out for you
Zay (12:25)
if y'all are gonna be texting each other when we're all at the table can we at least do it in the group chat
Dear Lucas,
I'd kid myself and allow the notion that you were actually jealous.
But I'm not one for kidding myself. I like to keep it realistic.
Josh is just a dude.
An asshat a fair amount of the time but I'm beginning to think that's just the hand the universe has dealt me.
It's pretty selfish to assume I'm above that.
And he's got a face, so there's that.
- Maya
This time she's not met with an angered silence. He looks pensive. Pensive and- now pissed apparently. His eyebrows once sullen, now drawn up on his forehead.
"You dated him for the whole Summer. If you can call it dating. I just remember grabby hands and you having messy hair for 3 months straight." He said monotonously.
"You remember that?"
Lucas can pinpoint the exact moment he felt jealousy creep up on him. It wasn't a feeling of testosterone. It wasn't making him feel more egotistical and secure in his manliness. It creeped in through a back door and made a home within his head. No matter how many eviction notices he'd try to send it, Jealousy had found residency within him. The real kicker? He was jealous of Joshua Matthews.
Not for his looks. Not for his scholarship to NYU. Not for his ability to down a 7/11 Big Gulp in 15 seconds flat. A trick he showed the rest of the group, the Summer before. Then he thought he was impressive. Now? He thought he was an asshole. Any distinct reason to be jealous of Joshua Matthews was null. No, Lucas Friar was jealous of his hands. The hands currently running their fingers through the blonde mane on top of Maya Hart's head. The hands that, daily, found sanctuary on top of Maya Hart's dainty shoulders that stood tall whenever the Matthews boy wasn't around. The hands that Lucas spotted curled protectively around Maya's thigh on family game night. He had about blown up. Every fibre in his being screaming to get up and use his own calloused hands to punch the older boy square in the jaw. He didn't. Instead he sat on his hands. That was until his back pocket vibrated.
Zay (19:02)
you look at him with any more angry eyes, you're actually gonna shit yourself right here and now
Lucas (19:02)
his hand zay
Zay (19:02)
bite your tongue luke, girls like the older guy but the older guy is temporary
Lucas (19:04)
how temporary?
So he swallowed it. Swallowed the bile of jealousy crawling up his throat each time his eyes, in will of their own, darted to the tan hand around Maya's pale thigh. Maybe it wasn't jealousy. Maybe he's just protective of his friends. Yes. That was it.
"Did you seriously ask that?" His voice is raising. Maya matches his volume.
"Why the fuck not?"
"You know that Summer was the shittiest, I had to watch you fall at his fucking feet like you were-"
"Like I was what? No- c'mon. Answer the question Friar, finish your sentence. You have no fucking right." She knew exactly how to poke and prod at him. She knew which buttons set Lucas Moral Compass Friar into a frenzy.
The apartment is loud. The lights are all on. The TV is on. The radio, somewhere, is on. The washing machine is making noise. The creaky floor boards scream with each step she takes closer to him. The apartment is loud but all she can hear is her own heartbeat as she watches him rip own another letter.
Dear Lucas,
Did I call you Luke. That's not a question.
We all heard it.
It was disgusting.
I don't think I'm going to live that down.
The entire class was silent.
I called you Luke. I never call you Luke. To your face.
It's always in my head or in these letters or to Zay.
Never to your face.
- Maya
His temper has notably simmered. A faint smile tugs on his lips. He looks down at her with appreciation. Maya wants nothing but to run to the bathroom, slam the door, lock it, crawl into her bathtub and call Zay. Tell him about this. She'd ideally love to call Riley. But with each new letter he opens, another secret she hasn't disclosed to Riley is out in the open.
"That day was brilliant," he says softly.
"Brilliant? It was humiliating." She holds her ground, shoulders strong.
"Luke is what my mom calls me. And Zay. And hearing it come from you as you whispered something about Gardener's ass for the millionth time was better than any song you blare at the lunch table," he says this all with a smile.
Lucas (10:16)
Maya come back to class
Maya (10:16)
no
Lucas (10:16)
c'mon it wasn't that big of a deal, i actually quite liked it :-)
Maya (10:16)
shut up huckleberry
Maya (10:16)
and send me another damn emoticon and I'll rip out your jugular
Lucas (10:17)
oh you are so sweet to me maya penelope hart x
The apartment is still loud but no ones talking. He's looking at her like she's a puzzle. His eyes are squinting. His eyebrows are tugged together. He's biting his lip- a nervous habit she clocked in the ninth grade when they had their first proper presentation. Apparently, Matthew's two minute presentations in front of the class weren't going to cut it in the ninth grade. In the twelfth grade, Lucas Friar strongly believes Maya Hart should come with a warning label. From the day she waltzed into his life, it's been utter chaos. Not that he'd articulate that to her.
"Want to know my thoughts on all these letters?" He asks with a sense of self righteousness.
"Not particularly, Hopalong." She takes a step closer.
"They're fucking stupid."
Maya wasn't expecting that.
"They're stupid because you should've sent them. You should've told me. You should've-"
Cutting him off, Maya exploded.
"You're not allowed to say that to me. You're not allowed to ruin my system. You're not allowed to make this about you. This was my time to be selfish. I got to write these letters and be done with this- done with you! You have no right to make this about you, Lucas Friar. I don't regret not sending these letters and you sure as hell didn't regret it when you were in love with my best friend." A mouthful of words, that only half she was fully aware she had spoke. The rest had overflown after years of biting her tongue.
Riley can pinpoint the exact moment Lucas didn't love her the way she did him. Yes, they were 15. Yes, she probably didn't fully understand the concept of love. Yes, she had said she loved the winner of American Idol the week prior and now couldn't remember his last name. Yes, she could accept all of this but she sure as hell thought she loved him. Riley Matthews is observant and she sure as hell knew that Lucas Friar didn't even almost-could've-tweenstyle love her back. So she broke up with him. He was confused. She wasn't. Riley Matthews is the daughter of Cory. The best meddler this side of the equator and if she gained nothing from her father, asides from his dazzling optimism, she got his meddling.
"Love? Maya, we were 15! I didn't know what love was! I was too busy pretending to be someone I wasn't. I'm not Prince Charming! Once, I said fuck in front of Mr Matthews by accident and she didn't talk to me for a week! I'm not the kid I was pretending to be, I'm almost 19 and if a fraction of what love is, is how I feel when I look at you, I want to never stop feeling tha-"
He was blabbering. He was off on a tangent. The only acceptable way to shut him up was with her lips. Pressed so hard against his own- it was bordering uncomfortable. Maya's hands so tightly wrapped around his neck, he must be sore. Not that either two would admit. Maya can feel Lucas' belt buckle press into her hip bone. Lucas can feel Maya's teeth through their kiss. Maya deems Lucas too tall for this to be 100% successful- maybe if they were lying down. Lucas wants ever so dearly to dance his hands through her hair, in between her shoulder blades, down her spine, push her even closer to him at the small of her back, find home at the top of her thighs to lift her up so he wouldn't have to hurt his back leaning down- so he does. A kiss with so many faults it can't help but quite possibly be the one she'll remember most. She's kissed boys before. Girls too. Joshua Matthews was a shit kisser. He was too technique driven- like he'd practiced this before. He probably had. Zay was a dare. Quite similar to what you'd imagine kissing a relative. Charlie Gardener was just out of complete appreciation for his bum- a thank you present, if you will. The girl in her study group was a one off moment of drunken conduct- probably better than all three of the boys. But Lucas? She'd remember this one. Remembering each word she had written, each canvas destroyed in stupid blue paint, she translated her longing in kisses.
Breaking apart, Lucas looks down at her with eyes that can only be described as reckless abandon. Wide and fearless. He's grinning so large she can't help but mirror.
In an almost whisper he tells her, "I'm so glad they weren't about your shitty ventilation."
Still in his arms, propped up against her dresser, she smacks his shoulder. Apparently nothing can disrupt this smile. "Hey! No one insults Doris' ventilation asides from Doris' occupants, Sundance."
Dropping his arms from her thighs, he curls a blonde tendril around his index finger. "Doris?" He laughs, less concentrated on her face, more so on the finger curling her hair.
Taking his chin in her hand, she brings him to eye level. "Well I was thinking of calling her Luke because she's loud, sorta gassy and older than everyone else on the block but…" Maya trails off with a laugh, proud of her own joke.
Stealing another kiss from her now bruised lips, he whispers against them. "Say it again."
Moving her head out of his grasp, she declines. She won't cave.
"C'mon," his laugh is the deal breaker.
Turning to face him once more, she remembers the letters. Remembers the nights spent sat in her dry bathtub with Zay, writing them out. Remembers giving up on all hope that the universe could have bigger things in mind for her. Remembers crying to Love, Actually in the middle of October with Riles.
"Hello Luke."
That's it! This is gonna stay a oneshot, it was sorta messy but u know what we're rolling with it
~ elle