Disclaimer: I don't own OTH, the song or any of the characters...although I'm looking into how one goes about owning Nathan. ;)
This is a Naley oneshot, but it's not that happy…Mostly everything has happened except Haley never got pregnant and the Brathan tape thingy didn't happen. In season one, she and Lucas saw the Neyton kiss together and she confronted him, she's had suspicions about him and Rachel in season 4 when Rachel was hitting on him. Haley got back into music when she performed at Peyton's benefit concert...but I think this will mostly speak for itself.
[I learned from an old friend the effect of listening to a song while reading/writing a fic, so if you have access of this song, it would really put a little more emotion in it if you listened it as you read it. It's Heartbreaker by Pink. Great song!
Heartbreaker
Biting her lip, she scanned her eyes over the millions of tapes on the entertainment center. Dan was planning to do a dinner of honor for Lucas and Nathan before they graduated and she needed to find the perfect clips of them playing for the game so Dan could have a tape made showing their skill. Of course Lucas never kept any copies of the games, so she was going through Nathan's stash. He had almost every important game he'd ever played—some containing Lucas. She'd probably seen about twelve already and only had three picks. She sighed and scanned through a few more. Some were nameless and some just read 'Nathan'. She pushed in one of those and decided he looked pretty good in that one—now she had four.
She found one that read 'Nathan Scores' and smiled softly. He was a pretty good player. He was always scoring. She popped it in and all of her fondness for the boy drained quickly. Her mouth went dry as she watched what looked to be him and Brooke making out. She rose up on her knees from her spot in front of the TV and watched in pure agony as they discussed how wrong it was before continuing the deed. Tears clouded her eyes and she twirled the ring on her finger subconsciously, those old demons were resurfacing.
Against her will, she had always had minor doubts about if his ways were changed. It was very seldom that people did make such drastic changes as that. He slept with probably half of Tree Hill and she was just expected to believe that he wouldn't do that anymore. Half of her believed it. But then, there were so many things that always made her wary. Like the night at the club when she watched him ride off with Rachel on that motorcycle, and like at the party when he defended Rachel when Haley was bad mouthing her to him—not that she should've been bad mouthing the girl, but the girl kissed her husband—and he didn't even push her away. Then there was the naked pictures of Peyton, his weird behavior when her sister came to stay with them…there was all of it.
Then, she saw him kiss Peyton after the auction thing. Yeah, it was a long time ago, but it always drifted back into her mind every now and then. Now, there was this tape. He'd had sex with his girlfriend's best friend. Who did that and then just completely did a turnover for some ordinary tutor girl?
She felt the hot tears fall down her cheeks and it brought her back to where she was—sitting there watching her husband having sex with one of her best friends. She pressed eject a little too roughly and fell back to sit with her knees up on the ground. She swallowed hard, raking her hands through her hair with a jagged sigh, struggling to compile herself.
"Hales?"
She wiped the wetness from her face quickly and forced a smile before turning to her best friend. "Luke, hey." Her voice was a little raspy.
He frowned at her, the hint of a smile tinting his mouth. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, just, frustrated." She said truthfully, standing to her feet.
"Calm down." He urged softly, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Yeah, I know, I just have so much to do." She used that as a substitute for the reason of her current state.
"You should take a break. Relax a little." He suggested, smiling gently. He dropped his hands. "If you keep on with all this stress, you'll make Nathan an early widow."
Her face slightly paled at the mention of him and she looked away, not speaking for a while. "Do you think people really change?"
He eyed her suspiciously, as if trying to find what brought the question on and then shrugged. "I don't know. It depends." He shrugged hesitantly. "I would say no, but look at Nathan. He's really changed." He answered without having any idea that that's who she was talking about. "But I would say that the majority of people don't."
She glanced up at him briefly before forcing a weak smile. "I guess you're right." She muttered. Her cell phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket before rolling her eyes at the number on it. "It's Clay." Clay was a producer from the studio she worked at from time to time, making songs whenever she felt the need. At first Nathan was a little cautious of it, but when he seen that she was just doing it for past time, he slowly accepted it.
She flipped it opened and answered it. "Hey." She said breathily into the phone.
"Hey. I was just calling to see if you wanted to come in and finish this song anytime soon. I'm leaving for a while next week and I thought you might want to do it before I go." He explained hastily.
She put her hand up to her forehead and closed her eyes, she had forgotten all about it. "Uh, yeah. Of course. I'll come around six." She swallowed and let out a small sigh. "Do you think I'll have time for another song?"
"Is it already written?"
"Yeah." She lied. She was writing it in her head as they spoke though.
"I guess so." He said reluctantly. "You should probably come in around five then."
"Okay." She glanced quickly at her wristwatch. "I'll…I'm on my way." She told him before closing the phone and smiling at Lucas nervously. "I have to go."
"When am I ever going to get to hear any of these songs? Nathan's always telling me how great they are." He complained humorously.
Nathan. Right now, she decided she wouldn't think about him if she wanted to refrain from breaking down in tears. "Some day." She smiled crookedly. "See you later." She said before grabbing her purse from the sofa and walking out.
xxxxx
She stopped at Karen's café to get a cup of coffee and decided to jot the song that she had in her head down on a piece of paper before she went to the studio. She held the notepad against the steering wheel as she gnawed on her lip, quickly scribbling down the words that had suddenly come to mind when she'd seen that tape. It kept flashing through her mind with all the rest of the moments she had secretly doubted him, fueling her to write the words on the paper.
I keep thinkin' bout that little sparkle in your eye
Is it a light from the angels, or your devil deep inside?
What about the way you say you love me all the time
Are you liftin' me up to heaven,
just to drop me down the line?
There's a ring around my finger
But will you change your mind?
And you tell me that I'm beautifulBut that could be a lie
She looked up to think of a way to phrase her next words when she saw him. He was walking to the café with his mom and he was looking as handsome as ever. She smiled softly at him and only their moments floated through her mind for a minute. She just reminisced as it was only their memories flashing in her eyes…maybe she should've looked away then to preserve the moment.
She saw Rachel call him from a distance and he smiled her way, obviously properly introducing her to Deb. Deb smiled, as if she'd forgotten that the girl had been involved with her middle aged brother and shook her hand. They conversed for a little bit before Deb obviously invited Rachel to join them. Nathan didn't seem to object much as he held the door open for them and Haley felt her heart break as she died inside. When the door closed behind them, she started the car and drove off.
xxxxx
Nathan sat in his living room, dialing Haley's cell for the third time. He decided that if she didn't answer this time, he was leaving a message. Her voicemail came on and he sighed right before it beeped. "Hey Hales, it's Nathan, remember me?" He joked lightly. "I was just calling to talk to you, I've hardly seen you all day. I spent most of the day with my mom." He scoffed lightly and leaned back in the sofa as if he was really talking to her. "Can you believe she actually invited Rachel out to lunch with us? Talk about oblivious parents." He joked sincerely. "Anyway, just call me when you get this. I miss you and I love you. Bye." He pressed pound and then closed his phone, glancing up at the TV, contemplating whether he would be watching a movie or not when he noticed the video sticking out of the VCR.
Lucas walked in, frowning when he saw Nathan sitting there. "Hey. I knocked and no one answered."
"Yeah, I was leaving Haley a message." He explained, standing up. "Sorry."
"She's still not back?" Lucas glowered and glanced at his watch, which read 8:41pm.
"Nope. Where'd she go?" He questioned, sensing that Lucas knew.
"She went to the studio. She was really stressed out this morning though." He told his brother softly.
Nathan was immediately worried. "Why? What was wrong with her?"
"She said she had a lot of stuff to do, but you know Haley. You have to beat the truth out of her when it comes to things bothering her." Lucas chuckled lightly. "Or maybe she just got tired of looking at all those basketball tapes." He motioned towards the entertainment center. "Basketball can drive people a little insane."
Nathan's eyes narrowed and he eyed the mysterious tape in the VCR, finally remembering why it looked so familiar. Whenever he put 'Nathan Scores' on anything, it usually wasn't referring to basketball. That had been their secret code— him and Tim— to trick their parents into thinking it was a tape about basketball—if ever their parents had been snooping through their things. "Shit." He hissed, rushing over to the VCR. But then again, a few of the tapes that had 'Nathan Scores' on it had been before they had thought of that brilliant plan—so there was a chance that it was a game. He was crossing his fingers.
"What?" Lucas asked confusedly.
Before Nathan pushed the tape in, he turned to his brother. "Look, if this video has anything graphic on it, it was the old me." He defended before he pushed it in, turned the TV on and pressed play. To his complete dismay, the naked bodies of a young him and young Brooke were seen heavily engaging in sexual acts in his bedroom. He'd half expected it to be sex, but not with Brooke. Hell, he hardly even remembered that night.
"Is that Brooke?" Lucas glared deeply as he stared at the screen. "Why are you watching this? Why do you have this?"
Nathan turned to him with regret written all over his face. "Look, it was way before you and Brooke ever went out."
"Yeah, it was when you and Peyton went out, right?" Lucas said a little angrily. "You were a jerk."
Nathan shook his head softly and looked down in remorse. "Haley saw this."
It all began making sense to him. "Of course." He said mainly to himself. He shook his head as he stared seriously at his brother. "You have to go talk to her, Nate."
Nathan stood up and silently agreed with a distracted nod. "You're right. Uh," he grabbed his mom's car keys hurriedly, "can you throw that tape away for me?"
Lucas nodded briefly. "Gladly. Good luck, Nate." He called as his little brother walked out.
xxxxx
Haley had miraculously finished both songs in a matter of four hours. Clay was trying to convince her to go global with the song she had just written, he said he was sure it was a hit. He said she sung it with so much pain in her voice that it was believable and that that's what the audience wanted. Someone singing to them with feelings they'd experienced for themselves.
He told her that she should call Gary. He was one of the top producers at Epic Records and he'd been asking about Haley ever since Peyton and Ellie's benefit concert. Haley listened to the chubby, blonde haired man talk. She knew she was wearing an exasperated expression, but she was tired of hearing about it.
"Look, I'm telling you. Let me call him for you. Jewel's doing a few shows and she doesn't have an opening act." He kept ranting on. "You can catch an early flight out to Chicago where's she's doing her first one, let Gary hear that song and he'll give you the spot like that." He snapped.
"I can't go to Chicago." She scoffed at the prospect; disbelievingly at that. "I can't go on tour."
"Why not? Because of that?" He motioned to her wedding ring, obviously not agreeing.
"That's only one of the few things." She muttered standing up and wrapping her arms around herself.
"You wrote that song for a reason." Clay attempted to convince. "And you're going to give all your dreams away for a guy like that?" He blatantly laughed at her and began packing his things. "Good luck to you."
Her back was to him, so he couldn't see her pain-filled frown. She pulled out her cell phone as it beeped, signaling she had messages. When she started to check them, she found the first one was from Brooke.
"Hey Tutor Wife, it's me. Um, I haven't talked to you all day so I thought I'd call and see what you were up to. Call me when you get this. Bye."
Haley rolled her eyes at the voice and listened to the next one.
"Hey Hales, it's Nathan, remember me? I was just calling to talk to you, I've hardly seen you all day. I spent most of the day with my mom. Can you believe she actually invited Rachel out to lunch with us? Talk about oblivious parents. Anyway, just call me when you get this. I miss you and I love you. Bye."
Tears clouded her eyes at his voice. She wanted to believe that he didn't enjoy Rachel's company—if it was any other day, she would have. But not on a screwed up day like this. She couldn't believe it. Hesitantly, she listened to her last message.
"Hey Hales, it's Luke. I don't know if Nathan's there at the studio right now with you or not, but call me when he leaves or if you come back with him…or whatever. Just…call me when you get this. Bye."
Haley closed her eyes and hung up the phone, the tears fell slowly down her cheeks and she decided then and there that she didn't want Nathan to come and apologize like he always did with the porn—and the Peyton porn—and then there was her sister Taylor—and kissing Peyton—and hanging out with Rachel when he knew she wanted him—and now there would be this.
And she didn't want this to be another one of those things. Couldn't it just…not be? She heard the door open and she knew Clay was leaving. Maybe this had been her purpose all along. "Clay. Wait." She called, not turning to him until after she spoke.
xxxxx
Nathan walked into their dark bedroom dejectedly. It was 11:27pm and he still hadn't heard from her. Now, he was sure she'd seen the tape. It hadn't meant anything to him that he'd had sex with Brooke. He felt that it was getting harder and harder to assure Haley that he was in love with her and would never hurt her. But fate never seemed to be on his side and he always got caught in situations like this.
"I got your message."
He nearly jumped from the voice. He didn't even know that she was sitting in the chair in the corner. He clicked on the bedside lamp and instantly noticed the bag packed beside her feet. His face crumpled in agony. "Haley…"
"Nathan, please," she started tearfully, "don't."
"Where're you going?" He asked desperately. "Haley, please don't leave me again." He rushed over to her, his own tears prickling at his eyes.
"Nathan, this is so hard. Because, I know I love you." She said crying. "But I just, I honestly don't think I can do this."
"Baby, we can do it. I promise. That tape was from a long time ago. Before I ever even knew you." He explained helplessly, kneeling in front of her. "Haley, you can't…" Openly, he cried, resting his head on her lap. "You can't…"
Haley clasped a hand over her mouth and cried as she closed her eyes. "Nathan, I'm always…waiting for the other shoe to drop." She hiccupped full of sorrow. "Because I just feel like one day, reality is gonna come crashing down and you're going to realize that we're barely eighteen and we're still young and there's so much more out there." She cried powerlessly, her tears falling into his hair. She slid her hand over the raven colored mess. "I don't want to be there when you realize that. It'll hurt…so bad." She let out a tortured sob.
He looked up with red rimmed eyes, sniffing. "Haley, I already realized that we're eighteen. Reality already came crashing down on me and…this is it. This is my reality. You." He sobbed, motioning to her. "Being with you." He couldn't let her go. He felt like his world was falling apart from the look in her eyes. He couldn't let her go but he knew that she would leave. In just a matter of minutes. Seconds. He gazed into her eyes but she looked away. "You're all the reality I need, Haley." He whispered, his voice cracked.
She stood up abruptly, forcing his arms from her lap and leaned over to grab her bag. "I can't Nathan." She said attempting to compose herself. "I'm insecure and I just… I can't do this to myself or to you. You deserve someone who can handle your past and all the things you've done…all the things that you do."
"I haven't done anything!" He yelled frantically, putting his hands out. "Haley, I promise. I've never cheated on you. I never will." He walked up to her, trying to meet her eyes—maybe that could get her to stay. "We can work past this. Just give me a chance."
She shook her head brokenly and looked down. "I don't think I can."
He wiped the wetness from his face with a ragged sigh. "So, where are you going, huh?" His voice turned bitter—broken, but bitter.
She couldn't bring herself to look at him when she gave him the answer, she glanced to her side. "I'm going to be opening for Jewel for the next few months." She pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear, but she refused to look at him.
His face contorted in a mixture of anger and pain and he pushed his hands through his hair. "You're going on tour?!" He shrieked in disbelief. "You said you wouldn't do this to me." He dropped his face in his hands. "You said this wouldn't happen." He shook his head and tightened his lips as a new wave of tears started washing over him.
"I couldn't make it if you hurt me, Nathan." She pleaded sniveling, just hoping for understanding. "All the bad things you did to Peyton and all the other girls…I couldn't get hurt like that. Not when I love you so much. I'd die." She explained dreadfully. "I don't know what to think anymore." Her voice was raw with pain. "Can't you understand that?"
"Yeah, I get it." He nodded disdainfully. "You're so scared that I'm going to break your heart that you're going to break mines first." He said flatly.
"This doesn't only hurt you, Nate. It hurts me too." She whispered groggily, putting her hand up to her chest.
He sniffled briefly and finally tore his eyes away from her. "There's no coming back this time, Hales. If you leave, you leave." He was trying to be strong, trying to withstand the pain…it was barely working. Any minute, he was going to break. He couldn't be fixed after that.
Haley nodded softly and dropped her head to the side, fresh tears brewed on the rims of her brown eyes. She jus t stared at him for a long time, not really sure what she thought she was doing. She wasn't sure anymore if she was trying to run from him…or was she trying to run from her own fears? The ones that would follow her anyway. She wasn't sure. She didn't know. "I love you, Nathan." She said quietly, it was barely heard over the tension in the room. Pressing her lips together, she slowly walked up to him and gave him the softest kiss on his cheek before putting a hand to his damp cheek and then dropping it.
He wouldn't look her in the eyes. It was over, so he wasn't looking her in the eyes.
He looked up as she turned away from him though, and he watched hopelessly as she walked out of his life. It didn't register that it had really happened until he heard the door shut, then he dropped to sit against the end of the bed and buried his face in his knees and cried.
Haley leaned against the door and slid to the ground before burying her face in her knees and crying. The wretched sobs wracked her body.
She convinced herself that she was right in this, eventually he would hurt her like he did everyone else. There was nothing that special about her that would make him completely change for her. Somewhere inside, he was the same old Nathan and she was doing the right thing by letting go of everything they were and everything they had.
And if she was wrong about it, then she was the heartbreaker. Not Nathan. And if that were true, how was she supposed to forgive that?
She couldn't.
xxxxx
It was 12:57am and Haley was calling. It was the only thing he could make out through his sleepy eyes when he answered his phone. "Hales?" He answered groggily. "Are you alright?"
"Just…just watch after him for me, Luke." She said softly, obviously crying. "I love you." Then, she hung up.
"Haley? Hales?" He tried to call her back but it was useless. He gazed at his phone before sitting it down and running his hands through his hair, openly confused.
xxxxx
Three Months Later
She never knew it, but he went to a few of her shows. No one knew, just he did. He wanted it that way.
He had signed the papers and so did she this time. In a matter of months, they'd officially be divorced. Maybe this had all been inevitable. They were two different people who both had insecurities that were probably incurable. He was willing to live with them and she wasn't. He swallowed down the lump in his throat—that's just the way it was sometimes.
It was ironic, really. He had always feared that she'd leave again and she had always promised she wouldn't. But eventually she had, because she feared that he would break her heart somehow. Maybe if it were any other girl, he would have. But he couldn't break Haley's heart. It was just…impossible. He couldn't bring himself to do it, not even if he wanted to.
He just couldn't convince her of that.
But he thought about it when she left and he realized that he too had always been waiting for that other shoe to drop and for reality to crash in on him, forcing him to see that he wasn't worthy of a girl like Haley. He'd always had that notion in the back of his mind, she just brought it to the light with her departure. That worked out pretty crazy if you asked him.
Her song Heartbreaker was number one on the charts at the moment. Maybe because she sung it with such emotion and pain. Maybe because it reached out to a lot of people. It was ironic, really. Because she wrote it for him.
And he dedicated it to her.
With a soft, sardonic smile, he cranked the radio up as the radio host announced he was going to play it.
As he drove down the highway on his way to her show, he subconsciously twirled the ring on his finger.
xxxxx
I keep thinkin' bout that little sparkle in your eye
Is it a light from the angels, or your devil deep inside?
What about the way you say you love me all the time
Are you liftin' me up to heaven, just to drop me down the line?
There's a ring around my finger,
But will you change your mind?
And you tell me that I'm beautiful,
But that could be a lie
Are you a heartbreaker?
Maybe you want me for the ride
What if I'm fallin' for a heartbreaker?
And everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin' here alive
I won't be leavin' here alive, no
Temporary happiness is like waiting for the knife
Cause I'm always watchin' for someone to show their darker side
So maybe I'll sit back and just enjoy all this for now
Watch it all play out, see if you really stick around
But there's always this one question
That keeps me up at night
Are you my greatest love
Or disappointment in my life?
Are you a heartbreaker?
Maybe you want me for the ride
What if I'm fallin' for a heartbreaker?
And everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin' here alive
I might as well lay down and die
I'm holding on with both hands and both feet, oh
Promise that you won't pull the rug out from under me
Are you a heartbreaker?
Maybe you want me for the ride
I pray to god you're not a heartbreaker
This time around I won't survive
Cause if I'm fallin' for a heartbreaker
And everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin' here alive
I might as well lay down and die, oh
I won't be leavin' here alive
THE END