Part 15: Family

Summary:

Aftermath of Barge of the Dead (J/C, CT, JT, P/T). This story takes place during and after Barge of the Dead

Pairing: J/C, CT, JT, P/T Rating: PG-13 Type of Story: Drama Level: 2

Part 16: Family

Today

"Bridge to the Captain," Chakotay called urgently over the Com system.

"Found her Commander?"

"Yes Captain, we're tractoring her shuttle in now, but her life signs are faint, I'm beaming her over to sickbay."

"Acknowledged, I'm on my way there."

"Tuvok?"

The security chief of Voyager nodded his head and a moment later answered by saying,

"Transport complete."

"Tom." Chakotay inclined his head to the Turbolift doors. The Ensign did not need to be told twice, he practically ran to the Turbolift.

There were some who weren't as fortunate; some who didn't have an excuse to go down to sickbay to see for themselves if a valued member of the crew, if a friend was OK. Chakotay took his chair and punched in a few controls intending to carry on with ship's business that required his attention. He fidgeted and found he couldn't get comfortable in his chair. He attempted to read through his reports, couldn't get through it. No matter how many times he had to go through this, no matter if he were the Captain or the first Officer, it still rattled him. He sighed deeply, they had a 35 year journey ahead of them, no doubt waiting and wondering whether any member of the senior crew was going to be alright would take up a significant portion of his time on this trip.

He knew that was the reason why most Starfleet Captains and Commanders kept their distance. It lessened the feelings of lost when one member of the crew died. But in the situation that they were in, because they were so isolated and only had each other to depend on, the crew had now become a family and the members of the senior staff, as well as Seven and Neelix; members of his immediate family.

B'Elanna was like his sister. They had been through so many things in the past that they had moved from being commander and crewman, to friends, to close friends then to brother and sister. It was one of the best things about being stranded here in the Delta Quadrant and at times the only thing that kept him sane. How close he had become to so many people. Even people who served under him in the Alpha Quadrant who he had considered friends, who he had no problem laying down his life for because they were in the same cause together, he got to know much better being in the Delta Quadrant. Now he would lay down his life for them as a member of his family instead of just friends committed to a cause.

He remembered the angry half Klingon that he rescued from the Cardassians, the competent engineer that he hired on his ship, the friend that stood by his side and pleaded for him in the early years of their journey, the close friend that had allowed him to help her when she pushed everyone else away and the sister that had stood by him when he was going through his own personal hell and he prayed that he wouldn't lose her.

"Janeway to Bridge"

"Chakotay here,"

"She's alright Commander, I'll be down in the shuttle bay if you need me."

Chakotay thanked the spirits guiding them and finally he found that he was able to get back to his work.

"How are you feeling?"

"Um...a little out of place" With one look at B'Elanna, Chakotay realized that she was telling the truth when she uttered that statement.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Yes…." He made motion to sit in her recliner that was standard issue for the sleeping area of her quarters when she called him back with her doubts.

"…and no." With that, he began to leave. Whenever she was ready to talk, he knew that she would find him.

"Let me know when you decide."

He was just about to exit her quarters when she called him back with her statement,

"I don't know how to say this without sounding crazy,"

"Try,"

"Do you believe in an afterlife?" Chakotay hesitated when she asked that question. Now he understood why the Doctor was a little concerned about her and had passed that concern along to Kathryn who passed it along to him. He was planning to see her anyway, he just made it sooner than later.

He chose his next words carefully, he had been in this situation before and he didn't want it to end up like a repeat of the last time when he tried to help a friend figure out his beliefs about the after life. "I accept there are things in the universe than can't be scanned with a tricorder,"

"What happened to you out there?" His concerned increased with the look on her face.

"I think...I died. I died, and I was on the Barge of the Dead in the Klingon afterlife."

"Klingon mythology has been ingrained in you since you were a child. It's not surprising you experienced some of those images while you were unconscious."

"I saw my mother, Chakotay! If it was real, then she's dead." Chakotay did not like where this was heading.

"B'Elanna...your mother...the Barge of the Dead...those are just symbols. It's your subconscious mind trying to tell you something."

"Tell me what? That my mother is going to Hell?" B'Elanna looked spooked at the thought and given what she was saying, Chakotay did not blame her.

"You need time to digest what you experienced. You have to interpret the symbols and search for their meaning!"

"What if there is no symbolism to interpret? What if the afterlife is real?" B'Elanna was pacing as things that were going through her mind began to spill out of her mouth. Finally she turned and faced him.

"I'm an engineer. My whole life, I've immersed myself in science and...and schematics. But what if it's time to start looking beyond that?"

Something came to his mind unexpectedly and he shared it with her. "My grandfather used to think he could transform himself into a wolf so that he could venture out to explore the spirit realm. It was real to him. As real as what your experience was to you. But that doesn't mean he grew hair all over his body and walked around on all fours."

"My mother has been on my mind a lot lately. We just had a big anniversary. It's been ten years...since we talked." She conceded on that point.

"But it was so real! I could taste the blood in the air. I could feel the wind. I was seasick from the rocking of the boat!"

For that he had no answer and they shared a silence while B'Elanna came and sat down on the bed and faced him again. He put his hand on her arm and continued after a short period of silence.

"B'Elanna, take some time to think about this, study what's going on before you come to any conclusions. Don't just rush into this trying to find answers. Live with the questions a little." He gave a smile after saying that.

"OK" It was tentative, and Chakotay wondered if she could do just that.

Tomorrow:

But he was still worried about her. Whenever he saw her throughout the day, she seemed pre-occupied and he had a bad feeling in his gut about this. B'Elanna may have never been one to examine her inner self, but she was definitely one to rush into something that she firmly believed in.

"Commander Chakotay, please report to my ready room."

He complied and before he could get to her desk, Kathryn joined him in the middle of the room waving a PADD. "Did you know about this?"

He took it from her and read the request. The knot in his gut tightened.

"No"

"Have you spoken to her since she got back?"

"Yes I did." He would say no more than that and Kathryn was a little annoyed although she understood why.

"In your opinion, is B'Elanna still trying to hurt herself, has she suffered a relapse?"

"No Captain, but something happened to her out there, something that is changing her and it is something that she is grappling with, but she is not mentally unsound."

"I don't know how you can say that after reading what's on this PADD."

Chakotay let it go for something much more practical. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm not going to let her do this." Kathryn was adamant about that point.

Why am I allowing her to do this?

Kathryn's mind pondered the question when she finished setting up the medical equipment and watched B'Elanna getting ready to simulate the conditions of the shuttle accident that almost killed her.

"My mother never had the chance to be proud of me. I'd like her to know me the way you do. I don't want her to die thinking of me as a disgrace."

"You have to let me do this,"

And therein lay the reason. She remembered that at one time Chakotay told her that she had become a surrogate mother to her Chief Engineer. She had believed him to an extent but with the argument that B'Elanna gave her today, she realized how right he was. Kathryn had to give her the chance to do right by her mother, and because she had given so much to Voyager, so much to her; she deserved the chance.

She prayed that it would be alright….speaking of which…..

"Janeway to Chakotay"

"Go ahead"

I've decided to grant B'Elanna's request"

"Captain?" She could just see him standing there with his arms on his hips and one of his perplexed looks on his face, one that he reserved just for her. They had been together as Captain and First Officer for a long time and so she knew……

"I'm in sick bay right now, so you have the bridge until I get back."

"Understood."

…….he wouldn't argue. And knowing how deeply spiritual he was, she knew that he most likely….

"Tuvok, you have the bridge. I need to take care of something."

The Vulcan gave a slight nod as he took his place in the Captain's vacant chair as Chakotay exited the bridge.

"ah-koo-chee-moya. I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers. I am far from the bones of my people. One of my closest friends has embarked on a spiritual journey to find answers to what she has experienced. I pray that a powerful being who will embrace her and give her the answers she seeks and deliver her back to us, safe and sound."

"Mother?" Was the first word that B'Elanna uttered and she sat upright on the bed as she took in her surroundings. She focused on Kathryn who had come near the surgical bay.

She made it, Kathryn circled the surgical bay as if to confirm this fact for herself. I'm never going to allow anything so reckless like this again!

"Oh, God, I'm alive," B'Elanna whispered. She reached out to hugged the Captain fiercely.

Kathryn was surprised. Initially it didn't allow her to do much more, but in the end she chose in this instant not to be the Captain, but to be what B'Elanna needed her to be at this particular time…a representation of her mother. She hugged her Chief Engineer fiercely in turn and realized that she didn't have to chose to assume that role, but that it flowed from her naturally, because without realizing it, in a way she had become a mother to B'Elanna. It was a role that she didn't mind playing, because as she had said in the conference room, B'Elanna had become a valued officer on Voyager and as Kathryn remembered the angry young woman that she had to be talked into promoting, she was proud to have been a guiding force in that development.

"Welcome back," She whispered in B'Elanna's ear and surprisingly, Kathryn felt B'Elanna give a small laugh, or was it a sob, because her neck felt wet. B'Elanna held on to her as if her life had depended on it and Kathryn had a feeling that maybe it did.

When B'Elanna saw him and saw the expression on his face, she gave a small laugh as she was clinging on to the Captain. Without a word, she could see that he had understood and he was happy for her as well as relieved. He also sensed where she was now.

Chakotay stood at the medical consul in Sickbay next to the Doctor observing the scene. He watched all the players in it and saw their expressions…..The Doctor's relieved look, Tom's concerned look for his woman, B'Elanna's tears signalling her joy at being alive and something deeper, but Kathryn's look, he could not examine because she was facing away from him.

The Doctor moved slowly, seemingly unwilling to break up the scene before him, but knowing that he had to in order to perform his duties. He began running scans on B'Elanna and unwillingly she let go of the Captain, however, Tom did not let go of her. It seemed that the Ensign wanted to remind himself that he hadn't lost her and that she was still alive. The Doctor completed his scans around him.

"You've been through a lot Lieutenant. I'm going to suggest bed rest for two days before going back on duty."

B'Elanna nodded and leaned on Tom for support. She gave no argument and Chakotay wondered if she didn't because she needed the time off, but not for recuperation, but reflection.

During this time the Captain had joined Chakotay where he was standing. He had come no closer, having no duties to perform and wanting to preserve the intimacy that he was seeing as long as possible.

"Commander?" Kathryn addressed him softly.

"I just came to make sure that everything was OK." Chakotay faced Kathryn and scrutinized her. She for her part let the mask slip a little and he saw the hesitation and the wonder at what she had just witnessed and been a part of.

"It was touch and go there for a while, but we've got her back Commander."

"I'd say you got back a lot more." Kathryn looked at him a little longer and nodded. The Doctor came up to Chakotay,

"Lt Torres is to be given two days off of duty in order for her to recover."

"I'll make the necessary adjustments." At that time, both Paris and Torres came joined the Captain and Commander at the Doctor's office.

"Tom, you'll make sure that B'Elanna gets to her quarters safely?"

Tom looked at the Commander gratefully and nodded. He was supposed to be on duty at the helm and was only in Sickbay because he was the chief medic. Now the Commander was giving him time off to be with B'Elanna for a little while longer, Chakotay had guessed correctly that this what both he and B'Elanna needed.

"Thank you Captain." B'Elanna said quietly

The tears were still falling down her cheeks as she said so. The Captain nodded and Chakotay noticed the tender look that Kathryn gave her.

"And thanks Chakotay."

He looked puzzled.

"For being there, both on the Barge of the Dead and here. I know you were praying for me while the Captain, Tom and the Doctor were fighting for me. I felt it and I wanted to tell you thanks."

Chakotay did a double take at B'Elanna being this intimate with him in front of the Captain and her lover. He knew that she was never one for public displays of affection whether it was towards her lover or anyone else.

He nodded and Tom and B'Elanna left sick bay as he joined the Captain right behind them.

"Kathryn, it's almost lunch time, get something to eat. I'll cover for you on the Bridge." Chakotay intruded on their silent walk as they reached the Turbolift.

"Thank you Commander."

They parted ways as Chakotay headed to the bridge and Janeway to her quarters.

Be Boop

"Come"

"Captain."

"Chakotay, what is it?"

"I came to give you the update on ship systems that you requested."

"I thought I had requested that for 08:00 hours tomorrow."

Chakotay grinned at her bemused remark.

"OK you got me." He settled on he lounger in her living area. "I wanted to come by and see how you were doing."

"Finishing my master piece." She turned the easel towards him. He saw swirls of red and grey framing a woman who was obviously Klingon and human. The Klingon Emblem was painted in a corner.

"B'Elanna?" He asked puzzled.

"Yes. But I've named it Family. I just needed something to do while I was thinking."

"Are you going to give it to her?"

"It's not that good." Kathryn squinted at it and frowned. It seemed that until he had mentioned it, she had not even contemplated giving it away.

"I'm sure she would appreciate it anyway."

"Maybe one day." Kathryn continued putting the finishing touches and Chakotay watched her in silence. It was Kathryn who broke it.

"You know, I remember the angry young woman whom you wanted to be Chief Engineer. In fact I remember the prickly young woman who was a loner and a brilliant scientist. I remember a young woman who had proven her worth over and over again. I remember one who we had almost lost to herself and I remember seeing a young woman's anger resurface along with resolution for it not to beat her. I wonder what young woman that came back from the dead today."

"I don't know but I get the feeling that we're going to find out soon."

Chakotay pretended to be scrutinizing the painting intensely as he asked, "What about the Captain who was caught in the bear hug?"

"Oh she's realizing that she really is the mother of two women. And to think, I promised myself that I would wait until I got married. I always wondered what kind of mother I would make."

Chakotay chuckled at that.

"Well sometimes fate has other ideas. Or should I say Starfleet had other ideas. If you hadn't been chasing us in the Badlands, if you and Tuvok were not so close that you felt that you had to rescue him, if the Kazon were not such a foolish masochist race………" Chakotay began carefully and studied her as he spoke.

Kathryn knew why, "You know, there've been many days when I've regretted the decision that I made over five years ago and then there are days like today when I realize the wisdom of Admiral Paris' words.

As Starfleet Captains, we don't chose the missions, the missions chose us. Somehow in every mission that we are assigned, we learn a little more about of who we are and what matters most to us."

"I wonder," Kathryn continued as she cleaned up her brushes. "If B'Elanna hadn't been stranded here, would she have ever realized how much she had to offer as a person; to her Captain, her lover, her family and to society?"

"Maybe, but I think that this way it's best. Sometimes I think that when we are most lost, that we are found."

"What about you Commander, have you been found?"

Chakotay didn't hesitate.

"I'm in process. What about you?"

Something strange popped into Kathryn's mind. Suddenly, Chakotay seemed out of place sitting next to her watching her paint. And she realized why. No one had ever watched her while she did, it was always something she did in solitary, even the last time……when was it…….three years ago when she did paint a small picture at the end of time when the Macroviruses had invaded the ship. That time, she had been careful not to show him what she was working on and he had not even asked about it and had certainly not invited himself to see. Now look at them. If this mission hadn't occurred, this would never be the type of behaviour that she would have encouraged, or even depended upon as Captain.

"In process also."

Chakotay grinned at her and touched her arm to signal his leaving.

"See you in the morning Captain?"

"Have a good night Commander."

She watched his retreating figure go out of her quarters and sat lost in thought for a couple more minutes. Making a decision, she called up the database and sifted through information. She finally found what she was looking for in the Federation Central Archives. Walking back to her easel still lost in thought, she began another painting.

Let's hope this one comes out better, was her final thought before she became lost in her work.