Chapter 1: Limbo
Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own LOTR... If I did, Legolas and myself would rule the world and I would be your dark and beautiful queen Mwa ha ha ha... ahem Sorry about that.
Anyway here's the lowdown on this fic: AU I guess, and funny and as Story title explains, extremely pointless (I got bored during school and this first challenge saved me from English and Biology). There's no journey or anything but everyone who started out on the quest (including Boromir) are all friends (don't ask me how they met, use your imagination!) on a pointless game show. R&R author's break-ins. Bold is the faceless announcer guy
"Welcome to the premiere of Extreme Pointless! I told you it was a pointless show. This is the game show where our victims, I mean, our contestants, do random things for our grand prize!"
"Hey," called Frodo, "I never signed up for this! You kidnapped us!"
"No, we didn't."
"Yes, you did!"
"No, we didn't."
"Yes, you did!"
"No, we didn't."
"Yes, you did!"
"No, we... Can we get this guy a muzzle or something?" Sound of scuffles in the background, then silence. "Thank you. As I was saying, some of the events our guests will undertake might be dangerous, but don't worry, folks, I won't be harmed, ha ha. Now to our first challenge..."
Scene shift to a grassy field with a tarp hiding something underneath.
"Bring out our guests!" Out marches Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Gandalf, and Sméagol, in that order. They are all visibly muzzled and chained, guarded on both sides by orcs armed with arrows, swords, etc. (No, we took Gandalf's staff away; No, we took all weapons away; and yes, the orcs do obey me. I mean, geez, do you want my captives to run away? How inconsiderate! ;) )
"Release them, but don't let them escape!" Orcs unchain and un-gag 'guests', "Now the first challenge is...,"Orc removes tarp, "Limbo!"
"What!" Captives cry out in unison.
"Hey, I said somemight be dangerous and all are random. Now start the music and line up in order of height... Not you, you stupid orcs!" The faceless announcer guy shouted at the orcs trying to size themselves up.
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack go under limbo stick..." Sméagol led the way walking straight under the stick, followed by the four hobbits, the dwarf, Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, and Gandalf. (Of course, their doing this... they're smart, they don't want to die)
"Well now, that was too easy. Lower it 5 notches! Round 2!"
2 hours pass... wow, these guys are pretty flexible, aren't they?
"Round 37."
Sméagol bent backwards, along with the hobbits, Gimili, and Aragorn. When Boromir came, he fell flat on his butt.
"Ooh, we have our first loser, folks, and for being our first loser, he gets a prize."
"Really?" the human asked the voice.
"Yes, you get your very own orc! Come on out, Dsxlythumifmpiil!" (pronounced Allan)
An orc appears with a sword and starts after Boromir.
"Aaah!" screaming, he runs off the screen, Dsxlythumifmpiil chasing after him.
"Well, that's all for today. Come back tomorrow for our Second Challenge!"
Scene fades on orcs binding rest of contestants and taking them away.
A/N: I probably won't skip out on challenges from now on unless they are just boring. If you want a full account of rounds 2-36, give me a buzz. Please review. If you don't, I think I might just go sit in a corner and cry, then take this story off of then cry some more, then sic my realm friends on all you who didn't review! (BTW, "realm friends" is a type of inside joke, if you don't get it, oh well, too bad for you. I might tell you though, if I'm in a good mood and I feel like it in a later ch.)
Frodo: Help she has me and Legolas captured!
Chell, away from keyboard: Who took off his muzzle? Oh I'm still on... ok ignore that. Again, please review. Constructive criticism encouraged... (fading) Frodo, sweetie, Legolas, darling, I'm coming!