Hi! This is an angsty Schmidt drabble, based on what he says to Cece in 3.03. Hope you like it. I don't own New Girl or any of the franchises mentioned in this story.

"I used to be so fat…like, truly gigantic. I mean as big-as big as it gets. And now I'm not, and girls like me, and I don't- I don't know how to do this. I got lost. And I'm sorry,"- Schmidt 3.03, Double Date

Different Now

He's fat. Ridiculously so. He's huge. Ginormous. Obese. "On the tubby side," as perhaps his mother would say. If this was Supersize Me, perhaps he could tell you exactly how much he eats every day, but he can't- it varies, but it's always a lot. Food makes him happy, and being happy is what matters. Although he can be nervy around girls, he doesn't care how many kids screech, "Fatty! Mr Blobby!" at him on the street- it isn't important because he's got friends and a girlfriend and he likes college. It may be ridiculous, but at least he's happy.

He doesn't know what it is that makes him want to lose weight. If this was Forrest Gump he'd have a moment where he knew he was going to "turn his life around,"- but this isn't Forrest Gump, and if he ever had a moment like that he doesn't remember it. He simply begins to lose weight at some point. Well, not exactly- that makes it sound like it just happens, and it doesn't- it's a struggle. Tough. Hard. Exhausting; physically and emotionally. He cuts down on the chocolate and the double-cheese pizzas. He goes for a walk, then a jog, then a run every day. He even tries smoking for a while- that's supposed to help with slimming, right? - but he doesn't like the taste. Besides- smoking's for tough James Dean kind of guys- not a fat man who struggles to walk round the block in one go. So the cigarettes don't last long, but the exercise and the diet do. And after years of resisting temptation, and refusing seconds, and beaming when his pants are too big- he finds that he's isn't fat anymore. He's thin.

He lost something along the way. It fell out of his pocket one day when running. Or perhaps he didn't lose something- maybe he found something; stuck to the sole of his shoe like gum. So lost or found he isn't certain- but he is certain that he's different now. Thin, trim, handsome. Girls eye him on the street and flirt with him in bars. Guys see him coming and know he means business. He works out and almost enjoys it, then showers with expensive products. He buys tight suits and skinny ties and likes the way he looks in the mirror. He's different now. Cranky, obnoxious, cold. He thinks everyone should know his name- without the "Fat," epithet. He's Schmidt and that says it all, and you all should know it. Girls' numbers are deleted in the morning. He'll blow off a girl who tries to flirt with him if he doesn't like the look of her. He smiles at himself in the mirror but it sometimes looks kind of creepy, like the Joker. It isn't a happy smile anymore. Perhaps he isn't happy anymore.

Fat when happy, thin when...something else. He isn't unhappy, but he's not been happy like he was when he was fat since…well, since he was fat. He's different now.

Nick used to mention The Picture of Dorian Gray. Schmidt caught the gist of the plot from him- Gray got more beautiful in real life, but as he did more bad things his portrait became wrinkled and grotesque, like his the character's soul. Schmidt used to tease Nick, saying it was a dusty old book which didn't mean anything.

Now he's not so sure.

Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope you enjoyed it. Whatever you opinion, feedback is much appreciated so please drop a review! Thanks again.