After the Café

By the time Patsy stepped through the heavy wooden doors of Nonnatus House her emotions were beginning to overwhelm her. With her head down and her shoulders slumped, she looked at least two inches shorter than she had when she left to meet Delia at the Silver Buckle, just a couple of hours earlier. And she felt it.

More than anything, all she really wanted to do was make it across the hall, up the incongruously grand staircase and into her room without meeting anyone. Since she was fairly certain she wouldn't be able to keep herself together if small talk was required. For once she was lucky. The place appeared to be deserted and she made it up to her bedroom untroubled.

The room, however, was not empty.

"Hello Sweetie. You're back early."

"Trixie." It was more of a statement than a greeting. And even after a couple of drinks, Trixie could tell something was amiss.

"Is everything alright?"

Never had Patsy been more tempted to tell Trixie everything than she was right then. Just pour out all the thoughts and feelings that were chasing each other around and around in her head until she felt they might drive her mad.

But she couldn't. The fear was greater.

"Yes, fine." she got out, as she walked across the room and lay down on her bed. "Delia is on an early shift tomorrow. She wanted to get back."

Trixie turned and looked across at her with 'those' eyes.

Or was it?

"And…we argued."

Trixie giggled. A serious argument between these two seemed highly improbable to her. And besides, the gin made everything just that little bit more humorous.

"Really. What about?" she teased. "Which song to put on the jukebox? Did Delia pick Billy Fury again?"

Belatedly it dawned on Patsy that Trixie wasn't entirely sober. And that telling her anything was a terrible idea.

"No." she said, taking a deep breath and making an enormous effort to lighten her tone.

"We were talking and some chap cut in and offered to buy us cake. Delia wasn't at all pleased. She caused a bit of a scene."

Trixie giggled.

"Well, that's hardly grounds for divorce Patsy. Unless the chap took your fancy?"

Pasty flushed.

"No, not at all. But Delia really was rather upset about it."

"Don't worry, sweetie. I'm sure it will all blow over. It's not as though you did anything wrong."

At that, both of them looked away, lost momentarily in their own thoughts.

Surprisingly, at least so it seemed to Patsy, she was the first to break the silence.

"Trixie." she said again, capturing the other's attention. And without really knowing why, found herself asking "How did you feel when Tom proposed?"

It was the last thing Trixie had been expecting Patsy to say. And it was rather too close to the mark. She felt tears sting her eyes. But the answer came easily enough.

"I felt wanted." she said simply, smiling at the memory as the tears slid silently down her cheeks.

They had not spoken since that night at the Silver Buckle and Patsy hadn't been at all sure she would come. But of course she had. At the appointed hour, uniform on and seemingly perfectly at ease.

In that moment Patsy's relief had been palpable, a genuine smile spreading across her face for the first time in days. But as the night wore on and no opportunities to talk openly presented themselves, her fears and the butterflies had returned.

Finally, with the evening almost over and Delia making to leave, she had managed to grab a private moment. And despite her sweaty palms and thumping heart, Patsy had been able to say more or less what she had wanted to say. That she knew things had to change. That they would find a way to be together. Delia had smiled then and held her hand. She had reassured her that everything was alright.

But it wasn't.

Patsy had to make good on her promise or she would lose Delia, she felt certain of it.

And she couldn't lose Delia. She knew that now in a way she hadn't really known it before. These past few days had taught her that.

And so on Friday – her next day off – Patsy rose early, dressed with particular care, put her steely, professional Nurse Mount mask firmly in place and stepped out of Nonnatus House. She headed first to Poplar Post Office and then to the bus stop to catch the Number 15 up West. A woman on a mission.

It was another two weeks before they had any time off together. Delia was on lates and Patsy had been rostered off for 24 hours after a long week of call outs. So they had hastily arranged to meet early the following day and if the weather was fine take a stroll in Victoria Park, as they sometimes did. Patsy had even promised a Thermos of tea and if she could work her charm on Mrs B, some cake. Delia was a little bit suspicious.

It turned out to be a glorious late autumn morning. Bitterly cold but still, under a cloudless blue sky. The air was so fresh it made their noses sting when they breathed it in. But the sun was just strong enough to warm their bones a little through the dark fabric of their coats. Patsy loved days like these. So very different from anything she had known as a child.

They walked for a while, making the most of the opportunity it provided to link arms and press their sides close together, the contact warming both of them. And they talked about what they had been doing since the parade. Well, Delia did, enthusiastically filling Patsy in on events on the ward and the latest gossip from the Nurse's Home. Patsy was unusually quiet, even for her. Eventually Delia could bear it no longer.

"Let's sit for a bit and have a cup of tea." She said, steering them both towards an empty park bench facing an equally deserted duck pond.

"Did you manage to sweet talk Mrs B into baking something for us?" she tried after they had sat down and Patsy still hadn't spoken.

The direct question was enough to bring Patsy out of her reverie. And she smiled brightly.

"Yes. I did rather well, in fact. Even if I do say so myself."

And reaching into the basket she'd been carrying, she pulled out an old Quality Street tin and removed the lid with a flourish.

"Would you care for a slice of coffee walnut sponge, Nurse Busby?"

Delia laughed.

"Blimey Pats. What did you do? Offer your hand to her eldest?" she teased.

"No, no. Nothing like that. I just told her we'd had an argument and I wanted to make it up to you."

This was the longest speech Patsy has made since they'd walked through the park gates half an hour earlier.

And it was enough to confirm Delia's suspicions about the cause of her girlfriend's distress.

She took the tin from Patsy and put it next to her on the bench, then she took Patsy's nearest hand in hers and looked her squarely in the eye.

"We've talked about this Pats. You don't have anything to make it up to me for."

Delia paused, looking deep into Patsy's eyes for a moment longer. Then she sighed and looked down at their joined hands.

"It's just the way things are. And all we can do is find a way through together. One that we can both live with."

She looked back up again then and smiled warmly.

Patsy tried to smile back but she wasn't at all sure it was coming out right. Her heart was racing and her mouth was dry. Only now did she realise that she hadn't thought everything through. She knew what she wanted to do. But not how she was going to do it.

"Err…Delia I…there's something I…gosh…this is hard."

Pasty made to stand, then thought better of it and sat back down.

Delia's smile turned into a look of alarm.

"What is it Pats? Are you alright?"

The worry on Delia's face was enough to untie Patsy's tongue, just.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine. Sorry. I'm just a bit nervous."

"It's just…I've been thinking…about how we find our way through, as you said and…I decided…after we spoke about it that night at the café…that I'd like to give you this…"

Patsy reached in to her coat pocket with her free hand and held out a small black leather box.

"…if you'll take it from me, that is."

Delia looked down at the box, back up at Patsy, then back down at the box again, not really believing what appeared to be happening.

She let go of Patsy's hand and reached out for the box.

She opened it slowly.

Inside was a ring, a plain gold band with a single stone in a claw setting.

"Is this…?" Delia started, her voice catching.

"Are you…?" she tried again, as tears welled up in her eyes.

Patsy nodded. Seeing Delia's reaction, she was feeling more confident about this than she had at any point in the past two weeks. In fact, she was feeling elated. She let the silence stretch out just a little longer. And then, with her command of language fully restored, she teased gently.

"Well?"

"It isn't the 'done thing' to keep a girl hanging on, you know."

At that, Delia leaned forward and pulled Patsy into a fierce embrace. Then tucking her head into Patsy's neck she whispered "Yes. Yes, I will."

Now that she was halfway through her second cup of tea and they had finished all of the cake, Delia had recovered most of her composure.

"But where on earth did you get it from?"

"What?"

"The ring, silly." Delia said a little more quietly, putting her hand to her chest where the ring now sat, under her coat. Where Patsy had put it, after threading it through a delicate gold chain that she had also somehow acquired.

"Oh, yes. Of course." Patsy smirked.

"H Samuel's on Oxford Street" she said, rather matter of factly.

This was not one of a number of answers Delia had been expecting. She snorted with laughter.

"Never!"

"You just walked in to a jewelers in the West End and bought an engagement ring? On your own?"

"Yes. Why ever not? It is 1960 Delia."

"What did they say?"

"Not much. Nurse Mount was in no mood for chit chat."

"I wish I had been there to see that." Delia said, suddenly serious again.

"Humm" Patsy mused. Then catching Delia's eye "But that would have rather ruined the surprise."

And at that, they both started to giggle.