Lou shifted restlessly on her bunk above Kid's. Emma's talk of memories at supper had Lou's mind swirling. Many of hers were bad ones; her ma dying, leaving her siblings at the orphanage, what Wicks had done to her. She stifled a sob and stubbornly pushed those thoughts aside.
Rolling over onto her side, Lou reached down between the mattress and wall, and removed her money sock. She untied the knot in the top, opened it, and reached inside. Her fingers fumbled past the roll of bills, shifted through the coins, and found the soft bit of thin material buried beneath.
She unfolded the scrap of material to its full size. It was handkerchief that had once belonged to her ma. Wildflowers adorned it and delicate lace lined its edges. Her fingers traced the line of her ma's initials, which were embroidered in one corner of it.
The handkerchief had seen better days. She carried it wherever she went and it was no longer in its former pristine condition. The once vibrant shades of blues and purples were now faded, and the lace was tattered and torn. Lou lifted the handkerchief to her nose and swore she could still smell lilacs. Her ma's scent. Tears flooded her eyes and she pressed a hand to her mouth to prevent a sob from escaping. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to give in to the emotions welling up within her. She missed her ma so much. She would give up everything she had, if it meant she could have just one more day with her ma.
A sob slipped past her lips before she could stifle it, and Lou felt a moment of panic fill her. Had one of the boys heard it? She waited for someone to ask her if she was all right, but there was only blissful silence, except for the occasional exhalation of breath, snuffle of noise, or the shifting of a body against a mattress, as one of her fellow riders tried to find a more comfortable sleeping position.
Lou felt relief fill her. As much as she wanted to give into her emotions and have a good cry, she could not risk having the boys hear her, and somehow discover her secret.
It was some time before slumber claimed her. Lou fell asleep clutching the handkerchief to her chest, her cheeks dampened with tears, and her ma fresh on her mind.