Title: Love/Hate
Rating: K+
Pairings: Doctor/Rose implied
Set: Post 'Boom Town'
Spoilers: Boom Town

Love…

I love Jack. I have done ever since he swept me off my feet on top of his ship. His charm makes it so easy to. He has that big smile and that great laugh. He makes me want to hug him because his happy presence is just so infectious. He always makes me feel special when he looks at me. Like I'm gorgeous no matter if I've just gotten out of bed with my hair sticking out in stupid directions, or if I'm dressed up to the nines ready for a night on the town. He's sweet and he's always looking out for me in a big brother kind of way. Although I know that he has some distinctly unbrotherly-like thoughts about me at times. Not that I really mind. It's nice to feel desired every now and again.

I love Mickey. He's such a nice bloke, always has been. One of the few decent ones. I know he thinks the world of me, that he'd do anything for me if I asked. He always made me feel loved whenever I was him and that was important when I was young and heartbroken, still trying to get over Jimmy Stones. Mickey and I could have been so happy together. Yet it was only ever nice. It was warmth and contentment. Not fireworks and lightning. He never made my blood run like liquid fire just by looking at me. I never would have followed him into hell and back just because he grabbed my hand. I don't want to feel pity for him because he deserves better than that. I want him to forget me. To meet some nice girl he can dote on and who will adore him in return. I want to be able to go back and do the decent thing; break up with him then and there so he doesn't hang on in false hope. Yes, I love Mickey but not enough.

I love the Doctor. I know I do even though it confuses me sometimes because I can't quite figure it all out in my head. I had a crush on him the moment he took my hand in the shop, telling me to run for my life. It was exciting and he had that whole 'mysterious older man' thing going on. Then I got to know him more and my crush disappeared, growing into something deeper. I started feeling like I had to be with him. Like I couldn't live without him. Like he was the reason that the blood kept flowing through my veins and my lungs kept drawing in air. It scared me but I liked it. Even if I wasn't sure if it was right – he's an alien and he's like eight hundred and eighty something years older than me. It never seemed possible. Then he told me that he dances, and I just know he understood what I really meant by that. I don't know where it's going but I know I love him. More than Jack. More than Mickey. Something that feels so strong has to lead to something right? Good or bad…Better or worse…

Hate…

I hate Jack. I hardly know him and I hate him. Okay, maybe hate's a bit too strong a term for it. 'Intensely dislike' would be closer to the truth. He's everything I can't stand about other blokes. Stupid, smug flyboy with his stupid smug grin. He thinks he's all it, swaggering around like the whole world fancies him, like he could get anyone with just a click of his fingers. Not everyone's impressed by oozing charm and playboy good looks you know. Rose isn't. Or at least she didn't used to be. She used to be into substance over surface. But she certainly seems pretty crushed up on old Captain Jack, hanging on his every word and flirting like there's no tomorrow.

I hate Rose. I never thought I'd say that but I do just a little. What's worse is I still love her. Love, hate…there's such a fine line between the two. Both make people do things they wouldn't normal do. Both destroy lives. I would have given her everything. Would have given anything for her. We were so happy together. I would have waited forever for her to come home because she was so worth it. Worth a lifetime waiting alone just to be with her when she smiles. How could anyone turn that down? She says she loves me but I offered her my life and she threw it back in my face. When push came to shove she abandoned me and ran for the Doctor. Yeah, she came back, but I was an afterthought. I wasn't going to hang around and be her second best. I've got more pride than that.

I hate the Doctor. So much it burns. So much that it turns my stomach. I can't even look at my website any more because it just builds up inside me again and I feel like I'm going to explode. He stole her from me. He knew exactly what he was doing when he offered to take her with him. He could have just left her. He could have done the decent thing and said 'no, love, stay with your boyfriend'. But he didn't think about me, or Jackie or anyone else Rose would leave behind. He just took her, snatched her away from everyone who loves her without a second thought. He did what he always does; run off after the drama is over and leave behind others to pick up the pieces. Does he really care about anything? Is he helping people or just having a laugh himself? Showing off to impress her.

I hate him. I hate him for not caring. I hate him for taking her away. I hate him for who he is and all he can give her that I can't. It's beginning to scare me when I think about what that makes me capable of. When some of the darkest thoughts of my life pass through my mind because of him. Something that feels so strong has to lead to something right? Good or bad…Better or worse…