Unconditional
Thor grinned at Loki's expression after he clasped the cuffs on him. The trickster had been out-tricked. He had missed his brother and was glad to have gotten him out of his cell but his heart was hardened after all he had done. It had been painful seeing him after the illusion was gone - sitting there devastated - his cell in shambles. The look on his brother's face when he had said he didn't trust him but their mother had almost tore his heart out. But he couldn't let himself be vulnerable to Loki anymore; Loki had broken the trust and tried to kill him. He was dangerous and unpredictable.
On their way to the ship Loki suddenly stumbled and went down on one knee. Thor reached down and pulled him up by his arm it was then he realized that his brother's face had a sheen of sweat on it. He lifted his hand to Loki's forehead and found him hot and feverish. His eyes narrowed. "Drop the illusion of illness; it will not get you out of the handcuffs." Thor growled.
Loki smiled and said hoarsely. "I wish it were just an illusion." Before he could continue he bent over and threw up.
Thor frowned. He detoured into his bedroom and all but dropped his brother onto the bed. "What's wrong with you?"
"I…I don't know other than my foot hurts."
Remembering his bloody foot in the cell Thor bent to tear off Loki's boot. It was hard going and his brother winced from the pain. When Thor finally got it off he saw how swollen and red the foot was. He shook his head. "You can't go like this. Stay on the bed. I'll tell the others we're delayed and I'll find something for the fever."
Loki nodded and closed his eyes. His exuberance over getting out of the cell wore off as exhaustion took over.
When he woke again Thor was holding him down. He automatically struggled. "What are you doing?"
"We have to get the infection out and the only way to do that is to slice the wound open again and clean and drain it." Thor replied.
Loki saw Sif at the foot of the bed she looked at Thor. "Ready?"
He nodded.
Loki cried out as the top of his foot was sliced open, Sif then bent his knee and immersed his foot in a bucket of something. It burned fiercely as if it was held over an open flame. Loki closed his eyes against the pain.
Thor kept him from moving and reached with one hand to Loki's forehead again. "Your temperature is very high from the infection in your foot."
"Loki, have you had anything to eat or drink since…" Sif''s voice trailed off.
"Since Mother died." Thor added.
"No. I didn't feel like eating."
"He needs to get some nourishment into him to fight this." Sif advised.
"He threw up in the hallway. It's not going to be easy for him to keep anything down." Thor informed.
"Some light broth perhaps." Sif suggested.
Loki groaned. He felt hot, was in a swirl of pain and his stomach revolted at even the thought of food.
Sif loosely wrapped Loki's foot. "His foot will need to be soaked every 3 hours."
Thor nodded. "I'll take care of him. Stay with him for a few moments. I have some supplies to get."
She nodded "Make sure to get something for the pain, can you get your hands on willow bark?"
Thor nodded. He knew she despised Loki for his actions but he didn't realize it was more for the attempt on his life that she wanted to strangle the dark prince.
Loki grinned wryly. "Well here I am Sif weak and vulnerable – you can run me through with your sword if you like. Put me out of my misery."
"You deserve this Loki and so much more. You have no idea how much your brother loves you – he would give his life to save yours and yet you didn't hesitate for a second in trying to take his. What kind of a monster lurks inside to make you so callous?"
Loki responded thickly, "A frost giant apparently."
She shrugged. "So you find out you are the son of a frost giant and you throw away a lifetime of love and turn on the people who raised you? Your real father left you to die-and the Allfather saved you yet you are so full of hatred."
"He only saved me to use me!" Loki spat.
Sif snorted angrily.
"Do you remember about 8 years ago? When Black Rune your favourite horse died? Allfather left an important council meeting to comfort you as cried your eyes out over that horse's body? Thor, your mother – no one could pry you away und the Allfather said something to you and pulled you into his arms and held you until you were able to get to your feet and walk away. He loved you."
Loki closed his eyes tightly lost in the memory for a moment. Odin had told him how brave Black Rune had been and that he now needed to be brave and let his horse go. He had sobbed into Odin's chest as he held him close. He had felt loved back then in that moment.
He cleared his throat. "Well he certainly doesn't love me anymore." He said quietly.
"You did your best to kill that love." Sif said angrily.
Thor walked back in immediately feeling the tension between the two. Sif looked angry as Loki seethed.
Thor sighed. "Thank you for your help Sif. I'll take it from here."
Sif nodded, glaring one more time at Loki. "Behave!"
"Take two of these." Thor ordered handing Loki two small infection fighting pills.
Loki groggily sat up, a wave of nausea swept over him. He swallowed the pill with the water that Thor handed him. Then Thor gave him a vial filled with a draught of willow bark to help with the pain. Lastly he handed him a bowl of broth which Loki refused.
"You need to keep your strength up." Thor insisted." Just take a few spoonfuls." When Loki made no move to take it Thor dipped the spoon in the liquid and held it up to his brothers' mouth."
Loki gave him a look of contempt. "Seriously brother."
Thor grinned. "If you don't take it willingly I'll hold your nose shut and force it into your mouth Mark my words brother one way or another you will take this."
The god of mischief smirked. "And I'll spit it at you." The look on Thor's face said otherwise. Reluctantly Loki opened his mouth and swallowed a few spoonfuls that Thor fed him.
As Loki lay back down he reluctantly mumbled. "Thank you."
Thor looked at him sharply. "I'm doing this for vengeance against mother's killer."
Loki's eyes narrowed. "Of course, otherwise you wouldn't ever consider helping the offspring of a Frost giant."
Thor's temper snapped. "STOP IT! Frost giant or not-you are my brother in every way that counts. You are the one that broke our brotherly bond. How do you think I felt when you came to earth to tell me Father was dead and Mother never wanted to see me again? You were cruel and devoid of all empathy! All you wanted was the throne – you didn't think of me as a brother I was only an obstacle to you. I broke down in front of you yet you felt not one iota of regret for hurting me like that. Then in New York – how many times did you try and kill me? I tried to get through to you but love didn't matter only power! "Thor growled. "So don't play the poor little unloved unwanted prince. I loved you whether we were of the same blood or not. I was devastated when I thought you were dead. Mother walked around with a constant sheen of tears in her eyes,-yet there you were alive and well gleefully letting us all suffer while planning to take over earth!"
Loki looked downright deadly - his voice smooth and cold. "Are you finished with your little rampage? All the years growing up father promised us we would rule kingdoms when we grew up but all along he covered up the lie that I wasn't his and that the only one worthy of ruling was you his true son. And you certainly didn't help now did you Thor. All you talked about was ruling Asgaard – being the king of Asgaard, you never gave me a thought on how all your bragging would make me feel – how it slowly filled me up with hate and jealousy. You are Odin's golden son and I'm just the ..the ...monster so yes I wanted to make something of myself and break away from all the hypocrisy that exists here!'
"Was mother's love also hypocrisy?' Thor asked gently.
Loki's face fell again to that unguarded vulnerable pain that he had shown in his cell. He didn't respond.
Thor took a deep breath. "Get some rest."
Loki closed his eyes for a moment trying to still his racing heart. He ignored Thor.
"For the record Loki, I am sorry when I was young and foolish and hurt you with my words. I was the oldest son so I only believed I would rule Asgaard based on tradition not because I thought I was better than you in any way." With that Thor left the room.
Loki took a deep breath and willed sleep to take away from the endless pain.
"Am I then not your mother?" Frigga asked looking at him intently.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and steeled himself on his pain and anger, replying coldly, "Noyou are not."
He gasped wishing he could retract those awful words. There were tears in her eyes as she stepped closer to him guilt had overwhelmed him and he had reached out to her only to have the projection fade away before his eyes.
"Loki, Loki?" Thor shook him gently.
His eyes flew open glazed with tears - his breathing laboured and harsh. He sat up dropped his head into his hand. Thor's hand came to the back of his neck.
"I denied her." Loki chocked out. "I basically told her she wasn't my mother. Those were my last words to her." His tormented gaze landed on Thor. "There is no forgiveness for that."
Thor suddenly realized Loki's illness went deeper than his cut foot. Guilt and regret were eating at him keeping him from healing.
Thor smiled softly. "Loki – mother was smarter than that. She knew you were just lashing out because you felt hurt. She loved you beyond measure. Look at everything you did, even attempting to kill her first born but she always had excuses for you because you were her son as much as I was and she loved us unconditionally."
Loki took a shuddering breath. "It's my fault. I was angry. When the prison break occurred I…."
"What? What did you do Loki?" Thor encouraged him to unburden his soul.
"Feel free to let me die." Loki's light eyes looked into his. "You'll want to kill me when I tell you."
"What did you do?" Thor probed.
"I told Kurse where to go to find Odin without thinking that mother would be there as well."
Thor remained silent for a few moments. Then: "If I hadn't brought Jane back with me none of this would have happened. Don't you think we all have our regrets and wish we could turn the clock back? The reality is Kurse would eventually have ended up there and the result would have been the same."
Having Thor basically lift the blame off his shoulders destroyed Loki's resistance. His head fell into his hand again as a pent up cry of despair escaped.
Thor tried to harden his heart against the brother that had attempted to kill him but seeing him suffering and in such despair tore at his heart.
He put his arms around him and pulled him close. Loki his heart burdened by bad actions felt like it would break. His tears spilled over as he sobbed into Thor's shoulder.
Thor held Loki tightly. It felt good to pretend if even for a short while that he had his brother back.
"Shhh Loki. Mother would forgive us." Thor said hoarsely. His attempt to comfort Loki had the opposite effect as Loki gripped him tighter and more tears were spilled. Thor put his hand on the back of Loki's head and stroked the disheveled black hair.
With a gasp Loki pulled back as the realization of what he had been doing sank in. He hastily wiped his face.
"Better?" Thor asked wiping a hand over his own eyes. Despite all that happened it felt good being able to share his grief.
Loki looked at him with reddened eyes and nodded. It had been hard dealing with Mother's death all on his own. As much as he would liked to deny it being comforted by his big brother had helped. Having unburdened his guilt and having Thor not judge and berate him for it had been unexpected.
He looked at Thor who sat on the bed looking weary; worn down by his own guilt. "Thor, I am sorry for my actions. I don't know what happens to me sometimes. It's like the frost giant side of me takes over and and I can't think clearly, it's like there is this battle inside of me shutting down my emotions and my empathy, I've tried to control it but it always wins."
Thor suddenly remembered just before Loki stabbed him in New York, the tears running down the side of his face. Maybe his brother truly spoke the truth for once.
"If that is the case Loki you are going to have to try harder. Let the love of your family be your strength to defeat that dark side of you."
Loki snorted. "You mean Odin's love? Trust me that won't work. If he knew I sent Kurse in his direction he would kill me instantly." He then laughed harshly. "I'd already be dead if mother hadn't intervened." For a moment he looked away as he battled with another wave of tears.
Thor grabbed his hand. "Then let the memory of mother's love be your pillar, let my love for my little brother give you strength."
"You can't trust me," he stated hoarsely then laughed. "I wouldn't trust me."
"I'll get you back Loki or die trying." Thor promised.
Loki looked anguished. "Don't say that you'll awaken that dark monster inside me that will gladly rise to the challenge."
"I am committed to defeating it – I will not let it steal my brother from me." Thor promised.
"You are an idiot." Loki smirked tearfully.
"Perhaps I am – only time will tell. Now get some rest so we can get our vengeance." Thor smiled.
Loki took a deep breath and smiled genuinely at his brother before lying down. He felt more at peace than he had in a long time.
The end