AN: Again, I'm –much- more familiar with the LA version of Bare, so some things come directly from that and don't even make sense in the NY version… you'll have to just deal with that cause I'm to lazy to make sure things match up in both versions…

And someone just tell me if I worked this out right... the feast of the Epiphany is Jan. 6th, so if that's two weeks after Nadia and Jason's b-day, that makes their birthday the day before Christmas right?

Warning: This was my first attempt at getting into Peter's head... more of a practice than an actual fic, just me trying to understand who he is so I can get better at writing for him… I'm only posting it because there really is no where else to get Barefic at the moment… un-betaed

Disclaimer: I don't own it... Like you didn't know that

Peter picked up the phone for the third time, finally letting the call go all the way through.

"Hello?"

"Jason?"

There was a pause before a much quieter Jason spoke again. "Hey I can't talk right now. The whole family's over."

"Ya, no, I just wanted to…"

"It's really not a good time I'll call you later, okay?"

"Don't hang up! I need to talk to my…"

Jason cut Peter off sharply. "Peter! Don't, okay? Just… don't. I'll call you later, alright?"

Peter let out a small, defeated sigh. "Ya, okay. We'll talk later… Love you."

"You too. Later." Peter waited until heard the dial tone to hang up the phone, once again sitting alone in the kitchen. He grabbed a pad of paper and pen from its spot by the phone, doodling random nothings until his mom came into the kitchen, sporting the same forced smile she always wore.

"Hey honey!" She was either oblivious to how depressed her son obviously looked, or she chose it ignore it, finding more important things to focus on than, such as the pie in the oven. "Ohh this smells good. It'll be cool in just a few minutes if you'd like a slice."

"No thanks mom." He dropped the pencil onto the paper, crinkling um the page with Jason's name sketched all over it. He watched as she set the pie on top of the stove, pulling out two plates, again ignoring what he had said entirely. He would have repeated himself, but she would ignore him again. He was all to use to it. Rather than repeat himself, he just stood up. "I'll be up in my room mom."

She turned to him with a small smile. "Don't you want some pie?"

"No thanks mom. I'll be up in my room." Without waiting for her to respond again, he turned out of the kitchen, making his way to his bedroom and locking the door before falling on his bed.

And here he was, hiding in his room again, just as he was always hiding. This wasn't fair. He was finally comfortable enough with himself to admit who he truly was, and the same person who helped him realize who he was, was the same person keeping him from being who is. He thought back on all the moments before him and Jason were 'them'. For all the time that Peter thought he would ultimately be punished for loving Jason, and Jason telling him that nothing that felt this good could be bad. All the time that he tried to find another word for what he was, because 'gay' just sounded too wrong. All the time that he dove head first into his school work so that he wouldn't have room in his head to think of his feelings.

And all this time, it was Jason telling him that everything would be okay. Taking his hand and making him see that you can't deny love for very long. And now it was Jason telling him to hide. Telling him that he wasn't allowed to shout his feelings from the roof tops.

And if it were anyone else, he would have ignored them and done when he felt was right. But this was Jason. He couldn't just ignore him, and he couldn't tell him to fuck off. Jason was too afraid to be himself. He had a deep desire to be accepted. It didn't matter that Peter loved him, that he would be there no matter what, help him through, just as he had helped Peter. Jason needed everyone else to love him, and Peter would never be enough to fill that desire.

Peter buried his head into his pillow, wiping his tears away and closing his eyes tightly and willing himself to sleep.

Peter was startled awake by a vibration in his sweater pocket, followed by a sharp ringing. He pulled his phone from his pocket and held it to his ear, not even looking to the caller id. "Hello?" His voice came out groggy and strung together.

"Hey babe. Did I wake you or something?"

He sat up and brushed the sleep from his eyes, looking to the clock on his night stand. Nine. Shit, he had been sleeping for seven hours. He was going to have a hard time getting to sleep tonight. "What, are you alone now?" Of course he was alone. He wouldn't have called him babe is anyone else was around.

If Peter had sounded bitter with his last comment, Jason didn't let on that he had caught it. "No, Nadia's upstairs." He was playful if nothing else.

"Where are your parents?"

"They brought my grandparents to the air port. They've been here all week. I'm finally getting my room back tonight."

"Well that sounds fun."

"If you think sleeping on the couch when you have a perfectly good bed upstairs is fun. How's your bed?" You could hear the smirk in his voice.

But Peter just rolled his eyes. "I meant having your grandparents over."

"I know what you meant, but why talk about my grandparents when we can talk about being in bed? That's just going to cause an aversion."

Jason laughed and Peter felt his wall crumbling. Jason had a great laugh. "I guess."

"So how's break been?"

"You mean for the past week and a half since you last called?"

"Don't blame the fact that we haven't talked on me. I told you, we've had stuff going on this past week. And you could have called me."

"And what, risk your parents picking up?"

"My parents are never around to pick up Peter. I've just been busy, okay?"

"Sure." Peter rubbed the palms of his hands over his temples, balancing the phone between his cheek and shoulder. "Why don't…"

Jason cut him off again. "I can't wait to see you next week."

Every time they argued, Jason tried to end it by saying something cute, sweet, or flirtatious. It really sucked that it always worked, something Peter knew all too well as a smile spread across his face. "Ya, you too."

"So did you get everything you wanted?"

Peter looked to the small pile of new things yet to be put away on his desk. "Ya, pretty much." It had been a good Christmas this year. And he got along great with his mom if they weren't having a serious conversation about his personal life. They could talk about anything else, but like Jason, his mom always changed the subject if it got too serious. "What about you? Get anything good?"

"Ohh come on, you know my parents never remember these holidays. I'll get something closer to my birthday."

"How do they forget Christmas if you had company for the holiday?"

"Well, they remembered the whole 'Christmas Party for the friends and family' thing. They just didn't remember presents. My grandparents got me a new basketball and a bible though, and then quizzed me to see if I paid attention in church." There was a small sigh on Jason's end of the phone. "Ya, good times this vacation."

Peter laughed and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, making his way to his desk and picking up the new bible he had also gotten for Christmas. "What did Nadia get?"

"Same bible. And then some hairy thing that I think goes to her cello. Looked boring to me, but she was pretty excited. And we haven't gotten her to shut up on that stupid thing all break." Jason was trying to sound annoyed, but you could hear the playfulness in his voice. "I think she misses school."

"Same here." Peter would rather be in school any day that hiding in his room so that he didn't ramble on to himself about things that mattered while his mom talked about the weather. And he didn't see his father much. He worked all through the holidays, but he was never much of a family guy, so that was just one more thing Peter was all too used to. "Don't you miss school?" Jason never talked as if he really liked being home. Maybe that was because the only person he had there was his sister. And there was only so much of her that even Jason could take.

"I miss you." He accented the last word, his voice making Peter melt a little bit. "And we always miss my birthday because of stupid Christmas break."

Peter smiled, raising one eyebrow. "But we already celebrated your birthday."

"I think we should celebrate it again." There was a pause, and Peter could just see the cocky grin on Jason's face. "And then again."

"How many birthdays do you think you get?"

"Well then it'll be a Christmas thing… or a Tuesday thing."

"Nadia, Jason, we're home!"

"Shit, I gotta go. The parents are home. I'll call you tomorrow or something, okay?"

Peter used the same defeated sigh he had earlier on the phone. "Okay. I love you."

"Ya you too." Jason hung up and Peter closed his phone slowly. He understood why Jason never said I love you back on the phone. Well, maybe not understood, but at least knew why. So he wondered, if you're afraid to say it, is there any way it can be true? If Jason could only admit to love when they were alone together at night, did that mean that that would forever be the only time and place that they could be in love? And what if that meant the same for him? He was willing to tell who he really was, but he was more afraid than even he knew. No, it wasn't true for him. Because he was willing, unlike Jason. This would be so much easier if he wasn't in love with Jason. Then he could just ignore him or tell him to fuck off. But he couldn't, because what if Jason actually left?

A shiver ran up and down Peter's spine, and he suddenly found it very easy to get back to sleep.