When Sarah arrived at the NSA plane at LAX, she found General Diane Beckman sitting cross-legged reading Dear John in her seat. Sarah wondered at this strange sight of one of the most icy, powerful women she knew reading one of the sappiest books she had ever heard of. Oh well, she thought, some people just have some strange habits and I can't be one to judge.
"Walker, please sit down," said Beckman, closing her book.
Sarah took a seat across from the General, who never broke her eye contact with the agent. Sarah felt as though the General could see straight through to her soul.
"So, you want a transfer out of Burbank. But you had been doing so well here. Explain to me why you don't think this is the right place for you to be using your talents."
"Well, General, I just don't think that my... relationship with Agent Bartowski is beneficial to the team or to the Intersect."
"I personally think you have it all wrong, Walker. I think the Intersect works best with you in the picture. And I think that Bartowski, Chuck, is most comfortable with you around. More than comfortable even, at times."
"Ma'am? How do you know anything about the dynamic between me and Chuck?" Sarah was so confused at this point. The General seemed to know far more about her and Chuck than she could have ever imagined. Was the woman just making generalizations? Was she trying to get something out of Sarah, a confession?
"Walker, do you think I don't watch your surveillance tapes? Read your mission reports? Come on, they are some of the most interesting things in the world! Those tapes are like some hybrid comedy/ drama/ action television show that I just can't get enough of. I have been watching your relationship unfold on those tapes for nearly three years now and all it is is a push and pull. I know that you have been taught to ignore your emotions, but clearly you don't ignore them. You let them fester like a sore until the explode into some inappropriate gesture or nasty little fling. So tell me, Sarah, what is going on between you and Chuck that has made you want to transfer out of Burbank?"
Sarah was stunned. She sat there, mouth agape, staring at the General. Was their project really so interesting that the General would watch so many of the surveillance tapes? Now she was worried about what else the General knew. If she had been watching the tapes for so long, why had she only brought it up now? The relationship between she and Chuck had been far more inappropriate in the past than it was now, and they were currently working very well as a team. And as friends. Friends? Great, now she was lying to herself.
"General, I don't think..."
"Sarah, I know what goes on in the locations that we bug, but I am unaware of what has happened elsewhere, like Prague. Also, I am unaware of what this is doing to one of my best agents that she would ask to be reassigned. So please call me Diane and tell me everything."
"Gen...er, uh, Diane, there is... has been so much. How could I possibly..."
"This flight should take around six hours. You have time."
As the engines started and the plane took off, Sarah began her story. She started with the things Diane didn't know. She told her about going off grid, about Barstow. You should have seen how Diane's eyes nearly popped out of her head at the tawdry details of that morning, but Sarah couldn't stop reliving those moments. Then she explained how betrayed she felt when Chuck re-uploaded the Intersect.
"I though he was being so selfish. He knew, he knew how I felt about him and he just wanted to be some stupid hero. I thought he was just feeding his ego, or trying to impress Bryce or something. I was just so upset that I wasn't even thinking straight. Really, I wasn't thinking at all."
That is when she told the General about Prague. How she told Chuck to run away with her, and that she really thought he was going to. She thought that what they had was special, that because he loved her, he would go. They could live together and be together without having to live a lie.
"Even then I knew, though, that it wouldn't be real. We had fake id's and would be on the run forever. That was no life for us to live. I think deep down, I knew he wouldn't come with me. It wouldn't be fair to him or to me."
Diane sat through all of this listening intently, sitting straight up in her seat, legs crossed at the knees and hands on her knee.
Sarah went on to talk about Carina's engagement party, how Chuck tried to push her into a confession of her feelings. She had wanted to tell him so badly how she felt, but she couldn't. She still couldn't.
"Then, he was all gassed or drugged up or whatever, and he just said it. I don't really know why I was surprised, but I was. I can't really say if I knew he felt it, but I guess I had always hoped. You know, a girl always hopes a guy feels that way about her," Sarah said smiling.
"What... what did he say?" Diane finally spoke up, startling Sarah.
"He said, 'Sarah, I love you.'"
Even remembering that moment, Sarah felt so warm inside that she could hardly stand it. She went on to tell Diane about the surveillance USB that Carina gave her from the vault. She told her that once she knew why Chuck had re- uploaded the Intersect, she was able to forgive him.
"But things remained tense and awkward between you two, didn't they? I mean, if I remember correctly, Sarah."
"Well, that is because Agent Shaw showed up, if you'll remember correctly, Diane."
"Yes, Chuck's first solo 'mish' as he put it. And I had been meaning to ask you something about that day right before he left. You told him not to go, that he wasn't ready. You are aware that he was quite ready, correct? He had the training and the Intersect."
Sarah had been afraid of this question. If Diane could see everything, of course she would have seen Sarah excuse Casey from the room and tell Chuck in no uncertain terms not to go on the solo mission.
"As his... handler, I was worried about him. You know, it's like letting a little bird out of the nest for the first time. I just wanted to make sure he was safe because without him, I...I mean the team can't really function."
"Sarah, please stop lying to me. I know when you are lying. Just nod your head if I am correct: you didn't want Chuck to go because you were worried you would never see him again. Yes, you were worried about his safety, but not as a handler worries about her asset or as an agent worries about a member of her team."
Sarah hesitated. This woman was good. She could obviously read her through and through. So she nodded. Remembering the mission on the plane and all that happened began to make Sarah angry when she remembered what came back to Burbank with Chuck.
"Buuuuuuut, when Chuck came home, he brought a new little friend," Sarah said with barely contained rage. "Hannah... what was her last name even?"
"Yes, we didn't know much about Hannah, but when I saw the tapes and read the mission reports I made it my job to make sure she wasn't a direct threat to Chuck or to the team. Her last name was Jones and she was just a smart girl with very little direction. I think that is what drew Chuck to her. They had so much in common," replied Diane.
"Yeah, well, she was just his type, so I didn't trust her. I mean I was glad he didn't just fall in to her arms the minute she got here like he did with Lou and Jill. Truthfully, I don't think he wanted to get close with her until he saw Shaw getting close to me. It all changed with the mask mission."
"But during that mission you told Shaw that you liked the way he touched you at the party, when he had been hitting on you. Why would you say that? Did you want to encourage him?"
"No. I just wanted to be honest in my 'dying' moment. And believe me, you would like the way anyone touched you if you hadn't been touched at all, barely, in close to three years. I mean, he is attractive and strong, which I like, but seriously that is not the point. Chuck and I were drifting apart."
Sarah described how they chose to protect their respective new love interests instead of helping each other, and that she saw their relationship changing.
"Our relationship was changing because he was changing. He was becoming a spy. He burned an asset. He lies more and more effortlessly every day. And because he changes, I change. I want to be more normal, more real, because he wants to be more like a spy."
"Like I said, Sarah, a push and pull."
"I know, Diane, but I can't help it. I feel like the gods are trying to keep us apart, but we want to be together so badly."
"They'll let you come together some day, you just have to trust that this is all for the story you will tell people some day."
Sarah was surprised how supportive Diane was being. She was being more like a friend as the story went on. Maybe she understood Sarah better than anyone, and it felt good to have someone to talk to.
"Well, he got even more spy- like when he had the alias as Raiff. So, I obviously got closer to Shaw. After we got the mask, Chuck and I talked about our new relationships and the future of our team. Of us. I told him that even though he was worried about us leaving, that we wouldn't be going anywhere yet. I don't want to be in his way, in work or in love, but I told him that I was okay with it, even though I knew I wasn't. And he told me that Shaw and I are perfect together because Shaw is a hero. When I told him I have a type, I didn't just mean Shaw or Bryce or Cole, I meant him too. He is tall, dark, and handsome. But more than that, he is a hero, and he is the sweetest, most caring person I have ever known. He is just far too dense to see it."
"I see. And when did you tell Agent Shaw your real name. Because I saw him call you by it on the tapes, yet as far as I know, you never told Chuck."
"I told Shaw when Raiff was supposed to be killing him. When I told him, Chuck, who was playing Raiff, was listening and watching from over half a mile away, waiting to find out who the Ring's mark was. He wasn't supposed to hear. I just needed to tell someone. I mean, I feel like I'm losing my hold in reality."
"You trusted Daniel Shaw? Who has some crazy vendetta against the Ring for killing his wife? Oh yeah, I'd trust that guy, too, over the nice guy I've known for nearly three years and have a huge crush on!"
"I do not have a crush on Chuck! I don't know why I told Shaw. I have just been feeling all messed up inside. Anyway, Chuck hasn't brought it up since, so I don't think he is that mad."
Sarah couldn't believe Diane was judging her like this. It was her business who she told her name to. And to say she had a crush on Chuck was just absurd. Sarah didn't know how she felt about Chuck, but she was sure it wasn't a crush.
"Sarah, I'm sorry I assumed you have a crush on Chuck. It is not my place to assess your relationship. There is one thing I want to tell you that I didn't think I would. When the Ring infiltrated Castle, they cut off communications, but they didn't turn off surveillance because they thought they would be taking everything with them or blowing it all sky high. When Chuck told Morgan about everything that had happened with the Intersect when he thought they were going to die, he talked about you, as well. He told Morgan you two had never slept together, which I can't say I was shocked about. Then he told Morgan that he loved you, even though he tried to convince himself that he didn't. He couldn't love you because it was against the rules, and you had told him more than once it was over between you. Once he said it aloud, and no while drugged, he was able to flash again. You make him better. You make him work. That is why I think you need to stay in Burbank and help Chuck. Both of you are at your best when you are a team."
Sarah didn't know what to say. Chuck had tried to stay away because he thought that was what she wanted, when what she really wanted was for him to tell Shaw to step aside because Sarah and Chuck belong together. She couldn't do this though. He was changing. He took the laudanol. He wanted to be a spy. He did help her get Casey back, and in doing that he was being true to the part of himself that helped his friends, but she didn't know if he really was still the same person, despite him telling her that he still was.
"I can see it in your eyes, Sarah, like I always can. You are scared, but you know what is best for both of you. You'll make the right decision. Hell, I know you would be a great addition to any team, but I really think that you know where you belong. Think about that."
With that, Diane closed her eyes and leaned her chair back to rest. She was done dispensing good advice and lending a listening ear for the day.
"Thank you, Diane," Sarah said with a smile. Diane smiled back.
Sarah knew what she was going to do, finally. Once she had arrived in DC, she would break things off with Shaw and head back to Burbank. That was where she belonged.
At peace at last, Sarah shut her eyes and leaned back. She could rest easy because she had made the right decision: to be with the one she loved.
Coolio. Tell me what you think people. I know it was kind of like a recap, but I felt like these two needed to talk, and Sarah needed to express herself.