The Joke's On You
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It had become something of a family joke: when there was nothing to do, Gaara's sex life was open for discussion. This was increasingly the case even or especially when he was in the room, where his reactions could be noted and included on the menu. Gaara found it was almost like teasing from the tales he'd heard, except that it wasn't funny.
Dumb luck was probably the only reason Naruto had yet to discover this unfortunate habit. Maybe it was karma. Surely when he did, he would test Gaara's patience with a long round of jokes that were either horribly lewd (and most of which Gaara would likely have already heard from his older brother, who didn't always shut up now when he was told to) or else which poked fun of Gaara, the "infamous Homicidal Sandman," being purposely included in the same conversation as that of the Birds and the Bees. Of course, Naruto's term for that particular topic would be at best, rude, and at worst, descriptive. But if Haruno's opinion was worth anything, he was making an effort to think before he spoke, because "he must be getting tired of the taste of his foot."
(Gaara's first response to this had been to think of a particularly apt expression he'd read, that being "Don't hold your breath." His second had been to stare at the girl, which had had done. He hadn't succumbed to his third, a particularly strong temptation to pick at the many flaws in her evaluation; nor his fourth, which was to laugh - evilly.)
His energy was best spent ignoring Kankurou and his dirty songs, restraining and analysing his impulses when Kankurou and Temari casually joined forces to poke fun of his decidedly nonexistent sex life, and filling out paperwork, which he wound up doing more of than all the academy students combined. Maybe because of all that, Gaara never thought to put effort into deciding beforehand his reaction to Naruto's jokes. He had invested some hope into the idea that the foxy blonde wouldn't ever find out, which might have played a part in his unconscious decision. As karma would have it, Temari liked her Konoha-baked an-pan, and had a big mouth when somebody dared eat any without permission. Kankurou just had a big mouth.
When Naruto eventually brought up in conversation the family joke by asking as innocently as he could manage if Gaara even knew what sex was, Gaara didn't have to think before the sand at his feet surged up and buried Naruto alive - all except for his head to breathe, because Gaara was almost amused, just not really. And then he laughed.
Evilly.
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Author: jagter se maan
Contact (AIM): TS chatterfox
Status: Complete