This is just an idea I thought up, and I started writing and this is how it turned out. Jace, scared by how much he cares about Clary, breaks up with her. Distraught, she leaves New York to train in Idris. A year and a half later, she comes back to the Institute.
Just for those of you who might want to know – Clary and Jace are my favorite pairing and I love them to death. I just thought of this idea and thought it would make an interesting fanfic. I have absolutely nothing against Clace.
And also, I don't own them or anything else in the MI world. They belong to Cassandra Clare.
My hands shook as I stepped up to the door of the Institute. Everybody knew I was coming, except for the most crucial of people – but I didn't want him to know, anyway. I wanted to keep myself a secret from him. I just hoped no one else had told him.
As I pushed the door open, a gush of cold air greeted me. No one was there to greet me, but I had expected it to be that way. I pulled my only suitcase into the entry hall and shut the door slowly, looking around. It seemed like it had been so long since I'd been here, but nothing seemed any different.
I made my way to the elevator and pressed the Up button, the kitchen being my destination. Church greeted me with a muted meow as the elevator doors opened and he walked out. I smiled slightly as I stepped into the small elevator, wondering how the cat had managed to work it on his own.
I took a deep breath before entering the dining room. As soon as I did, though, I was engulfed in a hug and surrounded by the heady scent of perfume.
"Clary!" It was Isabelle. I immediately returned the hug, grinning.
"I missed you so much!" Isabelle was talking again, now dragging me by the wrist toward the table where all of the Lightwoods – minus one – and Magnus sat. "All of us here missed you, of course. How was Idris? Are you staying long? Please tell me those are your travel clothes and that you haven't been wearing those in public!"
"Isabelle, really," Alec spoke up, smirking and waving at me as I sat down at the table. "Give the girl a break, she just got here!" I gave him a thankful look and settled down in my chair, already loving the feeling of being home and with people I really knew. Before Isabelle could speak again, though, I spoke up.
"I missed you guys too," I said with a laugh, looking around at every face at the table. "I had fun with my training in Idris. I'm planning on staying here – I missed you all too much to leave again!" I deliberately didn't answer the last of Isabelle's questions.
All through dinner we talked, chatting and laughing easily. Always in the back of my mind, though, was the reason why I had left in the first place. Where was he and why wasn't he here? Did I even want him to be here?
Who was I kidding? Of course I wanted him to be here. Because no matter what he might've told me about how he thought we were better off with other people, I still loved him. I loved him with every single fiber of my being. With every beat of my heart.
The fact was that he didn't feel the same way.
These were the thoughts going through my head as everyone at the table went silent. Confused, I shook myself out of my thoughts to pay attention to what was going on. As I focused I could hear a loud, girly voice coming down the hall toward the dining room.
"Oh, no," Alec murmured.
"Who –?"
My question was lost as the door to the dining room burst open. Every head turned toward the door and their eyes all widened in something that looked like horror. Scared, I whipped out the Seraph blade in my belt and jumped up, holding the weapon in front of me defensively.
"Really, Clary, stabbing me will only make you feel better for a few seconds."
My mouth and hand both fell slack and the blade clattered to the floor. I stared at Jace, unable to think straight. Of course the first thing out of him mouth when we hadn't seen each other for eighteen months would be something sarcastic. Actually, though, this wasn't what had shocked me. What shocked me was not what Jace had said, it was what Jace was with.
She was almost as tall as him – taller than me, surely. She had pin-straight blonde hair that cascaded to her… well-developed curves that were accented by clothes that barely covered them up. She was wearing thigh-high boots that I usually associated with Isabelle, and she was smiling. She was smiling at Jace with a look of pure infatuation and lust that made me sick. She was also clinging onto him and making sure every inch of her was touching him. It really was gross. Jace, though, had his arm around her but was otherwise completely ignoring her. And she seemed perfectly fine with that fact as long as he was touching her.
Still in a state of shock, I sat back down. There was an awkward clearing of throat from someone at the table and Alec spoke up.
"Well, hey, Jace. Clary decided to come back."
Jace glanced sharply at him, then at me. Then he looked at the girl he was with, then back at me. Finally he looked at Isabelle.
"I bring Candy home for one dinner with the family and I find her here? Why didn't you tell me?"
Two thoughts crossed my mind at the exact same time. The first was Candy? Really? That's her actual name? The second was did he really just call me 'her?' I stared at him blankly, feeling tears sting my eyes. Without thinking I stood up and ran out of the room, making sure to elbow Candy in the ribs as I rushed out the door. I heard Isabelle's voice raise but I was already too far away to understand what she was saying.
I hurried away from Jace as fast as I could with no real destination in mind. I went right past the elevator; I didn't have the patience to wait for it. I wandered through the halls on the same floor as the kitchen, still trying to get away from Jace. I found myself in the music room and figured this was as good a hiding spot as any. So I shut the door and went and sat in a corner near the piano that Jace always played for me.
I couldn't believe him. I just couldn't believe him. Eighteen months of being away from me, and he has the gall to call me her when he sees me? He hadn't even said hello or given me a friendly-but-awkward, I-broke-up-with-you-but-I'm-actually-glad-to-see-you smile. Just been a sarcastic remark before going back to look at his Candy who was way too desperate.
I leaned my head against the wall, closing my eyes against the flood of tears that threated to break loose. I don't know what I had expected to happen when I saw Jace again, but I know that it hadn't been this. I had expected him to maybe hug me, say he missed me. I hadn't been naïve enough to think he'd want me back, but I thought maybe he'd at least rethink his decision.
I don't know how long I sat there in silence, fighting back tears. I heard a voice, though, coming toward the room in the hallway. I would know the voice anywhere and since it was raised to a shout I knew it perfectly. I swallowed a lump in my throat trying to calm myself, and listened.
"Clary! Clary I know you're here somewhere! I didn't hear the elevator going. Clary!" There were a few expletives and the sound of something being knocked over. If I hadn't been so upset, I might've laughed.
The thought of laughing flew out of my mind when the door to the music room slammed open. Jace stood there, light illuminating him from behind, making him look even more like an avenging angel. He took a swift glance around the room and his eyes landed on me. We both stared at each other wordlessly and Jace slowly came into the room and shut the door.
After a minute or two of utter silence, I spoke up. "What do you want, Jace?" I sat up straighter and straightened my legs, trying to look a bit more dignified. Jace just stared at me and raised one eyebrow all annoyingly.
"Isabelle told me to come find you." He said it without any emotion, without even looking at me.
"Go tell her you found me, then. Leave." My voice quivered, losing some of the authority I wanted in it. But it didn't matter anyway, because Jace took that as a challenge and deliberately walked closer to me. He sat right in front of me, as if begging me to tell him to go away again.
Being so close to him made my head spin as memories crashed through it. His intoxicating smell of sunshine and blood was all around me and I could hardly think straight. Being this close also helped me see the small changes he'd gone through since I'd last seen him. His hair was longer, almost to his jawline, and he had circles under his eyes as if he hadn't been able to sleep well lately. His clothes were wrinkled and not as clean as they usually were.
But his lips and his eyes were the same. His eyes sparked as if there was a fire behind them, and I could tell he was angry. His lips were pressed together in a tight line to keep himself in control.
Oh by the Angel, I had missed him.
"So, why did you tell everyone but me that you were coming back?" His voice was low and strong. He was staring right into my eyes and I had to remind myself to breathe.
"I didn't think you'd want to know." My voice was weak, almost squeaky. He had leaned forward, and I could feel his breath hot on my lips. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to pull him in and kiss him senseless.
"Why wouldn't I?" His voice was still steady – almost like the calm before the storm.
Maybe I was the storm, though. Because that one question broke my control and words were flooding out of my mouth, along with the tears from my eyes.
"Because you broke up with me, Jace! You broke up with me without even giving me a reason. Can you blame me for thinking you'd never want to see me again? And then – then you're here with her and you guys are way too close in public and you don't even care that I'm sitting right there. You didn't even say hi, Jace."
He leaned away, clearly shocked by my outburst. I stared wide-eyed at him, fighting a deep urge to run away again.
"Say something!" I all but screamed. I leaned forward, now kneeling in front of him. He mumbled something I didn't understand and I stood up, frustrated.
"Wait!" he grabbed my hand suddenly and pulled me back to the ground. My breath blew out in a huff and I sucked in a gulp of air as Jace pulled me onto his lap forcefully. He had a hand at the small of my back, pressing me against him. Surprised at how close I was to him, my heart sped up double-time. I was pretty sure he could feel it.
"Do you know why I broke up with you?" His lips were right at my ear, I could feel them brush against my earlobe as he spoke. His voice was low and sexy. I felt myself shiver. When I realized he had asked a question, I shook my head.
"Because I love you." Those words had the walls around my heart crashing down, but I tried my hardest to stay mad. I wasn't going to forgive him for months of sadness just because he knew how to sweet-talk me.
"That makes absolutely no sense." I tried to pull away from him, but he held me closer. I turned my head around so that I wasn't looking at him. His lips were right back at my ear.
"To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed." He seemed to be purposefully talking slow, as if he knew that his voice was the thing making me shiver. He probably did know. Just as he knew that he was the reason my heart was beating in over-drive.
"Don't give me that excuse." As much as I wanted to believe him, I needed to know he was sincere. I needed to know that he wasn't just being charming until he could get rid of me again. I need to know, without a doubt in my mind, that he loved me. "I wasn't your first girl, and I clearly wasn't your last, either. You're not afraid of love, Jace Lightwood. You're afraid of me." I looked at him again, glaring for emphasis. He was shaking his head slowly with a completely sober expression.
"You don't get it, do you?" His voice was raised and no longer right in my ear. He had leaned back to look me in the eyes again. "I'm talking about love, Clary. Love. Not going out with some girl just because she wants to go out with me. No, I'm talking about being with a girl because I need to be with her. You, Clary. You. All the girls before you, Candy – they were just for fun. Just to try to make me feel normal." He took a deep breath. He was holding my shoulders tightly, as if he thought that by making me look at him he could make me believe him.
"But you…" he shook his head again, closing his eyes. "I love you. Do you know how much that scares me? I've faced and killed thousands of demons in my life, I've been killed by Valentine, and never, never was I as scared as I was when I realized that I love you. To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed."
"There's that line again!" Catching him off-guard, I was able to squirm out of his hold and stand up. I yanked my hand away as he tried to grab a hold of it again. With an irritated growl, he stood up.
"I've grown up thinking that, Clary! How am I supposed to convince myself that it's not true? How was I supposed to know that if I continued to love you that I wouldn't destroy you?"
"Destroy me?" I threw my hands up, momentarily at a loss for words. "Destroy me! Do you think that telling me you don't want me anymore didn't destroy me? I was destroyed for months!" I shook my head once violently. "Look at me right now," I said more calmly, "and tell me honestly that I'm less destroyed now than I was when we were together, Jace."
He didn't say anything. Instead, he looked at me up and down as if doing what I told him to do. I saw his eyes linger on my arms where I had scars from training battles and the few demons I'd fought for training. I saw him staring at my shoulders, neck, and chest, seeing the white scars of old marks and the black lines of marks I had now. Then he looked at my face and I knew he saw circles under my eyes that mirrored the ones on his own face. I saw his chest fall as he sighed heavily and shrugged.
"I'm sorry Clary. I'm so, so sorry."
"I don't want you to lie to me. I want you to be one hundred percent honest." Somehow, I knew he would be. I knew from now on, he was going to be brutally honest with me.
"I really do love you." He took a step closer to me, holding his hands up almost in surrender. "I always did – I never stopped. She was just a way to try to get my mind off of you," I automatically knew which 'she' he was talking about, "But it didn't work, I promise. I never stopped thinking of you for one minute. I kept comparing her to you, and she never measured up. I was about ready to end it, anyway, because it was too much work to keep up the glamor for her." He looked up at me, his golden eyes wide and apologetic. "She's a mundane – I had to hide everything about myself from her. I have to hide everything about myself from everyone. Except you."
"Because I'm a Shadowhunter, yeah? That's why?"
"No, no, no!" he looked genuinely offended that I had made that assumption. "No, I'd love you even if you were a mundane. I wouldn't hide this world from you, though. I'd risk the Clave, the Accords – whatever law I was breaking to be with you. Clary, I. Love. You." He punctuated each word with a step in my direction until he had me in his arms. Not wanting to fight the feeling anymore I collapsed into him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt as if to make sure he didn't get away.
"Do you want me to stay?" I whispered.
"Of course I do." His voice was once again in my ear, low and husky. "Dammit Clary, I want you to stay forever."
That did it. Suddenly I didn't care if he had broken up with me. Suddenly all I cared about was being with him. He lifted my chin up and as I met his gaze his lips crashed down to mine. I kissed him back with all of my being, pushing every emotion I felt into it. My anger at him for lying to me about how he felt, my love for him that I could finally let myself feel again, and my happiness at finally knowing the truth.
The kiss was rough, passionate and sloppy, not like they used to be between us. This was desperate and needy. Our bodies were pressed so close I didn't know where one started and the other ended, and all I knew was Jace. He had lifted me up so my legs were wrapped around his waist and my hands were fisted in his hair. His were holding me up and keeping me close to him.
We both stopped for air, breathing heavy and just looking at each other. He slowly set me down on my feet, keeping a firm hold on my lower back.
"Never ever leave me again, Clary, please. No matter how much of a jerk I am. You can tell me I'm a jerk and I'll try to stop. Just please promise never to leave again." His eyes flashed emotionally and he pulled me even closer, which I didn't think was possible.
"I can do that." I whispered breathlessly as he leaned down for another kiss.
Whew, that was a fun one to write. And it was much longer than I planned on it being, and I didn't even get everything in there that I wanted. So, for that reason, I'm thinking about making this a short story. Opinions? Please review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading! (: