Authors Note: Hey, this is my first ever fanfic that I have published on this site... and its my first ever attempted stab at angstyness. So, enjoy, tell me if I failed horribly and should stop? Or if it is sorta alright! Enjoy..:D
Warnings: It's going to be rated M for much angstyness and manxman sex... that would be YAOI people, so don't get offended by the buttsex. Which will come in chapter 3 or 4. Hmmm.... its KyoxYuki, BTW.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own a thing, except these twisted fantasies that I have between cousins. All rights go to the fabulous Natsuki Takaya... though, in reality, if I did own Fruits Basket, it would be filled with much smut.... waaaay tooooo muuuchhh..
And, have no fear all, this story will have a happy ending. I hate it when I read a huge fanfic and at the end, everybody is dead/raped/messed up.
Kyo's POV
ON that day, I knew I needed to die. Not needed, per say, but I knew that my life needed to be as painful as possible, and that in the end, yes, I would die by my own hand. Call it dramatic, call it suicidal, but I knew my life had to be painful to make up for the sin of killing my mother, and had to end before I hurt anyone else.
Hmm, I guess I have to explain the situation that made a six year old decide that his life was pointless. It was a cold day, the kind of day that occurs when the weather hasn't decided between being winter or spring, storm clouds racing across the sky, deciding whether or not to hydrate the ground beneath them. I was playing in the orchard, collecting the sakura flowers that were drifting to the earth, blanketing the grass in a fragile pink blanket. I had decided to collect the blossoms, because I knew that my mother was partial to the blossoms, and she would be happy to see the bouquet that I had planned for her. As I finished my task, and was walking towards my house, I, rather unfortunately, ran into the person who I could call the catalyst of my life: Akito. When you are six, you fear lots of things; monsters under the bed, the dark, being alone, and an assortment of other trivial fears. But Akito, he, the God of the Zodiac, he was the monster under the bed; he was the epitome of every fear my young self had. To this day, I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't ran into him that day, if he hadn't hit me, if he hadn't pulled my beads from my wrists, the flowers I had picked for my mother strangled in my mutated hands. If I hadn't ran into Akito, I wouldn't have had to go home in that other form, my mother wouldn't have had to see me and she wouldn't have had to take me into our home and wait for the storm to pass and me to turn back into the form she knew, the form that consisted of her son, the child she bore, not the monster I am forced to change into.
Yes, it was that day. I cried myself to sleep, in part because of the immense physical pain that ensues whenever I change forms, but also due to the immense shame I felt, because even though I was only six, I knew that look in my mothers eyes; horror, disgust, and fear. The same eyes that had looked into mine for six years, the same eyes that had watched me grow, the eyes that belonged to the most important person in my life. And yet, when she saw me in my true form, her eyes held none of the gentle emotions it usually did; no, instead it held the emotions she truly felt towards her son that had been cursed with the cat spirit. When I woke up from my tear-induced sleep, my brain registered many things at once. First, while I was sleeping, somebody had replaced my curse bracelet. Secondly, the house was eerily dark, the silence deafening during the time my mother would usually be in the kitchen, concocting some sort of meal that she hoped would please me. But she wasn't in the kitchen, and I was alone, in the dark, with what I knew was one hell of a big monster in the closet. I got out of my bed, with the faint hope that I would find my mother somewhere in the house, or maybe even my father, which wasn't likely because he was on a business trip and wasn't expected home for two weeks. I checked my mothers room, the living room, the guest bedroom, the kitchen, the dining room, the library, outside, in the attic. I checked everywhere, except the one room where I could see a faint light flickering under the door: the bathroom. To this day I wonder why I left that room for last. Maybe subconsciously I knew that when I opened the door to the room that she was most likely in, my life would be altered for, for good or evil, and I couldn't stop it. I slide open the door, apprehension flooding my brain, and saw everything.
They say that when you see something traumatic, your sanity tries in vain to protect itself by allowing you to take in all the details of the traumatic event except the piece de resistance. I can clearly remember the slightly fogged mirrors, my mothers clothes in a pile near the hamper, the scent of rose in the air, coyly trying to cover the bitter metallic smell of freshly spilled blood, the candles almost burned down to the nub. And if I think about it hard enough, I can remember the position of my mothers lifeless body, submerged in the red-stained water of her bath, her eyes closed in death, both arms flopped over the side of the both. Both wrists slit, down the arm, opening both arteries. A pool of blood, spreading in an attempt to cover the entire floor, more blood still dripping from her self-inflicted wounds. I can remember it all, if I ever deemed so, but I don't, for more than obvious reasons. That day, I slide to my knees, and sat in the bathroom with my dead mother, my mind blissfully blank from shock, waiting for the flickering candle light to cease, leaving me alone with a corpse, alone in the dark, alone in the world. There I sat, my six year old self arguing as to why my mother did that to herself, and after coming up with only one feasible reason, knew that it was my fault, and knew that I had to pay for what I did. Which I am doing. Slowly, painfully, but surely.
They found me in the same position in the morning, the pool of blood spreading from my mother now almost entirely covering the floor, and me, in the same position, eyes open in self-hate. The next days flew in a blur, the only incidents worth mentioning were the confrontations with Akito and my father. Akito, he was, to say the least, disgusted and pleased in the change of events. He was disgusted that a Sohma, a fucking Sohma, could even think of commiting such a heinous crime, while at the same time he knew that he could forever hold this over my head, knowing that he would be able to taunt me about this until I died. And my father, he blamed me for her death, and disowned his six year old son who was not guilty yet, only cursed, cursed with something he had no control over. I think that I would have been able to turn myself from the destructive path I had set myself on if my father had supported me on that day, an reassured me that it wasn't my fault. But, he didn't, and I was set to the life that I had planned for myself, on that I would try my damndest to make my life as short and as painful as possible. After my confrontation with Akito, I knew I had a timeline to finish my ultimate goal. When he told me that I would be locked away after I graduated high school, I knew that I had to finish my goal before I allowed that to happen. Yeah, I know, these were the thoughts that a six year old were having, but I just blame it on the curse, and the fact that my own mother killed herself to get away from me.
After my father disowned me, I was taken in by Kazuma, my martial arts teacher. Life was alright, and I almost forgot about my life's goal while I was with him, but then, dammit, Akito deemed that I was too happy and that I had to move in with that hentai and the damn rat, so I could 'savor' my last few years of freedom. I moved into the house when I was 15, with only 3 years left of freedom. And by God, I swore that I would make those years as painful as I could to not only pay for the sin of killing my mother, but for enjoying my life with Kazuma when I should have been in penance for my initial sin. But hell, I am the cat, and being twice cursed is something I am used to.
Well that said, I hope that explains my certain predicament. I've been living with Shigure for a little over two and a half years. I only have a brief span of time left to live, and I was going to make the best of the time. A short while back, a young woman, that goes by the name of Tohru, joined our household. Now, if somebody were to ever put a damper on my ultimate goal, it would be her. I've tried so hard to push her away, to hurt her, to make her never want to come near me, all in an attempt to prevent her from being hurt when I die. But, I've given up, she has wormed her way into my heart, and I know that she will be hurt when I am dead, but there is nothing I can do to stop that. And, in some sense, she is the reason that I am in the position I am. Which could be called the most awkward position of my life. Which, in some circles, warrants a 'fuck my life' sticker.
As you know, 10 years ago I promised myself that I would make my life as painful as possible. And it was that god damn promise that has lead me to this position, aka the most awkward position of my life. That promise lead me to be on my bed, blood running down my thigh from the perfectly symmetrical lines I had just carved into my flesh, with that god damn rat standing in the recently opened doorway. Imagine this: me, in my boxers, bloody and weak, gripping a razor in my right hand, and him, fucking Yuki, standing in my doorway, his eyes panicked, mouth open, literally speechless, and most likely trying to decided whether to vomit, walk away and try to forget, or help.
Hence, me in the most awkward position of my life.
Damn rat, didn't he know how to knock? Internally, I was having an epic battle of wills. While I knew that I needed to die in the most painful way before graduation, nobody was ever supposed to know I was killing myself slowly. I knew what I was doing; self-mutilation, anorexia, bulimia-if it would lead to my slow and painful death, you can beat that I've done it. But I was the only one who was supposed to know of my death wish. If Akito even guess that I was trying to thwart his plan of locking me up after graduation, I would be in that cage in an instant. I have spent the last 10 years hiding my secret successfully, and in one fell swoop, it was teetering on the brink of destruction. And it was all thanks to, drumroll please, my supposed 'eternal rival' and cousin, Yuki Sohma.
And, for the sake of appearance, I would like it to be known that I do not hate Yuki. In reality, most everything that I wanted in myself I saw in him. I might be jealous of him, but I don't hate him. OH, why the fuck do I think I can lie to myself? No, I don't hate him, I am in love with him. There, I said it, happy? I only put up this front to appease Akito and to ensure that I would not become friends with him, in an attempt to spare him pain when I am gone.
But, now, my secret is threatened, and I knew I needed to fix this… somehow, anyhow, and quickly.
And there I was, sitting there, bloody, half-naked, and could only think of one thing to say.
"Fuck".
Way to go Kyo, that really helps the situation. Dammit, dammit, dammit, of all times to loose the ability to lie, of course it would be now. Thank god one of us was thinking, as he quickly stepped into the bedroom closing the door behind him, preventing the rest of the house's inhabitants from seeing the gory picture that would be me. I looked at his face and was stunned to realize that he had let his façade go; actually I knew it had shattered when he saw my dirty little secret. For some reason, his eyes were wet with unshed tears, and emotions were rushing through his eyes at a speed I couldn't follow; horror, sadness, shame, and a torrent of other unidentifiable emotions rushed through those lilac pools. As much as I hated to admit it, it was my fault that he was in pain right now, and I knew that I needed to fix it somehow, and hope that he didn't use this new knowledge to crush me.
My mind was going a mile a minutes, trying to think of a lie to tell him, when Yuki finally spoke.
"Wh-what are you doing?" Yuki stammered, unlike his normal 'ice-prince' self. I guess seeing your enemy covered in his own blood that had also been let by said enemies own hand would cause some confusion. Who the fuck am I kidding; it would cause your mind to explode. I knew his brain had just committed suicide, throwing itself at the front of his skull, and I knew that currently his brain was a pile of mush, trying to find a way to leak out of his ears. I knew this, but still, I couldn't help but feel a flash of sadistic pleasure knowing that I had broken his 'ice-prince' façade, that this stupid cat had caused the damn rat to stutter.
But, come on, of all the questions to ask. He had to ask the one fucking question that I know for a fact he, being a genius and all, could answer for himself.
I scoffed, trying to protect what little pride I had left, "What the fuck do you think I'm doing? This blood certainly didn't magically appear. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm just not that good. Put two and two together Yuki. Connect the dots, I know you are smart, don't fail me know."
Fuck, well that didn't work. He is still looking at me as though I just murdered hundreds of baby rats. Alright, let's try Plan B: just pretend this hasn't happened, walk over to my bathroom, turn the water on, wash the blood away, slaps some bandages on, go down for dinner, and never, ever, double ever piss him off again. Hell, if he would keep my secret I would have no problems becoming his bitch until I died.
Only problem with Plan B would be the whole walking problem. Fuck, I'm weak from blood lose, and I know as soon as I stand up, the clots are going to break and I am going to start bleeding all over again. And at this moment, things cannot possibly get anymore awkward, and the blood was getting sticky. I needed to get it off, and soon.
About that whole not getting anymore awkward part, let me inform you, I was wrong. As I stood and made my way to my bathroom, blood once again freely running down my legs, my passage marked by the small, dark red lakes left in my wake, I came to realize that Yuki would now be able to see all of me, see all my scars, see every last rib and vertebrae that stuck out, devoid of any fat. And, while in the back of my mind, I hoped that he would not notice such trivial things as those, but when I saw his face pale to a shocking white, I knew he had noticed, and was not impressed. Well, fuck, now he had seen everything, but still, I've got to wash off this blood and put some bandages on.
With my back towards Yuki, I made quick work of my first-aid, deftly removing the dry blood, hissing in pain as I cleaned the wounds with peroxide, applying anti-bacterial, and finishing up my work with fresh, white bandages. When I looked and saw that blood was already soaking the bandages, I knew that I would have to change those tonight, or risk bleeding all over my bedding. I turned around to put on some clothes, still undecided on the issue of what the hell to do with Yuki. I quickly pulled on some sweats and a long-sleeve black tee, which I started wearing instead of my short-sleeved shirt to hide the growing number of scars. I turned towards Yuki, hoping against hope that he would have left, or that he was actually a ghost because I was actually dead, but, nope, there he was, not quite as pale, but now with an angry glint in his eye, and I knew what was coming next: Questions and Answers, Yuki and Kyo style. Major boner-killer. Fuck.
I sat on my bed and waited for him to start with the questions, because Lord knows I saw no need for this conversation to ever take place, and I refused to start it. I didn't have to wait long.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing? Cutting? Are you really that pathetic? Do you want to die, or are you just doing this on some attention seeking whim? And how long have you been doing this? When you, well, I saw all of those scars Kyo! Some where old! And why are you so fucking skinny. I know you are picky about your food, but not starve-yourself picky? What is going on? I demand answers, you-you- asshole!" Yuki asked, each question growing in volume and ferocity, until the last swear was spit out with enough venom attached to kill a lesser man.
I looked at him with the most bored expression I could muster; my faced trained to deflect any emotions I was feeling from showing on my face.
"Slow down, patience is a virtue Yuki. Let's see, which to start first. I've been doing this whole, as you so eloquently put it, 'attention seeking' cutting pretty consequently for the last two years, and on and off for the last 8. Let's see, why am I so skinny? Two words; anorexia, bulimia. What else did you ask? OH, the end to all your questions: Yes, I do want to die, just not yet, not until I am as painful as I can be".
Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!! I wasn't supposed to reveal that part. How is Yuki going to take my reveleation. Hopefully he is just going to brush it off as something insignificant, but seeing as my luck seems to have fled completely tonight, I knew that he wasn't going to let that sentence, that one damn admission slide. Which meant I would have to explain myself. The thought of lying is appealing, but at the same time, the idea of just telling somebody about everything caused my heart to flutter, and I knew when Yuki asked the question, I would tell him everything, bare my soul, as twisted as it is, to pass under his judgement. And, I hoped that it would not pass unwanted.
Yuki was giving me this incredulous stare, trying to figure out what to do in this impossible situation.
"What do you mean Kyo? I don't get it, and I know we hate each other, but please, just tell me. I want to help, dammit, I don't want my rival to just die without me trying to stop him" Yuki said to me in a soft voice, unlike his recent tones, speaking as though he was trying to help an injured animal, trying not to move to fast in case I bolted.
When I heard him ask those questions in such a weak voice, my resolve crumbled. Even though I knew that he was only acting like he cared because that is what you do when you see somebody bleeding, it was alright because in that moment my Yuki was worried about me. And that was enough.
"Do you really want to know?" I whispered that last plea, hoping beyond hope that Yuki would listen to me and not be disgusted by the story I was about to reveal. I was hoping he would not take his last chance to leave me before I revealed everything.
"Yes" That one word, whispered softly, was all I needed.
I could care less if he is only pretending to care because he is shocked, or because he doesn't know what to do. All I needed to know was that the man I am in love with wanted to listen to me, and even if I was disillusioned about his reasons for wanting to listen to me, it was okay. I could always pretend.
"I'm sure you have heard the story, another one of the dirty little secrets that are hidden under the rug in the Sohma family. I killed my mother when I was six; no, by my own hands, but I am as guilty as if I was the one who ran the blade across her wrists. I murdered my mother; I am a monster, fuck I even turn into a monster! I decided that I needed to die the night that I found my mother; that I needed to atone for the sins that I had committed. So I decided to make my life as painful as possible for the remaining time I am alive. And let me tell you, I will be dead before graduation, and I promise to myself that I will die in the most painful way possible. Why? Because I don't deserve anything more. I am a monster! And dammit, Akito knows that I am a monster. When I graduate, I will be locked away forever, so nobody else becomes tainted by 'the cat monster'. That is why I must die before that, before graduation, because I know Akito will not give me the chance to end my life. And I don't deserve to live if I am not in pain. Fuck, why am I telling you this? Well, if I am going to bare my soul, I might as well show it all, don't want to look like a pussy in front of the damn rat. Ever wondered why I have always been so hell-bent on kicking your ass? Truth is, in a fight, your ass would be mine in an instant. Akito made a bet with me; if I beat you, I would be free, and you would remain with him at the main house. It's all for show; I know how Akito treats me, and I would never wish it on another, even you. So, I pretend to lose to you, and wait for my death"…….
By the end of that speech, possible the most words I have ever said at once, I realized that I was yelling at my rapidly paling cousin. Dammit, what is he going to say? Is he going to hate me? What am I going to do? Just speak, Yuki, just say something. Please, the silence is deafe….
"Oh" Yuki whispered.
And at that, my ever present short-fuse was lit, and I was, once again, yelling at my overly feminine cousin.
"OH! I just literally spilled my guts to you, and all you say is 'oh'? Don't I at least deserve a 'thanks for trusting me Kyo' or a 'I promise not to tell Akito' or even a 'its not your fault that your mother killed herself'? No, I get a fucking 'oh'! Dammit, I knew there was a reason that I never tell people shit. Fuck!"
How is it that I seem to always yell at the most important person in my life? That I seem to enjoy this sick sort of pleasure I get from hurting him? Dammit, that's not it, I know I am just overreacting because I feel, ughhh, vulnerable. He is holding my life literally in his hands, and I don't know what he is going to do with this information. Damn nerves, I'm going to puke. Wait, he's speaking again.
"Alright, Kyo, I am just a bit shocked, and, well, no, really shocked. I apologize for my uncouth behavior after you confided in me, but let me assure you that I have no intention of telling Akito. You can trust me. Now, we will need to have another conversation very soon, but preferably when we are alone and when I have comprehended what you are saying to me. Now, I know you are not feeling your best, but I know Ms. Honda is waiting for us with dinner. Let's attend to that, and later tonight we shall continue this conversation?"
Well, that is not what I expected. Why is my heart fluttering so? He sounds like he cares, but I know that is not possible… is it? And what is that look in his eyes? I have never seen it there before.. its like he's almost smiling. Now I am confused, but that is alright. Okay, mental checklist…. Get dinner, eat dinner, throw up, take shower, think about this situation, and talk to Yuki. Alright, I can do this. Okay, I am good, cargo shorts, black shirt, now I just gotta make sure I don't bleed through these bandages. That would be a definite bad thing, cause how would I explain that? 'Oh, sorry Shigure, its just that time of the month, you understand?'… oh, that would go over well.
"Are you coming?" He asked me so sincerely, holding out his hand, which I promptly took. Hell, I wasn't going to give up a chance to touch him that was not during battle.
"Thanks", I said as he helped me from my bed. There it is again, that half smile. What does that mean? And, I wonder more than anything else, what would it look like if he smiled fully? With my head filled with Yuki smiling, I followed said rat downstairs, smiling the entire way.
"Kyo, you looked a bit peaked tonight; hmmm, lust filled eyes, pale skin, slight limp… I would have to say that you are the victim of passionate buttsex. So, who was it? Have you and Yuki gone from rivals to lovers? Ah, damn, Ayame won the bet… but your happiness is my first wish! Congratulation!"
OH. My. Fucking. God. Did that dog, did Shigure just say what I think he said. No, impossible. Mental playback: "victim of passionate buttsex". OH, wait, he did say that… in from of Yuki!
"You damn pervert, can't you see we are eating? And, no, I am not the victim of passionate buttsex, I just tripped. Dammit, did I just say that. You bastard! Gahhh!"
Oh, and now the entire table is looking at me as though I am challenged, just a bit touched in the head. Damn. Shigures snickering behind that damn fan, Tohru is so red I would not be surprised if steam was coming out of her head, and Yuki is…. Blushing? 'Da fuck? Screw this, I am getting out of here before I die of embarrassment, dinner be damned.
"I'm outta here. I'm gonna go take a shower, and you, pervert, if you follow me, its over. You will die."
If I just ignore Tohru's gaze, I will be outta here scott free, and… I did it! Okay, next on the mental checklist; vomit and shower. This part is worse then anything that I could ever do to my skin; the burning, the tears, the gagging. So beautifully painful that words can never express it; or, I should say, words will try to explain this feeling, but none can ever come near. People can try as hard as they want, but there will never be words to describe this type of pain. (a/n… I really hate throwing up, and bulimia is a scary disease, so I am just going to gloss over the actual part.. use your imagination!)
The tears have stopped and the burn is subsiding. Tonights different; there's blood. Hmmm, I don't want to rupture anything inside, because then Hatori would be called, and he would just know because he always does. Guess it is time to stop this particular habit.
Rinsing my mouth out, I turned the shower to its highest setting, formerly know as 'burning fuck volcano melt your skin off' hot. As I was waiting for the water to heat, I studied my reflection in the mirror. My scarlet eyes have recently dulled to a muddy brown, my eyes surrounded by dark circles, my skin has lost its natural tan and turned sallow. There was nothing tempting in that reflection, nothing at all. Glancing at my body, I proudly took note in every bone that stuck out, every scar, and every scab. While people talk about the endorphin rush you get from cutting, even less people talk about the itchy scabs; itchy, so itchy, so painfully itchy. And I itch them, itch till they bleed, and then repeat the process until I have huge purple scars. Call it gross, but the pain is exquisite.
I was about to step into my bath when I realized that I was not the only occupant in the bathroom. Whipping around, I realized that, of course, the damn rat was there to witness my shame. I swear, if this night gets any worse, I am just going to call it quits. As I waited for him to speak, again, I realized that he was not longer sympathetic. The only emotion on his face was anger. Shesh.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING???"
Alright, safe to say that the rat was mad.
"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT, EXPLAIN, WHAT?!?"
Shit, that damn rat was going to cause Shigure and Tohru to come see what the problem is. I frantically signaled for him to shut up. Hopefully he gets the picture.
"KYO, IF YOU continue this type of behavior, I am going to tell somebody. I know you say you are going to get locked up for graduation, but I am sure we can do something. You can run away, I'll help you, but stop hurting yourself. It's killing me. And it would hurt everybody else if they knew about it; think of Ms. Honda."
Oh no he didn't, bring his, his, 'love' into this conversation.
"Don't bring Tohru into this conversation. I have taken more than I should from that girl. I've tried hard to push her away; she wouldn't care that much? And why should I stop? Are you worried what people will think? Newsflash: I am the cat, the monster of the Zodiac, the one who is supposed to be looked down on. People won't care, why the hell are you pretending to care?"
Of all answers that could have been thrown my way, this had to be the last one that I expected. Cold, slightly chapped lips were being pressed against mine. My brain is going into overload; the rat, who I have shamelessly lusted over for years is kissing me. And I, not one to let a chance go to waste, responded to the kiss. Licking my lips, and in the process his, I begged for entrance into his mouth. He, thankfully, granted it immediately. His taste, his taste, it was indescribable. Sweet, salty, bitter, and completely Yuki's. He tasted amazing; if there was a Yuki flavored dish, I would eat it everyday, three times a day, for the rest of my life. When Yuki realized that I was purring, sending vibrations into his mouth, he moaned.
And all self-control that I supposedly had went out the window.
I pushed him against the bathroom wall, grinding my thigh into his slowly awakening arousal. His grip on my hair loosened, and Yuki slowly slid his hands down to grip my ass, successfully grinding out erections together, causing us both to moan.
And this is when I woke from my lust-enforced fervor.
Panting, I pushed my body away from Yuki's, looking the rat in the eye, wondering at the pink tint that now held purchase on his usually flawless skin. And, it was my turn to ask that question.
"Why?"
Smiling, he placed a chaste kiss on my lips before pushing himself off the wall and walking towards the door. As I slowly started to repeat the question, he looked over his shoulder and said something that I will never forget. Something that I have secretly wanted to hear from his lips for years.
"You asked me why I care, why I don't want you to do this to yourself anymore. The answer is simple; I care because I love you. I haven't told you because of Akito. He would kill you if he thought 'his' rat had fallen for the cat. And I would die if you were killed because of me. So I have remained silent, making you hate me, hoping that you would never realize my emotions. But, if you think that you are going to be locked away after graduation, think again. I won't let it happen. I love you, and I will fight for you. Just trust me, just believe me. Give me a chance… to prove myself, to show that I love you. And please stop, this. I care too much."
And with a final wave of his hand, he left the room.
As I lay there trying to wrap my wits around what Yuki had said, I had to admit one thing.
Damn, he sure knew how to kick my ass.
Physically, emotionally, mentally, Yuki knew how to, literally, dangle a piece of thread in front of the cat.
And boy, did I ever want to bat that piece of string.