Disclaimer-I don't own Fruits Basket or RENT

Author's Notes-Okay, so ever since I saw the previews for the movie I've come back into a RENT kick. I grew up listening to the soundtrack, and I always looked to make anime parodies of it. Since Fruits Basket is my IT anime right now, here goes.

Other characters will make appearances. I also added Tohru as an extra character.

Changes will be made as necessary. This is not going to be exactly like RENT nor can I use the songs thanks to the site's rules, but I hope you see it throughout the plot.

The Zodiac curse is the new AIDS. Akito is dead, and no other Curse host has been found, meaning that the Zodiac-inflicted are dying of the curse.

Lament of the Ringing Phone

"Hatsuharu's protest is in three hours."

Kyo looked up from the spot on the floor he was concentrating on. "Yeah, whaddaya want me to do about it? What kinda idiot schedules a protest for midnight on Christmas Eve?"

"I don't know what he's thinking, either," Yuki said, shrugging his shoulders.

"He's your old boyfriend, you should know what goes through his head."

"And why do you think we broke up, Kyo?" Yuki said shortly, disdainfully.

"Shut up, Rat-boy," Kyo snorted, returning his gaze to his spot on the floor.

"So original."

"Want me to break your face, Rat-boy?"

"Oh, so original."

Kyo jumped up, his fists clenching. The only thing that spared Yuki another monotonous fight they both knew he would win was the phone ringing.

"We still screening?" Kyo said after two rings, his stance wilting into a relaxed standing pose.

"Yes, Kittykins."

"D—mn it, Rat-boy, I swear I'm gonna…"

BEEP.

"That was a loud beep," a female voice said tentatively. "Is this working? Kyo? It's Mom. I guess you're screening your calls…um…well…we wanted to tell you we'll miss you tomorrow. Oh, and Yuki, your mother is here with us. She says she's sorry about what happened with Haru. Oh, well, when a boy decides he's straight…um…well…um… Everyone sends their love. Have a good Christmas."

There was a click, and Kyo's mother hung up the phone.

Yuki shook his head. "Why does everyone think I'm the gay one?" he demanded, glaring at the phone. "I like girls too, you know."

"That's our parents for you," Kyo said dismissively, plopping down on the floor again. "Don't know why they even bothered to call. Guess it'd look uncharitable of them. After all, we're Zodiac members; all we require is a pat on the head. Didn't even send us a frickin' hot plate or money something we could use."

"Or, you know, an invitation to their oh-so-exclusive Christmas party. Why do they think we won't be there tomorrow?"

"Why do you even care? You're seeing Tohru tomorrow, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but still. Come on, it's our family. They should invite us home for the holidays."

"Pigs have taken to the air. I actually agree with Rat-boy."

RING

"Bet it's them uninviting us to the Easter party, too," Kyo said, raising his hand as if at an auction.

BEEP

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…"

"Shigure," Yuki said, reaching for the phone. Shigure was one of the few relatives he could stand. Before finally settling in Tokyo, he and Kyo had lived with Shigure in Kaibara. "Hi, Shigure."

"I'm at a pay phone downtown. Thought I'd spend Christmas with people I could annoy."

"Joy," Yuki said dryly. "Be careful downtown, there are lots of delinquents there."

There was a pause. "Uh, Yuki? I think you jinxed me."

"What?"

"Gotta go!"

"Shigure? What?" Yuki was cut off by a dial tone on Shigure's end.

"What happened?" Kyo asked, looking at Yuki.

"I don't know."

"You think he got mugged?"

"I hope not, but it seems likel—"

RING

"Shigure?" Yuki asked, immediately picking up the phone instead of screening.

"Why would you just assume it's Shigure? Does it ever cross your mind that there are other people out there? How can you be so narrow-minded as to think that he's the only one who would…"

"Hiro." Yuki pressed the button for Speaker Phone. "What do you want?"

"And what's with interrupting me? What gives you the right to interrupt your landlord? Don't forget who holds your contract around here."

Kyo snatched the phone out of Yuki's hand. "Just tell us what you want, Hiro, before I come through the phone and wring your neck!"

"That's physically impossible, Kyo."

"Hiro…"

"How rude…I'm on my way to collect the rent."

"Rent? You told us we didn't have to pay rent. You know how hard it is for Zodiac members to get decent-paying jobs…"

"My investors decided I was being too nepotistic."

"You're only our landlord because of nepotism!" Kyo shouted, and on his end, Hiro had to pull the phone away from his ear. Kisa glanced up at him, worried, but Hiro waved his hand carelessly to banish her worry.

"You're lucky I let you have the apartment with your credit. Kyo, Yuki, and Hatsuharu, the worst possible tenants. Don't you know how to handle money? We're all adults now; you should know how to handle money."

"Hatsuharu doesn't live here anymore," Yuki said, taking the phone back from Kyo. "And I told you how hard it is for us to get jobs."

"Hatsuharu moved? Did you two get in a fight? Did he leave you for another man? You really must learn how to handle relationships, Yuki. How do you expect yourself to have people in your life if you can't even hold onto—"

"Haru and I broke up mutually, Hiro. He found someone new."

"He got a new man? Who is it?"

"Someone named Hana."

"Oh, a woman this time. Are you so bad at what you do that Haru went straight? Yuki, you really have to get some counseling."

Kyo grabbed the phone away from Yuki. "Oh, Hiro, one more thing." He promptly hung up.

"Great. We don't have anything for rent, Hiro's on his way, Shigure's probably unconscious on the street, and everyone thinks I'm narcissistic."

There was a sound much like a ZZT, and then the lights went out.

"Great. Just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic," Kyo said, kicking an empty soda can that had been left on the floor.

RING

"We're awfully popular tonight," Yuki said, picking up, hoping on the off chance that it was Shigure saying he had not been mugged, and thanking all things holy that the phone ran on batteries.

"Yuki?"

"Haru?"

"Yeah, it's me. Listen, my equipment for the protest isn't working. Can you come help me?"

"Can't your new girlfriend help you?"

"Hana has no idea what she's doing. Much like me."

"You think it's appropriate?"

"What, so you're gonna turn me down after years of knowing me just because—"

"Okay, okay, don't turn Black, I'll go," Yuki said, trying to prevent Haru's sudden mood swing. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes, okay?"

"Still Haru's serving wench," Kyo said.

"Shut up, Kittykins, and start thinking of how we're getting out of our rent," Yuki shot at him in a vicious whisper.

"Rent?" Haru said. "You need help? It's tougher without me around, isn't it?"

"No, forget it, Haru. We're fine."

"We're not fine!" Kyo hissed, the hair on the back of his neck rising. "Tell him to fork over his share!"

"Like that'll cover our rent!" Yuki snapped back. "Haru, I'll see you in a few. 'Bye." Yuki hung up.

"What will Tohru say, knowing her boyfriend is still running around after his ex-lover boy?"

"Just shut up," Yuki said, reaching for his coat. "It's better than sitting around here waiting for Hiro to come evict us." He pulled it on and began fastening the mismatched buttons. "Don't suppose you wanna come with?"

"Check out the empty wallet."

"Fine. Be on Shigure watch, then. I'll see you later."

"Whatever."