Disclaimer: I don't American Horror Story
Warning: Trigger Warning. Rated M.
CHAPTER ONE
He opened his eyes to darkness. It moved around and taunted him. It whispered words that it thought he'd like to hear. It tried to tempt him to finally give in, but he knew that that would never happen. He also knew that this darkness would never leave him.
Being here, he had learned a lot. The world was not only a very complicated web of timelines and pocket universes, it was also extremely unkind. He didn't know what he had ever done to end up like this. Was someone watching and laughing at him? Was he trapped in their dark cages and brought out only for their entertainment?
He couldn't remember the last time he saw anything but black.
Where had it all gone? There used to be so much more he could look forward to. The sky would change from blue to grey to black. The clouds would move and shift into various shapes. He'd been able to feel the breeze ruffle his hair and blew dry leaves into his face. He liked spending those times with her.
He had loved seeing the seasons change and the world was covered by a blanket of snow. He loved the white fluff and how it always made everything seem so peaceful – so pure.
Peace…
Purity…
He hadn't felt that in a very long time. No matter where he was, this darkness continued to follow him as if he was on a leash. He was no pet to be kept. No… It just didn't understand that he was the one in control!
He clenched his hands and roared into the abyss.
It merely stared back at him. The voices had quieted to give way to something louder. The silence was unbearable. Even the auditory hallucinations were better than this. It gave him a false sense of companionship. When it was quiet like this, the darkness was nothing but the lack of light – the lack of everything. It put everything into perspective.
He could see himself perfectly fine. There just wasn't anything else. He was well and truly alone.
During times like these, he'd have to actively close his eyes and imagine the other worlds. They were all so colourful and so full of life, but it was always so sad.
His tattered mind quickly flitted over to a specific memory. He remembered being held and the scent of love permeated into his every pore. The soft, warm body was pressed languidly against his own. It teased and taunted. It loved and lusted. He'd bury his face into the silk-like tendrils and breathe in: raspberry and vanilla. He'd never forget that.
"I love you."
The words had come from the voice of a devil. It was the temptress that lured him into this eternal darkness. Eventually, he realised that she was everything that was bad for him, but by then, it was already too late. He willingly threw himself into the flames and allowed it to burn him until his ashes were as dark as the shadows.
Even then, he' try to put himself back together if only it'd take him back to her. And each time, she'd take him back. Her honeyed words trapped him and glued each piece back together until he wasn't' sure if he was even himself anymore or if she had already so fully integrated into everything that he ever was.
He raised a hand and ran it down his face, feeling every dip and rise. Physically, he was still the same, but he had no doubt that if he was cut open, only her essence would spill out.
His bony fingers dug into the eye sockets until the sharp pain penetrated to his skull and he stopped. Pain was all he could ever feel, now. Everything else was empty.
Empty. Empty. Empty.
He hit the side of his head until the echoes disappeared and silence fell over, once more.
There was so much room in his head, now. It used to be so full of stuff. But little by little, memories faded and he was only able to cling on to a select few and bounce them around the empty chambers of his broken mind.
Sometimes, they'd keep bouncing and bouncing and bouncing and bouncing, evading his attempts to stop them. They'd play around in his head until he gave in and they finally lose momentum. Usually, he'd quickly snatch them up and lock them into a tight chest until they escaped, again. Other times, he'd poke at it and watch in fascination as they jumped back to life.
Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.
The sweet psychological torture was what held the string of sanity he so desperately clung on to. It was his last grasp of reality, but he knew that eventually, the thread would snap and he'd be lost forever.
What would he do then?
He stretched out his hand as if there was a way for him to grab on more tightly and maybe even trap some for emergencies.
Emergencies…
There were a lot of them back then. He had had a lot of emergencies, but most were lost – a lot cause. Just like him. They were mostly foreshadows of absolute failure. They were failures to keep the temptress.
She had smiled so innocently at him and beckoned him over before turning around and disappearing. Sometimes, she'd be gone for a little while – hours? Days? Weeks? sometimes, she'd weave in and out of his reality like an apparition. And one time, she'd disappear forever. She simply left and never came back.
He thought that it'd been a joke. Surely, she'd be back eventually. She always came back. At least, that had been his thought back then. Now, he knew better. She wasn't ever going to come back. He had waited like a fool until every light was consumed by the darkness she had left behind. Even now, he continued to wait, hoping to catch a glimpse of her pale pink lips moving.
"I love you."
Those lies. She had fed him so many lies and he fell for each and every one of them willingly. He knew that if he ever heard them again, he'd instantly allow himself to drown in her once more.
Liquid, hot heat raced down his body and pooled between his legs. He let out a low groan and squeezed the base. That was something else she incited in him – this deep lust that turned to pain because he knew that once he got this way, he wouldn't be able to find release. She'd dance around in his mind. Her lips ghost along his skin, teasing him until he was on the edge, but never allowed him to plunge over.
This sweet, sweet torture… He loved it. It used to be foreplay before the real thing. He'd rile himself up before burying himself inside her. Even now, he still couldn't help feeling the anticipation of what would never come again.
He sighed, throwing his head back and tired to push her away, but her touches lingered. Her scent refused to disappear.
"Stop…" he begged. He couldn't decide whether he wanted this or not. It hurt so much, but it also hut so good. He was being burned alive and he wanted to keep burning, but he knew that it wasn't' good for him. He knew that she was tearing him apart.
He knew. He knew. He knew.
Of course, he did.
How could he not?
She was the sweet poison that continued to lure him and then, he had to live with all the side effects. Every ache, every wound, every scar.
"Would you ever forget me if I disappeared?" she had asked him knowing full well what the answer was. She as too intertwined with him. Sometimes, he didn't even know where she began and where he ended.
He once thought that he had left a deep enough impact that somehow, he had been enough for her to stay, but…
Look where that got him, now.
"Would you continue to love me when I'm gone?" She had looked at him so sadly as if someone was putting a gun to her head. This was how she victimised herself. She'd sprout out all that bullshit and tried to make it seem like it wasn't her fault.
She was an expert at that. She had so much time to condition him to her and he had been her most willing lab rat.
"Fuck!" he cursed, finally spilling all over himself.
Hr sighed, feeling his own body melt with the sticky liquid as he continued to lay there – literally boneless.
"I love you."
He hummed contently, floating amongst the black.
This was a good day for him. He just didn't know how long this day was going to last. Sometimes, it'd go on and on and on and other times, it'd end a second later. He could never tell. It was just like her. She could be here one moment and be gone the next. He hated it like he hated her. She was such a tease.
He felt himself harden, again.
This was a good day.
She elicited good feelings. Good feelings were good.
Good. Good.
"Good…" he hissed, falling softly on the dark cloud and came.
…
When he next gained lucid consciousness, he felt something tickle his nose. HE hated this because he knew exactly who had just decided to drop by. And so, he continued to pretend to sleep. He was sure it was going to work because it had never done so before, therefore it was going to happen eventually. He could wait forever for that.
But evidently, so could she. She was patient. She was so damn patient that it was frustrating. It made him want to tug all his hair out and scream at her. He wanted her to know what she had done to him. Everything happened was because of her. She ruined what he had! She ruined him.
His hands clenched and his eyes popped open. The dark power running through his veins shot out and exploded around him. He sent it flying towards the Dark Angel and growled in frustration when the large grey wings effortlessly blocked it all.
He kept pelting at her until she finally evaded his line of fire. More feathers fluttered all around them. They looked ashy and crisp as if even age had gotten to her. HE could still remember when her wings were the darkest of black, but no more.
The immortal woman was dying.
He hoped it was painful.
"Stop," her soft, firm voice cut through the silence. "Stop fighting it. Haven't you been here long enough? What would it take for you to see sense?"
He narrowed his eyes at her. "Nothing that you could ever give me. You're a disgusting, old hag who was lonely so you took the only thing that mattered to me‼" he screamed, letting out a final, mighty bust that left him panting on his knees. It always ended like this - in absolute failure. It was just like him.
That was all he ever was – one big failure. No wonder she left… There was something better waiting for her elsewhere. Why did he ever think that she'd stay? He should've been grateful that she had tolerated him for this long as it was.
He sobbed, temporarily allowing the darkness to consume him, again.
He let her touch him, comfort him with those fake words. For a moment, he was convinced that she actually cared, but he knew – he had always known – what she wanted. There was nowhere else for him. He wouldn't be able to move on like her. He'd simply be nothing. He'd have no hopes to ever see her again.
Looking down at the wisps of shadows where his hands had once been flesh, he wondered if that was already happening. How much longer did he have before he could no longer bring back his human form?
He shook his head. He didn't want to deal with this. He just wanted to be alone, again. HE wanted to be left alone with her.
"I'll always be there for you."
He sighed. She was always with him and she always got him nice and hard. His shadowy hands slowly regained its former appearance as they trailed down his body and fingered the glistening head.
A low groan rumbled in his chest.
He continued to pleasure himself, the Dark Angel completely forgotten.
When he regained consciousness, she was already gone and he wasn't even sure if she had really been there or if she had ever been real.
He twisted around. If the angel wasn't real then what if she had never been real?
No. No. No!
She had to be real! He refused to accept anything else! Because if he did, then he'd have to question if he had ever been human or if he'd always been this dark spirit wandering in nothing.
Did he even exist?
If nothing around him had ever been real, then surely, he wasn't real either. That was logical, wasn't it?
His head began to hurt. That was a good sign. He felt pain. It had to mean something, right?
He hit and clawed at himself for good measure. His fingers dug deeper and deeper until he could feel the giving cartilage and hard bone beneath. It didn't take long for the pain to dull and his arm was completely numbed over.
Here, I'll heal it for you." She held her hand over his wound. He winced when he felt the skin tug and fuse back together. It had been more painful than when he received the wound, but at least it was healed.
She had kissed him so sweetly and pulled him on to the bed where he ravished her. He would never be able to forget her. Even if she had been a mere figment of his imagination; even gone, she was all he ever had. He was never going to let her go…
"I love you."
AUTHOR'S NOTE
If you're confused, don't worry. It was meant to be slightly confusing and frazzled.
So this is a little side project that I've been thinking about for the past half a year or so. Probably midway through Asylum (Vanish). At the moment, you can consider it as a spinoff of my main series, but hopefully by the end of everything, it'll all make sense.
This story will be updated irregularly on purpose, but I'd love to hear what you guys think of this thus far and how it connects to the main story or how I'm going to proceed with this.