A/N: Hello all! This fic has been languishing on my hard drive for weeks now and I was finally able to finish it. I really wanted to post it before the premiere of Season 4 squee!, so here it is. I hope you like it.

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"Frak, Helo! You are not doing this to me."

Kara was desperate. She refused to let her best friend leave her here, alone, on this rock with barely any supplies and no hope of rescue. She refused to return to the fleet alone and have to explain to Sharon why the father of her child was no longer breathing.

In short, it was business as usual for the indomitable Starbuck.

"Sorry, Kara." His voice was barely more than a gurgle and Kara tightened her hold on his shoulders as his glassy eyes slid over her face and then faded again. "You're going to have to save your own ass this time."

She felt his body relax against her and Kara's heart rate sped up. "No," she growled under her breath, cradling his head against her chest, convinced that she could keep Helo alive by pure osmosis. She began to rock him slightly back and forth, her cheek coming down to rest against the top of his head. He was hot with the fever she'd been unable to banish, while his skin was slightly clammy.

"Starbuck … Kara …"

"Don't talk, Helo." Her own voice was perilously close to the edge and she prayed to the Gods for help for the hundredth time in as many minutes. "You've got to save your strength. I guess I can cool my heels while you sleep this off."

He tried to laugh and the motion brought a spattering of blood to his lips. With weak hands he gripped at her forearms and once again forced his eyes to her face. Weakly, one hand drifted up, his fingers cold on her flushed cheek. "This isn't your fault, Buck," he rasped finally, working his mouth so he could say more. "Remember that, okay? Not your fault."

"I was flying, Helo." Kara couldn't – wouldn't – accept his forgiveness. "I crashed us."

Helo shook his head and then groaned. His hand fell limp at his side and Kara felt her world drop away. "Not your fault, Kara. Don't blame yourself." His voice was getting weaker and Kara knew it was only a matter of minutes – maybe seconds.

"Damn it, Helo! You can't do this! I need you."

"Tell Sharon I love her, okay? Watch after my kid, Kara." His eyes fluttered closed and Kara felt her body stiffen as Helo's lanky frame draped itself across her legs. "You'll be okay."

He was gone. Kara felt his last breath as it puffed across her forearm wrapped tightly around his shoulders. "No." She grabbed him roughly, doing her best to shake him from such an awkward position. "No, Helo! Karl! Do not do this! Wake up! Karl!"

No amount of Starbuck vitriol could fix this, Kara knew that. But she could not accept the fact that her best friend was dead. Tears she hadn't felt forming rolled down her cheeks and she buried her face in Helo's hair, rocking him back and forth, trying to pretend she wasn't falling apart.

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Kara hated frakking rain. She had hated it on Kobol over a year ago, when it had soaked through her fatigues, plastering her hair to her forehead and making their mountainous trek even more haphazard. And she'd grown to hate the damp chill that had permeated her bones every day she lived on the wasteland they had christened New Caprica.

That was the beauty of living on a ship - no dampness, no humidity, no rain falling in torrential sheets against the ground. Sure, occasionally she missed it - missed the sound against the windows or falling through leaves. It had been one of her favorite things when she'd lived on Caprica - curling up under her warm blankets, molding her body around Zak's and listening to the rain as it fell softly outside. Those mornings had been some of the most peaceful Kara Thrace had ever been witness to.

But right now, it was simply a nuisance and Kara hated it.

She paused at the top of a ridge, taking in the terrain around her. This nameless planet reminded her a bit of Kobol. Green trees and dense foliage scattered about mountains and a few lakes. It was colder here though and Kara knew that come nightfall she would be hard pressed to find warmth. The environment was more hostile as well. She'd already killed at least two large carnivorous beasts and while Kara would have loved to use them as food, she hesitated staying in one place too long, worried their brethren might come looking for revenge.

Adjusting her bag, Kara leaned heavily against the nearest tree, trying to find some shelter beneath the leaves. She had to get out of this frakking cover or the rescue party would have no chance of finding her. If there was a rescue party-

Frak, Starbuck, suck it up. The Old Man's not going to leave you behind.

Neither will Lee.

Kara wanted it to be true, but her relationship with her best friend was still tenuous at best. He'd ended things with Dualla pretty soon after the exodus from New Caprica, just as she'd ended things with Sam. After all she'd survived on that hell hole of a planet, the last thing Kara had the energy for was more pretending. She and Sam were occasional frak buddies, not husband and wife. It killed her to break her marriage vows, but she had entered the marriage under false pretenses, and she knew the Gods would rather she set Sam free than keep him trapped in a situation that never had a chance of working.

A loud crack of thunder startled Kara from her thoughts. "Frak." She watched the sky and counted, spotting a sizzle of lightning six seconds later. It was time to find cover, and preferably not the flammable tree kind. If the storm was getting closer, Kara needed to bunk down for the night and wait for it to pass.

She started moving again, heading for the nearest mountain and hoping to find a suitable - and uninhabited cave. She dreaded the approaching night. Once darkness fell, she'd be forced to sit and think and dwell. She'd be forced to remember that Helo was dead and it was her fault. She'd have no choice but to think about how she was going to break the news to Sharon and Hera that their husband and father wasn't coming home.

The mere thought of Helo's last moments brought tears to her eyes and Kara blinked them away. She'd cry later. She'd cry when she was off this frakking planet and had time to mourn. She didn't have that time now. There was no spare time to be had when survival was her mission. She knew that. She'd proved that on that dustball moon so long ago. The pain in her knee had almost prevented her from maintaining consciousness, but she'd fought through it and managed to save herself.

With a wry smirk, Kara wondered if maybe she could do it again. The Raptor was scrap metal, but maybe there was a settlement on this planet with a workable ship. Glancing about the dense undergrowth, she chuckled out loud. "Great, Thrace. Now you're delusional."

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Kara eased her way into the cave, grateful for the shelter from the persistent rain despite the chance of danger. Scanning the dark interior she tried to see if this might be the safe place she needed to bunk down for the night.

It was hard to make out much of anything, but as Kara's eyes roamed over the dark recesses she felt a profound sense of vertigo. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she tried to clear her vision and found herself listing to the side. She could barely stay on her feet.

Hold it together, Thrace. You just need sleep. She hadn't rested since the Raptor went down early yesterday. Every muscle hurt, but Kara had learned to compartmentalize pain years ago and so she continued to ignore it. It appeared her body could not.

Edging further into the cave, Kara made the judgment that predators or not this was where she would make her bed. With a tired sigh, she found a safe haven behind the nearest boulder and sank to the ground.

As soon as she sat, Kara knew she was in trouble. Getting up again was going to take the will of the Gods. Gingerly, she stretched her legs out before her. Still doing her best to right the room, the cave wouldn't stop spinning and she felt an overwhelming urge to vomit.

Come on, Kara. Of course the dizziness was accompanied by a fierce headache and Kara knew it was a concussion. And while sleep was the only thing she could think about, she knew there was the very real possibility she might not wake up again.

Taking a deep breath, she stole herself for the added pain of the movement and reached for the med kit she'd brought. Opening it in her lap, it took her eyes far too long to read the labels.

Closing her hand around a pre-loaded syringe, Kara fought her flight suit up to her elbow hurriedly injecting the pain reliever. Praying it would do some good, she chucked the syringe to the side, leaning her head back against the rough wall.

Helo's face coalesced in her vision the minute her eyes closed. Kara didn't want to think about her friend, but it seemed she had no choice. He shouldn't have died. Kara couldn't fathom how they'd miscalculated the jump. If they'd arrived in orbit as they were supposed to, she wouldn't have lost control. Hell, if she hadn't been so desperate to get off the ship in the first place, she never would have been flying a Raptor. The bulky craft didn't have the maneuverability or finesse of her Viper. And now, Helo was dead.

Forcing her eyes open, Kara took in the dark interior of the cave. It was cold and the approach of night meant it would only get colder. Reaching for her bag, one of the only things she'd been able to salvage from the ship, she pawed through it. Frak. Never an extra sweatshirt lying around when she needed one.

Finding a lamp, she pulled it out and flipped it on. At least now, it wasn't quite so scary. The walls were mottled with deep crags and hidden shadows and Kara remembered much too clearly the two mountain lions she shot down earlier in the day. Teeth, fear and attitude. Kara would have admired them if she didn't think they'd tear her limb from limb.

Reaching back in, she pulled out the busted transponder. It hadn't worked eight hours ago and she doubted it would now. At least attempting to fix it would give her something else to concentrate on.

The loud whistle of wind through the tunnel's entrance startled Kara. Glancing sharply to the door, sidearm raised, she wished she wasn't so scared. Before New Caprica, she wouldn't have been, but months down on that hell hole, cold and lonely had left Kara raw. The four months she'd spent with Leoben had left her bereft of any human contact and even less stability. Kara had lived in fear every day since the Cylons attacked. And now her body could no longer differentiate between fear and anxiety. Her nerves were an open wound completely influenced by every emotion that radiated through her.

Kara hated being that weak.

Shaking the thought away, Kara lowered her gun, making sure it wasn't far out of reach. She delved back into the bag, finding a canteen of water and rations.

It wouldn't do any good to starve. Fiercely, she bit into the processed bar and drank a bit. More wind howled past and Kara tried to convince herself she was only shivering from the cold.

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