In seas of silence
When the words came out of his mouth, cold, ruthless, with a twinge of pain no one thought posible of a man like Hibari, it felt as if a piano had broken, throwing last cries of notes into the air. I didn't even notice falling on my knees, cigar forgotten in the white tiles.
''Are you...sure?''the fool asked, with hope in his voice, hope for it to be another of his invented games to cover reality, yet without the smile that always rung through his words.
Hibari said nothing, merely cliked a button and there he was, on that fucking big screen, red red red and oh god I was dying, I could almost feel my vocal chords explode as I screamed, like something out of a movie, not being able to tear my eyes away from that lithe body I so loved, covered in red, eyes closed and breath gone forever, pleasedon'tleavemealoneagain.
OoOOoO
I remember how, when I was small, I used to complain when my father smoked. I hated the stench, the ugly swirls of grey, mocking in the air. It still bothers me, the disgusting taste, as I put what seemed like the thousandth cigar of the day in my mouth and it wasn't even noon. It didn't seem right to smoke in such a quiet, natural place, sorrounded by the trees that guarded the Tenth's grave, yet they seemed to be keeping me alive in their killer way.
Gunned down. Those two words haunted me with a thousand images, the sight of the dead body as we cleaned him up, trembling hands and silent tears running down our faces. Yamamoto and I did our best with our Tsuna's corpse, me because I wouldn't let go of the limp body and him because he wouldn't let go of me, even with that fake smile that so scared me plastered on.
The funeral had been another cliché, us soaked under the rain while everyone stood there looking at the now peaceful, sleeping
(dead)
Face. Some crying, some not. Even Hibari was present, with his cold glare.
I spent most of my time in the forest when there weren't any missions, because only there the piano would silence, the typewriter hushed, the animals not following my steps.
''Hey'' came a voice, behind me, yet I didn't bother moving to acknowledge his presence. He wasn't the one I wanted by my side. He walked past me and put a white lily on the black coffin, clasping his hands in prayer, japanese to the end. I scoffed and turned away, irritated at having been disturbed, not wanting company even if I was alone.
''Did you ever tell him?'' Yamamoto's voice suddenly spoke up, stopping me in my tracks, breath caught in my throat. I closed my eyes tight, trying not to remember whispered words in the dark and left him withiout another word, hearing my mind crumble with piano cries.
OoOoOooO
I closed my eyes in the dim light of my room, some faraway jazz playing on the stereo, just to haunt away the emptyness, thinking of Tsuna. Even if a month had passed, my mind still didn't accept that he wouldn't suddenly appear, eyes bright, laughing or crying or squealing like an idiot when he was scared, smiling up at me, at us. His serious eyes as he gave orders, the mature body straightening up, the stolen glances, the way his hair felt under my fingers. I could almost feel his fingertips, trailing down my jawline. Remembering those nights when we just sat on the floor in darkness and listened to music. I remembered the feeling, the aftermath of the song, his body suddenly close, his lips soft, his body warm. I remembered waking up next to him, soft eyes and hair, feeling his skin close to mine and-
''Hayato...''
I opened my eyes to see Yamamoto's face, surprised because he had called me by my name, by his pained expression as he stood in front of me, having gone in and closed the door without me even noticing. He moved, closer, lifted his hand to my eyes and I frowned, drowned as I noticed I had been crying, my face feeling wet. He bent down on his knees and wrapped his arms around me, tight, without saying another word. I let out a strangled choke and dug my fingers on his back, burying my face in his neck as we held each other in a mad desperation, wishing the other was him, his smiling friend, my only love. There was pain everywhere in my body even if there were no wounds, stretching, screaming, until all I could feel was the ache inside me.
Yamamoto suddenly leaned up and kissed me, hard, biting my lower lip and then licking the pain off, hands moving up to clutch at the back of my head, fisting in my hair and I found myself kissing back, not because I loved him, even if he did me, but because I needed something to hold on in order to keep myself alive. I ran my tongue inside his mouth, pulling at his hair, tearing at each other's clothes between ragged breaths and his moans and maybe mine. He climbed on to the bed, pushing me down, hands cluthing my naked ribs, shirts discarded somewhere, licking and biting, making my body arch up to his touch as he sucked hard on my nipple, a moan making its way out of my throat. I found my way to his pants and gripped him hard, making me shudder as he dug his fingers in my body with a strangled cry at the sudden pleasure. He looked up at me, with that dangerous look of his that sent me on fire and suddenly his tonge was licking me, making me thrust hard into his mouth, crying out, the sounds mixing with the stinging jazz.
He turned me over suddenly, a growl escaping my throat at him for having stopped, and after pulling my pants down he thrust in hard, just like that, my hands gripping the sheets in pain and lust and pleasure, our bodies moving fast, not taking our time because there was never enough time, not for us, not for Tsuna, in the dim room with the faraway music.
OoOoOOoO
I woke up slowly, feeling warm, a body tangled with mine and I gasped as I looked down, expecting to see soft brown hair and a lazy morning smile with big eyes. Instead, I saw ruffled black hair, hard jawline, mocking scar on a chin, face more peaceful than I had seen in a very long time. I first thought of running away, somewhere, anywhere, to make the pain go away, because it was killing me, shadows in my mind whispering gunned down, traitor, gunned down. But, as if he had read my mind in his sleep, his arm draped across me and he unconsciously nuzzled my neck and I thought, at least let him wake up with someone he loves. I wondered if I would be able to do that again, impossible as it seemed, to wake up and be able to say,
Woke up and for the first time, the animals were gone.