Hi I'm Tory. I want to thank all people who actually read my fic. It would be so great if you reviewed. It's my first Dark Angel fiction so be gentle with me, please.

It was inspired by the Berrisford Agenda, watched it last night and this dozy popped up. Tell me continue or scrap it, please.

Title: Designation 494

Season: Two, pre Freak Nation

Pairing: M/A. It will, I'm afraid, have a little M/L in it but NOT for long and not that much!

Summary: Alec is mulling over his life. He doesn't get it: Why is she with him? Why hasn't he thought before now that males fight for what they want, and he wants Max. A moment of weakness brings him to the realization, "When you're ready to admit it Max, I'll be waiting for you"

Rating: R for further chapters and language.

Designation 494

494. Designation 494, that was me. I was a number for approximately twenty two years, three months and two days of my life, give or take………who cares I'm just a number.

Twenty two years. For twenty two years I was raised as a killer and a deadly one at that. Every step monitored every breath recorded, trained to be a perfect, controlled murderer with no regrets. It worked for twenty two years.

Rachel. My time with Rachel was different. For a while I was normal. Like them, on the outside, but not inside. Inside I was still a killer. I had a name when I was with Rachel, 'Simon'. I was someone other than Designation 494 but I had to kill for that name, and then I killed her. With her I killed a part of myself.

Psy ops. Months of being tortured. In that time of torture they killed another part of me. I can't say what part of me they killed. It might have been just the memories but I know it was something more I changed, I hid. I went back to Designation 494 and let them make me forget about her.

Training. I didn't know how long it had been, but then they came for me, told me I was assigned to a new unit. I made that unit my life, I didn't care for them, didn't let myself and they didn't care for me. My unit was my life. The training. I dedicated myself to beating them, making myself better. It worked, I was accepted again, given missions and trusted. If only they new I wasn't their good boy assassin anymore; I only wanted to be better.

Mission. Then they gave me a mission. One I wasn't so pleased with. My mission was you Maxie and when I saw you it changed, I changed, everything changed. I was brought up to hate you Maxie, we all were. Then I saw you and couldn't. when I was with you for the first time for that ten minutes and twenty six seconds (not including my fake sleep) I could forget that I was a killer. I had someone to talk to, who was different, who would talk back, who was not like them.'

Successful. "Copulation between myself and X5 452 successful ma'am…… twice" Exactly what I said to her. I know you wondered why. Well Maxie, I don't know why. All I know is I did and I felt you relax. I heard you let that breath out and I knew you're the one.

Smart Alec. You named me. I look back on it now and I can remember everything. I walked in and you weren't there. My first thought was to call someone, let them know you were gone. But I didn't, I couldn't. I thought of you, your deep brown eyes and I moved everything off your bed and sat down waiting for you. When you got back you gave me my name, my name. I was no longer Designation 494 but I was Alec, only to you Maxie. Have you ever realized it would make me yours? I was then and am now, your smart Alec. Guess you didn't realize or you would be with me, not him.

Escape. You set me free Maxie. I screwed up your life and you still set me free. I almost killed the love of your life and you still let me escape. Thank you Maxie.

Free. I didn't think I would ever be free, but you set me free. At first I didn't know what to do then I came and found you. I screwed your life up again Maxie, I'm so sorry.

One year. Its been a year. For the past year I've been with you. Well not with you but the tag along in your life, everyone's fuck up, the one to blame. I deserve it. But as long as I'm with you…

And now I'm sitting here at Crash at the bar with a half finished glass of whisky in my hand remembering it all, remembering 494, twenty two years, Rachel, psy ops, training, mission, successful, smart Alec, escape, free and the past year. Then I get snapped out from my hole. Your hand touches my shoulder and you sit beside me. You run your fingers along my arm as you take the sickening drink from my hand. I keep my eyes locked on your hand for a moment then slowly look in to your eyes. Something's there, can't say what it is but it's there and I know you care.

"Alec……… do you want to talk?" you say softly.

"I don't want your pity Max" I say coldly.

"You want my absence." Disappointingly you get up to leave. I've said that to you before. I'm losing you. You're going. When you're gone I'll be alone again. I turn to grab your arm, almost falling from the stool I'm sitting on. You turn around and look at me. I'm crying. You wrap your arms around my neck and I move mine around your waist. I'm still crying as I whisper in your ear so that only you can here me,

"Never."

I'm gonna fight for you Max.

So what did you think? Please tell me.

Tory