Sea-Salt By Littlewolflover

Declaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts!!! Damn you SquareEnix!!!! And fucking Disney! Doujins are so rare cuz of you!!!!!!! I own two very sweet RoxasXAxel ones though bwahahahaahha!

Warning: Suicide attempts!!! Maybe some citrus if I don't kill anyone… Some cussing??? Ah… okay here we go

YOAI!!!!!!! BOYXBOY If you don't like it don't read it!!! I will delete your review (as I have had to do) if you flame me about it!! Again

BOY ON BOY ::yelling::

Thank you, now if you like it read on!!!

Yo! This is an author's note! I wrote the beginnings of this story over a year ago, a few days after I'd beaten Kingdom Hearts II. After this chapter I'm going to explain myself a bit.. a lot of the premise for this story goes very deep into the game's storyline. I absolute love the storylines for these games and the messages and and.. the deepness!!! XDDD I love deepness and I got very philosophical when I played all three games. Sorry about how long this chapter looks.. it's in a very weird weird format…. So it's not really that long at all XDD Keeping the verb format was a challenge… when it breaks that was not an error.. It is on purpose. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sea-Salt

Chapter one: Blood & Tears (heartache)

I still remember when he fell on his knees before me, eyes full of huge tears. As they streamed down his sot cheeks leaving stinging streaks I could feel on my heart, he whispered to me in a voice I could barely hear.

'Riku"

To hear him say my name so breathlessly… I had to clench my fists violently to control my emotions.

"I-I looked for you…for so long…Riku.." he gasped through his tears. I couldn't bear to look in his eyes, wide open and full of salty tears.

I had looked away.

"Now we can go back together."

The smile on his face tore my heart to pieces. I knew I was already gone. I had already surrendered my heart to the darkness.

I didn't even have my own face anymore.

When Ansem the Wise was killed by his own invention, I got my body back

He must have thought my struggle was over, but the cool fabric of my blindfold only reminded me of my decision; of my betrayal to my only true friend.

I had worn the blindfold with a single purpose, to lie to him, to hurt him.

I knew who Roxas was. I had not wasted my time in Castle Oblivion, I knew about the nobodies; about Namine. I could see Kairi in her eyes even when she herself could not remember. As I could see him in Roxas.

I knew hurting Roxas meant hurting him but it had to be done. I had to see those beautiful eyes again. Those eyes, as blue as the ocean I've spent so many hours staring at.

The depths I've found in those eyes.

So I donned my pale blue blindfold so he could not see my deception, for I could never hide my lies from even just mirrors of those deep blue depths.

"You can't lie to the one you truly love." Was what Ansem the Wise had said to me when he handed me the simple piece of cloth. He must have known how far I would go, that I'd surrendered my heart. He was a truly wise man to see the truth in my eyes.

My struggle has not ended.

We have defeated Xenmas and have lived in peace on our islands for over a year now. He thought we could live together as we had before. He must have thought I could forget what I had done and the effect 'Ansem' had on me, on my heart. In truth, the darkness never left me. I didn't think it ever would.

He's so innocent, so pure. His innocence was what gave rise to these intense feelings. He'd do anything for anyone. So easily trusting… so naïve.

Barley seventeen and yet he understands so much about pain and darkness. He's seen the world of light and of darkness we each have within ourselves.

…and yet he is so naïve.

I thought that one day I'd be able to tell him… to whisper these thoughts in his ear. I know he'd listen, but I've been afraid.. so afraid.

Afraid he'd see the darkness in me.

Or maybe he'd be disgusted by these feelings. I didn't think I could take being rejected by him… by his pure cerulean eyes.

I know he'd be dejected, not wanting to cause me pain. He's a wonderful person like that. He'd try his best to let me down, he may even have tried to entertain my feelings or tell me the darkness was gone.

Even so, his heart, his beautiful shining heart devoid of the darkness of which I fear so much, belonged to someone else.

Kairi.

I've tried my best to hate her, to destroy my memories of her… but I can't hate her..

Because he loves her…

It's killed me inside.. watching him with her, knowing I could never have him, never have his love.

Everyday I'd watched him, happily oblivious. I guess I'd gotten good at hiding it. I wanted to say it once.

Just once

I love you

I love you

I love you Sora…

I ran over these thoughts as I held a glistening blade over my dark vein. I won't lie, I had been afraid. I had been afraid to see the blood dripping from my wrist slowly, landing on the smooth trunk of the Paopu tree.

My blood must have been like poison to the tree… that tree so full of meaning…

I had felt my hands, me eyes.. my entire body became like lead, but yet so warm. The cut I had made must have been shallow.

It took so long for the darkness to take me.

"Riku"

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"Riku…??"

My eyes opened slowly and my mouth opened and closed in silence. Through my heavily glazed eyes I could see a vision of pure light. Cinnamon brown hair, perfectly tanned skin and a face contorted into a look of shock and worry.

I'd reached my hand up slowly to caress away this angel's worry, expending the remainder of the strength that had drained away with my blood.

I'd tasted a sweet saltiness on my lips and gave into its flavor, thinking of the sweet sea-salt ice-cream I had shared with him in better days.

I awoke completely, unsure of how long I'd been asleep, my wrist swollen with pain. My ears were ringing and my body felt no lighter than it had when I'd lost all that blood.

An hour passed before I regained my sense of self. It took a few more before I realized I was no longer atop the branches of the Paopu tree.

"I guess I failed."

I had muttered to myself. I noticed the blood-stained fabric tied tightly around my swollen wound. It had once been white and obviously part of something larger. Finally, I began to notice my surroundings.

I was in his house, in his room.

I'd turned my head into his pillow with all my strength.

'So this is his scent.'

I'd thought as the scent of spice, cinnamon and the sea air assaulted my senses.

'Would his body be this warm?'

He'd walked in the door just then. He'd rushed to my side, his white shirt torn in pieces.

"Riku, you idiot! How could you have done such a thing?!"

I'd realized then that the sea-salt ice-cream had been his tear, for they were falling then.

Because of me.

"Why didn't you come to me? I could have helped you!!"

Why? Hadn't he realized he was the cause of my anguish? Did he really believe he could help me?

Such a beautiful… naïve boy.

"I'd do anything for you Riku! Didn't I prove that to you!!?!"

I remember how powerful my desire to kiss him was at that moment.

He had been speaking the truth. I knew what he had done for me. I knew I could have talked with him.

But I was afraid.

My cowardice had once again brought him to tears.

The only person I had ever trusted… ever loved.

He'd knelt down beside me, placing his hand across my forehead. I'd felt my face flush and I had been forced to look away.

"At least your fevers gone.." He'd sighed, obviously having given up hope he'd receive an answer from me.

"S-Sora' I was finding it hard to speak. "I'm sorry." With my face turned.. I was able to mutter this single phrase. If I had to guess I'd say those words satisfied him, for he ran his soft fingers across my cheek.

"Just never do it again! … or I'll never forgive you. Now get some more rest. My mom will bring you some soup later."

He'd left with those words and I'd obeyed him once again closing my heavy eyelids and giving into the darkness of sleep.

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The next time I awoke I was till in his room. My bloodstained clothing was hanging over his chair.

"My mom changed you. Sorry… she insisted."

He'd walked in presenting a steaming bowl of tomato soup and a plate of sugar cookies. I'd noticed his right hand was covered in another torn piece of his white shirt.

"The cookies are for your blood sugar. You'd better eat them all!!"

He'd sat the tray next to me and handed me a spoon. I really had no desire for food, still brooding over my recent failure.

"Riku…"

Hi voice had been so soft.

"Please eat. Please…. We're all so worried about you.'

Even if Xemnas himself had burst through the door I would not have stopped eating.

The smile that illuminated his face as I handed back an empty tray gave my heart a fluttering skip. My mouth had once again moved without sound.

"S-Sora… I"

I'd been so close.

"I"

Kairi had chosen the most inopportune moment to unceremoniously burst through his bedroom door.

"Riku!!!"

She'd stomped across the room and I'd received a hard slap to the head.

"K-Kairi…. He's injured..'

He voice sounded torn.

She had him whipped I'm sure.

"It's his own fault!" She had wheeled around to face him, then turned back to continue her verbal assault. "How could you make the entire island worry about you like that?!!"

The entire island? I don't remember anyone else bursting into the room.

"Tidus and Wakka and…."

Did those names really mean anything to me?

"…and poor Sora-chan!"

I remember the pain that shot through my heart when I was once again reminded of his tears.

"Stupid Sora lied! His mom didn't make that soup! He tried to make it himself!" He'd grabbed his right hand.. he flinched. "He even burned himself making it!!"

Once again I felt that sharp pang of guilt.

"He stayed by your side all night! Didn't even sleep!!!"

His face had turned bright red and he'd bitten his lip softly.

"K-Kairi…"

How cute.

That's girls words gave me a new hope that day. Maybe, even if he had belonged to her, he could accept my feelings.

After having been forced to listen to her lecture for another hour, Kairi left us alone, sighing and mumbling as she went.

I'd been feeling much better after the sugar cookies. I had stood, recoiling slightly from the cold wooden floor under my bare toes.

"Umph!"

I had called out as I felt a warm mass push me back onto the bed.

"No.."

I realized then that he was lying on top of me. I had sucked in air quickly and bit my lip.

"S-S..Sor—"

I had been shaking and could not even say his name.

"No!" He had lifted his head to face me. I could feel his warm breath on my cheeks. I was completely speechless.

"M-My mom said you lost too much blood and you had to stay in bed for a least a few days!!"

His voice had sounded so …frantic; shaking.. I've always been scared to hear that voice.

"I'm fine, real---"

My voice had caught in my throat as he wrapped his arms around my neck. He had been squeezing so tightly,… as if for dear life. My mouths movements were futile, I had not been able to find a voice.

"Please Riku.." he'd had his face buried in the crook of my neck. I felt the warmth of his cries.. the wetness of his tears…

I could feel his heartbeat.

He had moved against me and I could only clench my fists in the sheets and close my eyes… praying he would not notice the hardening lump beneath him and a single layer of clothing.

"I looked for so long!! I searched so hard to bring us all together again!"

So innocent.. So beautiful..

"I won't lose you again!"

He'd yelled those words into my ear.

My heart, my soul, my being had become overwhelmed by his light. I would have given the world to stay this way…

Unfortunately, the world is made of light and darkness… such a bright light required a piercing darkness.

"I'm so scared…"

I'd felt him swallow and sigh against my throat before continuing.

"I've been scared since we came back… I thought I did a bad thing by saving you. I asked myself over and over again… would you have been better off in the darkness??"

Would I have been?

"I knew you were hurting. I knew you didn't want to come back."

He had been wrong. I had wanted to come back… I wanted to be with him. I began, at that moment, to understand my mistake…

"Riku.. I've seen you watching me and Kairi. I've seen the hurt look on your face."

I'd been scared and excited in the same moment. Did he know about my feelings? Would he accept them? Would he hate me? My mind was racing and I'd all but forgotten that he was still lying atop me.

"Sora I.."

"Do you …."

My eyes had closed involuntarily.

"…love her??"

Oh. He thought I loved Kairi. My mind had gone numb for a while, I was unable to produce an answer.

"I thought so … I'm so sorry."

That frantic voice had come back.

"I don't know what to do… I.."

I began to fear I was drowning in all the wetness he'd left in my neck and shoulders.

"I don't want to lose my best friend.. I..I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here anymore."

I really thought I would cry.. right then… his words penetrated my heart and it took all I had to keep myself from kissing him.

"Please don't hate me Riku.. Please…"

His voice had been so soft… it was like a small child's. After this he became silent, but still sobbing into my neck. I had to wonder whether or not he realized the position he was in.

"I could never hate you Sora."

I had closed my eyes and reached my arms upward to enclose his small form in a tight embrace.

He'd seemed so small to me then. Maybe it was because I'd grown so much… or maybe it was because he had been so frail in those moments.

We stayed that way until he'd fallen asleep, still lying on top of me. He must have been exhausted.

Afraid of what his mother might think if she'd found her precious son on top of another boy, I carefully lifted myself; keeping him close to my chest. I stood, lifting his legs to hold him as a mother would a child.

He is so much more precious to me than even that.

Convincing myself, sorrowfully, that I could not hold him forever, I gently placed him into the sheets of his bed.

He was so sweet looking, just lying there, eyes closed softly. I'd reached over him to open the window to his veranda when I'd heard a small moan escape his lips. A small, sweet sleep-filled sound that melted my heart.

How cute. I think I may have fallen in love with him all over again, right then and there.

I'd gathered my clothing from the back of his chair and climbed over him and out his window.

That night, as I walked back home, I had tasted the sea-salt ice-cream on my lips again.

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I'd heard from Tidus how angry he had been when he'd discovered me missing. I would have loved to stay.

"Arr—ah!"

He came at me with Oathkeeper drawn, and knocked me backwards. (1)

"Riku.. you idiot." He'd positioned himself into a fighting stance. "If I beat you, you have to lay down for the rest of the week!"

I'd grinned at him, pulling forth Way to the Dawn.

"You're on.."

He'd attacked first and I'd dodged it easily. I'd earned a growl after he'd picked himself up and dusted himself off.

"Riku."

I'd grinned again, attempting to make him angrier.

"Sora."

I'd let him attack again. We'd fought for about five minutes before fatigue set in. He had seemed so angry.

His anger had made it an easy victory.

He abandoned his Keyblade and, knocking me on the soft beach of our island, tried to pin me beneath him.

As much as I wanted to let him win, I had no intention of lying down for an entire week. So, I'd flipped him under me and pinned him down with ease. Holding myself up with one hand I'd grinned at him.

"Who's the Keyblade master?"

This only seemed to anger him further, but not for the reason I'd thought.

"Riku! You absolute idiot!"

He'd screamed these words in my face and using all of his strength, threw me off of him and into the salty ocean water. Before I could get myself out of the water he had already taken off. I'd never seen him run so fast before and haven't since.

Before heading back home, I'd seen Kairi run after him into our special place.

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After the incident at the beach, days passed before I'd seen more than a passing glance of him. It was over a week before he'd spoken to me, but even then it wasn't much more than a few grunts to acknowledge my presence… but I was not the only one receiving this treatment.

Yuffie, Tidus, and Wakka all came to me in succession, asking what I had done to anger him.

I had told them I didn't know, but in truth I had believed my very presence was causing him pain. It had made me want to try again, to once again poison that beautiful tree with my blood.

But that would hurt him too wouldn't it?

After two weeks of this cold treatment, the island became silent. Everyone must have realized what his light meant to them, how important his smile was.

I had spent the last two days on the island alone, thinking about him and nothing else.

He'd grown since our last trip to Kingdom Hearts. He was taller and leaner at seventeen then he'd been as a younger boy. His body had grown stronger and fit but his face stayed the same.

His face has always been soft and child-like….his eyes….big and wide and of the deepest depths of cerulean blue.

His skin had tanned from playing in the sun, making him glow even more than he did on his own.

I'd closed my eyes, forming an image of his smile in my mind as the rain dripped down from the blackening sky.

When I'd opened them he stood before me, his head down, his hair drenched and matted to his cheeks and his fingers clenched into fists so tight his knuckles had turned white.

I could hear him hiccupping and gasping as one does when in eccentric sobs, but his tears had mingled with the rain. I couldn't help but think that they were tainted with the water from the black sky. They wouldn't taste like sea-salt ice-cream.

"S-Sora?"

I'd called out to him. It seemed as though he was many miles away, even though he was but a few feet from the base of the tree. I'd jumped from the branch I had been sitting on and stood in front of him.

"Sora?"

I had tried to reach him, once again to no avail. I had no idea what to do. We had stood in the now pouring rain, facing each other.

I had so wanted to kiss him.

"R-Ri-Ri…ku…"

Finally, a cracked voice had come from the frail shuddering body before me. Not long after that, the poor boy had finally cracked. He'd fallen to his knees in sobs, face in his hands. His sobs had become louder and more hysteric.

I'd stood over him, unsure of my place in his life. Why would he have chosen me to cry to? Was Kairi not home?

What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to help him?

It was then that he'd reached out to me. One arm busily wiping his face the other outstretched grasping for something solid. I'd grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. He could not stand on his own power any longer.

He'd dragged his own body, tripping over his own feet, while I led him to our secret place. I had so wanted him out of the rain so the black water would stop tainting him.

As soon as I'd stopped he'd collapsed upon himself. I'd sat against the wall staring at him in silence, unsure of what to do.

He had stopped sobbing. The cave had been enveloped in an eerie silence.

"What…" I'd swallowed.."What do you want me to do?"

I'd been surprised at myself. Why hadn't I asked him what was wrong? Why hadn't I tried to help him? Why was I asking him about myself?

"Just… P-Please.." He'd begun to shiver.."Please don't… don't go.."

"Sora…"

"Don't think little of me … be-because I'm crying." He'd returned to busily wiping the tears from his face. "Please… don't leave me… all alone.."

Please don't leave me all alone.

His words had echoed over and over again in my mind.

Not long after he'd fallen into hysterics once again, this time doubling upon himself. I'd reached out to him and pulled his body up to mine. His fingers had found my jacket and wound themselves tightly in the damp fabric.

I'd abandoned my fear.

He'd asked me not to judge him so I was sure he'd so the same for me.

I'd placed one arm around his back, rubbing softly. My other hand was on his cheek, caressing, my fingers wiping away his tears with utmost care.

I couldn't say how much time had passed before he'd quieted down, but when he had, I leaned into his wet hair and place a soft kiss on his scalp.

He must not have noticed.

I'd sighed in ecstasy. I knew how horrible it was, but I could not help the feeling of happiness that took me. Just holding him, just touching him, but I'd actually kissed him.

That happiness was short-lived.

"R-Riku, I'm sorry…"

I'd never imagined that my shining light could feel so much pain.. I'd always thought he was invincible to the darkness.

I'd always envied him, unwilling to give in, always smiling and trying his best, ever since we were little.

My Sora, my beautiful Sora, was now a wounded bird.

I want to see him fly again. (2)

"Sora.." I'd gathered all my courage to as him what I should have started with. "Please tell me…. What's hurting you so badly?"

He'd stayed silent for awhile. Whether or not he was asleep I had not known. All of a sudden, I'd heard him chuckle in sarcasm.

"It might make you happy.."

"…" What could I have said to that?

"Do you remember that day we fought?"

"You mean the day you attacked me?" I'd answered, trying to lighten the mood. It had worked a little, he'd chuckled again.

"And you kicked my ass? Yeah… that day." The sarcasm that had been present in his voice had made me laugh. "When I ran, I ran here…. Kairi followed me. She said a lot to me….. not all of it really registered I guess."

His words had confused me, what did Kairi have to do with anything?

"Kairi?"

"Yeah… she.." his voice had cracked again. "..she said I didn't belong with her…"

At that moment, a severe anger had taken me, I had been about to get up and look for her when he'd spoken again.

"You… c-can have her I g-guess.."

I think I could have heard his heart breaking.

"Sora, I'd never do that to you. I really hope you don't think so little of me."

"Thanks Riku"

"We'd stayed that way in silence until the rain had stopped.

I had almost hoped that he had noticed my kiss. I had wanted to kiss him again, to make him know…. Who I love is him and not Kairi.

Sora….

I'd leant down and into his hair again, letting the sweet cinnamon tufts tickle my cheeks. I remember being amazed at myself and how I had abandoned the fear that had gripped so tightly.

That feeling of fearlessness would not last long.

"I love her so much…"

I'd stood after that, needing to get away from him.

"R-Riku?"

"Sorry.. it's getting late.. I don't want your mom freaking out or anything."

"Yeah"

"Riku?"

"Yeah?" I'd become flustered and had turned to face the exit.

"Thank you." I'd bitten my lip and tasted the coppery blood that had drained from the bite.

"Are.. Are you sure you're going to be all right?"

"Yeah, I think I can avoid her for a few days." He'd grinned wildly. "Besides.. I'm the Keyblade master! I've saved all the worlds! I can handle a little darkness."

How I wish it was only a little darkness.

"Sorry.. I guess I was a little worried… but you're nothing like me."

"You.. you won't do that again will you?"

He had been looking at the ground while he was speaking. It had been obvious how he was afraid of my answer.

"Never."

I meant it.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He'd given me another wild grin.

"Time to go home huh?"

Although he had been grinning, my worry had not subsided. It had been obvious his darkness was not gone in the least bit.

That night, during the walk home, I'd decided that I would have to have a talk with Kairi.

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(1) Oathkeeper is the name of the Keyblade made when Kairi gives Sora her lucky charm. Way to the Dawn is the name of Riku's Keyblade. Noting that this is the Keyblade that he pulled from his own heart and not the Keyblade given to him by Maleficent. From Kingdom hearts chain of memories, King Mickey tells Riku that his darkness was not bad and to head for the dawn, the place in-between the light and the darkness. Basically not to be afraid of his darkness.

(2) Sora is the Japanese word for sky.. You would not get this without that info… XP

And just for your info… Riku is the world for island.. technically.. it means dry land in a body of water.. example: Fune wa dandan riku ni chikazukimashita. The ship approached the land.

Okay.. the premise for this story… I think I will explain it a bit in the next chapter but basically Sora went through a ton of shit just to get Riku and Kairi back to island. If he had lost either of them it would destroy him and make him venerable to the darkness again like Riku had been when he thought Sora had betrayed him. So when Kairi leaves him it tears him to pieces. He has the brightest heart in the worlds right? So when it breaks it would break harder than anyone else's. A bright light harbours a deep darkness.

Um.. that's all I care to explain at the moment.. but I have deep awesome thoughts about this story XDDDD so if you're really interested ask…

REVIEW… I'm not sure what to do with this story in particular so I may not finish it if I don't get anyone begging. R&R!!! If you find an error poo on you.. I need a beta.. I don't have time to check everything manually.

::bows:: Domo I love you all! Littlewolflover