All ways to the end - part 1
They stayed in each other's arms for a while. Her head was resting on his chest and he could hear her breathe slowly. He wanted to talk, needed to. He was happy that she was here with him, that she had come but he didn't know how to construe all that had happened. She had not told him what he really expected: she had not told him that she loved him. He knew she was not the kind to express how she felt. But what! He needed to hear it! Even if he actually knew how she felt, or thought he did. This woman will just drive him crazy at some point! She said she was sorry but he was not even sure about what. That she went after the sniper? That she had not answered appropriately while he poured his heart out to her?
"Kate?" He murmured.
But she was already asleep, her breathing regular now. Knowing her, he could surmise that she had had a hard day going after this man. He had seen the bruises on her skin. He embraced her more tightly but softly. He needed to know what had really happen with that man too. He had not asked too much because he understood that what she needed was not a long talk. Now it was him who was in need. And he could but just stay there with his questions for the time being. This will have to wait until tomorrow. He fell asleep without realizing.
As Kate woke up, her eyes still closed, she could smell the scent of his cologne and could not help having a smile on her face. That kind of smile saying: "I had this dream before and I loved it: to wake up next to Castle!" She wanted to enjoy it once again. She had this dream so many times these last months as she tried not to give in to her feelings for him, knowing that she was not ready to have the kind of relationship that in fact both of them hoped for. Her eyes slowly opened: as usual all this seemed so real to her. But she was not dreaming this time. Her heart bit faster: "It is real!"
Kate raised herself to lean on one elbow and her smile broadened as she looked at Castle peacefully asleep next to her. She stayed there staring at him and thinking about how things had happened last night. She was amazed at her boldness at that time. But she was determined not to wait again to be with him. She had let so many opportunities slip away. She knew now how much her behavior had hurt him. This had become so clear when he had talked to her in her flat. About how he had been there for her for four years, and all that time he was hoping for things to change and that he would become more than a partner for her. She had felt his suffering then, and it had hurt her to the heart when she had seen tears come to his eyes. Her heart had overflowed with love for him then. But she was so caught up in pursuing Cole Maddox and she had felt so betrayed by what Castle had done that she could not help but hurt him again, as if she wanted to retaliate.
At a point she had thought that if she could catch this man and close definitively this case that hindered her life for so long that all the walls would fall and finally she would be free. Free to love Castle and let him love her. But then the way he had asked her what had happened she understood that that would not have worked for him. Rick needed to know that her love for him was more important than her resentment against those who killed her mother. She was happy she had made the right choice in the end.
Alexis opened the front door and looked for her father in the living room. But there was nobody. She went to the kitchen and he was not there either; apparently he had not had breakfast or there would have been, for sure, some dirty dishes in the sink. She headed to her father's bedroom.
A sigh went through Kate's lips as she could not prevent herself from letting her hand gently stroke his jaw. She kissed his shut eyelid, where the tears had swell, then the other and his lips. "Kate…" Rick said. She suddenly moved back as she was afraid to wake him up. But he was sound asleep and she smiled at the fact that in his sleep he was thinking of her. If she wanted a proof that he thought of no other than her then she had it.
"Dad, are you up?" Alexis yelled behind the door.
Kate started to panic. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she had not heard the front door open.
"Dad? I'll prepare lunch. Or better, brunch since you're not out of bed yet!"
"Lunch?" Kate whispered. "Castle! Castle!"
Alexis went to open the door to ask him what he wanted for lunch; but she suddenly turned back to the kitchen. "I think I'll bring him coffee first to help him up!" She put some coffee to brew in the machine and leant against the bar waiting.
"Castle!... Rick!" Kate called a little bit louder close to his ear.
"Hum! Kate?!" He answered when he finally woke up. He instantly checked out his wrist.
She muffled a laugh:
"No cuff this time and no drug either" she said still smiling. Half asleep, he smiled back blissfully.
As he was about to kiss her, she quickly added. "But I think your daughter is back."
"What?! Wait… Wait here! I'll be right back! Don't move." he mumbled as he suddenly stumbled out of the bed and put on a morning gown.
"I didn't intend to." She replied coyly.
He turned back and looked at her, an eyebrow raised.
Alexis went to the fridge and took two eggs, cream and some spices. She watched the cup of coffee. "This is getting cold!" She took the cup and headed again to the bedroom. Rick half-opened the door, slipped out just as Alexis was about to open it and quickly closed behind him.
"Hey… honeyyy… What… are you doing?" He said mildly while showing her back to the kitchen.
"Brunch! I told you. You are not totally awake aren't you? What did you do last night to be so tired? Watched dvds till the break of dawn?"
"Euh…."
The muffled noise of something falling in the bedroom was heard.
"Dad is there somebody in there?! A woman?"
"Euuuuh!" Rick was embarrassed.
"I haven't left for college yet and you're already going wild?!"
"Alexis…."
"No, no I don't want to know. I'm going to Debbie's. I'll be back for six. Ok?... Ok dad?"
"Ok!"
"I thought things were getting better for Beckett and you." Alexis mumbled shaking her head while hastily leaving.
Once Alexis had left, Richard went back to the bedroom. He saw Kate lasciviously lying on the bed. His heart started to bit faster as he stopped and just stared at her. He pulled himself together and a smile came to his lips:
"What were you doing in there to make such a noise?" He asked
"Sorry, I could not see the clock very well." She blushed.
Castle headed to the bed and suddenly let himself fall on it, at her feet, looking at her.
"Are you ok?" He said gently
"Han han. You?"
"Never better."
Kate got out of the bed and he saw she was wearing one of his pajama top. She tugged at one end of the collar. "I found this, I hope you don't mind?"
"Oh not at allllllllll." His eyes wandered over her legs that showed provocatively from the cloth. "You're really too sexy with it."
"Castle!" She sent a pillow at him.
"Would you like something to eat? I Think Alexis started to cook but she had to suddenly leave. I wonder why?"
She rolled her eyes. "I'd like something to eat but I'm going to the bathroom first."
"You want help?"
"No thanks! I don't want Alexis to come back and have to leave again."
"Ok!" Rick went to the kitchen.
When in the kitchen, Castle turned on his phone and saw that he had a message from Ryan, from last night:
"Hey Castle, it's Ryan. I tried to call you all day but you'd not answer. What the hell is going on? Why were you not there with us? We really needed you, especially Beckett. Do you know she nearly died and all she was doing was calling your name bro? She really need you now man, more than ever. She and Esposito had been put on administrative leave but she resigned! I think she's in a real turmoil. Call me back ok? I can't have her either. You're the only one to make her come back to her senses and change her mind."
Rick could feel the angst and the sadness in Ryan's voice but he was not sure of what he should do right now. He was not sure that he should be the one to initiate that subject with Kate or just wait for her to confide in him. He knew they would have to discuss about all that. He did not want her to feel like he was deciding for her again.
Hearing this message, he felt ill at ease though. He did not really know how to interpret what happened between him and Kate. Was she really ready for what had happened or was she just trying to fill some kind of emptiness, was it just on the spur of the moment? He decided to wait; perhaps she will talk about all that without his asking.
As he heard the shower turned off, he took the eggs Alexis had left there and started to cook, humming, he did not want her to know how worried he was. Kate entered the kitchen with a bathrobe she had found and that was too big for her. She sat behind the counter.
"Soooooooo. When are we going to pick up your things?" Rick asked suddenly, still cooking, his back turned to her so she could not see the smile on his face.
Kate looked at him with interrogative eyes, and after a while:
"What do you mean?"
"You're moving in with me don't you?"
"What?! No Rick! I'm not moving in with you!" She answered with surprise and restrained amusement in her voice.
"Whyyyyyyyy?" He turned around.
"And what are you going to do with your mom?"
"Well when she'll come back from the Hampton, and see you here I guess she'll find a place of her own." He grinned.
She shook her head:
"So you're using me to push your mom out of your flat?"
"Well, all means are good!" He said setting a plate in front of her.
Kate started to eat then suddenly spat what she was eating.
"Castle! What's that?"
"My specialty. Smorelette. Omelette with marshmallow. You don't like it?" He wondered, pretending to be offended.
"No!" She answered briefly. "Where did you get this recipe from anyway?"
"I created it" he replied proudly. "But if you want we can go for something more common since your palate is not used to "cuisine gastronomique". Pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon and toasts?"
"Thanks!" She answered ironically. "No use escaping death from a sniper if you have to kill me with your food" she added smiling. But he was not. He sat silently just in front of her to eat too.
He suddenly stopped as he thought of last night. He was worried as he remembered what she had told him. He could not help thinking about this sniper still out there, still a threat he was sure. He could not understand that he had gone away just like that. What was in his mind? It did not seem that it was just a clearing job as Smith had told him. Would he stop because Kate had?
She saw Rick sitting looking straight ahead of him, lost in his thoughts, he seemed so serious.
"Hey!" she said with a tender voice, looking at him intensely. "Are you ok?"
"I was thinking…." his voice was like numb.
She started to be afraid. Almost felt like tears were coming to her eyes. She hated the way she felt! She knew this would happen! She was being just too emotional now. She kept silent lowering down her eyes.
"Have you regrets about what happened last night?" Her voice was slightly trembling.
"Oh Kate! No!" He took her hand. "I was just thinking."
"Thinking about what?" she was still a little bit afraid.
"You told me this guy got away and that you almost died…"
"Yes but that's not important anymore. I'm giving up. I won't go after him. It's really finished Rick."
"Kate, I'm afraid it's not. Why would he get away now? Why would he let you live? Why did he steal Montgmery's old files? What was he looking for?"
She stood up and paced the room, thinking.
"Cole Maddox took a picture in Montgomery's wedding album. " Castle gave a puzzled frown. "It's the sniper's fake I.D." She explained. "I think Montgomery's old friend was on that picture and that he's looking for him."
"If he's looking for this Mr Smith, that means that he wants the files and once he has them you won't be protected anymore."
"Rick, I thought you didn't want me to investigate. While I was hanging from this roof….."
"What!" He interrupted her "What do you mean hanging from a roof?!"
"I was so close to death; I finally understood what you meant." She kept on. "What we have now, what we are living now is far more important to me. I don't want to lose that by running after this man."
"It is for me too, Kate. Do you really think that I don't want to preserve what we have?! But I'm sure that when he will have the information he will come back for you. We need to find Smith before him."
She seemed to flinch each time he pronounced the name. Obviously it was something they will have to talk about also. Rick held back a sigh at the thought.
"But how are we going to do that? You don't even know how to get in touch with him." Kate asked.
"We go back to Montgomery's house and we ask his wife. We'll try to find what picture is missing and who was on it."
"Castle, are you sure you want to do that?"
"I'm going to help you Kate. I'm the one who put you in there; I'm going to help you out. It's the only way to keep you safe now. Let's go!"
"Can we stop at my place on the way?"
"Sure."
After they left Kate's place, they went directly at Montgomery's house. Kate had called from the car and Evelyn was already waiting for them.
"Hey Evelyn. How are you doing since the last time?" Kate inquired.
"Much better since you've found the intruder."
"Evelyn" Kate went on, "The robber has stolen your wedding album. Do you have copies of the pictures?"
"No but I still have the exposures."
Kate went through the exposures one after the other.
"Castle, the picture he has taken was one of those who have taken part in the ceremony. This one! I don't remember I have seen it."
"It's the best man!" They said together. Their faces lit up knowingly.
"Evelyn what's this man's name? Do you know his address?" Kate inquired.
"It's Greg, Greg Mc Alistair, one of Roy's oldest and best friends. He lives on the fifth av."
In the car, as they were going to Mc Alistair's, they kept quiet for a moment. Each one not really daring to voice what they thought. Castle finally broke the silence.
"Do you think he got the documents?"
"I don't know." Her face was tense. "Since we have his real name and his address and don't have to look for it, we might be on time to stop Maddox."
When they arrived at the fifth avenue, it was rather calm. "Maddox had probably not found the address yet." They went quickly to the bell but the sound was only ringing out inside an empty place. Castle went at the side to check through the window, cupping his hand to see well. In the meantime, Beckett started to knock at the door which half opened.
"It's open." She took her gun.
"You have a gun?"
"Yes my spare one, I took it when we stopped at my place."
They entered the house but it did not seem like it had been searched. There were some files open and papers scattered over a desk in the back of another room, apparently an office. It seemed to Kate that it was the files that were in Maddox' room so she quickly got to the piece of furniture. Hoping to find something helpful she rummage in them but the papers had nothing to do with her mom's murder or her shooting and the files were empty. She went then to the computer that was on; everything had been erased. While Kate was desperately searching, Castle walked around the desk; there he found Mc Allistair lying on the floor. "Kate." "It seems that he has been tortured" Kate who had met him said. He crouched to take his pulse then shook his head to let Kate know that Mc Allistair was dead. "He has a needle mark…." Castle was standing up when Mc Allistair grabbed his collar and started to murmur in his hear. "I'm calling 911" Kate said. But when she was dialing he let go of Castle. The latter leant closer to Mc Allistair's nose to check if he was breathing, that's when he saw the bomb under the desk. "Kate run! There's a bomb." He grabbed something next to the corpse put it in his pocket and started to run too.
Castle was just at the door when the explosion pushed him violently in the street.
"Rick!" Kate shouted. In a few seconds she was by his side. "Rick!" But he was not moving. Her hands were trembling as she held the phone to her ear to call an ambulance.
It seemed an eternity while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. All she could think about was that it was her fault. Had she not be obstinate on this case this would not have happened. She might lose someone she loved once again. It was one of the reasons why it had been so difficult for her to admit what she felt for Castle. She won't be able to bear another loss like that, of someone that was so important for her now. She won't… Tears were swelling from her eyes, but she did not feel them.
From his car Maddox was looking at Kate crouched next to Castle. "Well it seems that I'm quite lucky today! Detective Beckett!" He grabbed his rifle and set it on his shoulder, took aim. Beckett was right in his target. He knew he could have her despite the wind.
Kate heard the whistling of the bullet next to her ear. She felt the blood running along her neck and her heart stopped. She fell on Castle's body. This time he had got her, but she did not care she was just thinking about Castle: What if he was seriously injured?! What would she do without him? She brought her hand to her temple, blood was dripping. Was she just wounded? He missed her. But he will try again soon. She lifted her head watched everywhere. He had a silencer and she could not see him. Where was he?
Maddox got out of his car. He had missed her; apparently he had overestimated his abilities. But he still had the time; the ambulance she called would not be there before at least five minutes with the traffic. He walked until he reached a better shooting spot. There were many bushes there, so he could not be seen however Smith's front door was still within view.
Castle started to move and Kate startled. She exhaled a sigh of relieve: "He's fine! He's fine!" at least that was what she hoped. Kate slightly raised to look down at him. He was opening his eyes. "Don't move." She murmured, searching for any sign indicating the sniper's presence. In the distance, the ambulance siren was wailing when she heard the second shot. She got a sarcastic smile on her face: "Two shots were better in order not to reiterate the error of the last time?" Lying on Castle she tried to sense if she had been hit. But she felt nothing: "Sometimes that happens it's only few seconds after that you feel the pain."
"Kate? "Castle was trying to move and she stared at him, surprised and still shocked at the same time. "Kate, we have to leave."
"But the ambulance is coming" She mumbled.
Rick rose to sit down, holding Kate in his arms. "We don't have time for that."
She stayed there looking at him, not knowing what to say or what to do. For he was right: they were running out of time, now that Smith was dead.
"Ok ok. But I think he's somewhere out there. He shot at me."
"The ambulance probably made him flee. Let's go."
They stood up and run around the corner of the house, where they could not be seen. Taking Kate's hand, Rick beckoned to a passing cab. Come, we're going back to my place."
"Why… why are we going back to your place?"
"You'll see. Now that all the proofs have been destroyed nothing can prevent him from killing you. We have to react faster than him." She looked at him, worried.
"What did Mc Allistair told you just before the explosion?"
"Nothing comprehensible. I think he was under the influence. He talked about a message, about Montgomery... But wait." Fumbling in his pocket he took of a phone. "I found that next to him." He started to dial to search the phone.
"The last number is mine. But I didn't get any call!" He took his phone to check. "No call."
"He probably tried to call you but hadn't enough strength left."
"The marks on his wrists, he had been tied for a long time. And the needle mark on his forearm. Do you think Maddox got him to talk? With pentothal?"
"Probably Rick, he has been tortured".
They kept silent during the rest of the travel.
As they got off the taxi, Castle phone rang:
"Hi Alexis!... You're sure? You don't have to….. Ok I'll see you then." He turned to Kate." Alexis went to the loft to take some clothes; she's going to stay in the Hampton with my mom for some days. She said she wanted to spend time with her gram before leaving for college; but I think she wanted more to leave me some freedom. Anyway that's a good thing with what's going on."
"Yeah."
When at his place he led her to his office.
"You know I have a board of my own?"
"Yes the one you use for your novel?"
"Kate, I have one with all the information I've gathered on your mother's case." He hesitated not knowing how she would react.
"What?!" She said with a small voice. "Why did you never tell me about that?"
"There're things on it you don't know about; mostly coming from Montgomery's friend. He looked intently at her.
"Rick….. Do you keep any other secrets from me? If it's the case, I think you should tell me now."
"No, Kate. I don't hide anything else from you."
"Ok." She briefly answered then kept silent. "Fine. Show me what you have."
"If we review it together something might pop I had not seen."
While Castle was restoring the file, Kate phone rang again:
"It's Espo... Beckett!"
"Yo Beckett. Are you with Castle?"
"Yes, but..."
"Where? I need to talk to you"
"We're at his loft. But Javi..." All the while she kept her eyes on Rick.
"You're on a lead? I know you two, that's it? I'm coming."
"Javi, I don't want to put you in more trouble that I've already." Castle stared at her in an interrogative way; she looked away.
"I'm in this with you Beckett!" Esposito answered. "You can't turn me away. You'll need all the help."
She turned to Castle, who had already caught on and was nodding at her.
"Ok, Espo you can come. Your help will be more than useful."
She hung up in apprehension. She was aware that Castle would ask what she didn't really want to answer to. From his gaze, she knew he understood how she felt.
"Kate you can't put off everything just because that suits you. What happened with Espo? In what kind of trouble did you put him in?"
"Gates put both of us on administrative leave. When I was about to fall from the roof, she was there with Ryan when he came to help me..." After a while she added. "And I resigned..."
He kept silent for a moment then:
"Ok" He just answered. Time was urging anyway it was not time for long talks. "Can we just go back to this board and see what we can find while waiting for Espo?"
"Ok". She scrutinized the board before noting with a nervous smile. "You don't really have much more than what I have on mine."
"Well, we would not be here if it had been the case." He kept his eyes on the board, shifting the screen from time to time by touching it. While doing so he realized he had a message. He did not know the sender but something told him he had to open it right away.
"Kate!" He panted in surprise. "It's from Mr Smith!"
"What?!"
"He probably sent this just before his death; knowing it was close."
Kate got closer to the screen while Castle was opening the file. It was an audio recording. "Mr Castle if you receive this mail that means that something really bad had happened to me. I didn't want to get you directly involved but I have no choice now. I think you should inform detective Beckett. You will need help and it seems that you make up a very efficient team." They looked at each other. "I've scanned and mailed all the information that Roy sent me. I'm sure you'll make a good use of it. Now be very very careful. You'll find out that the person you're dealing with is extremely powerful and even more dangerous. I'm really sorry I could not help more."
"I can't believe it." Kate said in a low voice.
"There's all the information Montgomery had sent him."
"So this is it." Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was so close now.
"What are we going to do Kate? We can release all the information to the press?"
After pondering for a while, she answered: "Castle, do you realize that if we do that, we will inevitably implicate Montgomery?!"
"True". He didn't add anything; he was just watching the board.
"Castle, are you ok?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm just tired, I think.
"Because of the explosion?"
"Or something else…"
She looked at him with loving eyes, giving a hint of a smile then back at the screen.
"So this is the man behind all this? Deputy Anderson!"
"I understand now why everybody was so afraid. He's a very powerful man Kate!"
"I'm not afraid of him."
"I know you aren't Kate." He was starting to be afraid. Afraid that she would let herself be overcome again by her desire of revenge. "What are we going to do?"
"I don't know…"
He was relieved. She apparently kept her head cool. He let go of a sigh.
She turned to him as he did so. She understood how he felt. She stood up and came next to him, her shoulder against his. She gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "We said we're going to do this together and we're going to. No going on my own anymore. If you want us to stop here we will".
He was about to answer when they heard the knock at the door.
"It's probably Espo." She said with interrogative eyes.
"We keep on with this Kate; we have more than we had before." He told her going to the door to open it.
"So guys what do you have?" Espo asked the door hardly open.
"We know who is behind all this." Kate answered.
"How?" Espo was a bit surprised that they cracked it so easily and so fast.
"You remember the man Cole Maddox was looking for?"
He nodded.
"Montgomery had sent him all the information about my mother's murder."
"What?! And how did you get them?"
"It's a long story. But now we know who this man is and we don't know how to get him without involving Montgomery."
"Maddox is not a threat anymore." Esposito suddenly stated.
"What? What do you mean" Kate asked.
"I shot him Beckett. He's dead."
"How…?"
"I've been following you since you left the precinct. I knew he would try again."
"You followed me?"
"Don't worry your secret's safe with me." Esposito regarded them with a reassuring expression. "What's that?" He added watching at the screen.
"Castle's personal board."
"The one you use for your books?"
"Yes. We need to find something to catch the man and get rid of him without compromising Roy." Castle said. "That kind of man, with all he has as means of coercion, is probably involved in many other affairs."
"We should go back to Smith's and see if we can find something." Kate suggested.
"It's probably full of cops by now." Esposito pointed out. "And if he sent all the information what do expect to find there?"
"I don't know Espo, something he didn't have time to put in the mail or some evidence Maddox might have left there. We should try anyway. Let's go. Castle you stay here."
"No way."
"Rick..."
"Kate, you're becoming overprotective."
"No I'm not!" Then she saw that Castle and Eposito were looking at each other, smiling.
"Too cute!" Esposito teased. " Rick, hun?"
"Javi... Don't start that. Ok Castle, I've never been able to make you listen to me anyway."
Castle put out his fingers so that Esposito could hit them. But the latter shook his head:
"No bro I'm not taking side. It's too delicate now."
Kate was already at the door.
"You're coming you two or what? She frowned.
Once there, they saw that the firemen as well as the police were still there.
"See." Esposito met them at their car.
"We'll wait until they leave." Kate said.
They waited for almost half an hour.
"Did you search Maddox' corpse?" Kate suddenly asked Esposito.
"Of course but I found nothing."
"And the place where you shot him?"
"No. You really think we can find something there?"
"We must try everything. The cops have probably already left there. They must be busy with Smith's house."
They searched everywhere. It was not easy to find anything in this place. The spot Maddox had chosen was full of bushes. But that was understandable since he didn't want to be seen.
"Yo Beckett. I'm sorry but there's nothing here." Esposito said. "Perhaps the cops collected all the evidence."
"Ok, ok. Let's think things over again... How did he get from his motel to Smith's?" Kate asked.
"I don't know when I located him he was on foot."
"But he probably has a car parked somewhere."
"I don't think he kept the same car since we've gps tracked him. But wait if he saw you at Smith's place, his car is probably not far. But he was not in a good enough place to shoot. I think I know where he might have been. Let's go."
They walked back up the alley in front of Smith's house, trying not to be seen.
"I think it's the break over there; the brown one. Wait here I'll check."
When Esposito came back he had a phone in his hand. "It was the car; it was open but had not been searched. It's a prepaid phone. He didn't want his calls to be traced."
Castle snached the phone from Esposito's hand and started to dial.
"Castle?" Kate fretted.
"Just checking the call history. There's no number."
"We need to search the chip." Esposito suggested. "But we don't have the material for that."
"I know a guy who can help us." Castle said.
"You know a guy for everything Castle?" Kate quipped.
"Well, yes detective Beckett I have contacts in all domains. If you want to write novels that are believable and interesting you have to."
Castle fumbled in his pocket for his phone and called his contact.
In the mean time, Esposito talk apart to Kate.
"Beckett, you'll have to go back on your resignation if we have to investigate a new case."
"You're right Javi."
"Well, that won't be easy for you hun?! To have to talk to Gates."
She made a face at him.
"Except that we're still on administrative leave and we can't afford to blow it again."
Castle hanged up:
"He's not answering. We're stuck."
"We can go to his place." Espo suggested.
"It's not working like that."
"Castle, you're friend is not involved in illegal activities like hacking, is he?" Kate raised an eyebrow.
"Euuuuuuuuuuuh. You don't want to know. Wait I'll send him the phone number and I'll try to contact him again later. He can probably find something in the mean time."
"Well, it's getting late anyway." Esposito observed. "I think that can wait until tomorrow."
"Yeah and I must say that I'm a bit tired." Castle rubbed his forehead.
"Headache bro?" Espo asked
"Yep."
"See you then, guys." Esposito headed to his car.
"You're staying with me tonight?" Castle asked Kate." It's more secure."
She nodded.
"We'll stop at my place on the way, to pick up some things."
They just finished dinner and sat next to each other on the couch.
"What?" Kate asked as Castle was silently gazing at her.
"I think we need to talk."
"About?"
"About this roof thing and your resignation."
"What about that?"
"It seems like you made some emotional decisions yesterday."
"You're talking about my resignation?"
"Yeaaaah….. It's just not like you Kate. You love this job. It has meant more for you than just your mom's case."
"You're right" she answered him surprisingly. "I'll have to swallow my pride to go back to Gates" she added with a small smile.
"You agree that you've been emotional?"
"Yeah, yeah, that's what you think too, no?!"
"Yeah and…." He could not dare saying what was in his mind.
"And what?" She was intrigued.
"About us, about coming to me…." He finally let go.
"So what about us Rick?"
"Have you been emotional too?"
"No Rick." She took his hand and brought it to her lips, kissing it. "Certainly there was some kind of emotion in my decision to go to your flat last night. I'm sure you must have been really surprised." She let go a small laugh. "But it's because I didn't want to lose you. I know I've hurt you before. I realized how much only when we talked the day before. I didn't intend to…"
"Kate….."
"No!" She put a finger on his lips. "I was concentrated on myself; about, how I felt and getting the walls down that I had not realized how much all this longing and my lie had made you suffer. I've been so stubborn, letting you leave and going after this sniper even after you poured your heart to me. If I had died there; you would've never known how much I do care about you because I had not told you. Do you forgive me?"
"I do. I've already done so. And you….? Do you forgive me?"
She kept silent for a while, knowing perfectly what he was talking about, though he could not express it aloud. She knew also that she was not totally ok with that as he had probably guessed too.
"You manipulated me Castle." Her voice was low as if she was trying not to let resentment and anger get over her. "I really want us to be together, to build something true. But I need to know that I can trust you…."
"I….."
"I forgive you Castle. I know you were afraid for me. I understand you wanted to protect me. But what I don't want to ever happen again is that you decide for me, especially for such important things. What you feel for me doesn't give you the right to decide for my life."
"Ok Kate, I understand. I promise you that that will never happen again. And…. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I made the wrong decision by not talking to you about all this and taking part in it." He stopped then went on. "But Kate…!" He could not stand it anymore." What I feel for you Kate? I love you Kate! That's what I feel for you!" His voice softens. "Why is it so difficult for you to admit that you feel the same for me?"
She lowered her head and stayed silent for a while before answering.
"I'm not used to this, sentimental outpourings. I don't like to feel weak, to lose control on things…."
He put a finger under her chin and raised her head. "That's how you make me feel."
"You seem to manage it better than I do… I'm not used to that and I must say that I don't like that either"
"You don't trust me? I've made everything possible to show you that you can. What else can I do? Tell me Kate."
He kept silent looking at her.
"Nothing."
He seemed hurt. She took his hands in hers.
"There's nothing else you can do. Because you're right, you've done everything. And I… I like you Rick… You know how much…" Her voice faltered. "I don't want to be overwhelmed. If I lose control I can be prey to being hurt at any moment. It's not that I don't trust you..."
"So what?"
She shook her head. "You can't assure me that you'll never hurt me; even if you try very hard not to."
"No Kate I can't." He smiled. "All I can assure you of is that I do love you. And because I do, yes, I'll always do my best not to hurt you."
"I know Rick, I know." She took his face between her hands and kissed his lips. "I love you."
He kissed her back slowly, tenderly. "You know what?"
"What?"
"I hope you'll have many other reasons to make yourself forgiven. I just loooooooove the way you have to make yourself forgiven! Last night was just amazing!"
She suddenly grabbed his nose. "Apple, apple." She pulled away to look at him.
"That was not my asking for forgiveness. But showing you how much I love you. And I'm pretty sure I'll have many other opportunities to show you!"
"Hmmmmmmmm! I savour the prospect!"
She sat there next to him, her legs on his lap. She was playing with his fingers. They kept silent, just enjoying the presence of each other.
"We can probably watch these Woo movies now?" Rick said.
"Who?" she answered absently
"Not who!" Rick smiled. "Woo, John Woo. You remember you told me, you'd like to watch the double feature."
"Did I? In fact I don't really know John Woo's work."
"What?!" He startled. "What about the "bloodier, the better"?"
"Castle, you forget that I'm a trained detective and I've known you for four years now. I know the kind of movies you like."
"I don't understand" he said, an eyebrow rose.
"It's just that you've been so shy and precocious with me lately. I thought you needed some encouragement."
"You fooled me?!"
"Well, I had to."
He burst into a laugh and took her in his arms: "I didn't want to push but just let you the time. I thought you'd let me know when you're ready."
"I let you know."
"So… Do you want to watch these movies? You might become a fan?
"In fact…. I had other plans." She said coyly.
"You really don't like John Woo then?" He said gently, getting closer and kissing her. He stood up and hold a hand to her. But he suddenly staggered. He fell on the ground.
"Rick! Rick!"
She shook him lightly on his shoulder. He did not move. The explosion had probably hurt him more seriously than they thought. She was really afraid know. She took her phone to call 911.
ALSO READ: Ch.2 : 502: Always darkest before the dawn _ Part 2