A/N: This is the gift for MalMal86 for being the 700th reviewer on NTFR. This was their request: alternative situation with Clint & Natasha from no time for regrets, that they find out she actually did get pregnant from the first time they were "forced/drugged" (or whatever you'd call it) to have sex... on their reactions since they weren't a couple yet. To just clarify, this is set in an AU NTFR verse (just so no one gets confused).
So here it is! I hope you enjoy Mal.
Rating: M
Characters: Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) and Clint Barton (Hawkeye).
Warnings: Swearing.
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Avengers franchise. I'm just using them for my twisted muse.
One Step at a Time
Natasha Romanov stared out into the rain, seated on Clint's daybed.
He was coming home.
At last.
His mission was complete when she called, asking him when he was coming home. He replied that he was about to board the SHIELD chopper, making her stomach drop.
She thought that she would have more time to be faced with the reality of the consequence of their lovemaking in Argentina. Not three hours before her call, she had taken two pregnancy tests. Both had been resolutely positive.
She was carrying Clint Barton's baby.
Here she was, the most nervous, uncertain, and afraid she had ever been in her life.
She had been near death so many times, seen the scum of the Earth, but the thought of having this baby, without Clint's support or friendship scared her. What did she know about babies? They ate, slept, puked, crapped, and wailed. That's all she knew. She had never been around a baby for more than ten minutes. She was the worst possible candidate for motherhood. Chances were that she was going to fuck up this kid more than she herself was fucked up.
Natasha placed a hand over her stomach and frowned. Through all her doubts and worries, she couldn't bring herself to entertain the option of terminating it.
To purge the mix of Clint and her within her seemed to be a bigger sin than knowing zilch about being a mom.
It had been the thought that had brought her an odd kind of peace between calm and panic.
Between the call and now, Natasha had purged her emotions fiercely. She had screamed at the injustice of the inconvenience and timing, raging at the horrible, twisted Dr Venen for putting her in this position in the first place, she had undergone self-loathing at the fact she couldn't stomach the thought of anal sex long enough so this precise situation wouldn't have happened, she had sobbed at the thought of going through pregnancy alone and shunned by all that knew her. Scenarios had gone in a constant, almost nightmarish replay: having to change everything about her and live in the Midwest as a waitress just to survive the pregnancy, a SHIELD agent 'accidentally' causing her miscarriage or her death, Clint looking at her with disgust, breaking the faint hope of his last words to her. Then when she had finally finished thinking the worst, Natasha had finally let the tidal wave of emotions ebb.
She didn't dare think of any positive. She didn't want to get her hopes up.
Instead, she sought neutrality in the time before Clint's arrival. It was not worth wasting the energy regretting the past or guessing at the future.
The lights turning on within the apartment drew her attention. Natasha didn't move from her spot, instead preferring to observe her partner and one-time lover as he came in. His sharp grey-blue eyes didn't miss her, lounging on his balcony. He nodded at her, but went up to his loft like bedroom – most likely to change from his mission clothes to something more comfortable for the upcoming talk.
Her nerves were starting to bother her, so she turned her head back to the sight of a rainy Manhattan.
She continued to stare until the glass door slid open and Clint, dressed casually, stepped out cautiously. "Hey Nat," he greeted softly. Natasha could tell in his voice he was wary and careful, for it was unspoken that this moment would define the rest of their relationship from now on.
"Hey," the redhead replied, patting the space next to her in invitation, curling up so her head rested on her knees, faced towards him, trying to gauge him.
She couldn't.
It worried her.
Clint was carefully neutral, not giving away any emotion. He knew what his blank face was doing to his partner, but it was a pre-emptive defence on his part.
They had been parted way too long, things left high up in the air after he had to go to Spain. It hadn't been fair on either of them. It had been a strain on him, thinking about the what if's, and so he had just resolved to forget about everything they had been through until he returned.
And he had returned, and everything was coming back.
By the way Natasha had greeted him, her whole demeanour – the subtle non-verbal signals she was sending him – he knew what this was about. He knew. But he didn't want to broach the topic. As far as the archer was concerned, this was Natasha's show. So he sat next to her, trying to look as interested while showing no other expression.
There was an empty, awkward pause before Natasha asked, "How was the mission?"
"Successful," Clint replied evenly. "So what's new with you?"
Instead of diving right into the topic, she replied, "Nothing much. Thor brought back a massive pig a few weeks ago. You, Mr. Bacon Lover, would have loved it. Bruce and Tony have been their usual nerdy selves, giving Pepper a headache." She paused and then said, "I helped Steve meet up with Peggy Carter."
"That's nice," replied Clint, "but that's about our team. You answered nothing about you personally."
Natasha sighed. It had been a weak attempt on her part to avoid the topic that was closing in on them like a deadly homing missile. "I missed you," she finally admitted quietly.
"I did too. But there was a point where I had to let the mission take over," Clint said, as equally quiet.
"I get that. I do. I just want to know that you did think about your parting words and actions to me. You kissed me and promised we'd work this out," the redhead murmured, feeling the tension get thicker.
Clint scanned his partner's face and replied, "I did. I want to…no, I need to know before we go any further…are you pregnant?"
Natasha instantly went on the defensive. "How on Earth does that impact your decision? Wait-" she spat, cutting him off as he made a noise of protest, "-I know. If I am, you'll want to account for the extra baggage, right? And if not, it just means I can be underneath you again quicker as fuck-buddies-r-us. Weigh that up."
"Natasha," Clint growled warningly. He knew he had phrased what he said wrong, but he did have to consider the ramifications of her being pregnant.
She scoffed at him, turning away, but seeming to curl up even more to herself. "Go. You obviously don't care."
"I never said that," he objected harshly. "I just want to know so I can see how I feel about it."
Natasha was silent for a while after that. Clint was about the throw his hands up in frustration from waiting when he heard her mumble something. When he asked for her to repeat herself, those green eyes locked on his, and with complete gravity, she said, "I'm pregnant with your baby, Clint."
Clint was expecting any emotion but the sudden rush of delirious joy he felt at having his suspicious confirmed. Instantly, the tension for him ebbed, and a tiny smile broke out on his face. "Wow," he whispered. "I was kinda expecting it, but still…" His eyes flitted from Natasha's face down to her stomach. "Only four weeks. How did you know so early?"
Relieved that her partner was seeming to take the news in his stride, the redhead replied, "I got Bruce to help me. Tony has a piece of equipment that is able to detect the hormone in the blood earlier than any other test. I found out yesterday – we took two tests just to make sure. That was a few hours before you called and said you were coming back."
Clint shifted closer to Natasha, carefully wrapping an arm around her and pulling her to him. "I'm a little overwhelmed. I don't like the situation, but-"
"You've always wanted a kid or two. I know," replied Natasha.
Sighing, Clint pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry you had to go through this all alone until I came back. Whether we go on from here as friends with a kid or as something more, I want to be here to support you. That I promise. I will not shy away from my responsibilities. I'll back you 100 percent, whatever you want to do. And if SHIELD has a problem with this," he said confidently, taking the change and pressing his palm against Natasha's still flat belly, "then they can go fuck themselves. See how they do without two of their best."
"You mean that?" asked the redhead, truly surprised by all this. She knew of Clint's loyalty and dedication, but this was something special. It made her feel something foreign within her. She felt like she was warm and glowing at his fierce words of promise.
"I do," he nodded.
Biting her lip in uncertainty, Natasha questioned, "What about you and me?"
Clint levelled his gaze at her. "The power is with you. I want you. Not only are you going to be the mother of my child, but we've worked together for so long that my respect turned into trust, which transitioned for care for you. I'd like to give 'us' a shot. At your pace. One step at a time, or leaps and bounds, whatever."
"I'd like to try. You're the only one I trust enough," Natasha admitted, a blush rising to her cheeks at speaking so frankly. "I've been thinking about you and me since Argentina."
When warm, welcoming lips pressed against her own, something inside the hardened spy melted and relaxed, relieved. She responded in kind, leaning into the kiss and raising a hand to cautiously stroke against his cheek.
Leaning back, a warm hum of contentment settling over him, Clint drew Natasha back so they laid on the daybed, watching the rain.
Both knew if they wanted to make this work, there would be a long road ahead of them.
It was one they looked forward to riding.
A/N: So Malmal86…is it what you were looking for? *puppy eyes* Let me know!
And for everyone else, I hope you guys enjoyed it as well. It's be awesome if you dropped me a review letting me know, it'd be great. I am a glutton for them ;D
