Title: Petals of Blood
Series: Saiyuki
Rating: T
Set after Reload v.8
The flowers were pretty. The pale pink almost seemed to glow against the dark chocolate branches. I wanted to touch them. My fingers twitched with the growing need. It's not like I'd never touched a flower before, at the monastery I'd played in the garden lots of times. But these were different.
"Do you know why Sakura flowers are pink, Goku?"
"Huh? No, why?"
Hakkai's smile was twisted slightly, a sadness ringing in his voice as he shattered my illusions of the world.
"It's said there's a corpse buried beneath each one and that the tree's roots suck up the blood, staining the white flowers red."
I couldn't tell if he was teasing me or not. All I knew was that his voice had taken on that creepy, half-crazy sound it gets during rain storms.
"Don't scare the kid, 'Kai. They're pretty, just leave it at that."
Gojyo leaned across Hakkai's shoulders and reached out a hand to ruffle my hair. I swiped at it only half-heartedly. Glancing up as Hakkai sighed softly and let his head roll back onto Gojyo's shoulder, face leaning in towards the stupid cockroach's neck. He had his eyes squeezed closed and small shudders seemed to twitch across his skin. The way Gojyo shifted closer, body lining up against his, fingers digging into the green material of his arm, I knew this wasn't just my pain anymore.
"She's really gone then, isn't she?"
Looking back to the tree I raised my hands, almost cupping the flower in them, its shinning whiteness a stark contrast to my own golden skin. Eyes downcast I suppressed a shudder of my own.
"Fucking monk. Walks off on his own like it doesn't matter. Where the hell does he get off?"
"Gojyo." Hakkai's voice was soft, too soft, that dangerous timbre that shows his mask is failing and we all know what happens when that dam cracks and breaks.
"Serves him right." He mumbled.
Part of me wanted to defend my master, he'd had good intentions, he'd done it to find out information, but good intentions don't bring back the dead.
"What now?" my voice is soft, tired and yeah, even a bit scared. I wish this was all just a bad dream, that I'll wake up soon to the sound of his angry voice and a paper fan slapping me upside the head, but I know it's not, and that's the part I can't forgive.
"We keep going I suppose." "Still have this shitty mission to complete." I smile a bit, funny how they speak the same words in different ways yet always together. Proof of their feelings I guess. We never had that. I was never allowed.
It would have been easy, even now I can still hear his voice, words echoing through my head and half of me cries out in my desperation, wanting to grab him around the collar and shake until he comes back, another part just wanting to shake him until he's gone completely.
Gojyo reaches over and pulls me in next to them, their warmth and height blocking out the cold of the desert. They're like family to me, so for a moment I allow myself the comfort of their closeness and they allow me the time to grieve. Never done that before, I've been sad, been angrier then hell, but I've never mourned someone's loss. They have, so they know what I'm going through, and they give me the time I need.
Eventually we're back in Jeep, the same stupid Western route we always take under the tires, but it seems empty now, do we really have to go on without him? What's the point? Maybe we should just let the world fall into ruin and fire and all that. Tonight I don't care, it all seems futile.
I'm sitting in his spot, he'd never have allowed it, and Hakkai's driving, but I notice Gojyo's hand is always on his shoulder, mine too. Maybe this is the point, we fight for ourselves and each other, even if one of us isn't there anymore; we just keep going.
"This sucks." A mumble, smiling a bit as Gojyo murmurs "Amen to that." In my ear.
"I'm so kicking his ass when we find him." scooting down in the seat as I look up at the stars, she would have liked him, they would have fought like crazy. The wind stings my eyes and Gojyo wraps his arm around my shoulders, patting my head awkwardly.
"He would have been jealous, you got yourself a real beauty back there kid."
"Yeah."
Looking back at the stars I sigh and close my eyes. Yeah I did.
Hakkai's soft voice barely registers as the wind whipped past us, "I'll hold him down, you two beat him senseless, after that I'll forgive him."
It took a moment before I understood what he said, and then I couldn't stop laughing. It was like she'd reached over and tapped me on the nose, reminding me to lighten up. The only thing I could do now was live. Live and be happy.
In the mean time, I'd plot ways of beating up one very stupid monk. I sent out the challenge through our link, he'd better be ready for me, this time I'm not holding back.
Fin.